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Friday, May 18, 2007

Post #666: A Welcomed Return To The World Of Anti-Depressants ...



... last monday my doctor told me that I had a bad ear infection. And a bad nasal infection. AAAAAND a bad throat infection. So now I'm taking these antibiotics that look like horse tranquilizers. I have to take them twice a day for like two weeks or else it will spread. It's not as fun as it sounds.


I'm also on a new nasal spray which is perscribed nasal attempt number three in my eternal quest to make my constantly clogged nose unclogged. This one comes in a white bottle and it's expensive and it burns my nasal passage for a number of seconds. The upside is that after the burn subsides it leaves a cool, crisp feeling as if I had just shoved a handful of mentos up my nose.


I'm also on a mellow antidepressant called effexor which I'm hoping will calm my depression and anger and sadness and hyperactiveness and my crippiling loneliness. I'm currently taking a half a dose right before bed. It zonks me out like weed but without the ass mouth feeling. I wake up feeling really mellow. On effexor it's like there's something in me that's forcing me to be slower. And that's good. Without effexor slowing me down I will continue to overwork myself until I die.


There's a massive list of side effects that I'm both excited and depressed about. "Lack of sexual desire is a common side effect," the wikipedia says. Yeah, I'd like to see them TRY and take my massive hypersexuality away from me. Good luck, venlafaxine!


Another side effect that the box tells me is an "abnormal ejaculation."


WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?


Abnormal? What, am I going to masturbate and shoot out cum legos? It is going to be in bubble form and float up to the fan? Will it be blue? Or purple? Will I cry cum? Will I sweat it? Am I going to sneeze in the break room and accidentally sneeze cum all over Sema's face? What the high holy hell does "abnormal ejaculation" mean?


Wikipedia also told me that a less common side effect is "visual hallucinations." Seriously. How awesome is that? I am totally psyched to once again be visiting the world of antidepressants. Yay venlafaxine hydrochloride!




This is (literally) my 666th post since 2002.


Dood! How cool am I?