NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, July 3, 2006

Random Points of Interests ...

... the best sentence I heard yesterday at the store:

"I'm gonna gets me a gee-tar mazzageen."


An actual sentence heard from an actual mouth of an actual customer. I could not make up that shite. Wow, Sacramento is really just the cultural mecca of the world, ain't it?


My nine month old, Isabela, just fell asleep in her highchair for the first time. She was eating a small piece of pizza and she still had a pepperoni in her hand as she knocked out. Her head was so to the side that it looked like someone had punched her and her head just wrenched to the side. It was cute as hell.




Here's a squirrel kicking a deer's ass! Good stuff


I own a DVD called "4 Dev Adam." It's a turkish film all in turkish in which an evil green spider-man is going around killing and beating and raping women and the only two people who can stop him are an earless, shieldless Captain America and, unknown as to what the fuck he's doing in Turkey, mexican masked wrestler El Santo. The film is hideously unwatchable but goes down well when it's late and you're drinking with Marisa.




The impressive thing is NOT that there's a Snakes on a Plane novelization in stores now. The impressive thing is that it's !!416 pages!! WTF?!? And speaking of books, I know I probably shouldn't say this, but WTF. I don't care. Here goes. My store manager has really sexy feet. She really does. And anytime that she wants to come to work barefoot again, she's more than welcome to walk barefoot in the store, in the children's section, and all over my face. There. I said it. And I feel better for having said it, too.


And here is another public service announcement ...




I'm not racist. I just hate all minorities. Including myself. Is that wrong?


Look at the following picture of two rappers. What the HELL is on this guy's wrist? I mean, seriously? Someone has been buying their bling from either a Transformer or an angel from Spawn. Damn. Somewhere, Wonder Woman is missing a wrist device. Either that or a sixth grade class is missing their Thanksgiving centerpiece.




In the good bad news department, ECW wrestlers Rob Van Damn and Sabu have just gained about a million points of street cred. Seriously, I always thought that the "RVD 420" shirts and stuff were just a play on how he talks, but apparently, I was wrong and that's awesome. Read the story. It's funny as hell. I like how they post the match results at the end of the story.


And the award for mom of the year goes to ...




Here's a review of a play that I was in six years ago. It was the first review that actually called me REVEREND Steve Galindo. I really liked that.


I grabbed a free screener DVD from work. "Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge." It's a parody talk show from Britan and it is FUNNY AS HELL! The screener has the first six episodes from the first season and OMG I am obsessed. I haven't fallen for a british comedy this hard since Monty Python and, to a lesser extent, Chef. I tried to find a sizable clip on YouTube but all I could find was a funny as hell clip from his second series "I'm Alan Partridge" in which his chat show was cancelled and now he's hosting an equally horrible radio show ...




At around 7:15 am this morning I came to the realization that our district manager looks just like the doctor from E.R. who lost his arm and then ended up getting "creamed" by the falling helicopter. That's awesome.


Best scene from issue number one of the comic book "Game Boy" ...

JOSH: (whispered) Look! Look! That guy's got a Game Boy! And that's Tatanga ... and Princess Daisy! There's only one guy who can stop Tatanga!

RICK: Who? Hulk Hogan? Chuck Norris?

JOSH: No ... Super Mario!

RICK: Oh, give me a break!




Here is a link to what could very well be the single most offensive thing I could ever link to. It's even more disturbing coming from a man who is in charge of the children's section of a major bookstore. Here you go. Enjoy.


I have been having a debate with Lance about the new James Bond series restart, Casino Royale. It's a movie that takes the first Bond novel, sets it in modern day, and it's basically doing for Bond movies what Batman Begins did for Batman films. He was weary at first being the die hard old school Bond fan that he is, but now he's warming up to the idea of a Bond movie do-over. The debate we have is over the new movie's content. He hopes they keep the last line in the book, which I forget but I do recall having the word "BITCH" in it ...


I, on the other hand, hope that the new movie sticks to the lengthy, absurd, nonsensical, psychedelic, hippy ending of the three hour long sixties comedy "Casino Royale" featuring seven James Bond fighting each other in a casino filled for no reason whatsoever with seals, cowboys, french legionaires, Keystone cops, bubbles, Woody Allen with a bomb that he's swallowed that is set to go off after he hiccups 100 times, and apache warrior indians who do hippy go-go girl dancing for no reason. Of all the movies ever made, this ending is without a doubt the most POINTLESS, SENSELESS ENDING IN MOVIE HISTORY! And I happened to find it on YouTube. The bad news, though ... it's in a different language. But believe me, even in another language you get the point, that this ending makes no fucking sense whatsoever. here it is ...




... and don't think for a second that watching the entire three hour film in english will make the ending make more sense. Because it won't. It will just raise more questions. Just accept the ending for what it is, enjoyable shite. Watch it after a few beers. That makes it even funnier.


Here's some music I stole from Hype Machine. Yeah, that's right I stole these links from other blogs. That's how Wind Clan rolls, bee-yotch! RECOGNIZE!!!


REM: Drive

REM: The Great Beyond

Margot & the Nuclear So and So's: On a Freezing Chicago Street

King Geedorah: Fastlane

The Raconteurs: Together

The Format: Oceans

Skee-Lo: I Wish

"Weird Al" Yankovic: Another One Rides the Bus

The Format: Your New Name (demo)

Jamiroquai: Virtual Insanity

2 comments:

Dana Strauss said...

I'll have to track down a copy of "4 Dev Adam", although I wouldn't know where to begin looking. But a former co-worker recently blessed me with something she calls "Turkish Star Wars" because nobody seems to know what it's really called and nobody we know understands Turkish. But it thankfully has English subtitles, so you at leat understand what's going on when the guys are going around with buckets on their heads intercut with space battle scenes from the real Star Wars and music from Star Wars, Indina Jones, and anything else they could rip off. I can only get through it in 20 minute increments.

jessecoombs said...

We had an impromptu movie night two halloween's ago and we sat through the entirety of Turkish Star Wars. As far as the MST3K kind of stuff goes, it's top notch. Ask Jim about it.

Plus, that Alan Partridge clip was fantastic! Thanks for turning me on to him.

I'd almost be willing to swap my Wonder Showzen season one for your 6 episode screener.

"People say that kids with cooties are barely human. That's wrong.

They're less than human.

They're scum."