NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Brak Show (featuring Steve) ...


... we now have a ferret. A fucking ferret. Can you believe that? It's that face, that sad "Can we get it ple-e-e-ease" Natasha face. She makes that face and I'm weak as hell. Seriously. If she wanted to buy a pet Hitler and she made the face, then I'd probably just pussy out and tell her to be sure to clean Adolph's litter box every day.


Anyways, back to our ferret. His name was Frak but we've renamed him Brak because we're us. He had a brother named Frik but he died and now Brak's owners can't take care of him. So we have Brak now. And guess what? Because his brother's dead, Brak is bored, listless, and depressed as hell.


We own a depressed ferret.


How do these things happen to us? Huh? How?


Here's some music for you ...


Guns and Roses: I.R.S. (new demo)


Guns and Roses: Blues (new demo)


MC Lars: Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock


MF Doom: Blunt Drunk


Supersuckers: Goin' Back to Tucson

Happiness ...

... I have never been happier in my entire life. Right now, these moments that are happening as we speak, as I type this, these mornings I wake up and screw around on the computer and update my blog and work on my iPod while Emerald watches PBS and Isabela plays on her little walker, the sounds of Beatles and MF Doom colliding with the sounds of Clifford's Puppy Days and Bela's happy cries. These mornings are filled with happiness I have never felt before, this undeniable sense that everything in the world is good and everyone else that doesn't live under this house should be able to share in this feeling I have. I feel like my heart is going to explode with love. And then I think back at who I was five or six years ago. I've really gone far. Six years ago I was in Arizona, depressed as hell and drunk off my ass. There were good times like my Kendra, my amazingly beautiful Phoenix crush who I misslike crazy. There were a few small little good times with my ex, like the time we took the bus to the zoo, spent the day there, had sex by the monkey island. And then there was my Bennigan's. And I mean MY Bennigan's. There was one right down the street from my bookstore job so after work we'd all walk down there, drink our asses off, and the bartenders, who all knew me as Reverend Steve, they'd comp me a lot and get me discounts on all the food and everything. We'd close the bar, then drive a few monutes away to the head bartender Steve-O's place and we'd smoke up and drink some more and listen to the Dead and just chat until three or four in the morning. Those were good times, partying every second. But all the drinking and smoking and partying was just a smoke screen to hide thae fact that I wasn't happy and didn't know what I wanted from life. It felt like a completely different me. To look at that Steve, then see who I am now, the guy who wakes up at seven in the morning to make breakfast and turn on the cartoons, I almost start to cry. Natasha, my wife, is amazing. The best thing about being married is that you don't have to try anymore to get a date or confront a girl at work you like or feel uncomfortable around some new girl you like. That's all behind you because when you get home there's an amazing woman there waiting for you. It's awesome. I love being married and I love being a daddy. Being a father is different from being a daddy, though, and although I have experience being Emerald's daddy since she was one year old, I've never been a father before now. It's tough. It's difficult. And it can be really heartbreaking as well but I'm finally starting to get comfortable with the father part of that. And then, every night, I get to cuddle up next to an amazing woman and talk and laugh until I finally fall alseep. I am happy. And being happy is amazing. I wish that everybody could be happy like I am.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

A Sequel That Rocks ...


The original: JOURNAL OF A NEW COBRA RECRUIT by Keith Pille.


The sequel: JOURNAL OF A SEASONED COBRA VETERAN.

Socks, Seats and White Russians ...

... we live in a society where the concept of creating our own culture, our own heritage, something that grows and ferments throughout generations after generations, that concept of creating your own culture with time and effort, that has died, finally bowing on the feet of consumerism and pop culture and tivo. Pop culture has now taken over our entire sense of heritage in that the way that we look at ourselves and our society, the ideas that we used to hold dear snd the way we look back at our past, that has all been taken over by Oprah and Jay Leno and annoying conversations that begin with "Do remember that one 'Sienfeld' episode where ..."


We have no American heritage now. It has been bought and sold to movies, television and eventually the internet. And no one could be more happier than me. After all, in an era where our history is being forcibly defined by epic three hour long movies that hope to "define" an undefinable moment in history, the idea of a skinny mexican guy with a religion firmly rooted in bad cult movies doesn't seemt too far off.


In our pop culture-oriented society, sometimes you may find yourself feeling like the only person in the world who is into something. It's incredibly easy given the mass amount of crap that filters through your television and your computer and everything else digital in your house. And it has happened to me a countless amount of times. I mean, theres no way that anyone can say "God, am I the only one into Lost?" But it's easy to say that about a million other shows out there.


And I'd like to talk to you about those times in my life where I've thought I was alone in my nerdity obsessions. And about "the fest" I simply must go to.




I saw the first episode of Sifl and Olly when it premiered on MTV in 1997 and I was instantly hooked. The mix of sock puppets, catchy music, honest and refreshing ad libs, computer generated effects, a bizarre cast of characters, and children's show content perfectly mixed with incredibly offensive stuff (you gotta love legless dogs) made it my absolute addiction from 1998 all the way to now, almost ten years later, Emerald can sing along to "Did you get the name of the girl in the spooky car" and Isabela, almost seven months old now, will stop all her cries and tears if you put on my old videos of the show. I felt like I was the only person who liked the show then and I still feel like that now.


