NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Captain Book TRAPPED by the Evil and Sinister (and incredibly handsome) Dr. Borderz ...

... so today was the big Captain Book storytime sans Captain Book and despite the low kid turnout (11 kids total, not as big as I was hoping but still pretty good for a practice run of what's going to be a BIG reoccuring storytime movement this year) it was a SHASHING success!


As this video starts, Mr. Steve has just run into the back to fetch bookstore superhero CAPTAIN BOOK, leaving the kids to chant "Captain Book" but the chants are soon drowned out by one loud young boy screaming Queen's "We Will Rock You." They are soon joined by beautiful, young, big tittied Marisa who has unfortunate job of breaking the news that storytime is cancelled. Eventually the kids turn on the "BOOK-0-VISION 3,000" and pretty soon Marisa is attacked by the evil and sinister (and ruggedly handsome) Dr. Borderz.


I was late coming out because at the last second I remembered I forgot my cape which took Natasha a few hours last night to make, which meant Marisa had to ad-lib. It was good. Apparently one of my regulars had a dad who owns a hatchett. Awesome. My favorite part is when Isabela suddenly walks up on stage and she becomes my evil "henchman."


This is crazy stuff, proof positive that I should be paid salary. Check it out ...





This isn't all of it, obviously. There was about 45 minutes of storytime before this video and there was about 10 minutes of goofing off right after this. But what my wife managed to get on our new camera was the totally awesome money shot, me coming out and riffing with the kids and most of the videos, the big videos at the end. I'm very excited about how it all turned out, despite the low kid count, and it's a really good example of what's to come this year. Starting next month we'll have a different Captain Book adventure the last saturday of every month. And this is just a small taste of the big shiznittle to come.


FYI, at the endof the video when I fall to the floor, I apparently fell right on the screen of my iPod. Broke it all to hell, can't see shit. Sucks.


NOW'S YOUR CHANCE to buy yourself an official $9.00 CAPTAIN BOOK t-shirt before he becomes HUGE!




Not going to make a big deal out of this next part. I don't want to upset people, my parents in particular. So I'll give all y'all the short version of it.


Immediately after storytime I rushed off downtown with Natasha and the baby because she needed an MRI to make sure that the siezure she had wasn't anything serious. Bela was crabby as all hell because she hadn't eaten solid foods since the night before and she hadn't drank anything for a few hours. It's a miracle that she was so quiet and well behaved during the rise of Dr. Borderz. When we were in the waiting room she started doing her super baby freak out, kicking and screaming like bloody hell. So I walked outside with her, walked down K Avenue with her in my arms, and sang to her. I sang everything I could. Beatles, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jason Webley, Elliott Smith, Jimi Hendrix, Eels. A slow version of the song that Judas sings in the opening of Jesus Christ Superstar.


And I have made her fall asleep three times now with my slow ballad version of the obscure Dr. Demento song The Martian Hop, a song that only Isabela has ever heard me sing.


I made her fall asleep with her in my arms while I did a one man concert downtown for my own special baby and it was the greatest performance that I've ever done in my entire life. Really special. Something I'll always remember.


The MRI went fine. The drugs they gave her took effect in like ten seconds. It was frightening to see. She was screaming and crying and freaking out from the IV and seconds later she just knocked out. She was hungry and loopy afterwards, when we eventually were able to wake her up from the knockout drugs. She was tired and rubbery but once we were home she had a handfull of popcorn in one hand and a McDonald's double cheeseburger in the other hand. Just like her father.


She's doing fine now. Here. See for yourself ...




She makes that face EVERT TIME MC Hammer says that. It's awesome.


We'll hear the MRI results in three to four business days. Join us in hoping that everything's okay.

Monday, January 29, 2007

The Joys of Being Surrounded by Animated Forrest Creatures ...

... I.


Slept.


INNNNNNNN!!!


