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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The History of the GVWA ...

The GVWA: A Retrospective

A look back at the Galindo Video Wrestling Association from 1998 to the present.


THE HISTORY ...



GVWA, the Galindo Video Wrestling Association, began in the fall of 1998 with a piss poor N64 game called "WCW/NWO VS The World," an incredibly pathetic little game that featured somewhere around 50 or so professional wrestling characters but only about 1/4th of them actual WCW or NWO wrestlers. The game might as well have been called "WCW/NWO vs Boring Racial Stereotypes" because the majority of the characters were Russian Stereotype Wrestler # 3 or Asian Stereotype Wrestler #12. Those weren't their actual character names but still, it was pathetic. What were they thinking? When people buy a WCW wrestling game, they want to see Scott Hall and Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan, not horribly unoriginal characters created by some video game nerd who knows jack shit about wrestling. The game was crap. But it had one saving feature. The game gave you the ability to erase the names of the wrestlers and write your own. Therein lies the birth of the GVWA. Because of this innovention and fueled by Steve Galindo's boredom, Hulk Hogan became President Hogan, Randy Savage became Beef Jerky Eating Freak, Goldberg became Bill The 'Roid Rage Jew, Big Poppa Pump became silent film star Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle and Kevin Nash became dark lord Satan. Soon these original wrestlers were joined by people that Steve knew who were adapted into other pre-existing wrestlers. Chris Jericho became Michellico and Diamond Dallas Page became Diamond Dallas Victoria. Suddenly the entire video game was entirely full of original wrestlers, people that Steve knew, and various living and dead famous people like Elvis and Ed Wood and Hitler, the ultimate heel. And with this came an elaborate world inside Steve's head where Satan could team up with Jesus to take out God. In a few short months, this became a world unto itself, its own little universe that Steve called the Galindo Video Wrestling Association.


The first ever fake pay-per-view of the GVWA occured on Thanksgiving 1998. It was called GVWA Thanksgiving Slamfest. It was a small, uneventful little eight match event that occured in Steve's bedroom as he got wasted on Jack Daniels with his high school friend Tom Wegner. The first match and therefore the first ever GVWA match, was a hardcore match between Jesus and Satan. Satan won the match in under five minutes ... but later that night the Savior title was announced, a title that only original or deceased people could fight for, and Jesus was crowned the first ever Savior champion. Also that night, Reverend Steve teamed up with a mysterious masked luchador who never spoke who called himself The Ass Kicker. They called themselves ""The Streamliners," a name that comes from a play that Steve had written and performed earlier that year. They went up against Steve's own parents "Sexy Pants" Pepe and "Crazy" Tere Galindo. The Ass Kicker landed a fierce submission move on Tere, causing her to tap out in under two minutes, making The Streamliners the first ever GVWA tag team champions. The main event featured Elvis Presley going up against President Hogan. It was an uneventful match that Elvis won. What really mattered wasn't the matches or the wrestlers ... what mattered was that the GVWA was born. The results were written on the back pages of Steve's script for "The Princess Bride," a play that he acted in during the following March. That one script, which still sits on Steve's bookshelf, contains the GVWA from November of 1998 to June of 1999. The GVWA became a major part of Steve's life, consuming an embarassing amount of his life, but despite that it was from 1998 until 1999 a small little thing that was only known to those closest around Steve.


