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Sunday, January 7, 2007

Steve @ Work Pictures ...

Steve in his dirty hipster costume ...



Sexxxy Wife Natasha's last day ...



Steve pretending to close when in reality he's listening to Eels and taking pictures in kids ...







A blurry photo of the super top secret hidden message that is hidden somewhere in the kids section which reads "This is Steve Galindo's super secret hidden message ... 'HELLO!' Do not divulge this location to ANYONE ever! 10/10/03" ...



Steve's storytime sign ...




... yesterday, on saturday, I had the largest storytime audience in almost a year. I had 38 kids (!!!) and a whopping 31 adults (!!!) show up to watch me ad-lib and act my usual spastic actor comedy too-much-coffee self. That number is the second highest number I've ever had for a NON-character storytime. Usually when I have a special character like Cat in the Hat or Clifford, my storytimes are packed with yuppie parents and wetback parents that are just there to take their kids to see the character and, although I win their soulless asses over with my manic craziness and my yelling and my constant references to Snakes on a Plane and although they shake my hand and tell me I did an amazing job and that they'll be back, they won't. But I don't mind. Character storytimes are cheap pops for me. A cheap pop is wrestling lingo for when a wrestler gets cheap cheers by mentioning the city they're in:


"Well, Triple H ... I guess you need to have a hardcore match with The Mountie for the Intercontinental Championship ...

... RIGHT HERE in Phoenix, Arizona!"

(cheers)


I started out the storytime with only 18 kids and about 12 adults but my storytimes are so loud and so interactive and so crazy ad-libbing silliness that I attracted a TON of audience members who were just walking in and wondering where all the screams and all the laughs were coming from. A lot of the adult numbers were people with no kids at all who just heard me riffing comedy on the kids and stayed to watch, which I find to be a MASSIVE compliment. I did acting for DECADES and I did stand up comedy for two years in Tempe, Arizona and so I honestly look at my storytimes as stand up comedy for people of all ages. And to have THAT MANY adults at one of my character-less storytimes is a pretty big honor.




I even have a new group of "mothers" come to my storytimes. I use quotes over "mothers" because my tuesdays used to be PACKED with a group of 5-10 hot thirtysomething moms who would drop off their a-hole kids and then CHAT LOUDLY over my storytelling. Every tuesday, like clockwork, they'd drop their A.D.D. kids in front of me and then chat at top speed about their husbands who were professional poker players or about how their bastard ex lost their clicker so NOW they had to MANUALLY LOCK their SUBARU.


They stopped coming on tuesdays. My tuesdays change a lot because tuesdays at 11am is a time that guarantees an audience of children too young to go to school. When the kids get older they stop going and that's sad. What's sadder is that I remember every regular, every kid that doesn't have the time to show up anymore. Like Leo. I miss Leo. Black pimp Leo. He was my first regular back in 2003 and he was cool as hell. I miss Leo.




Anyhoo, yesterday as I was finishing storytime and heading to my desk to blow my nose, one of the five moms crowded around one of my tables walked up to me and grabbed my arm and said ...


"Mr. Steve, I just wanted to say that all of us, we really LOVE your storytime hours! We were in the store a few weeks ago waiting for a movie and we heard you and now we're just hooked! We come every week! This is, like, the highlight of our weeks now! We don't go to nightclubs, we go see Mr. Steve!"


How fucking awesome am I?




I told Perry about my storytime success right before I left work on saturday and he feigned a half an ass of interest. He was way too busy with bargain to care about my amazing kids accomplishments. Oh well ...


It is now almost one am and I'm drinking cheap ass tall boys of Coors from Albertsons while my wife sits on the couch and checks out old people catalogues. Apparently I have sleeping issues on top of mood issues.


Hooray for me and my broken mind!


I win!

3 comments:

Marisa said...

I have never told anyone where the secret spot is.

I would rather die.

Reverend Steve said...

You know, Katie knows, I told Gwen but she probably forgot, and I told Julia but I doubt she remembers either. Natasha forced me to tell her. Other than that, no one knows. It's somewhere you'd NEVER look ...

gwen said...

Of course I forgot because I have no fucking memory.

P.S. You are slacking on Galindo Twilight, sir.