I have no idea how long its been since I was allowed to sleep in. GAWD it's been a long time. Jesus. I slept in until 10:30 am. Once I woke up, I swear to god the bed was surrounded by animated forrest creatures and they were all singing to me. Seriously. It's been a really long time. I've been living on 4-6 hours of sleep every night and waking up at 6am if I wanted to or not.


So believe me when I say that today was well needed.




After I woke up and watched an awesome Maury show, we went down to Consumnes River College so that Tasha could pay for her classes. A few things, though ...


-One, I felt incredibly old. I mean, this was the first time I had set foot on a college campus since my drunk years at Arizona State last century. Felt very strange.


-Two, having a screaming baby on your hip while you walk around a college campus makes you as subtle and invisible as a naked clown on fire at a Christmas Day church service.


Three, that was the first time I had ever seen a college in Sacramento, California. I don't know a damn thing about colleges 'round here. I was playing a game at the CRC - how many white people can you see? We spent about an hour there and at lunch time, so I saw about 12. I also saw a group of black people hitting each other and laughing and screaming "DIE NIGGAS, DIE!"


Wow. Consumnes River College is a wonderful college, a real temple for higher learning.


Then we went shopping for stuff for my storytrime tomorrow, my great big storytime tomorrow. And to tell you the truth, I'm a bit nervous. Tomorrow is going to be one of the biggest storytimes in terms of sheer scope that I've ever done in the almost four years that I've been doing this storytime thing.


Tomorrow was supposed to be a big, exciting, campy as all hell Captain Book storytime but after three weeks of advertizing it, I learned that my Captain Book had enrolled for tuesday and thursday classes and therefore couldn't make it to my big ass Captain Book storytime. Panic. Was I supposed to cancel it after all the time I had already spent advertizing it?


Instead of cancelling it, I created an elaborate storytime that will feature Captain Book and his arch rival Dr. Borderz (spelled with a "Z" now due to legal issues) while at the same time not having Captain Book appear live at all . I've had to prepare a massive elaborate thing that in scope is bigger than everything I've ever done at storytime, even surpassing my pirate storytime treasure hunt through the entire store. Tomorrow I'm going to pull off a crazy, campy, Ed Wood-like multimedia experience that hastaken a lot of preplanning and a lot of discussion and a lot of forethought and even five and sixthought and I am really actually very nervous about it.




Here's how it's gonna go down ...


I'll have a tv/vcr ready at the beginning of the storytime. It will be decorated and I will explain to the kids that it's the Book-O-Vision 3,000, a new magical tv that we bought that can show us exactly where Captain Book is and what he's doing. I'm working today on perfectly queing up the video we shot in receiving last friday so that it will be perfectly synched up for tomorrow. The footage is all funny and the kids will dig it.


All through storytime I'll turn on the tv and see what Captain Book's doing. I have three videos. One is Captain Book reading a massive stack of books. In his hand he's reading some big, long title about the moral ramifications on the ideals of good and evil, some crap like that. He's rubbing his chin and going "Hmmmmmm" all deep like. the second video, which I'll do like ten or fifteen minutes later, has Captain Book reading a stack of magazines, including this month's issue of Scientific American Mind, which works great because of its cover story entitled "The Criminal Mind." Then the third video will be Captain Book reading "Heartsongs" by Mattie Stepanek and crying. Hella funny.


At the end of storytime I'll get the kids all excited for Captain Book. I'll run into the back and get him. I'll leave the kids in the store chanting "CAPTAIN BOOK" really loudly. Actually I'll be changing and I'll leave the kids there alone for like 2 full minutes. Then Julia will run out and tell the kids that storytime is cancelled because Captain Book is missing. "We looked everywhere for him. If only there were some way we could SEE where Captain Book is ..." so the kids will want the tv turned on and they'll see footage shot on friday of C.B. trapped in a prison of receiving return boxes and he can't get out.