Wikipedia on Sifl and Olly


Sifl and Olly clips and full episodes on YouTube


I now realize that the majority of fans of Sifl and Olly, the few that there were, were nothing more than fickle MTV fans. When the show first aired, a whopping boatload of web sites popped up. Two years later those web sites, sites which said things like "I am the world's biggest Sifl and Olly fan ..." and whatnot, overnight they changed into Tom Green sites. Suddenly Sifl and Olly fans were Tom Green fans. I hated Tom Green for years because of that. But he got his. And I'm not talking about the whole nut cancer thing, either. Those Tom Green sites were eventually changed into Jackass sites and Green went the way of Sifl and Olly.


That's what he gets for being Canadian.


MTV does an excellent job of telling its viewers what is cool. Tom Green, Jackass, and the Osbournes are a fine example of that. It's good that they have somehow found a way to look hip and young throughout the twenty plus years that they've been on the air. The negative part is that, well, they were created to be the home of music videos. Now they're the home of crass commercialism, crappy preteen drama, and ignorant African American "pimp" ideals. And while MTV limps around showing us their bling and tries so hard to make us believe they're still cool, they're sitting on a wealth of television shows that were brilliant, subversive, and altogether awesome. They had great television once: The State, Sifl and Olly, Liquid Television, The Jon Stewart Show, and even the Pee-Wee Herman wannabe Just Say Julie. They have some amazing shows under their belt. But they don't care. And in an age where tv companies are tripping over each other to release every television show that ever aired EVER onto a three disk special edition dvd, we will probably never see any of MTV's amazing former shows on DVD anytime soon.


I used to feel like the only person in the world who was into Sifl and Olly. And I still feel that way to this day, sitting here watching "Calls from the Public" and wishing for a DVD release that will probably never come.




Modern day television has given me a repeat of the Sifl and Olly days with Cheap Seats, a Mystery Science Theater meets Sportscenter show that airs on, of all places, ESPN Classics. Yeah, not the place you'd expect to find the world's most awesomely subversive and amazingly cool comedy show presently on television. The best part about the show is that, despite it being on an ESPN network, you really don't have to know anything about sports to watch the show. Two twins, Jason and Randy Sklar, take cheap pot shots and showcase their rapid fire comedic talents over the back catalogue of bizarre ESPN shows like Spelling Bees and Lumberjack championships and Hot Dog Eating contests.


Cheap Seats web site (featuring some hilarious clips)


Cheap Seats on YouTube


The best part of the show comes when, and you can only assume that Randy and Jason have some massive respect in the world of comedy, a special guest pops up, usually in a very well done filmed piece. And we're talking the absolute BEST in modern day comedy ... Matt Walsh, Ed Helms, Jon Benjamin (from Home Movies), Matt Price, Carlos Alazraqui (from Reno 911), and almost every member of The State. The show is hilarious and you can tell that they're brothers in the way that their comedy comes, a rapid fire series of jokes that never fail to connect.


Every episode is amazing. There's even an episode where the boys from Mystery Science Theater 3000 show up out of nowhere and "MST3K" Cheap Seats. Which makes perfect sense. What Cheap Seats is doing is taking the heart of MST and taking it further than Mike and Joel and the 'bots ever dared to go.




It's an incredible show. What it's doing on ESPN Classic I have no idea. It's destined to die there, I think, leaving me with yet another show that I alone am fans of.




I saw The Big Lebowski the day it came out. I watched it with my girlfriend at the time Sarah, a young, sexy, angry, innocent little plumper who eventually banged two other guys while we were dating, then broke up with me to dyke it up in Fag-staff. I went with Sarah, her mom who was at the time suffering from stomache cancer although she didn't know it then, and her father whose lifetime battle with alcoholism left him clinging to life. Not the best group of people to go see The Big Lebowski. But I didn't know what I was getting into with this film, which is rare in a world where previews tell you the entire plot of the movie before you even see it. I went into The Big Lebowski not knowing a thing about it. I did the same thing at a preview for Garden State and I loved it, although I wouldn't see myself ever dressing up like Largeman and going to a Garden-fest.


I became obsessed with Big Lebowski for about two years after it came out. I drank a lot of white russians, started smoking bud again, and even took a bowling class as Arizona State. Tom and I, my semi-heterosexual lifemate at the time, we could quote every line of the movie and sing every note of the soundtrack. We were obsessed with the movie, me more than Tom. I don't know why I liked the movie or why I obsessed with it the way that I did. And still to this day I have no idea why I love it so much. I guess its becxause its a pot smoking bowling crime drama comedy. Apparently I like those.


But, like with Sifl and Olly, I thought that I was the only one in the world that obsessed with The Big Lebowski. And then I found out about Lebowskifest.




Official Lebowskifest web site


Jeff Bridges at Lebowskifest West 2005


Lebowskifest. A celebration of all things Lebowski. People come from all over the planet for these things and dress as their favorite characters and talk and discuss The Big Lebowski and drink white russians and bowl. Think of a Star Trek convention but with alcohol and weed. The 1st annual Lebowskifest occurred in Fall of 2002 in Louisville, Kentucky and the 2nd one took place 2003. Then they moved to Las Vegas, which makes perfect sense, for the first Lebowski Fest West in 2004. Then they had the 3rd Lebowski Fest in June of 2004 which had over 4,000 attendees (who call themselves "achievers") and it even featured an outdoor concert with the band My Morning Jacket. Lebowski Fest New York was held at the end of 2004 and in 2005 Jeff Bridges attended.


And this scares the hell out of me.


