NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest or, you wuss!


Monday, October 23, 2006

Another List of Halloween Music Of Note Played On Our Store's "Holiday Music" Radio Station (and a crazy sounding rant about Dr. Who) ...

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now entering week two of my epic chronicle of the awesome and strange music that plays on our store's holiday radio station.

I seriously thought I would have been done after the first massive post but this stupid and wonderful station just keeps throwing me curveballs.


Magic Carpet Ride: Sweet song and although it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever on the Halloween station, I would still prefer to hear this damn song as opposed to listening to The Time Warp and the X-Files theme three times a day. Little side note, at the end of my brother Joe and I's Rocky Horror "phase" we would go every week, every saturday night, just to piss all the ostentatious goth kids off. When this song would come on we would yell "LET'S DO THE SAME SHIT AGAIN" and get into a yelling match with each other where we would each be saying "I CAN YELL LOUDER AND FUNNIER THAN YOU!" Really pissed off a lot of Scottsdale punk assholes in my time.

Psycho theme: Again, should have played on day one. Awesome. I feel like dressing in drag and stabbing naked chicks in the shower.

Baby Elephant Walk: What. The. FUCK????? Is this doing? On the. HALLOWEEN!!!!! Radio. Station. I mean, come on?!?!? Seriously! This raped my mind almost as worse as the theme to Superpollo. Ok, radio station, I know that this year you're trying to make listening to you a bit less painful by adding some much needed variety, but try to at least stay within the basic theme of Halloween. I mean, playing Baby Elephant Walk followed by What's New, Pussycat is just creepy and wrong. It's like we turned off the Halloween music and put on some special radio station specifically designed for retarded preemies.

Perry Mason theme: Again, whaaa????

You Dropped a Bomb On Me: Eighties pop song on Halloween radio station only makes sense when you realize how horrible the 80s were. Ronald Regan? Say no more.

Curse of the Mummy's Tomb: a fairly decent, sixties sounding rocker from a sweet band that nobody's ever heard of or gives a shit about.

Edward Scissorhands theme: If your feathers weren't ruffled by my previous revelation of how much I don't give a shit about Jack Skellington, maybe THIS one will do it for you ... I hate Edward Scissorhands. It's just boring and uneventful and I think the ending's cheesy. The whole film tries too hard to force its way into your brain as a classic. The only thing really good about it is Vincent Price. Sorry. That's just my opinion.

Dr. Who theme: Awesome! There was this role playing-slash-comic book store in Phoenix in the eighties that I remember going to when I was like six or seven. Once you walked in to the shop there was a big telephone booth like on Dr. Who and it was right there on your left once you walked in. And you looked at it and it was a LITERAL 3D phone booth with ridges and texture and everything. The dimensions were of an actual phone booth, but the door to it was a black looking mirror and you could just barely see yourself in its reflection. But, and this is the really crazy sounding part, if you walked THROUGH the phone booth you were suddenly in a small room with Dr. Who products and books and posters and music and stuff and, turning around to see where you came in from, the phone booth was nothing but a mirror. It was incredible and strange and it blew my mind. I specifically remember not looking at anything else, just going through the phone booth over and over again to see how it was done. But, being so young, I had no idea. I though it was magic. I really did. It was just like Harry Potter trying to catch the train to Hogwarts by walking through the wall. Just like that. You had to walk THROUGH the phone booth to get into this room. Incredible. But the thing is the place closed down a short while after we visited it and so 1) I never got to figure out how they did it, and 2) I never found anyone else who has ever been in there. So that's my Dr. Who denouement. I try to tell people but I just sound like I'm crazy.

Rumble: Link Wray??? The song they didn't put on the Pulp Fiction soundtrack??? What the fuck? Whaaa???? Makes no sense. The person who came up with this playlist must also have written the Chewbacca defense. Seriously.

Beep, Beep: Funny when you first hear this sixties kitchy gimmick song about two speeding motorists, annoying as all hell every subsequent listening after that.

Twin Peaks theme: Here's another hipster bombshell for your ass, I never watched Twin Peaks, nor do I ever care to. It just seems like nonsensical hipster artsy crap to me and I don't really give a rat's ass about any of it. I know, I know, I'm a bad twentysomething guy with glasses BUT (shudder) in about five months I'll be a thirtysomething guy if you can believe that.

Wild Thing: Whaaa????

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