NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Some More Random Whatnots ...



... it's late saturday night. Natasha said she just wanted to lay down in bed for a little big but I'm pretty sure she's out. It's a quiet, dark night. Emerald's long in bed, Tasha is crashing with little Bela, and it's just me and my iPod which seems fixated on playing nothing but Hendrix, MF Doom and Gothic Archies. Not that I mind, because that's an awesome "one man party" music for me and my one man party tonight.


I am currently on page 70 of the last book in the Series of Unfortunate Events. I could easily be done with the book but, to be honest, I don't WANT to be done with the book. I don't want to be done with the series. I don't want to be done thinking about Lemony Snicket and the VFD and all the questions that are muddled in my mind right now. I haven't gotten this into a book series since Harry Potter and the discworld (non-witch books, preferably Rincewind or the night watch).


I don't want to be done with these books. I love them too much.




BOOKS I PLAN ON READING !AFTER! THE END:

Controversy Creates Cash
Peter and the Starcatchers
The Greatest Story Ever Sold
Time's Black Lagoon
Any books that will prove to me that David Sedaris ISN'T overrated


Now here's one of my all time favorite episodes of Space Ghost, a salute to Women in the Entertainment Industry ...




Paris Hilton.


Is anyone else in the world still creeped out by the fact that she's named after a fucking hotel? Am I the only one who never got over her name. Paris Hilton. That's a name of a hotel, not a name for a spoiled dumb cuntbag.


Do you think somewhere there's a dumpy bitch called St. Petersburg Ramada or a stuck up redneck socialite called Charlottesville Budgetinn? It would make sense.


The stupid spoiled whore.


Anyhoo, it looks like her time is slowly coming to an end. She released an album that was roundly trashed by critics and quickly bombed. Sadly, however, her music isn't bad. I mean, when you're as rich as her you can buy and sell the souls of musicians who can make Helen Keller sound like fucking Tori Amos.


So her cd was trashed but why? On PRINCIPLE! Because she's a dumb bitch!


Then there was the DUI arrest during which she literally drunkenly admitted to the cops, I imagine in some pathetic attempt at begging for their pitty, that she was kinda dumb. Awesome.


What use is this woman to our society? Really? I mean, the ultimate low came when that sex tape was leaked. Wait, you mean to tell me that she isn't even good at FUCKING? No! I mean, if she's not even good at screwing, then why does she exist? Why is she on every goddamn magazine? Why do I have to have her shoved down my throat every second by every news show? Why, I ask you, why?


But in the world of hating Paris Hilton this tabloid story is the absolute Paris bashing best! So apparently Virgin record bajillionare Richard Branson threw his son a massively hugetastic Mad Hatter-themed 21st birthday party. Paris decided to crash the party dressed as Alice in Wonderland, right? So when awesome as fuck dude Branson finds out about this he ORDERS all 60+ waitresses at the party to, get this, all wear matching Alice costumes just to fuck with her! How awesome is that?!? And then when she arrived he pretended to mistake her for a waitress and ordered her to fetch him a drink.


HELL YEAH! THAT'S AWESOME!


Ladies and gentlemen, that's the feel good story of the year!




Speaking of sex tapes, did you know that Oscar nominated actress Chloe SevigNOwayIcanSpellThisRight, who was nominated for a freakin' Oscar for her role in Boys Don't Cry, that she agreed to be in a controversial and boring as hell 2003 indie movie called The Brown Bunny during which she literally GRAPHICALLY and seriously (total eeeeewwwwww) goes down on writer and director Vincent Gallo?


WHY (?!?!?!?!?) in the world would ANYONE agree to do this? Why? And I always kinda liked her, too, but after seeing the scene in questioned, all I can think of is WHY WOULD SHE BE SO FUCKING DUMB as to agree to something like that? Did she WANT to never again be taken seriously? Did she WANT her credibility thrown down the drain? Did she WANT to go down on a greasy, creepy, fugly ass Vincent Gallo?


Eww. All around eww.


Do you wanna see it? Are you su-u-u-u-u-u-ure? Well, if you want to, aere it is but beware! It's GRAPH-ICK!!! And definitely should not be seen by any youngins. It's graphic and pathetic at the same time.


If for anything I guess it stands as a testament to how an Oscar nominated actress takes one in the mouth.




Wow. Fairly perverted post there. We started innocently and then just slowly went on this angry porn tangent. Wow. Hope everybody's ok after that.


If you're still with me, then here's some free music for you and your punk ass. A few of these selections, giving credit where credit's due here, come from the all new, totally free and totally cool Bride of Monster Mashup cd ...


Autopilot: The Devil Went Down on Betty

Rolling Stones: Time Is On My Side

Rhymefest: These Days

The Bees: I Love You

P.O.S.: Bush League Psyche Out Stuff

Frettdog: The Haunted Mashion

Eagles of Death Metal: I Only Want You

Babyshambles: Fuck Forever

DJ Earlybird: I Think She Knows that I Put A Spell On Her

The Kooks: Crazy

Power Pill: Original Edit

Bob Marley: One Love

Krazy Ben: Monster of the Crypt

1 comment:

jessecoombs said...

Paris is popular because people like feeling superior to someone who supposedly has it all. It makes us poor folks not feel so bad when we can watch some rich white girl crash and burn every week. Same with Lindsey Lohan (my favorite crashing star-I love how all the actors who work with her bash her work ethics-you can see that I'm not unaffected too), Mel Gibson, and whomever else is being silly.

Richard Branson is a cool guy. Even his corporate policies are very inventive. The stuff he's done with Virgin Air is amazing.

I like Chloe Sevigny, but mostly for her choice in what she appears in. She wants to be indie-as-fuck, as a kind of "I'm arty, therefore cooler than those who are in blockbusters." I appreciate her weird movies, because I like weird, indie movies, but with the Brown Bunny (not that bad, but definitely not great.) she is trying a little too hard to be "arty". It's puzzling. I like to compare her career to Scarlett Johansen's. When they both started, they seemed to be along similar paths with smaller, interesting films, and I think they have about the same level of acting talent, but why is Scarlett the superstar and not Chloe? Because Scarlett wants to be, and Chloe would think of that as selling out. Scarlett should tap out and let Chloe into the blockbuster ring for a while, because little miss Johansen is in danger of being over-exposed and turning into Julia Roberts, who also used to be in little interesting movies when she was young.

I'm not sure what this has to do with your post anymore.