NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Thursday, October 13, 2005

I Know a Crack Whore (and Deviance news) ...

... and I don't mean that as a funny exaggeration or a mean jape against someone's character. I mean this literally. I literally know a crack whore. And I think that's awesome. I know a crack whore. She was an old friend of the family who once was attractive and healthy and semismart but always falls back on her tried and true standard of fucking nasty ass biker men in seedy hotels for crack. Let's call her Jay-See, like the successful black rapper but not successful and white and a crack whore.


We've severed all tied with her after her last fall, which was hard seeing as how her two daughters are absolutely beautiful. But this afternoon OUT OF NOWHERE, which is how crack whores like to make an entrance, she waltzed into our house, her boyfriend driving her here and then dumping her here, she asked for water and a pair of shoes and a way to open a locked diary.


Now, I do not like nor do I condone crack whores in any way. However, I do like to watch heated drama from a considerably safe distance. So I snuck a picture of Jay-See. I tried to get one of her face but I couldn't. This was the best that I could do ...




... Natasha was so incredibly pissed that Jay-See was in our house that her chin was protruding in a way that, were it any farther from her face, then she would resemble a moustache-less bad guy from the show Lazytown. That's how pissed off she was. Crack whore's face was hurt, pock-marked and weathered, her clothes were very Goodwill-looking ... and, drum roll please, she was pregnant. Again. Four and a half months pregnant. Can't fucking believe that.


This is all sad and depressing ... and yet I'm a tad bit entertained by it all as well, which is probably just my morbid humor taking effect again. I mean, I once seriously worked on a broadway musical version of the movie "Schindler's List" and succeeded in writing two musical numbers. I'm a morbid asshole but in an innocent way. And Jay-See is morbidly entertaining in a way. The sad yet entertaining life of a crack whore. Jesus Hell of a Tap Dancing Christ. Talk about scared straight.




On to GVWA news ...


We have a negative and a positive. The negative is that I do not think that I will be able to post the results of this week's GVWA Deviance until tomorrow. It takes a long time to type and post and we're going to see Wallace and Gromit today. So probably no results until tomorrow. Sso sorry about that.


The positive is that I am the first person in the WORLD to own an authentic GVWA t-shirt! Which just goes to show you how very few people buy anything from my merchandise site despite it being a kick ass shirt.


Tune in tomorrow (or maybe tonight, who knows) for GVWA Deviance ... new faces appear, rivalries heat up, new evil federations are formed to try and topple the B.S.O., and a new number one contender is crowned for the GVWA championship!


Tune in ...

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