NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

"Clifford, Get Out Of Here ..."

... apparently our store's district owns its own Clifford costume. Wow, I've worked in this district for five years and I've been in charge of kids for about four years and this is the first I've heard of this. Our store is babysitting the costume for an undisclosed period of time. So that got my mind rolling.


I'm now working on having Clifford sneak into my story time. Into EVERY story time. It's going to happen over and over again until Clifford starts getting annoying and becomes almost a sort of bad guy. It's going to be awesome. Every storytime, no matter what the theme, is going to have a Clifford appearance. And yes. I'm totally serious.


We already had his first appearance yesterday. It was rabbit storytime. I had the kids close their eyes and use their imaginations to picture a rabbit, a big rabbit, a big red rabbit with long ears and fluffy red fur. And then Clifford came out and the kids freaked out and rushed him and hugged him and everything. But I had to be the bad guy and break it to Clifford that it wasn't Clifford storytime, it was rabbit storytime. "Clifford, I'm sorry but you're going to have to leave." Clifford hung his head in sadness, got a few more hugs, then left.


This saturday we're going to have summer movie storytime and I'm going to read books from Shrek the Third and Spider-Man 3 and Transformers and that french rat movie. All through storytime I'm going to use the big magic Mr. Steve bag to try and make the characters appear and its not going to work. Then, right at the end, I'm going to try and make Captain Jack Sparrow appear. But the kids will be in for a big surprise when they see that the pirate that shows up is a much different pirate than they're expecting.


I'm going to do this all month, every storytime, over and over again until the kids start getting annoyed by it. And then, to tie the whole thing together, at the end of the month Clifford is going to literally TEAM UP with bookstore super hero Captain Book to defeat the evil and sinister (and ruggedly handsome) Dr. Borderz.


It's going to be awesome. I'm so great. I don't mean to toot my own horn but beep, beep.




Here's a friendly Steve tip for you: if you are very sensitive to medication and you start taking an anti-depression pill for about a month or so and then you accidentally forget to take it one night, prepare for the worst hangover of your entire life and believe me when I say that it's going to suck big monkey balls.


That's my NBC "The More You Know" promo.


Here's some music for your ass courtesy of the Wind clan which kicks all other warrior cat clan's asses ...


The Dears: Lost in the Plot

The Stranglers: Golden Brown

Death Cab For Cutie: Soul Meets Body

The Beatles: 'Til There Was You

The Zombies: Summertime

John Lennon: God

The Greatful Dead: Friend of the Devil

Gorillaz: Rock The House

The White Stripes: Icky Thumps

DJ Le Clown: Never Come Back From Paradise - It's a "Phantom of the Paradise" mashup for all my old school TFO friends out there, especially those of you living in Oregon with all the other white people.

1 comment:

Gregorio said...

Steve, this is awesome... keep up the good work. Maybe someday I'll actually make it up north and I could catch a show!