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Friday, February 7, 2003

Might get laid tonight/might find myself lonely and alone tonight, so we'll see what happens.


MOOD: wishingsleep

BACKGROUND: last night's "Smackdown" (which sucked, BTW)


This is the worst, most painful part of the whole giving up drinking spectrum, the hours and hours and hours where the night gets later and later and the sky goes from dark to pitch black to opening rays of sunlight and there you are in front of your computer or in front of your Terry Pratchett book, completely awake. I do not regret quitting drinking, not at all, but I miss my head hitting the pillow in a perfectly ignorant, perfectly peaceful haze that you only get from a few beers in your system. I miss that a lot.


So I'm sitting here, typing various pointless thoughts, watching boring television, waiting for the Tylenol PM's I took to kick in. Thinking about all I've done and all I've still yet to face.


The lovebirds are still avoiding me, which is unfortunate, because I have a few things to face next week that are going to be really painfulI for me that I really could use a friendly face for, you know? My Kendra love is in Flagstaff, my friend Crazy Pat is in the army, the fucking idiot, my Jason is in a minimum security prison for another week or so, and then there's Casey, who may or may not give me a happy ending if you know what I mean.


Watched the movie Empire Records today for the first time ever. Damm good movie. Feel bad, though. Memories past sort of thoughts. That was my ex's favorite film and I never saw it, never really bothered to, actually, meanwhile I forced so much stupid shit down her ears and throat.


Now that I've seen the film, I think I finally see why my ex shaved her head that one time.


Speaking of ex-es, my girlfriend from my sophomore year of high school (1992) found me on the internet. Funny shit, her with her blonde hair and her blue eyes and her love of Jesus Christ and her marriage and her God-loving husband and her kid (and/or kids) and she puts my name in a search engine and finds the religion I created in 1996 to worship dead transvestite filmmaker Ed Wood and she freaks out and that, to me, is really fucking funny as all high hell. That's almost worth everything, all the abuse and the heartache and the repression I've fought through with my religion, just to piss her off.


I even apparently wrote something bad about her somewhere on the web site, which makes it all even cooler. Said that she was very dissappointed at me and the way my life was heading. Yeah, well, you're dad's an a-hole who hates brown people, so, it's like we're almost even, so that's cool.


And just to put a nail on the coffin, the Pope is like a walking, moaning, white turd, a big turd with a pointy hat on. He's like, what, three million years old right now? Shit, you know, you KNOW he's dying soon, right?


Going out tonight, come hell or high water.

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