BACKGROUND: South Park Season 1 DVD
This is the best way that I can describe all this ...
When I was growing up, we always used to hang out at Metrocenter Mall in Phoenix. Metro was the coolest place in the mid-eighties. It was radical with a huge arcade and a movie theater and an ice skating rink all in the mall and it was two stories and it was the absolute alpha and omega of malls. The coolest mall ever and I spent all my time there.
Then they decided to film a movie inside the mall. It was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and all the mall stuff with Socrates and Billy the Kid and Beethoven and all that, that was my mall. And after they filmed it, everyone had their story about Bill and Ted's that they would say to make people think that they were cool.
Like, I remembered David, my friend David, would talk your ear off about how he was walking down the mall and went into an Oshman's sporting goods store and while he was in there the movie people came in and grabbed him and told him that he was perfect for an extra, that if you squinted you could see him in the background of one of the scenes of the movie. Always talking about being in a film. Always talking. Always talking about it. Talking and talking over and over non-stop about how cool it was to be an extra in a film and meeting the cast and all that.
I mean, it was all bullshit. Complete, total, absolute bullshit. But everyone believed it.
Probably because everyone else had a fucking story, too. Jessica said that she was dating the guy who played the lifeguard at the waterpark and that he met Keanu Reeves and that he was cute and he hit on her. Matt said that he was walking down the mall and they stopped him because he looked perfect for a role and that they filmed it and it got cut. That my sister's friend's brother had partied with George Carlin, that my brother's sister's brother was going to introduce me with whomever the fuck that blonde guy was.
Everybody had a fucking Bill and Ted's story and everybody was fucking lying out of their ass.
And sure that was when I was, what, about 11, 12 years old, roundabouts, so everybody was just acting their age, right? Well, now that my local bar (and I am still clean and sober, so why do I still go there? Great question) has become the cool place for the band Papa Roach to hang out at, everyone is slowly starting to have Papa Roach stories, just like when I was a kid and everyone had fucking Bill and Ted stories.
It's total crap.
Oh yeah. Sure. Ricky is going to get a record contract. Yeah, right. I completely believe that. I do. That's great. Good for you, Ricky. Oh, and the drummer wanted to go home with Dawn. With Dawn, all two hundred thirty lbs. of her. Yeah, I believe that. Great. Super. That's amazing. And you're going to get backstage. Great. Amazing. And you're going to start singing in a band and they're going to help you out, get you a big record deal. Wow. So wonderful.
The actual guys, the actual band, they're cool. Great to hang out with. Fun.
It's just everybody else that are assholes.