NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Focusing On The Fire ...



Christmas eve was horrible. I had to work. Usually Julia gives me Christmas eve off because I have a wife and two kids and she's sympathetic to that. But she's managing two stores now and she's spread thin and I had to work Christmas eve. It was horrible and stressful and loud and crazy and when the angry buff mexican dad almost beat up the white yuppie dad with me in between the two of them, all I could think of was being at home with my wife and kids.


When I got home we cleaned up a bit, turned on the cool christmas music (Eels, John Lennon, Elvis, ect.) made hot chocolate and then put on a fire in the fireplace. We were going to follow that with a family viewing of A Charlie Brown Christmas but Natasha had to go next door for one reason or another, so it was just me and the girls. Emerald, Isabela and I sat down in front of a nice warm fireplace and didn't say a damn thing. We just sat there and held each other and told each other how much we were in love and just relaxed and felt the warmth. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and Sinatra saying he's dreaming of a white christmas. It was peaceful and relaxing and all the stress and depression and anger and doubt that built up in me since November just melted away and disappeared. It was just me and my darling daughters feeling the utter joy and peace that is Christmas, actual honest to god Christmas. And it felt amazing.


Now I'm alone in this dirty ass house taking care of my two crazy girls while Natasha spends two days in San Francisco with her friend. I feel sad and lonely and depressed and paranoid all to fuck. I don't know how to feel or how to act. I'm trying to focus on the kids and play with them and have fun with them but my mind wanders. I can't stay still. I'm worried that I'm losing everything and that everything I've worked so hard trying to build could all just fall in one second.




I'm trying to focus on the fire, on that fleeting feeling of perfect bliss and warmth. It felt nice. It felt normal. It felt Norman fucking Rockwell. I'm trying so goddamn hard to think about the fire and wishing I could somehow be there again.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd ...

This is not a review. I don't think I can write a proper review of this movie. First off, my professional journalism days are long gone and GOOD RIDDANCE. Secondly, I am an incredibly biased reviewer. I don't show off my theater geek side too much anymore (if you don't include a strange, intricately detailed superhero mythology in my kids section) but I was a fairly well known local actor back in my day and for about 11 years Sweeney Todd has been high on my own personal list of dream plays. I've seen it, I know it, and certain songs I can easily sing along to. When our space baby was sick in a bubble at the Nick-You I held her hand, leaned close to her air bubble, and sang The Beatles. When I finished all their sad songs, I instantly went to the song Not While I'm Around which chokes me up every time I hear it. All that being said, I don't think that I'm able to just up and type out an unbiased Joe Sixpack review of the movie I saw last night.


But what I CAN do is compare and contrast the broadway play and the Johnny Depp/Tim Burton version. There are amazing similarities and few differences and yet the differences are big differences. Going into the film, the main thing I was worried about was how well two untrained actors would do singing two of the most challenging roles in musical theater. I love Helena Bonham Carter but the role of Mrs Lovett is a difficult one and Angela Lansbury owned that role. I was frightened. I was also frightened of Johnny Depp and his ability to truly get INTO a singing role. That might be a sin for me to say. I know he's an amazing actor and a legally canonized saint but every Sweeney Todd I had ever seen had a man with an amazingly loud voice that can really belt out the pain and frustration and anger, especially the anger.


George Hearn is the man!




I can't say that Johnny Depp's Sweeney is better than any of the broadway Sweeney's that have been out there. Depp is an actor going down an actor's road here. He's not going down the belt-it-out theater road. He's less loud and more dark and moody. He uses silence and frightening brooding in places where others have used their lungs and therefore his take on this character seems fresh and new. Songwise there's nothing to worry about. His voice is great and there are parts that garner big chills from his voice and his eyes. His best singing moments are hands down the two songs he shares with Alan Rickman who plays Judge Turpin. Rickman is the only actor in this whole film who I can say without a shadow of a doubt shines leaps and bounds over any previous actors who have filled Turpin's shoes.




Helena Bonham Carter is equally dark and brooding as Mrs. Lovett. She uses her acting skills and the camera to close in on emotions you can't see on a stage. Angela Lansbury was funny and had an amazing pair of lungs on her. She's one of the best singers of the stage. Of course Helena Bonham Carter (Do I have to say her full name EVERY TIME I mention her? It feels strange calling her just Carter. Who is she, an E.R. doctor whose departure ruined the show?) can't be compared to Landsbury voice-wise. But acting-wise, Carter (the woman, not the E.R. doctor) is a million times better. You really get the feeling that she loves Toby. But it's not all acting. She gets some amazing laughs. And the chemistry between her and Depp is amazing.