I mean, to suddenly realize that there are thousands of other people like you all over the world who are as obsessed, or maybe even more so, as you, I don't know but suddenly I feel nervous and intimidated. Am I enough of a fan? How many times have I seen the movie? God, how long has it been since I've had a good white russian?


I'm not an achiever yet. But I will be. Soon.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Fears of a Rainy Saturday ...

... I don't do rain good.


That's it, right there, easy as pie. I just don't do rain good. I am a creature from the desert. I'm not used to rain and fog and flooding and the other usual trappings that surround the planet of Hellifornia. And it's been raining pretty steadily since I went to sleep last night, even going so far as to waking me up once and a while. But this goes byeond my own little fears of the rain, too ... one of my headlights are out. I can't fix it until after work, so I was hoping for a sunny day for me to take the half hour trek to work.


This sucks ass, said Jesus as he was nailed to the cross.


Here's some free mucis for ya ...


MC Lars: Walmart Nation


Hives: Main Offender


Lenny Kravitz: It Ain't Over 'Till It's Over


White Stripes: In The Cold, Cold Night


Party Ben: Cats Disappear (Cure VS Faint)


Team 9: The Doorbell Encore (Stripes VS Jay-Z)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

America and their Cocks ...

... there have been only three United States presidents who have faced impeachment. Those three are Johnson, Nixon, and Clinton. They also have one thing in common ... their names are euphemisms for penises.


It's official. America is ruled by a bunch of cocks.


When President Balls Mahoney faces impeachment, this blog will be flooded with readers. And I'll just laugh.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Day with the Galindo Girls ...

... this is the current picture, taken no more than ten minutes ago, of six month old Isabela asleep on the couch. She seems lost there, hidden amongst the pillows and blankets. She skipped her 10am nap AND her 2pm nap, so she should be out for a while. She's quietly snoring, too, just like her mommy does, these tiny little breathing snores. Like how you would imagine an angel would snore. It's amazingly cute. It's been a long time, months probably, since I've had the girls all to myself for the entire day. I was incredibly nervous up until today. But so far, it's all been downhill. Emerald and I have been playing and watching movies - we watched Barbie's Princess and the Pauper (Martin Short plays the bad guy ... strange) and Shrek and some of The Brak Show. Em's also been spending a lot of time next door at nana's, which I don't neccessarily mind because that means I get some time to myself, which is as rare as dryland in a Kevin Costner movie. When Bela was awake, Em and I played with her and had a good time. We learned that Bela cracks the HELL up when Emerald wears those hideous bunny glasses her nana got her for Easter last year. Bela LOVES them. She bursts out laughing those real, crisp, fresh laughs that she only gives out to her big sister. It's heartbreaking. It's awesome. I am the ULTIMATE fucking father. Hell yeah! Wind clan up in this BITCH!


Semi gathering type party tomorrow night at my place. People should come ...

Pathetic Little Birthday Party ...

... I, Reverend Steve Galindo, will be having a little birthday party "get together" tomorrow night at my house-slash-trailer. It will start at, I don't know, let's say 8-ish and, yes, it will go on until question mark. There will be sarcasm and beer and a skinny 134 lb. mexican man feeling incredibly old. If you like, you can pretend that it's a suprise party.


I don't do birthdays good, especially the closer I get to the big three-ohGODI'mOld. That explains the lateness of the whole party thing. You do not have to get me anything (although $15 iTunes gift certificates are available at all Best Buys, Targets, and at the Walgreens on Howe and Arden). For those of you with money, which is something that I definitely do NOT have, you can always buy me an MF Doom CD or Reno 911: The Complete Second Season. Or porn. But if you show up tomorrow night with nothing, then that's ok.


It's nothing big tomorrow night. I'm just hoping for some people to come over and drink with me and listen to my stupid stories for a few hours to make me feel better for the whole turning 29 thing.


PEOPLE I HOPE COME TO MY PARTY:

Marisa

Gwen

Ian

Jess

Jesse

Burns

Kyle (somebody tell him)

Hitler

My family




Those last two were jokes, of course. There's no way they'd ever come to a birthday party for me.

Monday, March 20, 2006

More on Abe Vigoda ...

... first off, here is a picture that I accidentally stumbled upon from SebastianBach.com (who knew such a work of scholarly geniusness even existed) of the former Skin Row lead singer turned Gilmore Girls actor with our man Abe Vigoda. I don't know why Bach is wearing nerd glasses but it's painfully obvious that Abe, who was born on February 24th, 1921, has NO FUCKING IDEA who Bach is. And that is so fucking awesome!


Secondly, here is a link to a Firefox extension that updates you on whether Abe Vigoda is alive or not. WHich I think we can all agree is something we ALL need to be constantly updated on.


I mean, come on ... any man who was in both The Godfather AND Good Burger has to be respected!

I'm a Member of the Wind Clan ...


... The Warriors books by Erin Hunter suck ass. It's an epic book series about warrior cats who roam the wild and get into fights, thereby prepping a new generation of preteen girls to one day enter the world that their mothers live in, a world of mediocre cat mysteries and loveless marriages, a world where they must wear mumus and smell like pee and their roof working husbands are cheating on them as they read Outlander by Diane Gabaldon for the thirteenth time and eat mountains of cheesecake.


Seriously, I hate these fucking books.


But I was slightly amused when I went to WarriorCats.com and found out my warrior cat name and clan.


My name is Spottedstorm and I am a member of the Wind clan.


Fuck yeah! Wind clan be fuckin' reppin', niggaz!!


My wife's name is Brightstorm from the River clan, so although we are married, if I see her in the wild I WILL have to kill her.


