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Thursday, November 30, 2006

A List Of The Horrible Things That Happened On April 2nd, 2006 ...



-young child no more than four pulls down her pants and IN BROAD DAYLIGHT pees right in the archway at the front of the store (!!!) and, make matters worse, the intensely cracked out mom yells at her and spanks THE LIVING SHEEEEE-IT out of her, a massive slap heard 'round the world straight on naked ass that makes you suddenly feel really bad for the ass that accepted that John MacEnroe-sized tremendous tennis backhand

-an old man yells and throws his purchase down on the floor in anger that we had more books on the Vietnam war than on the Korean war

-a woman with a list of well over 40 black authors wants each author looked up, then wants every book written by the author looked up, THEN wants to see if there's an audio book for each book that author wrote, then PLAYS THE RACE CARD when we don't have it and/or it doesn't exist

-a black woman, who can't get cash back for her receipt-less book return, refuses to take a store credit and starts yelling, calling our manager Nicolas (a cuban man) a dirty racist

-a teacher comes into the children's section and, seeing no employee waiting there on pins and needles to help his soulless middle aged yuppie male bastard ass, gets on the STORE OVERHEAD (!!!!!) and announces over the overhead (!!!!!) that he needs help in the kids section

-a teacher gets angry over our lack of books about dolphins for children (apparently seven books about dolphins isn't enought for this bitch)

-two middle aged white women loudly looking for sudoku books, I walk up to them and ask them if they need help finding anything, they look at me with revulsion and say "Uh, NO!" and walk away but no more than ten seconds later they track down cute skinny white little Lisa Corbin and ask HER where the sudoku books are, adding "We couldn't find ANY help AT ALL"

-a customer gets angry over our "hot moving" (I.E. black book) section

-a neverending series of massively sized mexican families come in and repeatedly destroy the entire kids section

-a woman asks for books on San Francisco hotels and their phone numbers and when I can't find anything she goes into a massive panic fit, explaining how her stalker ex-boyfriend with powerful "connections" must have come in to our store, STOLEN all of our books on San Francisco, and then CHANGED our computers to make it "seem" as if we don't HAVE any books that lists phone numbers of hotels so that she wouldn't LEAVE Sacramento - and THEN she didn't want to talk to a manager, choosing instead to talk to ME for a half hour because, as she put it, "Well, how do I know he hasn't GOTTEN to them?"

-I rip my favorite pair of pants (the shiny stripey ones that look like I stole them from the cast of "Guys and Dolls")

-a big buff crazy guy with an insane amount of prison tattoos all over his body comes in and sits for a few hours on our comfy chairs and talks loudly about Jesus to everyone/no one

-a super smug guy with a turtleneck gives everybody attitude


(NOTE: space limitations on the piece of paper that I was using at the time did not allow me to continue with this list)

2 comments:

jessecoombs said...

Wow, I miss working on the sales floor. Seriously.

Reverend Steve said...

As much as I'm dicked around at least I have amazing stories that I'll take with me for the rest of my life. I still remember the first customer I ever helped at the bookstore and how much of a fucking cuntbag she was.

The stacks miss you, Jesse. Can't you hear that? It's Arden calling for you.