You know Nicole, the punkish new chick at work with the nice ass and the Hot Topic pants?
Well she WALKED OUT yesterday evening! Yeah! Just straight walked right out of the store. Middle of her shift! Ain't that incredible? She was working in my kids section and also hanging out with her beau at the same time. Well Kevin, the 50+ years old midget asian manager that everybody hates, even the other managers, got pissed and decided to call her into the office and have a "talk" with her ("talk" as in finger-quotes-talk-finger-quotes) and the talk must have gone swell because she walked into the break room, got her Hot Topic-bought goodies, clocked out, and walked right out them doors. Aint that amazing?
I love drama!
As long as its not mine, mind you, because that sucks donkey balls.
When I walked in this morning and Perry said he had bad news for me, I just assumed that it was the usual last night's kids person spent all night covering breaks and lunches and other shit that isn't the kids person's job to do so they spent no time in your section and got shit done routine that has become, well, routine. But this news was so dramatic, so unusual, so out of left field, that I almost didn't mind. It was like, hey, golf clap! Way to, I dunno, way to give me something to post about.
There are two things bad about Nicole leaving ...
1) Her sudden departure means that the group of people that work in kids is down to about four employees. And I'm one of them. And that's bad.
2) Whatever she lacked in enthusiasm and customer service skills she made up for in her nice ass. So she's gone, Mary Brabender (actual last name, very prophetic) is gone, barefoot Lisa Corbin's gone, and I still haven't gotten over the cute Amanda and the kind and "ample" Jessica leaving us. Who will I STARE at now from my lonely, cavernous kids section? Marisa? I hardly SEE her! This sucks.
I don't hold anything back. I call it like I see it. Everybody who knows me knows that. Other people are thinking it and only I have the balls to make it public. So there you go.
A COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF THE PEOPLE THAT WERE SITTING IN THE CHILDREN'S DEPARTMENT TODAY AT 3:36 PM ...
Loud Mexican Family That Buys Nothing
Twentysomething Clubbing College Dudes With Car Magazines
Mexican Teens Reading Maxim
Ten Year Old Black Boy WEARING A SCARFACE SHIRT (!!!)
"I Think I'm, Like, SOOOOO Cool" Asian Teenagers
Three Hefty Female Librarians Who Look Down On Steve
Redneck Family What Don't Read None Too Good
Upperclass "Let's Bring 20 Wedding Books Into Kids" Mom And Daughter Combo
One Well-Behaved Child
So happy I'm at home. On a sunday. Watching Simpsons! SIMPSONS!!! I've probably watched 4 or 5 new episodes of The Simpsons from 2000 until now. And all because of closing on sundays. Wow. Neat.
Here's some music for all y'all on behalf of Early Bedtyme and his B.S.O. crew ...
Eels: Ugly Love
De La Soul: You Got It
Wilco: Heavy Metal Drummer
The Magnetic Fields: Absolutely Cuckoo
Guns N' Roses: Welcome to the Jungle
The Beatles: Strawberry Fields Forever
The Beatles: The Ballad of John and Yoko
The Dust Brothers: This Is Your Life
Cake: Short Skirt and a Long Jacket
Cat Stevens: Here Comes My Baby
Elliot Smith: Figure 8 (Schoolhouse Rock)