Emerald is now named Rainpaw and, sadly, her clan is LITERALLY listed as "Loner (no clan)." Yeah, our baby has no clan. I might have to disown her. Tomorrow I will be going down to the courthouse and changing her name legally to Rainpaw.


Isabela's warrior cat name, and I am depressed for having just typed that, is Loudstorm and she is a member of the Thunder clan, which means that she may one day grow to be even stronger than myself or her mother. I am thinking of killing her now for the sake of the Wind clan.


Just for kicks, Natasha's grandmother's name is Swiftpaw and she is once again from Natasha's clan. And actor Abe Vigoda's name, the best by far, is Hawkstump and he's from my wife's clan, so she's pretty excited about that. Me, I'm starting to get jealous over here.




But I share my birthday with William Shatner. I've been proud of that all my life. Still am.

The One Year Anniversary ...



... this wednesday marks the one year anniversary of my mother calling me for my birthday, completely unaware that she got my birthday wrong. I kept trying to explain to her that my birthday was on the 22nd, not the 21st, and all she kept saying in response was "Are you sure, Stevie? Are you SURE it's tomorrow?"


Yeah, mom. I'm sure.


And now, one year later, I think my parents aren't talking to me because of money problems (that they passed on to me). But, on their behalf, I'm sure the car they're buying my brother in lieu of getting me anything for my 29th birthday is a really nice car.


Happy birthday to me this wednesday.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Free On-Line Mix CD: "The Cool Kids" ...

... here you go, a cool little mix cd for everybody to download and crank up and piss off your neighbors and roommates. This is all good stuff I've found on-line this past week, now passed directly on to you. Enjoy!




Home Movies: Don't Put Marbles In Your Nose

From Home Movies, the cartoon everyone should be watching, it's one of their best songs. Good way to start out.


Aggro 1: Falling Away In The Wind

It's Aggro 1, who same man who made a mashup of "Milkshake" and BOC's "Godzilla" that surprisingly didn't suck. Now he's taken the hardness of Korn and softened it with Kansas. Amazing song. You have to hear it.


Nina Gordon: Straight Outta Compton

Young sounding white girl dowing a folksey Jewel version of NWA. It goes down much easier and sincerely than it probably should, which is the magic of the piece.


Party Ben: Pump Up the Doorbell

San Francisco's own Party Ben is a mad genius. He's the guy responsible for the Green Day mashup with Oasis. He's an amazing guy and all his pieces are awesome, especially this one, White Stripes meets an eighties hip hop staple.


Ozzy Osbourne: Crazy Train

Classic. All you need to know. Classic rock.


Bass 211: 'Till the Next Tequila

It's Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg mashed up with The Champs and their classic song "Tequila" and it's absolutely frightening how well this song goes. My wife grinds up against me when it plays on my iPod. It's hot.


The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go

The Clash, one of the greatest bands ever, breathes new life into an otherwise dead song, making it an ass kicking bar song. Great track.


The Beastles (DJ bc): Lovely NYC

Before it went offline, the greatest mashup album was two two Beastles albums made by DJ BC. This is a fine example of his amazing work.


Blue: Country House

I heard this song in 2000. I have had this song stuck in my head ever since. If I ever see a member of Blur, I'm going to kick their nuts in for that.


Q-Unit: We Will Rock You In Da Club

Q-Unit, an amazing mashup of Queen and 50 Cent, was called one of the best mashup albums of last year by a shitload of lists. This is the finest track off the album. Insaine how well this works.


Ash: Kung Fu

Catchy little britpop song namedropping Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. This was the end credit music for the movie "Rumble in the Bronx" and it's catchy as hell. We can forgive them for being so british.


Frank Sinatra featuring The Notorious BIG: Come On (My Way of Life)

Who in the WORLD just woke up one morning and said "Hey! We should combine the music of the Notorious B.I.G. and Frank Sinatra!" Who was mad enough, batshit crazy enough to do this? And why? Well, whoever did, they're mad geniuses and should be praised.


The Stranglers: Golden Brown

It's The Stranglers and their best and most amazingly beautiful song ever, Golden Brown. But you're a movie geek so you probably know it from Snatch. And that's a shame because The Stranglers are awesome.


DJ erb: Hollaback Of Constant Sorrows

Oh yes ... I went there. (to be said like Stewie)


Marti Webb: Tell Me On a Sunday
This is honestly what I believe to be the single saddest song in the universe. It's actually from an incredibly obscure Andrew Lloyd Webber musical but don't hold that against this track. It's all about knowing you'll be with someone forever ... BU-U-U-UT ... IF he or she leaves you, you should be able to choose how and when and where. It's beautiful.


Good way to end the festivities. See you later.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My Birthday Car (but it's not for me) ...



... for my birthday, instead of the video iPod that they had promised me, my parents gave me fifty dollars and warm wishes, the money I quickly spent on gas getting back home from Phoenix.


In other news, my older brother, whose birthjday isn't until October, is visiting my parents for two weeks. And they're buying him a car.


Which will probably end up costing well over five video iPods.


Oh well. That's my family. And that's perfectly representative of how they've been treating me and my older brother for almost twenty nine years. It's due to my parents being hardcore traditional mexicans. My brother carries on my father's name and I'm kinda the throw away one. So the fact that I am married with two kids and a great job means nothing. Hence my iPod-less birthday and Joe's new car.


Whatever. I'm used to it after almost thirty years of this. Besides, I want a 4 gig iPod Nano now.


