NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Random Notes and Various Whatnots ...

I.
Am.
So.
Stressed.

Out!


I know I shouldn't be stressed because I'm on vacation but what with Isabela teething and Natasha's screaming cracker babysitting, I failed to realize how stressful it is at home. I might even venture to say that home is almost as stressful as being fucked over at work. Today was hell, absolute hell.


For starters, I came in to work for two hours so that I could do storytime. That was fun and lighthearted but there are big changes going down at work that seem to be making Marisa's life even worse than before. She seems to switch from happy work chat to about to blow up, Lance style. I feel bad for her. And occasionally afraid of her.


Emily, our babysatting cry queen, was sick today. Her cracked out mom knew about it but was alternating between not caring and "There's nothing I can do," basically dumping a fevered screaming baby on us. Hell. Living hell. She wanted me to hold her every five seconds. She was constantly crying, constantly screaming, constantly making me hold her, which in turn made BELA jealous so now SHE wanted ME to hold her, which apparently she only wants me to do when she's super tired or when she's jealous.


And then school let out. Great.


So now here's who I'm now dealing with ... there's jealous Bela, crying Emily, hyper Emerald, nice Zack ... and Super Mega Monster Attitude Diva Bitch Queen "Double D" Deinna Disaster, Emerald's older cousin and the evil dictator of any situation that she puts herself in. She's a good kid. I like her and all. She's got an awesome sense of humor and an inquisitive mind but she has her father's attitude and her mother and father's stubbornness and she just doesn't listen.


This is what happened at the doctor's office ... I tell her not to do something, she doesn't listen, I tell her again, she doesn't listen, I yell at her, she gets pissy with me, she does it again, I yell at her, I tell her again, she doesn't listen, and then as we leave I grab her arm and pull her out of the office, completely blanking on the the fact that I just grabbed her in the arm she broke a few months back. Now I'm the bad guy.




So that's that. I'm stress out. I'm angry. I'm pissed off. I'm feeling dead inside from a whole day filled with hours and hours of screaming.


And lets not forget that we have no money in the bank whatsoever. No $$$ for beer or for KFC or for going to see a movie. No $$$ for anything at all. I mean, we have a few $$$$s that my parents sent Isabela for her birthday but how can we spend HER money on food for US without feeling like assholes?


I am spread so thin I feel that if someone were to blow at me I would become a bubble and float away.




Well, on a positive note I picked a hell of a great week to be off of work, tv wise. There's some really good stuff on tv nowadays. I've never been so excited about a season before. And I should take this time to note that I don't have cable. I'm talkin' real tv here.


First off, yesterday was the start of an all new season of Maury, the greatest show on television, a show of which I am a big fan. I learn so much about black people. Apparently black women are mostly fat bitches who sleep with hundreds of men and then go around trying to pin fatherhood on people. And how can a woman be fuming and screaming and jumping up and down and bad mouth someone so bad, then when its learned that he's not the father, she just goes "Whatevah" like its no big deal? How is that possible, you shameless black whore?


And I love the black math on the show. Yesterday somebody said "Maury, I am one bajillion percent positive that he da fathah of my babay!" And then the guy said "I'm one hundred percent positive I aint the daddy, Maury" to which she said "Oh yeah? Well I'm a gajillion!" God. How sad. And it turned out that he WAS the father. OF COURSE HE WAS! Didn't you hear her? A gajillion!!! That's a lot.


On sunday I got to see The White Stripes on the Simpsons and yesterday I was wowed by Studio 60 and I got to officially say that I was a fan of Two and a Half Men. And I keep forgetting that Julia Louis-Dreyfus used to be on Saturday Night Live, albeit the crappy 80s edition that no one watched until Murphy came along, and that she is incredibly comedically talented despite my retroactive hatred for her on account of all the Sienfeld episodes going from awesome to annoying on eternal syndication.


Tonight is that new Ray Liotta show and Boston Legal, a show that's awesome and hilarious, despite what Gwen says. Tomorrow is Justice, a show my wife and I accidentally got hooked on while channel surfing. It's refreshing to see a legal show that so openly announces the cold hard fact that nowadays most cases are tried in the media. Plus they show what really happened at the end of the show and that's just cool. Thursday is Earl, The Office, an hour of anything but bald washed up Howie Mandell, then E-fuckin'-R. And fridays are the days when my wife and I watch Funniest home Videos with the sound off so we don't have to have our IQs lowered with their atrocious writing.


I love tv again. It's awesome as hell.




Tomorrow I will post my mid-week report card for what I planned on doing during this vacation, see how I've fared on my ten point list.


Now here's some free music for you courtesy of the 2006 Galindo Family "Death To Shooshers" Campaign ...


Nirvana: Ain't It A Shame (rare)

Nirvana: About A Girl (rare demo)

Groovie Ghoulies: Deviltown

Weezer: Keep Fishin'

Lanemeyer: What A Shitty Summer

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Fortune Faded

Peter Shilling: Major Tom (Coming Home)

Elliott Smith: The Ballad of Big Nothing

Amazing Transparent Man: Bitch

Jackson 5: I Want You Back

Ghostface Killah: Ironman

Beastles (Beastie Boys VS Beatles): Lovely NYC

Amazing Transparent Man: Your Mother Lied

5 comments:

Marisa said...

Mostly I am OK until somebody comes in and says "But are you OK?" with a sympathetic head tilt. It's like, 192 boxes? Use your heads, people! I'm stressing out big time! This isn't rocket science. Now, it isn't just that you do it (that would be bearable), it's that every single person who walks into the back room does it, often more than once.

So now I have a deeply rooted, intense psychological hatred for people asking me how I'm doing. And it has NOTHING to do with you.

Reverend Steve said...

( wow )

Gwen (who also thinks the women on Gilmore Girls are annoying as hell) said...

Boston Legal blows big donkey balls. (And probably little ones too) :-)


P.S. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

gwen said...

Haha, it cut off my long ass title. Now Natasha can be tortured forever wondering what I was saying about her favorite show.

Gregorio said...

i imagine the benny hill theme song was exactly what was going through bush's mind the day of the attacks. i'm sure of it.