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Monday, November 5, 2007

Steve Accidentally Gives Birth To A Fairy ...

... storytime starts at 2pm and sitting right in the midsts of all the little children is a twentysomething hipster nerd and Captain Book fan, as evident by his rare Captain Book t-shirt. As Steve explains that the Tooth Fairy is scheduled to show up the nerdy Captain Book fan asks him if he's sure about that and then points out that in June the Fabulous Fairy Princess Bubbles McSparkles was supposed to show up but she ended up being kidnapped and instead the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz showed up dressed as a fairy and many kids were disappointed that they didn't get to meet an actual fairy. Steve nervously says that he's not sure if it's the actual Tooth Fairy or not but, joking, he asks him what other fairy could it be, The Chores Fairy, a fairy who gives kids boring chores to do? With the nerdy fan put in his place, storytime continues with Steve teaching the kids the official fairy rules, the last two being that a superhero can't fight a fairy, only fairies can fight other fairies ...


















Later when it's time for the Tooth Fairy to show up, a strange MALE fairy shows up with colored wings and a big white bag. Steve thinks he's the Tooth Fairy but NO ... he's the CHORES FAIRY! He gives the kids brillo pads and mops and brooms until Steve asks why he's here. The fairy explains to Steve that the Tooth Fairy was SUPPOSED to show up but once Steve mentioned the Chores Fairy then he appeared. Apparently fairies don't exist until someone believes in them so, technically, Steve created the evil Chores Fairy, who greets Steve with a "Hi Dad" ...


















Steve begs the kids not to chant Captain Book's name for fear that he'll get angry at him and yell at him and make him cry. Steve begs and begs and begs and of course the kids chant his name. Captain Book flies in with an audible SWOOSH. Steve tried to pass him off as the Tooth Fairy but the kids tell our hero the truth. Captain Book starts to wonder what evil, diabolical super villain could have created the Chores Fairy. A nervous Steve tries to change the subject but the kids tell our hero how Steve created the Chores Fairy and sure enough Captain Book yells at Steve and Steve cries like a little girl and tries in vain to blame the nerdy fan ...














Captain Book decides that he must stop the Chores Fairy, who laughs at our hero and dares him to try and fight him. Captain Book tries to fight him but every punch somehow gets deflected as if there's some invisible force field around the Chores Fairy. Captain Book falls to the floor and wonders why he can't fight him. Steve realizes what's wrong and reminds the kids about the fairy rules, that superheroes can't fight fairies. That's why Captain Book's punches are being deflected. Steve has DOOMED storytime ...








But wait! The nerdy fan runs away and comes back with the only person who can fight a fairy: another fairy! The nerdy fan has brought The Fabulous Fairy Princess Bubbles McSparkles to save the day! The two fairies start fighting it out in a strange slapping and pushing match that Steve remarks is like watching two butterflies fight. Bubbles McSparkles defeats the Chores Fairy and saves storytime. The nerdy fan is revealed to be ... nobody special, just a big Captain Book fan. That gives Captain Book the idea that he wants a sidekick, setting the stage for November 24th's big sidekick audition storytime. Bubbles McSparkles and Captain Book pose for pictures and all is well with the world once more ...


















The idea for the Chores Fairy was created by Laini, our Community Relations Manager and an incredibly nice, beautiful person. She came up with the idea months ago and a few male employees (who will remain nameless) expressed excitement at soon being able to see Laini and our store manager in a fairy catfight. We advertised the storytime like crazy, I got tons of kids excited, and we were all ready to go. But at 10:00am that day, four hours before storytime, Laini called. She was sick and couldn't make it. I was screwed.


First I though that my wife could do it but she was spending the weekend in San Francisco and couldn't make it to my big event. So I spent the next half hour repeatedly calling Megan and Marisa begging them to come help me out. Turns out Megan was in Chico and Marisa would stay dead asleep until 1:00pm. I was screwed. There were talks of canceling the storytime. Then Alex, a semi-new hire who LOVED dressing up as Clifford during my crazy Summer of Clifford, offered to be my Chores Fairy.


My crazed, cracked out answer, in one quick, deep breath, was "NO, no way, he's a guy, that wouldn't work, wait, that's be funny, I could make that work, YES, he's my new Chores Fairy, thank you Alex, I'll have a new script for you in ten minutes!" The next thing you know I have a new shortened script, a complete fairy outfit, bad ass gigantic colored wings, and a sweet bag of awesome props. It was just instantaneous how it all came together. I told anybody who could listen that I had spent literally eighteen years watching low budget Ed Wood movies as training just so that I could pull a storytime out of my ass like this.


It was horrible that Laini couldn't make it and I'm going to have to somehow work her into a future one. But this last second makeshift storytime ended up being the funniest, smartest, silliest and absolutely the BEST storytime I've ever done in the four years I've been doing storytimes.




Tomorrow is my first storytime with California Family Fitness. Should be interesting.

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