I tried to find the most awesomely horrible and completely random birthday picture I could find on google images. Hence Joey, the birthday boy. Here are a few more I was going to use ...










In retrospect, I should have used the birthday cat.


My twenty ninth birthday is on March 22nd. Happy birthday to me.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Maybe Jon Has Been Listening to "Gloomy Sunday" ...


... This is fucking awesome laugh your ass off funny. If you remove Garfield's thought bubbles, you see a sad, depressing portrait of a lonely man talking to his cat. It's Garfield: Heart of Darkness and it's absolutely hillarious. I will never look at Garfield the same way again.


Here is a much better second collection of strips.

The Song That Will Make You Kill Yourself...


... I got the following snippet of text from this web page but I've heard about this song for years.


Gloomy Sunday - the notorious 'Hungarian Suicide Song' - was written in 1933. Its melody and original lyrics were the creation of Rezsô Seress, a self-taught pianist and composer born in Hungary in 1899. The crushing hopelessness and bitter despair which characterised the two stanza penned by Seress were superseded by the more mournful, melancholic verses of Hungarian poet László Jávor.


When the song came to public attention it quickly earned its reputation as a 'suicide song'. Reports from Hungary alleged individuals had taken their lives after listening to the haunting melody, or that the lyrics had been left with their last letters. The lyricists Sam M. Lewis and Desmond Carter each penned an English translatation of the song. It was Lewis's version, first recorded by Hal Kemp and his Orchestra, with Bob Allen on vocals (1936), that was to become the most widely covered.


The popularity of Gloomy Sunday increased greatly through its interpretation by Billie Holiday (1941). In an attempt to alleviate the pessemistic tone a third stanza was added to this version, giving the song a dreamy twist, yet still the suicide reputation remained. Gloomy Sunday was banned from the playlists of major radio broadcasters around the world. The B.B.C. deemed it too depressing for the airwaves and banned it. But despite all such bans, Gloomy Sunday continued to be recorded and sold.


Snopes.com on "Gloomy Sunday"


This is my new current mission. I simply MUST listen to this song.

200+ Kids (and one tired Steve) ...

... tomorrow, because I rock so much ass at what I do, I have been booked to be the guest storyteller at the Arden Mall Kids Club meeting. It's going to be me on stage reading and entertaining 100 to 200+ kids.


I know I should be sleeping and not staying up late at night drinking Tecate and watching my wife kill people in New York City.


But I can't help it. That's the way I roll, bitches.

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Reverend Steve Articles ...


Film Threat article


Uncyclopedia listing


Bizarre magazine (occasionally doesn't let you read it)


Rue Morgue magazine article


Sacramento News and Review


Church of Ed Wood = World ending (???)


The Church of Ed Wood quiz (made by a follower)


The following is a really sweet interview that I did with a really nice chick named Miranda for a 'zine called Sink Approach that "focuses on all things horror/scifi, punk underground music, the bizarre and unusual" which is apparently me. I hope it's ok that I post it here. It's supposed to go in their first issue and I just love it so much that I'm posting it up here. Read it. It'll give you a great idea of who I am ...




The Church of The Heavenly Wood

Q & A with Reverend Steve


In 1996, Steve Galindo took his love of director Ed Wood (Plan 9 From Outer Space, Glen or Glenda?) to a whole new level of fandom by creating a religion dedicated to the cross-dressing cult filmmaker. The internet-based ‘Church of The Heavenly Wood’ boasts thousands of members from all over the world. Reverend Steve and his congregation look to Ed Wood’s life and films for wisdom and inspiration. And yes, they‘re totally serious.


Reverend Steve was kind enough to grant us at Sink Approach an interview via email, in which he talks about the principles Woodism, his fake wrestling federation, and the wrath of God.


SA: You’ve lived in Sacramento for a few years now, but you’re an Arizona native. What was it like growing up in Arizona? What kind of religious upbringing did you have, if any?


RS: My father was an outright atheist and my mother was a pretty hardcore Mexican catholic, so a lot of candles and patron saints and that sort of stuff. Pretty typical upbringing when you're sharing a border with Mexico. Arizona is a pretty tough place to grow up in because it's so deeply rooted in Republicanism and religion and old fucking white people. It can be restrictive but at the same time there's a constantly growing movement of young people who are not only
rebelling against society but spending their entire existence trying to get the fuck out of there, like I did, successfully. A lot of people move out of Arizona but not a lot of people STAY out of Arizona. People move, then find themselves right back where they started from. I'm almost four years out of Arizona and my church has never been more popular or more successful. Woodism almost died in Arizona.


SA: At what point did you realize you wanted to start your own religion, and did you think it would go this far?


RS: I picked up Catholicism not from my mother but from by schooling because my parents enrolled me in a pretty strict Catholic private school. My parents are incredibly either tolerant or uncaring but either way they were supportive of my Catholicism and they're supportive of Woodism. I had hoped that when I started Woodism in 1996 that it would be something that would last beyond my lifetime, the whole epic history sort of thing, but to be here nine years later and still succeeding, it's pretty amazing.


SA: For those who know nothing about you or your organization, what are some of the basic beliefs of Woodism?


RS: Our religious beliefs are aligned with the way that Ed lived his life. He was a grandiose alcoholic transvestite in one of the most puritanical times of American society. But he was his own man. He lived life like one big party and embraced life and didn't live a damn what other people thought of him and through that we try to do what we want to do and live life the way we want to. From that, all of our other little beliefs come from. I think it's a great religion. Its basis is on happiness and understanding and that's something that's seriously lacking with other more mainstream religions. It's less a restrictive series of beliefs and more of a mental state of mind. Woodites are happy people.


