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Thursday, May 1, 2003

It's always nights like this when you really want to sleep when you never can - somehow that's representative of mankind's existance in a really deep way that I'm way too tired to try and decypher right now.

MOOD: tiredwiredsleepyawake

BACKGROUND: "Paradise Lost 2: Revelations"

It's almost four in the morning and I cannot sleep. Spent an all-nighter at my bookstore, my wonderful corporate behemoth bookstore, working inventory. And now, obviously, it's almost four in the morning and I cannot sleep a single wink. Too tired from working all night and too wired from all the coffee I drank to keep me up all night, all battling each other in some sort of vicious circle in my stomache. Watching the early morning fog roll in slowly, blanketing the city softly as I drive through empty streets. White Stripes playing on my old tape deck as I watch my cigarette smoke drift out of my driver's side window and mix with the fog and drift off into the night. Figured this was a perfectly good blogging mood for me to be in.

Comic book movies. A ton of comic book movies. I figured that the massive rush of comic book movies would have happened a decade past, back when Batman was the hip Hollywood buzz word. A few came out. The Punisher was a pretty horrendous film, but at least it tried. It took the big budget summer monster X-Men to kick start the money grabbing comic book-to-big-screen stampede that we're drowning in now. Being a closeted comic book geek, I seem to find myself torn when all these films come out. I see them, I fall in love with them at the moment, but the more time passes between my first viewing of the film and my present state of mind, the more I realize that it wasn't all that great.

Daredevil was a good example of that. I loved it when I saw it, back on opening day, sitting there with my popcorn and my gummi worms, geeking out over all the sly little references hidden in the film specifically to appease geeks like me. But the more time covers up the euphoria of the theater experience, the more I realize that it's basically "Daredevil for Dummies." I understand that you cannot realistically put a comic book with decades of backstory and characterization and plot lines onto a big screen and truly give it justice, but to place the lengthy Daredevil/Electra concept and shorten it into a nice, dark, campy little hour and a half package isn't anywhere near smelling like justice.

I think that's enough geekdom for me for now.

I'm entering month six for my sobriety. It's fairly easy for me to not drink anymore. My drunk brother helps. No offense to my brother or my family, forgive me for shitting in my own nest like a dirty bird does, but my brother goes out every night and drinks to messy, stinking excess every night, turning his life into a blind sort of haze of drama and arguing and drunk memories every single night. And having that next to me, seeing that and the reprecussions of that every day, every night, helps keep me in check.

I thought that quitting drinking would be so much harder than it actually was. I come from a long line of drinkers. I vaguely remember being young and drinking with my parents from as far back as 11 and 12. And these past two years I became a social drinker who had to drink every single night, every single day. So when I decided that drinking just wasn't very fun anymore and decided to quit, I had in my head a sort of "Ed Wood" scene in my head where Bela committs himself for herion addiction, that I would be strapped to a bed, screaming. But no. Quitting is easy as long as you actually want to quit and my life has been excellent recently (well, ommitting the whole crazy mofo tries to kick my ass and threatens to kill me thing) and I see myself happily never drinking ever again.

My balls are really all up in the air right now, so to speak. Being a new man, I've been really trying to better myself recently and with that has come a few offers on my table. For starters, I might be traveling to Ohio in September to act in a low budget horror film. I'm very excited about this because one of the actors already signed up is Ed Wood actor Conrad Brooks who actually acted in the legendary cult film "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and I would kill my own mother for a chance to even meet him, let alone act alongside him. I've been acting for so long, even working on a few motion pictures in my nice little career, but the pinnacle of my career would honestly be acting with a man who worked for Ed Wood. I could die happy.

Also, it looks as though I might soon be acting for and collaborating with local Sacramento, California television show Cinema Insomia. They recently hosted an old school nighttime spook show featuring "Plan 9" and I was lucky enough to attend. It was honestly a night that I'll never forget, seeing Ed's magnum opus on the big screen. It was a touching experience and probably the closest I will ever get to seeing the film in a "Rocky Horror" setting, where I always thought a movie like that would really shine. People laughing, people smiling, people yelling at the screen and all in all thuroughly enjoying Ed's film the way that it should be enjoyed. Incredible stuff. Be sure to visit the show's web page because they have a little write up regarding me, which I enjoyed.

I'm writing a play, too, my second, one that's really serious, really personal, really beautiful. Forgive me stealing a line from a Kevin Smith movie but I finally had something personal to write about, something that wasn't about lost love or sadness or minimum wage. It's called "Two Hour Face-to-Face" and it just might be the greatest thing I've ever written. I'm still working on it. Actually, I'm denying my laptop and I'm carrying a little blue notebook around with me everywhere I go, writing every single second that I'm awake, as my current young, wonderful relationship victim, Kitty, can attest to. She hates it, honestly she does. Everywhere I go, everywhere, I have my notebook and my pen, writing every second I'm awake. I have to. This is good. This is my best work, pouring my blood and soul into the ripped, torn little pages of my notebook.

It's my "Citizen Kane" or, at best, it's my "Plan 9" and I want to finish writing it to see just how it ends. It's all flowing really well right now, not just my play writing but my whole life, really, and I'm really interested to see how it all turns out in the end. Such is life, I suppose.

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