NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Thursday, June 23, 2005

WORKING BLUEPRINT:

GVWA - Galindo Video Wrestling Association


HISTORY: The GVWA started in 1998 when it's founder, Reverend Steve Galindo, changed all the wrestlers in a mediocre WCW wrestling video game to people he knew. This eventually led to more characters, as Galindo added actors, deities, and historical figures. This became an obsession for Galindo and his close-knit circle of friends, who could now see what might happen in a hardcore three way dance between themselves, Hitler, and Abe Vigoda. Each week, the GVWA would have its own television show, GVWA DEVIANCE, and Steve would write out the results which would be passed around Phoenix and Tempe, Arizona with much delight.


The once a month pay-per-views, with such purposefully cheesy sounding titles as THANKSGIVING SLAMFEST, GROUND ZERO, and IMMACULATE DESTRUCTION, features such legendary (to about four people) matches as a four way LAST MAN STANDING championship match between God, Satan, Charles Manson, and The Choir Boy (renegade altar boy gone BAD from an episode of Night Court) and Yoko Ono versus Neil Diamond in a hardcore match. What started out as a simple time waster became a massive creation with rivalries and plot lines and title changes.


Steve was heavyweight champion three times and God was champion four. Ed Wood, being a transvestite, was the women's champion for four days. The Mexican Championship was a title that only Mexicans could hold. Similarly, only the deceased, religious figures, or originally created characters (such as Dirty Sanchez the luchador and Ass Kicker the masked avenger) could fight for the Savior Championship. Andy Kaufman was the savior for eight days before being beaten by Steve's now deceased dog Dude.


For reasons unknown, the GVWA stopped at the beginning of 2000. It has since remained dormant until a few weeks ago. While unpacking into his new home, Steve found his old, dusty N64 and decided to start it all over again with new wrestlers, returning wrestlers, and all the results posted RIGHT HERE!


So get ready for the TRIUMPHANT RETURN of the GVWA! It's the way that wrestling SHOULD be ... fun, pointless, offensive, violent, and incredibly stupid!


RETURNING WRESTLERS (tentative):

God

Satan

Jesus

Elvis

Ed Wood

Tom Wegner (old friend from high school)

The Choir Boy

Hitler

Fatty Arbuckle

Gangsta' Eric (cousin in jail)

Snuffy (Eric's childhood sock monkey doll)

Kiki (Steve's dead cat)

Dude

Tere and Pepe (Steve's hardcore mexican parents)

Jose (Steve's angry older brother)

Tor Johnson

Vampira

The Ass Kicker

Malcom X

Martin Luther King

Buddah

Neil Diamond

Bela Lugosi

Sarah (ex turned dyke)

Charles Manson

Judas

Yoko Ono

Levar Burton

The Preacher (from the comic book series of the same name)

Andy Kaufman

Sonny Chiba

Heather (bitch ex stepsister)

Reverend Steve

Dirty Sanchez


BRAND NEW WRESTLERS (tentative):

Natasha (Steve's wife)

Emerald (Steve's daughter)

Marisa (circa breakup with Kosaku)

Drunk Jim (cool, old, drunk, angry coworker)

Bill Hicks

Eddie Izzard

David Letterman

Beulah (Steve's dog)

Moody (Steve's cat)

Jack White (frontman for the White Stripes)

Michael Jackson

"Mean" Michael Burns (overly nice coworker)

Britney Spears

"Godfather" Don Corleone

Collyne (ex)

Ricky (angry husband who hates Steve)

"Anchorman" Ron Burgundy

Alfred Hitchcock

Kevin Smith

Chuck Klosterman (author of "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs")

Mr. Michael (Steve's director friend with big fat man chops)

Mr. Lobo (host of tv's Cinema Insomnia)

M.A.3 (stinky fat bitch customer)

Asshole Boss

White Trash Hick

Swiper (nemisis of Dora)

Coach McGuirk (from Home Movies)

"Pimpin'" Jessie Coombs (hip, bespectacled receiving manager)

Jhonny The Homicidal Maniac

Batman

Q (eight foot tall female monster supreme)

Lance (pre-Nikara)

Deinna "Disaster" (Emerald's cousin)

Tim Burton

Criswell

Lisa the Machine (hefty store manager)

Shaun Morgan (singer of band Seether)

Josh Brolin (circa eighties skateboarding movie "Trashin'")


The first pay-per-view should be happening within a week or two, depending on how long it takes to create all these wrestlers. The title of the pay-per-view will either be "Hardcore Homecoming" or "Obsession Revisited." The results will be posted here. After our first pay-per-view, GVWA DEVIANCE will return weekly with postings right here.


If you have any ideas for new, funny, cool, and possibly offensive wrestlers in the GVWA, feel free to post a comment below.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This sounds so much better than what's really going on in wrestling right now. What about "The Governator" or "Movie-Man John" (From the store: "Hellow, my friend.")
-jesse

Mike Jenkins said...

I want to see David Letterman versus Bill Hicks!