NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Emerald's Request (and how YOU can help) ...

... this morning, Emerald took a break from playing Kim Possible games and Dora the Explorer adventures on the computer and decided out of nowhere to go check out my blog. That I was not expecting. When she gets on the computer its usually a couple of hours of nonstop flash game playing on any of a number of crappy kids sites. It was quite a shock that she consciously decided to stop playing at Barbie.com to go and check out my shit. It's quite an honor, really. So she visited, she saw all the pictures, she listened to a few songs, she told me how awesome of a website I have, and she watched all the videos I have up here, too. And I mean all of them, too, from Alan Partridge singing a horrible ABBA medley to stupid teen cumrags lip-synching some crappy rap song to Maury Povich telling black people who they baby daddy be.


Here's a glimpse of how cool of a four year old Emerald is ... we invented a game called Maury. What we do is, she sits down, I get a piece of paper and read "Emerald ... you are NOT the father!" If she's not the father, she stands up and starts dancing. If she IS the father, she puts her hands on her head and runs to the nearest room. We invented it together. It's awesome as fuck to see her playing Maury. It just goes to show you how fucking incredible she is. She's amazing. She's the amazing, outspoken, beautiful woman that her mother is mixed with the strange offensive crazy OCD weirdo that her daddy is. It's cool as fuck to see a four year old who likes Simpsons and the Beastie Boys and Gumby and obscure british television shows and Maury Povich and the muppets and The Office and can sing along to a Barbie musical or a Blue Oyster Cult song. Godzilla, to be exact.


Emerald is awesome. Strike that ... Emerald is FUCKING awesome. And that's all there is to it. There's the period at the end of that sentance, the end of that great big "Who's the coolest kid" debate. The buck stops right here with her beautiful smile and penchant for kitchen dancing to rap music. Emerald is fucking awesome and all other four year olds must bow down to her superior coolness. She's so cool I can't wait to drink with her. THAT'S how cool she is. She's amazing. I look at her and wish to high holy fuck that I could have been like her when I was her age, instead of the wimpy little friendless pussy crybaby brown skinned little foureyes loser that I was. I envy the shit out of her. She's going to grow up and be the coolest woman in the whole goddamn world.


But after spending a good hour checking out every nook and cranny of this blog (save the adult links, of course) she turned and looked at me with those huge Disney-slash-anime eyes that she gets when she wants something, and in her cutest and most pathetic kiddie voice she said ...


"Daddy, can you put more Souf Paik on yous web site?"




How can I say no to a face like that, huh? It's impossible. She has me wrapped around her skinny white little fingers. So, going out to the coolest four year old in the whole damn world, here's two more full episodes of South Park, courtesy of the fuckin' Wind Clan ...






And, in a cheap money-grubbing note,

anyone who would like to help financially support my poor, destitute, broke ass family can help us out by chicking here and buying a cheap, strange, offensive t-shirt designed exclusively by me, Reverend Steve.


Seriously, buying some of our strange merch crap would really help my family out. I make a few much needed bucks from each purchase, money which will go directly towards our constant struggle to play the fucking rent.


Here are a few recent designs ...




The Karloff shirt




The Harrison shirt




The Fall shirt


... and last but not least, the world's COOLEST Ed Wood shirt EVER MADE!!!


No comments: