NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Highlights From My Performance Review At Work, Two Of Which Are Entirely Made Up ...


- Vast knowledge of the product in his section

- Established successful and hugely popular programs of his own, such as the Harry Potter Club and his wildly successful Storytime with Mr. Steve

- Has a positive upbeat personality that creates customer loyalty

- His big brown penis fosters increased sales for his department

- Can accomplish tasks in his section that would normally take two or three employess to do

- Devoted to maintaining a clean shoppable environment

- Continues to anticipate trends in his section, finding both old and new titles to compliment customer demands and desires

- Steve continues to maintain a high ideal in performing in his position

- Great customer service skills

- It gives me great pain knowing that $0.75 is as big of a raise as I am allowed to give to this man, nay, this bronze skinned aztec god whose boots I am not worthy to lick. This is why I will now be giving every paycheck from here until the day I die to Steve and his family. Truly Mr. Steve IS the king of kings! And on earth peace, good will towards men! Praise Jesus and praise Mr. Steve and his superior God-like customer service skills! Paise him!!!


Congrats to this, our 490th posting since 2002! Hooray for wasting free time! YAY!

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