NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, September 5, 2005

Shane Helms isn't offensive ... but here is how he COULD be ...

What I had MEANT to do today was make a nice little mix cd for my soon-to-be newborn baby. That is what I had MEANT to do.


But Emerald saw what I was doing and asked me if I could make one for her. I agreed. Then Emerald's cousin Deinna asked if I could also make one for her. I agreed. So now it's almost two hours later and I am almost done with what I had originally come here for. It's an amazing cd with some nice, mellow music from Jimi Hendrix, Beatles, The Shins, Led Zeppelin, Modest Mouse, White Stripes, American Analog Set, Cat Stevens, and of course the song "Ed and Kathy" from the film "Ed Wood" which my wife and I have made into our song. My wife is so great. And it's so great just to be able to say "my wife."


Man, my life is awesome! And the sex is fucking a-maze-ing!


Despite being pregnany and ready to drop, Natasha left her shoes and her thin, tight, knee high stockings on until I got off of work last night. I came home and saw a woman asleep on the bed wearing nothing but black satin panties and her stockings and shoes on. Incredible. So I took everything off her, paying very special attention to her sexy feet. Well, by the time I was done with her feet she was wide awake and moaning like a banshee. We had hard, sweaty sex. I was behind her and holding on to her feet and ankles while I rammed into her. Intense, loud, massive orgasm again and again. Oh man ...


PREGNANT SEX ROCKS ASS!




This is a picture of my favorite wrestler. He is called The Hurricane. He started out in WCW wrestling as his real name, Shane Helms, but when he moved to the WWE he had a chance meeting backstage with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin wherein Steve saw his Green Lantern tattoo on his arm and asked him that if he loves superheroes so much, why doesn't he become one? The next week on Raw he showed up as mild mannered reporter Gregory Helms ... but when he entered the ring he became The Hurricane, the professional wrestling world's first superhero, defender of truth, justice, and the American way.


He's been doing his Hurricane gimmick for years now and he's always stuck to it, being silly and funny and wholesome and tongue in cheeck as well intensely talented with his in-ring skills. I love the Hurricane and in the twenty years that I have considered myself a wrestling fan I have to say that he is without a doubt my favorite wrestler of all time.


So here is what pisses me off ...


The Hurricane came out last week with his superhero sidekick Rosey and his regular theme music was playing which starts with Hurricane stating "STAND BACK ... there's a HURRICANE comin' through!" followed by cheesy superhero music. Well, apparently some people called and wrote to the WWE complaining about the Hurricane and his theme music, saying that it is offensive to have his theme music playing when people are suffering from Hurricane Katrina.


It is now official ... Americans are fucking pussies. People of America, I tell you this ... "The Hurricane" Shane Helms is in no way offensive.


But here is now he COULD be ...


The Hurricane and Rosey were joined with a female sidekick, Stacey, for all of about two months before she left to go to Smackdown. So The Hurricane and Rosey look for a new female sidekick and find one in Raw Diva contest applicant Katrina. She becomes "Hurricane Katrina" and starts fighting alongside Hurricane and Rosey. But trouble emerges when Shane and Rosey realize that for some strange reason Katrina only attacks black people. And, seeing as how there is only one black person on Raw, Katrina just won't stop attacking Shelton Benjamin.


THAT is how Shane Helms could be offensive.


My cds are done. Off to clean our new shitty house and take some more "samples" for my doctor. Later.

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