A few weeks after Thanksgiving Slamfest, Steve decided to create a fake weekly show called GVWA Weekend Deviance, eventually shortened to Deviance. At the first Deviance, which occured December 5th, 1998, Satan demanded a match against Jesus for the Savior title. However, Ed Wood got a title match instead and won the Savior title from Jesus, angering Satan who vowed revenge. A few weeks later, the SECOND ever fake GVWA pay-per-view, called The GVWA Birth of Christ BASH, featured a massive 16-man tournament to crown the first ever GVWA Champion. The two final contestants were God and Bill The 'Roid Rage Jew. In a lengthy match, God eventually triumphed and became the first ever GVWA champion. Satan lost in the semifinals but had his first ever Soul Match in the quarterfinals. In a Soul Match, if Satan wins he gets your soul for eternity. With the souls that he collected, he decided to start his own organization hell bent on destruction. he called it the Universal hell Order, the U.H.O., and they were the major force in the GVWA for its entire first run, save a few months where they fought for contrul against other federations such as Ed Wood's group, the Woodites, and Malcolm X's group, the Segregation Nation, made up of famous angry black people in history. The GVWA blew up in Steve's mind, big time. It went from some small, funny little thing for Steve to do and turned into this MASSIVELY DETAILED world with plotlines over plotlines and backstories that could never be done in the real world of professional wrestling. The Choir Boy premiered in January of 1999 in a match against Steve's friend Joey Karas. Andy Kaufman won the Savior title in March of 1999. Charles Manson joined the U.H.O. that summer, then entered a massive rivalry againt The Son of Sam. Ed Wood first won the Women's championship in January of 1999, beating Bitch Heather in an incredible match but only held on to the title for a week. The Mexican title, which could only be won by a mexican, was eventually thrown out due to a lack of mexican wrestlers. Eventually everybody that Steve knew worked their way into the GVWA. And it mirrored real life as well. When Sarah Snow decided to cheat on Steve and then turn dyke, Sarah left the Woodites and joined the Segregation Nation. When heather decided to dump Joe, she became Bitch Heather and join the U.H.O.. It became a way for Steve to escape reality and vent his frustrations at the world.


The GVWA became something big, if only to one person. It was great. It was awesome. And it didn't last. Why? No idea. It just didn't last. The last major event in the first run of the GVWA was a pay-per-view entitled GVWA Greatest Hits 1999. It was meant to be a nostalgia event, the current champions facing the one time great champions in an all out war, which is admittedly strange for a fake federation that only lasted a little over a year. The main event was a steel cage match for the championship. It was Reverend Steve of the Woodites versus Satan of the U.H.O.. Satan injured and completely decimated Steve and the Woodites and gained complete control of the entire federation. And after that, the GVWA ceased to exist. Until last July when, after going through some old boxes and finding WWF NO MERCY for the N64, he decided to kickstart the GVWA anew. And that is where we stand, the GVWA back with a vengance and with a much LARGER audience thanks to the internet.


The GVWA, since 1998, bringing you the BEST in fake professional wrestling, now bigger and more offensive than ever!


1999's MAJOR GVWA PLAYERS ...


The Choir Boy

Choir Boy was meant to be ECW's Sandman meets WWF's Stone Cold Steve Austin ... if he went to catholic school growing up. I wanted to have an angry, bitter, disillusioned catholic who, like me at the time, was angry and pissed off and confused and drunk and filled with all this angry pent up blind rage and wanting answers that weren't coming. He represented a lot of myself, especially in my jump from Catholicism to Woodism, my leaving behind all the things I grew up with and blazing my own drunken trail. That was me at the end of last century and that's how I painted The Choir Boy. He is somebody that I wouldn't trust worth a damn but I would cheer on like crazy. The Choir Boy got his name from an episode of Night Court where Bull the baliff became a wrestler and had his first match against a bad guy wrestler named The Choir Boy who would poke people's eyes out with his candles. I thought that was hillarious and always remembered that. The Choir Boy was and IS a major player in the GVWA, an angry, drunk, pissed off young man who USED to believe in crosses and prayer and angels but now believes in nothing and no one. He held the GVWA championship for a month and was the last person to hold the Savior championship in 1999. He's a bad ass lapse catholic mofo and he's somebody to watch out for.


Levar Burton

Around 1997 the WWF started an organization called the Nation of Domination which was essentially the Nation of Islam as wrestlers. So I decided to start my own organization of angry black guys called the Segragation Nation. They never reached the heights of the U.H.O or the Woodites but they were still a frightening force to mess with. They consisted of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Rocky III opponent Clubber Lang, and (because the Nation of Domination eventually let one white person join because people were screaming racism at the WWF) Sarah Snow and "Sexy Pants" Pepe. Levar Burton, the host of tv's Reading Rainbow, was a major player since the beginning of the GVWA. The Segregation Nation tried to recruit Levar, but he refused to join, choosing instead to spread his love of books and kicking ass. This led to a major feud between the Segregation Nation and Burton with Levar always beating off the nation in impressive displays of strength. I personally like the idea of passive, kind, gentle Leval Burton kicking people's asses in the ring. So look for him to be back in the ring soon and in a major way.


