There. I said it.
I have a very low self esteem sometimes, which I hide behind smart ass jokes and this uncaring cocky facade that I feel really comfortable in. That being said, I feel extremely uncomfortable when Father's Day rolls around and suddenly I can do what I want to do and buy whatever I want to buy and go where I want to go. That makes me feel bad. A few times today I've already said "Well we can do something you guys want to do" which has been met with quick responses of "no" by the rest of the fam who can speak.
(Actually, little Bela just goes "AAAAUUUUUOWUUUHHHH DADAH PBBBBBBBBBBBB!" which I take as, no, we're going to do what YOU want to, daddy.)
This is father's day number three for me. Seems longer than that. Strange to think that there was a time when I wasn't a daddy. There was a time when I was drunk and single and angry and stoned and just fucking every thirtysomething divorcee and vulnerable twentysomething girl and loose morals young drunk heffer that walked into the bar. Wow. Those were ba-a-a-a-ad times. I never wanted kids and now I can't live without them. It just took me a few Father's Days to realize that.
That's awesome. That is so awesome. My life is awesome. I know I'm using the word "awesome" too much but there's no other word that better describes my day and the way that I feel right now. Happiness is cool and life is awesome and so far today I've been having an awesome fucking day. Granted, it would be a little bit more awesome if my legs were fucking working.
(Yes, legs, I know I haven't bowled in a long time. You can both stop yelling at me now.)
But it's still a pretty awesome-o sort of day, despite my horrible jelly legs. The coffee is good, the music is spanking, and damn if this huge fucking eggs and cheese and bacon and sausage breakfast that my wifey made me isn't tasty as fuck. God, I'd take down my pants and fuck this breakfast if my kids weren't around. I'd fuck the eggs, Am-Pie style, that's how good this breakfast is.
So, here's our itinerary ... first off we're going to go to a comic book store so I can look for copies of Civil War, then we're going downtown to Old Sac so that I can go to that movie store that sells all the movie props and Pez dispensers and movie memorabilia and Disneyland stuff to see if they still have blueprints of the Haunted Mansion or any Pirates movie memorabilia left. Then we're going to that harry pussy bead place so that I can make a necklace with two charms on it ... one of a plane, one of a snake. I'll have the first ever snakes on a plane necklace.
Here's some awesome random Father's Day music from the mutherfucking WIND CLAN ...
The Dears: There Goes My Outfit
Buddy Holly: Everyday
Eagles of Death Metal: I want You So Hard
Beatles: Rain (the best Beatles song nobody cares about)
Blind Melon: Three is a Magic Number
Warren G: Regulate
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Tell Me Baby
John Denver: Thank God I'm a Country Boy (Party Ben's City Boy Remix)
Grinspoon: Dead Cat X3 (stupidest song ever but still kicks major ass. It's in m4a format - sorry)
Sifl & Olly: Claire Danes