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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Snicket Training and one Crazy Ass Warrior ...

DONE!!!


In about a year and a half I have successfully finished all thirteen books in the Series of Unfortunate Events. As I recently told Michael Burns as he embarked upon the first book, the first four or six are very basic, simple, quirky and funny yet light and straightforward. It takes until book six or seven until the series starts dishing out strange, dark and thoroughly fascinating questions that lead to more and more questions.


The good stuff, basically.


But although it was and is without a doubt one of the single greatest series of books that I have ever read (so much so that as soon as I get funds, which I almost never have, I totally plan on making THIS my next tattoo) it was incredibly painful to me and my O.C.D. to finish all thirteen copies of the series and have so many strange and burning questions still left unanswered. How could you do this to me, Lemony? HOW!!! There's still so much stuff that I still don't understand.


Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-amn!!


Therefore it was incredibly comforting to have Marisa there waiting for me in receiving to answer at least SOME of the damn burning questions that could be answered. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Marisa rocks big fat monkey balls. But for those of you who don't have a Marisa, here is a review from the Toronto Star that sums things up perfectly. Watch out, though. Hella spoilers.


But it DOES raise the question of the Baudeliare siblings and a Maury style paternity test, a question that I brought up to Marisa and she basically shot down. Nice to know that canadians got my back, though. I mean, why would she have named the baby Lemony if it was a boy? Huh?


Don't know WHAT the hell I'm gonna read now. Maybe Thank You For Smoking, maybe Wintersmith by Pratchett. Maybe something wildly offensive. Who knows. All I know is I've gotta get my read on NOW because I don't know what I'm gonna do without another Snicket book to go to.




Tomorrow I have to train the new store manager.


Train.


The new.


MANAGER!


I have to train her in the children's department. All day, too. And I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with her there. She seems nice and all and she's like twelve feet tall, like a white female Giant Gonzales and I'm all for that.


But what the hell am I supposed to do with her tomorrow, huh? Am I supposed to hold her hand and walk her around my section and show her where everything is and then gently explain to her how incredibly fucking pissed off I am that we haven't zoned the entire department for well over five months now because the goddamn management of the store keeps fucking over MY department by uncaringly sending MY employees out of MY section to go do everyone ELSE's shit? Am I supposed to tell her about how I'm a one man children's section because the store managers are a wall that I've been screaming at for almost a year now, screaming for help and for employees that won't be stolen, screaming and screaming at a wall that isn't listening and strictly refuses to give a shit? And that's not even mentioning the straight up fact that I'm not good enough to be hired as a manager (despite being specifically promised the position by two different managers) but I AM good enough to train one.


Yeah. I'm sure her Steve training is gonna go swimmingly tomorrow.


Hooray.


HOLY CRAP!!!


We just found an ENGLISH LANGUAGE RECAP
of our mexican soap opera Mundo de Fieras!


YesyesyesyesYES! Now we can watch it ... and actually UNDERSTAND what the fuck is going on!


YAY!!!




For those of you not in the know, WWF wrestler the Ultimate Warrior was poised in the 1980s to be the successor of Hulk Hogan. And he could have been, too, were it not for the fact that HE WAS TOTALLY BATSHIT INSANE!


See for yourself ...




That's 'bout it. Gotta go. Mundo de Fieras is on.

5 comments:

Marisa said...

I'm pretty sure that what happened was Lemony was rejected by Beatrice in favor of the Baude-dad and was so brokenhearted that he disappeared for a number of years, and everyone assumed he was dead (VFD members name children after dead family friends). But I thought the question you were asking was if Count Olaf was Beatrice II's father via Kit Snicket. That was the theory I thought I shot down. Also: what the fuck is up with Count Olaf and Kit Snicket. Maybe if there were a clue? Anywhere in the series? That would have been nice.

What the fuck, Daniel Handler. What the fuck? I would still like to combine our genes to form a seperate person, though.

I'm a little tipsy right now.

Reverend Steve said...

I delight in the thought of you tipsy.

OOOPS. I might have sexually harassed you.

I'll be in a closed door meeting for two hours with Pete and Julia now.

:(

Mike said...

I heard that after you finished the book you were going to check out "Contreversy Creates Cash." I shop lifted it yesterday (because I've already spent thousands of dollars on Vince McMahon's bullshit... He's like my George Lucas.) Even though I just started it, I think it's a winner. I suggest you check it out.

also I remembered a pic i saw relating to your Warrior tangent.

http://gifdump.com/uploads/thumbs/Ultimate%20Warrior%20Blows%20Hulk%20Hogan.gif

that's a great metaphore for how Hogan holds other guys down... & how Warrior sucks.

jessecoombs said...

I like the Ultimate Warrior more now. You may want to read The Life of Pi. I love it. Speaking of things I love, I will confirm that yes, Marisa was tipsy.

Mike said...

I don't want to makee this a bitch fest, but Jesse are you fucking crazy. Warrior is out of his mind now. He does college speaches talking about how gays are evil. I'm with Steve, he's batshit crazy.