Then C.B. turns to the camera and warns the kids that the evil and sinister Dr. BorderZ is on his way to storytime. Cue me, coming out sans glasses, being all evil villain-like. My Dr. BorderZ routine is hella funny. I'll try to make the kids lazy and unhealthy by giving them dvds and cds. I'm making them tonight. Kidz Bop 27. Air Bud 9. a really old pastry. The actual movie "From Justin to Kelly" that one of Natasha's cousins stole from a Blockbuster that we've never watched. The outfit that we'll be making tonight is going to be absolutely great, finalized by the lab coat that Marisa owns. Gonna be sweet. I can't wait. It'll be about 10 minutes of evil villian ad-libbing, then I'm going to tell the kids that since I've kidnapped C.B. I'm now taking over storytime and maybe I'll read them something boring and horrible like some book on crossstitching or something. The Da Vinci Code.


The finish will be me turning on the tv and making C.B. beg for his life. The footage is C.B. in the receiving prison looking at the top right of the screen, so I'll be standing there doing my bit. Then he looks at the kids and tells them my weakness. He says "His weakness is ... is ..." and during the silence I'm on MY knees begging for my life. Funny stuff. He then drops the bomb of what my weakness is and its the KIDS that defeat me. Ingenious. Then I come out and wonder "Hey, kids, I couldn't find Captain Book. What happened?" There's even an ending video where he thanks the kids and says his new catchphrase ... READINGS IS TOTALLY COOL and I even have little certificates of congradulations for the kids after they defeat the villian.




... and just for the record, I am NOT doing this super huge storytime to try and compete with the Natomas story and THEIR storyteller Miss Kiki because we are NOT competing with each other, despite what their store's managers think, and although I am massively popular with the 15-45 kids that come and see me twice a week I also respect any kids who think that seeing a twentysomething woman dressed as a hippie singing little kiddie songs on a ukelele is entertainment. I respect that.


I wasn't sure if that came off mean or not so I asked my wife and she said she was "cool" with it. So there you go.


Megan said she's YouTube the storytime tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it ...

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Jimi Night ...

... I think I have this.


That worries me.

So. Very. Tired. Fuck Craig Ferguson ...

... I woke up at 5:50 am wednesday morning so that I could have enough time to take a shower, pick out my clothes, fuck around with my iPod (sadly, I add and delete songs on my 2 gig iPod five to six times a week), make coffee, DRINK coffee, make some sort of lunch appear out of thin air (because we have no food because we're broke off our asses) and, the hardest part of my mornings, get a tired but precocious little five year old girl fed and ready for school.


And THEN when I got to work our customer service person called in sick so I had to do the morning shelving, redo the stepladders AGAIN, return three carts of due out holiday books, back up the customer service desk, handsell, answer phones like mad and cover the customer service desk from 12:45 to 3:00 pm, leaving the entire kids section unmanned, which is something the district manager AND the regional manager have repeatedly told me I should never do.


And did I mention I didn't eat dinner last night, didn't eat breakfast this morning, and barely ate lunch today?


I'm tired.


So.


Very.


Tired.


But here I am listening to depressing Eels and Elton John songs and staring at Craig Ferguson's smug british face on late night teevee and struggling to stay awake. WHY? is what somebody would ask me if anybody actually ever POSTED or even READ this damn blog. Well, I'll tell you, fictitious reader.


It's because my wife is out drinking at the newest hipster dirt bar with her "friends" Nikara and Sheda, two heavy-partying and heavy-flirtatious young black girls who she used to go to school with. She said she'd only be a while. She's be back soon, she said. Well, she left at 9:45 and now it's exactly 12:51 as I type this sentence. As tired as I am from a day of busting my ass, doing a manager's job for a measly $11.25 an hour, I know there's no way I'm going to bed until I know Natasha's okay and safe and sound and back home where she belongs.


I know that this stupid ass post will say that it was written on Thursday, January 25th, 2007 but until I go to sleep, until my head hits the pillow and I knock the fuck out, it's still wednesday. Until I know Natasha's safe, it's still a very long and tiring and depressing ass fucking wednesday.