SA: Many people don’t take you or your church seriously, something that obviously bothers you. Other than that, have you faced any real opposition to your religion?


RS: The people who get really angry with Woodism don't know anything about it. They just see the web page and get angry that somebody has devoted their life to something that isn't Jesus. If you know us, know what we're all about, then you have no reason to be angry with us.


SA: You’re married with kids now, which can completely change a person‘s perspective on the world. Has becoming a father affected your dedication to Woodism? Is your wife also a practicing Woodite?


RS: I guess that being married and having kids has changed things. I see the world as something that can be improved. Everybody's angry. What's worse, society is embracing sadness and romanticizing depression. Woodism is about positivity and I want my kids to grow up in a positive world and that starts at an early age. My daughter loves "Yellow Submarine" and photography and music and she's only three. My wife has never gotten baptized but she is so incredibly supportive of Woodism and of everything I do for the religion. I made her a saint, though, and to me she is a Woodian Angel. I don't think that a guy almost in his thirties with a wife and daughter and another child on the way, I don't think that's what people think when they hear The Church of Ed Wood. I'm actually very normal and down to earth. I'm a normal guy who just so happens to have his own religion.




SA: Tim Burton directed the critically acclaimed film “Ed Wood”, an autobiography of the late filmmaker. What do you think of the inaccuracies of the movie? Is there anything you wish was included in the movie that wasn’t?


RS: I'm hardcore about that movie. I am about as close to an Ed Wood historian as anyone could get, so, yeah, there's a lot of things in that movie that aren't accurate. The difficult part of that entire movie is that it's based on the book "Nightmare of Extasy" by Rudolph Grey and THAT book is just a collection of quotes and interviews and remembrances of Ed Wood, most of them way after the fact. So it's a film based on certain people's memories, so it's not entirely accurate. But regardless of my Stick Stickler attitude, it's still an amazing fucking film. They got the emotions, the positivity, the idealism of Ed Wood down and that's what's important.


SA: Outside of the world of Ed Wood, what are your favorite movies? What’s the last new movie you saw at the theater?


RS: Jesus, I have a ton of favorite movies and they rotate constantly. The last movie I saw was "The Aristocrats." I don't really dig on too many summer movie big mega budget blockbuster sort of films. Most of them are crap, anyway. I love American Movie, Big Lebowski, Drop Dead Gorgeous, It Came from Hollywood, Sweet and Lowdown, Trekkies, and I'm getting my three year old daughter into Muppet movies and Mystery Science Theater 3000. She's being raised right.


SA: Many of your devoted followers are young punk rockers. Does this seem strange to you, or does it make perfect sense?


RS: It makes perfect sense. What seems strange to me is when I see followers that are in their 40s or 50s or white businessmen types that say that they're devoted Woodites. That's what seems strange.


SA: What kind of music do you like? Favorite bands?


RS: I love my iPod. I'm huge into music the same way I'm into movies and Ed Wood. Right now, the best bands are The Format, White Stripes, Led Zeppelin, Groovie Ghoulies, Flip the Switch, Beatles, Big D and the Kid's Table, Jimi Hendrix, Trail of Dead, Common Rider, American Analog Set, and I'm huge into Grand Buffet. They're the biggest and best white rap group that ever came from Pennsylvania.


SA: On October 17th of last year you hosted the first Ed Woodstock, a festival of Ed Wood movies and live music held at the Crest Theater in Sacramento. Will there be an Ed Woodstock II? If so, any word on which bands will perform?


RS: Right after EdWoodstock, there was a ton of talk about starting right up with a second one and for a while there I think I was the one leading the bandwagon. But right now, today, my wife is due to give birth. Last year I did a ton of radio and print interviews and I was in the National Enquirer and Premiere and Rue Morgue and we did EdWoodstock and that was great. But this year is my year. I have my own house and I'm writing a lot and saving up money and having a child. So EdWoodstock II is on hold for now. I don't know when it's going to happen and how and where but it
will definitely happen. I'm hoping that the lineup for the second one will have some of the bands that wanted to be in the first one but we were unable to get for financial reasons, bands like Amazing Transparent Man and Grand Buffet and a few more. One thing's for sure, the second one will be trice as big as the first one.




SA: The most important story in the news right now is of course the big disaster in New Orleans. What do you think of the government's response to the tragedy, and whose to blame for all the lost lives?


RS: I think God's to blame for the loss of life. That's something nobody wants to admit. God's punishing America for being a nation of right assholes. America is a bratty child. We have everything, we take other people's toys away, and if we don't like somebody, we kill them. America is a giant candy store and God's punishing us. It's sad, the loss of life and the tragedy. But we are a nation of sinners and we deserve a million times worse. So, with Woodism, let's just have fun while we're here because chances are we won't be here for long.


SA: Would you consider yourself to be a more of a Republican, a Democrat, conservative, liberal, or none of the above?


RS: I'm a registered libertarian. Whatever you want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, is your own business. Republican and Democrat to me is just the difference between the puppet on the left and the puppet on the right. You're screwed either way. Might as well have some fun, you know?


SA: You work in a bookstore. What kind of books do you like to read? What about Ed’s books?