Tim Burton is the absolute perfect person to make this movie. He has always had a penchant for filling scenes with dark sets and dark lighting and dark mood. His filmmaking style is a perfect fit for such a meaty script. It's visually stunning. The opening scene, the use of black and blood, the squalor and dirt, it's all amazing and lush. And he pulls a few fast ones with the story without straying from the plot. And blood. OH MY GAWD there's blood. There's so much blood. You will NOT be prepared for the amount of blood and gore that they show in this film, even if you've seen the play a million times. The crunch of the bodies as they hit the floor, that hideous sound ALONE should win an oscar. It's graphic. You're lulled into this amazing musical and the acting is great and the cinematography is incredible. Then when the first person eats it and the blood doesn't stop, it's shocking. It's incredibly shocking. i loved it but its not for everyone. Laini was just disgusted and hiding behind her hands thru half of the movie and she took off WIT A QUICKNESS once it ended. Megan and her really nice and friendly and funny and big tittied friend hid behind their hands, too, but not as much as Laini did. It's definitely not for the squeamish.


Another thing that is definitely worth mentioning is Tim Buton's vision of Mrs. Lovett's song By The Sea. Burton has now set the bar for all future versions of the play with that song. The way he temporarily puts such bleak characters in such a bright and lush environment he has undone himself. It is the best scene in the whole movie. I haven't laughed that loud in a theater in a long time.




I could go on and on but I'm going to stop. It was refreshing to see an actual CHILD play the CHILD role of Toby. And his voice? Absolutely beautiful! Okay. NOW I'll stop.


Thanks for reading my wack-ass review. Here's some music from the soundtrack. Grab it before the studio makes me stop ...


Johnna

Pretty Women

Epiphany


And here's a song from the original broadway cast that was sadly absent from the movie ...


The Ballad of Sweeney Todd (opening number)

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sweeney Tonite ...



Work has been hell. Crazy customers, people in a hurry, a lot of rich upper-class yuppie people who are afraiiiid of buying any toys from China for their sons Shane and Clint. Then there's the dirtiest people ever, lots of stinky people and slack-jawed yokels and toothless rednecks and a few drunk dads and a few total nutjobs. I had a nasty mom and daughter combo yesterday looking for books on spirits "cuz my daughter gots a spirit inner house that throws candles atter and we want that OUT!" That was yesterday and that was a MONDAY! I know today is going to be even worse.


But all I know is that after work I'm getting in to a free screening of Tim Burton's SWEENEY TODD, one of my FAVORITE musicals of ALL TIME and it's being done by the director and actor who brought my savior Eddie Wood to the big screen!


This is going to be awesome!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Steve's Secret ...

... it is 2:43 am and I am currently drinking either beer 6 or 7 of the night. Or maybe 8. I'm not so sure. I do know that it's 2:44 am and that at 2:00 am every weekday they show a rerun of one of my favorite shows Reno 911 on channel 31, so there's an awesome tip for those of you who are insomniacs.


Okay. On fifth glance, the beer I just opened up may very well be either my 7th or 8th beer. either way I do not care, I have so much going on in my life that I don't care less how many beers I drink. Okay. So here's the thing ... since November 4th, I've been carrying a secret that has been burning my insides. It's so heavy and so painful and so personal that I can't just waltz to work and share it with you. I want to share my life with you. I want you to know who I am. But I can't just tell you. I can't. We have to go out. We have to be alone. Maybe with beer. This secret I'm hiding, it's way too big for one person. I want you to know and I want to tell you. I really do. But it's big. It's very big.


I'm looking to tell people my secret. I want to share this with people. Just let me know that you want to know and I'll tell you. I want to feel better and this is the first step.



Sunday, December 9, 2007

Pictures From Emerald's 6th Birthday Party ...

Emerald and Julia playing games at the Apple store while Natasha tries to get her iPod fixed ...




Em checking out the Build-A-Bear before the party...




The party starting, the kids put their pre-stuffed bears on their heads ...







Emerald with her stuffed animal ...




Bela stuffing her doll ...




Washing the animals ...




The cousins ...




The whole gang at the end ...




Afterwards, playing Rock Paper Scissors at McDonalds ...