I wish I had friends, someone that I could call and talk with right now. I need somebody to talk with. I need friends badly. I don't really have friends per se. I have acquaintances, work friends, people I "know" in finger quotes. I "suppose" there are a few people I could call right now that I could talk to but none of them would ever call ME to see how I was or call ME to see if I wanted to hang out or even CALL ME, period. Instead I find myself posting again on this blog which, in lieu of a real friend has sort of become my INTERIM friend which somehow manages to seem even more pathetic on this screen as it did when I thought it up in my head.


God I get so damn depressed sometimes. Right now I'm listening to Ben Folds sing the Beatles' "Golden Slumbers" and I feel like at any second I could cry for a million years and nobody would care. Or maybe that's just the tall boy of piss-tasting Tecate talking. Either way, my "Mellow Music" playlist on my iPod has never slapped my testicles as successfully as it's slapping them right now.


I'm so tired, so very fucking tired.


I feel like a living, breathing brown-skinned Townes Van Zandt song.


I'm tired and hungry and lonely and depressed and above all else I have no idea whatsoever what my wife's doing right now.


And what's even worse is that I know that no matter how late I stay up tonight, no matter how much I worry and fret and maybe even cry, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll have to wake up tomorrow at 6am in the fucking morning and take care of the kids and get Emerald to school and take care of Isabela.


[insert humorously self-deprecating ending here; author's too tired]


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Storytime with Mr. Steve Photos ...

... and a special THANK YOU goes to our new manager Tami who took these pictures during a 38 kid storytime with a frighteningly huge camera. Cool pictures. I've got more, too, but these ones are my favorites ...























Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Package Results ...

CHEAP Captain Book "Reading Is Awesome" T-Shirt

Shirt ordered Jan 14 2007

Jan 15 2007: Mail Retrieved From Shipper

Jan 15 2007: Received at UPS Mail Innovations Origin RPF - Groveport, OH

Jan 16 2007: Processed at UPS Mail Innovations Origin RPF - Groveport, OH

Jan 16 2007: Transferred to UPS Mail Innovations Destination RPF - Union City, CA

Jan 18 2007: Received at UPS Mail Innovations Destination RPF - Union City, CA


THIS is where, for reasons I don't understand at all, the UPS Mail Innovations processing facility mailed it to the United States Postal Service ...


Jan 18 2007, 01:07PM - ELECTRONIC SHIPPING INFO RECEIVED - RICHMOND,CA

Jan 23 2007, 08:56AM - MISSENT


I have no idea what the fuck's going on with my package. My shirt. My one shirt. My ONE cheap ass little shirt.


Not that you should let MY mail mess stop YOU from ordering my cool shit. Go. Now. Buy tons of stuff. It's all awesome.


Here are some kick ass pictures from the last few days ...












Monday, January 22, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, the NEWEST Favorite Song of the Galindo Family ...

... it's a kick ass strange gypsy folk sing along called Eleven Saints by crazy folk punk genius Jason Webley. This man is a genius. I look at him as Tom Waits for non-intellectuals, not that his music is for dumb people. His music is complex and strange and beautiful and I've been all about him lately, just an hour ago succeeding in turning "Eleven Saints" into THE oft-repeated manic song that is now playing non-stop in the Galindo household.


Here's the deal with Jason Webley ... he claims to be some sort of monster or spirit or something, I'm not quite sure, and he apparently dies every Halloween only to be born again in the spring on May Day. Seriously. Well, he USED to die every Halloween but at a concert in 2005 he said that he didn't want to live and die anymore with the seasons and that year he did not die. But he's still some sort of werewolf or monster or something and he has a deep, deathly fixation with the number 11 and with tomatoes.


Wow.


To quote a bit of the movie Roadhouse, this guy can be my new saturday night thing!




When I first heard the song "Eleven Saints" I KNEW that it could be the next Galindo musical obsession. But I just quietly slipped it into the iPod rotation and bided my time. My time was an hour or two ago coming back from Ikea during rush hour. We were listening to my iPod and the song came on and it just clicked. We listened to it over and over again and not only were Natasha and I singing it like mad crazy time but even Emerald and Deinna were rocking out to it. We listened to it probably 10-15 times on the ride home. It never got old.