RS: I read in shifts. Sometimes I'll crank out three or four books in a month and sometimes I just don't want to read, so you caught me on a down shift. I read a lot of humor books like Terry Pratchett and Robert Rankin and Laurie Notaro and Chuck Klosterman. Then I like to mix it up with some true crime and sociology books. Ed's books are hard to find, mostly because he wrote under a ton of pseudonyms and a lot of the books are collector's items now. But I've read four of his books and they've been great. In his latter years he made less films and wrote like a speed monster, always working on his next book so that he could afford his next drink. So a lot of people forget that literature was a massive part of Eddie's life. Anyone who wants to learn more about Ed Wood should read "Killer in Drag" or "Death of a Transvestite."


SA: On your website mentioned something about a fake wrestling federation. What’s that about? Who’s your favorite wrestler of all time?


RS: The fake wrestling federation that I have is a personal labor of love that I hid in the closet for a long time that I recently decided to open up to the world. In 1998 I got WWF NO MERCY for the N64, changed all the wrestlers into people I knew, historical figures, and my own bizarre original wrestlers, and it got to be such a huge personal thing for me that we would have fake pay-per-views, fake tv shows, and it was a lot of fun for about two years. Well, I've just now restarted it in a BIG WAY on my blog and we just had our second fake pay-per-view. It's my way to embrace my childhood wrestling geek while also being incredibly offensive. Some of the wrestlers we have include Jesus, Hitler, Malcolm X, Tim Burton, Satan, Ed Wood, Elvis, and almost all of my friends. Personally, I always enjoyed Jake "The Snake" Roberts before he turned all Jesus on everybody.




SA: You’re a fan of the late great Hollywood psychic Criswell, who is best known today for his hammy monologue in the opening of Plan 9 From Outer Space. What do you think of his predictions? What’s your take on psychics in general?


RS: Ok, psychics are bullcrap but Criswell's monologue is in NO WAY "hammy." It's deep. Criswell has this deep voice that comes from growing up in the south mixed with his own theatrics and radio background. His voice could put you to sleep and I think that opening is incredibly haunting. There's something about his voice and his eyes and that Dairy Queen curl in his hair that just haunts me constantly. I don't know why.


SA: Have you had any direct communication with anyone from Ed’s camp of friends?


RS: This and that, here and there. Most of the people that Ed worked with that are still alive know OF the religion but that's about it. Most of them think that what we do is funny or silly and they're entitled to their opinion. I'm still trying to find somebody who would be willing to back the church, not financially but give us their thumbs up seal of approval or sorts. And I'll get it. In time.


SA: What do you think Ed would be doing today if he were alive? Do you think he’d be appreciated as a filmmaker more or less?


RS: Ed would be making sequels. He'd be the one Hollywood would throw onto a film that they needed to make money off of and fast. he'd be doing "Starship Troopers 3" and "Three Fast, Three Furious."


SA: If you could talk to Edward D. Wood, Jr. right now, what would you say?


RS: I'd ask him if he had any whiskey left for me.


SA: Thanks, Reverend Steve! We really appreciate you taking the time to talk with us. I respect the Hell out of anyone who has the guts to say what they feel. Especially when it comes to a touchy subject like religion. :- )

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

"Wipe my tears," she said ...



... I do storytimes twice a week. I take it VERY seriously. If it wasn't for being able to sit down for an hour with little kids and entertain them, their smiles. I probably would have quit a long time ago, especially with the shall we say "unpleasantness" that occured with our last store manager and with the bullying tactics they used to try and drive a wedge between me and my wife. But being able to make them laugh, to have my own little twice a week stage, my own spotlight, even a small one. Seeing their smiles, their eyes wide open, ready for me to make them happy. It's heartbreaking.


In both good ways and bad.


Tuesdays are the best and worst storytimes. The kids who show up at 11 am on a tuesday are kids less than five years old, kids not old enough to go to school. Cool, sweet, warm hearted, bright eyed little kids who call me Mr. Steve with a lisp and huge smiles.


But one day that kid will grow up and be big enough to go to school. And that's when I stop seeing them I remember all of them, the kids I don't read to anymore. And it hurts. I wish I could NOT get attached to these kids but I can't help it. They're all my babies.


Lele is two years old. She is the smallest angel in the world apart from my own children. Her dad is a stay at home dad, which is both rare and awesome. She is a china doll. She can kill you with just a single look.


And she killed me today.


She started crying. I don't know why. I think she fell. For whatever reason, she was crying. I was at the end of the last story. Watching her cry, it started to break my heart. But what hurt even more was that, as the kids crowded around me and I feigned being scared to open the "treasure box" filled with stickers and give aways, Lele walked up to me, put her hands on my legs, and whimpered "Meestah Steve?"


"Yes?"


"Wipe my tears."


And I did, fighting back tears of my own. And I don't think I will ever be the same.


Thank you, Lele.

Monday, March 6, 2006

The Galindo Family Killing Spree - the Return ...



... despite what intelligent hardcore gamers like my friend Ian says, True Crime: New York City is a fucking awesome game! We got the game on x-mas and we've been playing it ever since, my wife and I. Yes, the Galindo family killing spree has begun once again! This time, though, Emerald is not playing. This new True Crime game is filled with ten times more violence and bad language than the last one. But don't worry. Natasha and I are killing aplenty.