The stupid chick that somehow got her car stuck at the drive-thru at McDonalds, probably because she was smoking and petting her dog and talking on the phone AND driving (she's sitting on the curb smoking in the background) ...




Afterwards, at my work, I had a special Emerald storytime. I let her pick out the first two books and I even let her READ one of the stories on MY storytime seat in front of the 50 or so people who were there. She read her favorite book, It's Hard To Be Five by Jamie Lee Curtis and she did an amazing job ...






Great party. Great day. I can't believe she's almost six years old. It seems like only yesterday she was two years old answering the phone and talking to mommy while I was in the shower and now she's on the honor roll at school and looking beautiful. Life moves by so fast. It's incredible.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Four Storytimes In One Week/Steve Is Awesome ...



... ours is a fickle USB port. Occasionally, a few hours a day, the mouse will work just fine as long as you're okay with interrupting your typing every twenty seconds with some serious cord giggling. My iPod hasn't been updating and I'm 98% certain that it's because of the USB port and not my crappy iPod. But I have a really good group of songs on there and I'm okay with having that frozen in time. Besides, I can't really download songs with my mouse not working anyway.


I've done three storytimes so far this week. I did a really good Todd Parr storytime on tuesday. I like Todd Parr stories because they're simple and easy and I get to mercilessly make fun of them. It's an easy storytime and I get to kinda kick back and just rip on the stories and talk with the kids and have fun. And almost all the moms were new moms who were really cracking up at my brand of storytelling.


Then tuesday night we went to the big two story Elk Grove California Family Fitness for storytime. I was really nervous because this is Elk Grove, the Scottsdale of Sacramento and I know from experience going to that gym that there are some serious businessmen and yuppies and strippers and hardcore upper class white folks. But things went swimmingly. I cranked up the energy since this was a gym, MY gym, and so I was running all over the stage and really making the kids jump and move and work. The employees, the same pimply faces teenagers we regularly leave our kids with, seemed really impressed that the funny looking mexican dad was such an ass-kicker.


Afterwards one of the kids slapped the shit out of me. Literally fucking walloped me. But that's a totally different post.


Wednesday morning on my day off I hyped a bookfair our store is doing for the Southpointe Christian Academy by doing a special religious storytime in front of the whole school. I was so incredibly nervous I was hyperventilating and almost shaking. It's nerve racking enough doing storytime in front of a whole school, let alone reading a religious jesus book in a crazy Steve way in front of a christian private school. But I did great and I was somehow able to be crazy and silly and loud and stupid and STILL read a book about Jesus and the bible. And then at the end they all prayed for me. HELLS YEAH! I got ups with da lawd!


So if you include my storytime on wednesday as work AND if you include the storytime I'll be doing this saturday on my day off for Emerald's birthday ... then I'm working ten days in a row and doing four storytimes in a single week.


Yeah. I'm awesome.

Monday, December 3, 2007

My Only Semi-Pathetic Return To The Gym ...

... so I got a free year long gym membership for me and my kids (including Deinna) and for a while there we were going four to six times a week EVERY week. That's a lot of working out for a skinny brown man like me and I probably overdid it, hence the fractured ribs and massive chest damage of a month and a half ago. So suddenly we went from four to six times a week to no times a week and that stunk. My body used to feel better. Now my entire body is always sore and I'm having a ton of nosebleeds and now my personal life is in the crapper and it somehow represents the way my body's been feeling.


Yesterday we went back, the first time in a long time. We had wanted to go back to our gym before I do my big storytime there tomorrow. So we went. I stretched more than my usual none. I had my workout playlist going on my iPod. I was totally ready to get my gym back on. But my body wouldn't let me overdue it. I barely worked out and my whole body was sweating like a pig. My legs were wobbly the whole day and I just covered it up and tried to pretend like I wasn't in pain. I was ashamed of myself and ashamed of my body. I used to be a contender. Now my body sucks.


We went back tonight. I got better, only a little bit. Slow going for me but I swear to god I'm going to get my goddamn life back!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Explaining Sacramento, California's Obsessed Fanaticism With Basketball To My 5-Year-Old ...

... I had been telling Emerald for about a WEEK that she was going to stay up late on tuesday and wednesday, tuesday to see A Charlie Brown Christmas with me and on wednesday to see the premiere of A Very Merry Shrekmas featuring the original cast of Shrek in a brand new holiday special. I don't dig on holiday specials but I did when I was a kid and I LOOOOVE Charlie Brown holiday specials. Keeping Emerald up to watch the Halloween special was a big deal for me, as was the Thanksgiving special. Watching the Christmas special two days ago with both my girls on my lap really made me feel better, got me thru my depression and made me happy to be a father. And Emerald was very excited for last night's Shrek special.