Steve's Cousins

Being a mexican, I have 3,000,000 couins. And a lot of them eventually made their way into the GVWA along with my older brother Joe (or Jose, depending on who you ask.) The two major cousins who made an impact in the GVWA were Gansta' Eric and Tony the Drummer. Tony is the one cousin of mine who is the most normal and, besides me, the most white. He was a drummer for a band called Welcome Jupiter. They released one album before calling it quits. The band thanked me and my church in their liner notes and I still listen the shit out of that CD to this day. He's the kind of guy that wears all black and smokes and drinks but does it quietly, as opposed to me who does it with all the volume I can muster. I saw him as wrestling's Johnny Cash, the man in black, someone who said very little but still kicked ass. Like Steve Blackman but with charisma. Gangsta' Eric was a MAJOR player, too. He was based on my own adopted cousin who is currently doing time for a drive-by, a real "gansta" in all aspects. He lost a Soul Match on January 3rd, 1999 and was force to join the U.H.O. but, in an unprecidented move, he won his soul back later that August. Gangsta' Eric also gave birth to one of the COOLEST GVWA characters ever ...


Snuffy

True story ... one holiday all of the cousins were at our grandmother's house in Douglas, Arizona sleeping on the floor of one small room like good little mexicans. Eric was about four or five years old at the time ... and while everybody was sleeping, one of Eric's cousins (absolutely NOT me, although I Do know who did it ...) stole his beloved sock puppet doll, which he named Snuffy, who he used to take with him EVERYWHERE ... while Eric was sleeping, one of his cousins "got rid" of it. Eric wakes up and finds Snuffy missing and, man, did he ever he cry and cry and cry and cry. I've never seen so much crying. And he never found out what happened to his beloved Snuffy. Poor Eric. So I decided to create Snuffy as an Undertaker-like monster wrestler, back from the dead and seeking vengance for being destroyed oh so many years ago. He had on an awesome looking mask like Kane and he was all brown with stripes just like I remember Snuffy being. He was an unstoppable monster, constantly in search of the person who "got rid" of him. And he never did.


TOM (Bald/With Hair)

Tom Wegner and I were inseperable in high school and college. Then he up and moved to Seattle and I up and moved to California. We were the best of friend but as we got older we grew apart for various personal reasons, whatever they may be. I always marked the change from bestest friends to casual drinking buddies to when Tom decided that he wanted to shave his head. So the GVWA had Bald Tom and Tom With Hair. Bald Tom was the Lex Luthor-looking bad guy and Tom With Hair was the good looking babyface who would fight along with Reverend Steve as part of the Woodites. At the last GVWA event at the end of 1999, a shocking plot line occured when longtime Reverend Steve tag team partner The Ass Kicker was unmasked in a match against former family dog Dude and was revealed to be none other than Tom With Hair. I imagined that this would have gone on to be a major plot line for months afterwards but the GVWA ended right after that. I don't talk to Tom anymore. It's been about a year or two since we've spoken. So with the rebirth of the GVWA I decided to make a fake rival wrestling company called the TWWF, the Tom Wegner Wrestling Federation. Expect this feud to grow and grow in the coming months. I'm hoping that fake Tom Wegner and I can reach a monday night wars level of feud with the GVWA and the TWWF.


WHAT'S NEXT ...


The GVWA is my own personal way to create new, funny, awesome wrestling in a world where nobody cares about wrestling anymore. It's gotten boring to watch Triple H and Ric Flair and Bradshaw, so why not watch Choir Boy and Satan instead? And as long as the world of professional wrestling remainds dormant ... and as long as I still have free time ... the GVWA will continue to expant the bounds of imagination.


Hopefully ...

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