First off, the soundtrack includes Danzig, Tribe Called Quest, Rob Zombie, Talib Kweli, Anthrax, Bob Dylan, Run DMC, Public Enemy, The Ramones, Redman, Iggy and the Stooges, Digable Planets, Sonic Youth, and a shitload more. It's the single greatest soundtrack in the history of video games. The variety of music is amazing. Usually you get saddled with gansga rap or ass metal. Here, you can be racing to a meth lab with a flame thrower and a motorcycle you killed a man for and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" will be playing. Awesome.


Secondly, the violence is staggering. Just this afternoon I was walking down Times Square and for no reason whatsoever, I cut a man's leg off with a sword and then used the leg itself to beat up an old lady who flipped me off. It was awesome. And for slicing a stranger's leg off and using said leg to beat up the elderly I got a measely +3 bad cop points.


Currently I'm listening to illegally downloaded Blues Travelers and Ash while my wife is planting evidence on strangers she walks into on Christopher Street and West 4th Street.


Natasha and Steve Galindo, husband and wife and bad fucking cops!


Emerald photo from oh-4our ...



This photo is entitled "DADDY, the cat's on the counter behind you!!!"

Sunday, March 5, 2006

Reverend Steve's OSCAR Predictions ...


1) It's going to be boring as hell.


2) It's going to be way too long.


3) It's going to be a bunch of conceited Hollywood assholes engaging in the world's biggest mass dick sucking ceremony.


4) Boring crap, assholes, and pretentious pricks will sweep the Oscars.


5) Way too much of America's time and energy, which could be spent on bettering society, ending the world's problems, or ousting our horrible president, will be spent on what some bitch from Desperate Housewives is wearing while walking down a period rag-colored carpet.


6) Not even John Stewart can save what will be a pointless display of Hollywood's mind control over American society.


7) References will be made to annoying uber-host Billy Crystal, an aging Jew who ceased being funny sometime around the 1980s.


8) Reverend Steve will NOT watch.

Dave Chappelle, co-opted and defused ...



... so I just got around to reading the article about Dave Chappelle in the March 3rd issue of Entertainment Weekley. What a crock of shit. Nothing against Dave Chappelle but it's obvious that someone WA-A-A-A-AY too educated wrote this piece. It's like when a music critic is forced to write a piece about a movie and works in a reference to an obscure seventies punk band. What I'm saying is that when you're getting someone to write a piece about why Chappelle went nutso, yoy don't get a fucking SCHOLAR to write your copy. And apparently that's what Ken Tucker is when it comes to stars of the Academy Award winning historical drama Half fucking Baked.


This one is my favorite bit:


"At his most conscious stricken, Chappelle sounds as though he dreads what the African-American poet Quincy Troupe has called a reconstructed negro. That is, a black person whose opinions - particularly about the behavior of other blacks - agrees sufficiently with the white establishment's; who becomes acceptable or, in other words, co-opted and defused."


Dude, I like totally fucking TOLD you he ran off to Africa because he was like co-opted and defused, dude, that's fuckin' AWESOME!


And did my eyes deceive me or did this mofo actually just name drop Quincy Troupe in a shitty little EW piece about the man who was Ahchoo in Robin Hood: Men in Tights? No way could one man have balls that big.


I mean, co-opted, yes. Defused? Maybe.


Here is yet another frighteningly intellectual snippet from the piece:


"There's a level on which it's ludicrous to have to defend a performer for his behavior. Let's put it this way: The novelist Thomas Pynchon mostly disappeared from public sight decades ago, and by any non-snob measure, the second DVD collection of Chappelle's Show, the one in which Dave masterfully deconstructs everyone from Rick James to Lil Jon to Samuel L. Jackson, exhibits an artistry superior to Pynchon's latter-day novels Mason & Dixon and Vineland. But you don't hear anyone calling Pynchon crazy, do you?"


Ken Tucker has big fucking balls, man. Click here to read for yourself.


Co-opted and defused. What a crock of shit.

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Random Arizona Stories - part one ...


... but before I begin, I would just like to say that I have absolutely NO idea why all the pictures I took during our trip to Arizona look all grey small retaded on my blog. What's even more strange is that when you click on them, the pictures look perfectly normal. Whatever the reason, I totally like them looking that way and offer no apologies for my strange small grey retarded pictures.


-When we finally got to Queen Creek, Arizona my mother and father were there at their two story massive house, waiting for us with beer and steaks cooked to almost "melt in your mouth" perfection. It was awesome and SO-O-O typical of my family.


-There are these birds, about 50 to 75 of them, that gather outside my parent's house every morning and just FREAK OUT! I don't know if they're screwing or if its a rumble like in West Side Story but whatever the case, they just flip out and fly everywhere and sing and crash into each other and the walls and even the windows of our house. And they do it EVERY MORNING from 7 to 9 am. No idea why.




-Emerald is into cactuses. I have no idea how or WHY she is into cacti when other four year old girls are into Bratz and clothing. It just goes to show you that Emerald is growing up as strange as I am but with her mother's anger and outspoken nature. We drove around, checking out neighborhoods and areas and she would yell "MOMMY, DADDY, LOOK! CACTUS!!!" And she'd point and get all excited. And if she'd miss a cactus she'd get all upset and say her brand new catch phrase "STINKY DOODLES!"




More Arizona stories later on ...

Friday, March 3, 2006

A Thought While On The Road ...



... Arizona is fucking awesome. The heat, the people, the food, the area, the places to hang out, the places to take your kids. Everything about Arizona is awesome.


That being said, I'm not sure if we're going to be moving.


Until I have more information for you, here's an awesome blog about titties. Enjoy!


MUCH MUCH more from Arizona soon ...