But, because this is Sacramento, a town with only ONE major sports team that the whole town needlessly focuses too much on, they preempted the Shrek special to show a crappy Kings/Golden State Warriors game. Emerald was crushed. I had to explain to my crying five year old about sports interrupting television shows. I warned her that her precious Friday Nigh Smackdown constantly gets interrupted by baseball in the spring and summer and used the Kings as an example. We still let her stay up until 8:30 and even gave her ice cream but it still sucked. I shouldn't have to explain Sacramento's obsessed fanaticism with their one major team.


They're going to play the special this saturday night at 9:00pm. How horrible is that?


Here's some free music for your punk ass. If I were to get my emotions and turn them into music, then they would be the following songs. Wanna know how I feel? Then listen ...


WWE: Randy Orton Theme

Eels: I'm A Loser (Beatles)

The Beatles: Misery

The Hives: Puppet On A String

Queen: Under Pressure

Eels: Novacaine For The Soul

Jimi Hendrix: Manic Depression

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Theater Pictures ...

Here's a very dark picture of Isabela watching her first movie in a theater, Enchanted or, as she calls it, Pwincess fall Down ...




Here's a giant Johnny Depp trying (and failing) to kill my kids ...




Natasha wasn't so lucky ...




... and this wasn't from the theater but its still awesome - bela falling asleep standing up.



Thursday, November 22, 2007

Giant Floating Bullwinkle ...

... in the thirty years that I've been alive, this is the second year that I have spent it WITHOUT my mother and father and older brother and too much Tecate. Last year, as the link will attest to, I deeply mourned the loss of this tradition. This year, however, I'm less mournful and more excited to be starting my own family traditions and passing on some from my crazy mexican family to my crazy Galindo family.


In a few minutes Emerald and I will sit on the couch and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. My dad and I used to watch that together. Back when I was a little wetbackling it started at 6am, so you had to wake up at 5:45am to be ready. Now there's the Today Show beforehand and it starts at 9am. Other than that very little has changed. There's still the first hour dedicated to current broadway shows. I loved that as theater fag high schooler but now I'm just excited to see theater chicks in spandex and short skirts in 20-degree weather freezing their asses off. I'm hoping, though, I get to see a peak of Young Frankenstein. And of course there's Bullwinkle and Bart Simpson. Emerald likes the singers on strange floats. And she's hoping that Word Girl is there. I'll let you know.


After that we're gonna see a movie, all of us together, Probably Enchanted. Either that or Saw IV, something the whole family can share. And then there's dinner with Natasha's family which, because they're white, will probably happen around six and not nine or ten like we USED to do it. There'll probably be yelling and maybe a fight, not like the Thanksgivings that my family and I used to share. Cops were never called to my family's thanksgiving dinner. It's a different world for me and I'm not 100% used to it. All I know is I'll definitely be holding on to my OWN tradition ...


I'll be bringing the squeeze cheese.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Some Tricky Shit ...

... our computer is on the fritz again. It works perfectly fine except for the USB ports, which aren't working at all. That means no charging my iPod and no mouse. It seemed impossible at first but after a night and a morning screwing around I've gotten pretty good at this super tricky no mouse stuff. I haven't figured out how to easily switch between tabs but I can pretty much go anywhere and do anything, albeit downloading music has so far proven impossible.


I'm nursing a wicked hangover, one of those hangovers where you just want to find a rusty knife and carve your brain right out of your skull. But things have been, well, not great but ... I guess leveling out is the proper terminology for it. Work these past two days has been good. Sure its the holidays and people are rushing you and attacking you but I've been on fire helping people and getting things done. Even monday when I covered all the cashier breaks and lunches didn't phase me too much because of how good I felt.


There's a lot of things going on in my life right now and sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about them. I wish more than anything else that I could write about it here but I really can't. But as I've learned these past four or five days I do indeed have friend and when the fit hits the shan they are there to pick up the pieces of me.


I don't really like mexican food, but if its free then its the greatest food in the world. My lunch is going to rock.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Yeah ...

... it's exactly 3:50 am right now.


I'm pretty sure I'm going fucking insane.


My body is on a constant state of sickness and on top of that I don't know what's real, what's fake, if I know her or which one of her I know.


