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Friday, October 7, 2005

STRANGE THINGS ON STEVE'S RIDE TO WORK - Parts 3 & 4

Part Three ...




Mr. Moulding, which is located literally right next to Strange Thing #2, Abe Janitorial Supply, which I honestly believe is a company that cleans toilets while dressed like Abe Lincoln. I've recently become convinced that, if I were to ever enter Mr. Moulding, that behind the register I would find Ol' Drippy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. "Eat me, I'm half penicillin!" he would say in response to my stuffy nose and hacking cough (I've been sick for three weeks, which I believe is my body subconsciously telling me that I cannot live without work) and then I'd be forced to eat an anthropomorphic pile of mould. Which I don't want to do. Which is why I don't want to go in there.




Part Four ...




Barnes Welding Supplies. Barnes, mind you. And every time that I pass Barnes Welding Supplies, my mind is filled with this intense dramatic backstory wherein Barnes, once a massively successful bookstore owner and part-creator of a major nationwide bookstore chain, decides to leave his partner Noble and take his millions of dollars to pursue his real love, welding supplies. And he sits in his office, welding things and laughing at Noble for being such a loser. But sometimes he locks the door to his office and pulls out of his desk a book. And he caresses the book and cries and remembers the good times he used to have. But he owns a welding supply store now. He knows he can never go back.


Inversely, somewhere in the east coast there's a store named Noble Knitting Warehouse, which opened up after Barnes left. Feeling empty, Noble sold their bookstore chain, took his share of the millions of dollars and went off to pursue HIS real love, knitting socks. And Noble sits in his office, knitting socks and hats and laughs at Barnes for his nerdy love of welding. But sometimes he locks the door to his office and pulls a book about welding torches out of his desk. And he caresses the book and cries and remembers the good times that he and Barnes used to have. But now he owns a knitting warehouse. He knows he can never go back.


Sometimes I think I'm really fucked up.

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