Ever feel like you want to slam your head into a brick wall until your brain spurts out? I feel like that all the time.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER: Emerald Galindo ...

my name is emerald and i like to do i like to watch wrestling with my daddy.and i,m going to be six in december the 20ith.emerald,s these are things to do today.gamecube nap eat food watch movie eat icecream. i love my daddy

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Feeling Better Music ...

... last night after work I went to Applebee's, wrote a long letter, got drunk, argued with my wife and passed out at home before watching any of my shows. I was depressed and angry. I wanted to get in a fight, get in an accident, and seriously hurt myself. But when I woke up at 5:20 in the morning today there was something warm inside me that said that everything was okay now and that it was time to let go of the anger. So I let go. No more angry nights wanting to cut myself. No suicide music playlists on my iPod. No more. I've let it all go. I'm not saying I'm not depressed because I think I still am. But somehow I know that the worst part is over now. And that's fucking awesome.


Here's some music for your punk ass courtesy of the muthafukkin' Wind Clan...


Deadsy: The Key To Grammercy Park

Eels: Her

MF Doom: Kookies

Alejandro Escovedo: Arizona

Frank Sinatra: That's Life

The Hives: Hey Little World

Jimmy Eat World: In The Middle (acoustic)

Audiovent: Gravity

Eels: Eyes Down

Seether: 6 Gun Quota


My right ear is still fucked up, though. That sucks.

Monday, November 12, 2007

My F-ed Up Body, Part II ...



... here I am ONCE AGAIN sneaking a photo of myself on my cell phone while waiting in a room at the urgent care hospital. Apparently my entire body cannot be healthy at one given time. My sickness is apparently in some full body tag match, tagging each other in while the other one rests.


And with that excellent description in mind, my ribs apparently just tagged in my ears.


I have a severe (how come everything I get is severe) ear infection that has been worsened by a large amount of liquid that has built up in my right ear, causing me to lose about 75% of hearing in my right ear and about 15% in my left. I'm dizzy, tired, dizzy, my ears hurt like hell, I'm dizzy, I'm totally whacked out, my head is throbbing, I'm dizzy and everything sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher. Plus there's a constant loud noise in my head like a junior high school swamp cooler or a black man's annoying booming bass in their car. It's a loud roaring noise and its driving me insane.


I called in sick to work. That's a big deal for me. My doctor asked when I wanted to go back to work and I said tomorrow. I could have, and probably SHOULD HAVE, taken a few days off. But storytime's tomorrow and I didn't want to miss that.


God I hurt so bad.




My life is so fucked up right now. There's so much more going on that I can't tell anybody. I'm starving myself. I'm sore all over. The scars on my hand are healing but they might come back again. I do a good job smiling and looking good but I am in serious bad shape.


Put me in your thoughts.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Drunk Night At The Galindo House ...



... it's 10:15 pm and Natasha, Jesse and Gwen and I are staying up hella late and drinking heavily and playing random card games that only a few of us fully understand. My iPod is playing strange songs like Busdriver's Imaginary Places while we play card games that we all don't understand (it's not just "Steve being STEVE") and drink incredibly heavily.


What makes this even worse-slash-even more awesome is that I have to be at work at six in the fucking morning tomorrow for a bullshit holiday meeting.


This is a drunk post. That's fucking awesome! I'm gonna walk into that meeting drunk and hung over and totally kick ass. That is totally sweet.


Thursday, November 8, 2007

Seether's New Album ...



... I'm in love with the band Seether's new album Finding Beauty In Negative Space. In between the last album and this one the lead singer Shawn Morgan has gone to rehab for alcoholism and had his girlfriend, the only slightly annoying Amy Lee of Evanescence, break up with him and turn his disease into one of the biggest rock hits of 2006. Now Shawn is back and very bitter. He's more jaded and delusional and depressed and that adds up to better music.


Here's some free music for your punk ass ...


Like Suicide

Don't Believe

Fallen

6 Gun Quota

Monday, November 5, 2007

Steve Accidentally Gives Birth To A Fairy ...

... storytime starts at 2pm and sitting right in the midsts of all the little children is a twentysomething hipster nerd and Captain Book fan, as evident by his rare Captain Book t-shirt. As Steve explains that the Tooth Fairy is scheduled to show up the nerdy Captain Book fan asks him if he's sure about that and then points out that in June the Fabulous Fairy Princess Bubbles McSparkles was supposed to show up but she ended up being kidnapped and instead the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz showed up dressed as a fairy and many kids were disappointed that they didn't get to meet an actual fairy. Steve nervously says that he's not sure if it's the actual Tooth Fairy or not but, joking, he asks him what other fairy could it be, The Chores Fairy, a fairy who gives kids boring chores to do? With the nerdy fan put in his place, storytime continues with Steve teaching the kids the official fairy rules, the last two being that a superhero can't fight a fairy, only fairies can fight other fairies ...


















Later when it's time for the Tooth Fairy to show up, a strange MALE fairy shows up with colored wings and a big white bag. Steve thinks he's the Tooth Fairy but NO ... he's the CHORES FAIRY! He gives the kids brillo pads and mops and brooms until Steve asks why he's here. The fairy explains to Steve that the Tooth Fairy was SUPPOSED to show up but once Steve mentioned the Chores Fairy then he appeared. Apparently fairies don't exist until someone believes in them so, technically, Steve created the evil Chores Fairy, who greets Steve with a "Hi Dad" ...


















Steve begs the kids not to chant Captain Book's name for fear that he'll get angry at him and yell at him and make him cry. Steve begs and begs and begs and of course the kids chant his name. Captain Book flies in with an audible SWOOSH. Steve tried to pass him off as the Tooth Fairy but the kids tell our hero the truth. Captain Book starts to wonder what evil, diabolical super villain could have created the Chores Fairy. A nervous Steve tries to change the subject but the kids tell our hero how Steve created the Chores Fairy and sure enough Captain Book yells at Steve and Steve cries like a little girl and tries in vain to blame the nerdy fan ...














Captain Book decides that he must stop the Chores Fairy, who laughs at our hero and dares him to try and fight him. Captain Book tries to fight him but every punch somehow gets deflected as if there's some invisible force field around the Chores Fairy. Captain Book falls to the floor and wonders why he can't fight him. Steve realizes what's wrong and reminds the kids about the fairy rules, that superheroes can't fight fairies. That's why Captain Book's punches are being deflected. Steve has DOOMED storytime ...








But wait! The nerdy fan runs away and comes back with the only person who can fight a fairy: another fairy! The nerdy fan has brought The Fabulous Fairy Princess Bubbles McSparkles to save the day! The two fairies start fighting it out in a strange slapping and pushing match that Steve remarks is like watching two butterflies fight. Bubbles McSparkles defeats the Chores Fairy and saves storytime. The nerdy fan is revealed to be ... nobody special, just a big Captain Book fan. That gives Captain Book the idea that he wants a sidekick, setting the stage for November 24th's big sidekick audition storytime. Bubbles McSparkles and Captain Book pose for pictures and all is well with the world once more ...


















The idea for the Chores Fairy was created by Laini, our Community Relations Manager and an incredibly nice, beautiful person. She came up with the idea months ago and a few male employees (who will remain nameless) expressed excitement at soon being able to see Laini and our store manager in a fairy catfight. We advertised the storytime like crazy, I got tons of kids excited, and we were all ready to go. But at 10:00am that day, four hours before storytime, Laini called. She was sick and couldn't make it. I was screwed.


First I though that my wife could do it but she was spending the weekend in San Francisco and couldn't make it to my big event. So I spent the next half hour repeatedly calling Megan and Marisa begging them to come help me out. Turns out Megan was in Chico and Marisa would stay dead asleep until 1:00pm. I was screwed. There were talks of canceling the storytime. Then Alex, a semi-new hire who LOVED dressing up as Clifford during my crazy Summer of Clifford, offered to be my Chores Fairy.


My crazed, cracked out answer, in one quick, deep breath, was "NO, no way, he's a guy, that wouldn't work, wait, that's be funny, I could make that work, YES, he's my new Chores Fairy, thank you Alex, I'll have a new script for you in ten minutes!" The next thing you know I have a new shortened script, a complete fairy outfit, bad ass gigantic colored wings, and a sweet bag of awesome props. It was just instantaneous how it all came together. I told anybody who could listen that I had spent literally eighteen years watching low budget Ed Wood movies as training just so that I could pull a storytime out of my ass like this.


It was horrible that Laini couldn't make it and I'm going to have to somehow work her into a future one. But this last second makeshift storytime ended up being the funniest, smartest, silliest and absolutely the BEST storytime I've ever done in the four years I've been doing storytimes.




Tomorrow is my first storytime with California Family Fitness. Should be interesting.