When we dropped off Deinna she said, "I love that song, Uncle Steve! It's my new favorite song! It's mexican, right?" I laughed and said yes, although I vaguely suspect it's jewish (because of the unleavened bread part).


So this is what I want you to do ... download the song and just let it quietly slip into your iPod rotation and in a few days it will stick like gorilla glue right to your liver. I have dreams of me and my wife naked and drunk in the kitchen dancing and singing this song. I mean, right now she's in the kitchen making dinner and shaking her sexxxy tits and talking on the phone with Sheda and humming this song.


Hell yeah, suckafoos!


This is the IT song for our family now.


And it should be YOUR song, too.


If I haven't won you over yet, just watch the video for the song and let the mind drilling begin ...




... and here's some more crazy mellow sad drinking punk folk music for your punk ass, courtesy of the muthafukking Wind Clan. All y'all Tom Waits fans out there should go through this man's catalogue like shit thru geese ...


Dance While the Sky Crashes Down

The Drinking Song

Map

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Post #600: Daddy Daughter Day Results ...

... today was Daddy Daughter Day. Emerald spent the entire day attached to my hip, showing me the type of affection she usually shows Natasha and that was awesome. This was the list, in no particular order:

-sleep
-watch Dora with sissy
-make coffee
-blanket fort
-Watch Alladin
-make a movie (and put it on YouTube)
-post movie on website
-cereal
-yummy lunch
-work out
-play Harvest Moon
-play together in fort
-big bath
-dinner
-watch tv
-update iPod
-listen/dance to iPod
-challenge mommy for the belt



... and I am happy to say that by noon we were done with half the list and now, with Emerald sleeping peacefully, we got all but the last one done. Natasha remains unchallenged. However, Natasha and I plan on taking some "pictures" tonight and I might "cross one off the list" if you know what I mean.


One of the first things we did, however, was make a kick ass blanket fort ...















Later, Isabela fell asleep in my pimp ass blanket fort while watching Alladin. It was hella cute. After that we danced together. We jumped and rocked and screamed and then eventually we had a slow dance, Godfather-style ...




And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the internet premiere of the Emerald and Steve Galindo's first ever movie ...


What an awesome ass day!

Emerald's Day with Daddy ...



... immediately after a HUUUUUUUGE 40 kids pirate storytime, I started feeling sick as all hell. So I called in sick today. I never call in sick. EVER! So me calling in sick today, that's a REAL BIG deal.


And now my five year old daughter Emerald is taking the whole me staying home idea as her chance to spend the entire day with her daddy.


It's Daddy Daughter Day today. Maybe I'll have Emerald bet on football, just to further the Simpsons reference.


In fact, Emerald and I have just finished making a TO DO list of all the things we are going to do together today. This is the list, in no particular order:


-sleep

-watch Dora with sissy

-make coffee

-blanket fort

-alladin

-make a movie (and put it on YouTube)

-post movie on website

-cereal

-yummy lunch

-work out

-play Harvest Moon

-challenge mommy for the belt

-play together in fort

-big bath

-dinner

-watch tv

-update iPod

-listen/dance to iPod


I hope I'm up to it. I think I am. Before Emerald goes to bed we should have gotten through this entire list of stuff to do. Hopefully. I love my darling daughter Emerald and I can't wait to spend the day with her.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Pictures and Video of the Galindo Family ...

... sitting here next to a massive mound of peanut shells. My healthy-eating wife must have been here. On the couch next to me little fourteen month old Isabela Galindo is watching WWE Smackdown intently with a quiet respect she usually reserves for Spongebob Squarepants. She is just sitting there and watching every damn second of Matt Hardy going after fake hair douchebag Joey Mercury.


I have the two greatest daughters in the whole world. Five year old Emerald sings Devo and Eels and watches old Rocky and Bullwinkle episodes and my little Bela screams and tackles people and watches pro wrestling like its freakin' Blue's Clues. Seriously, how awesome is that?


Anyhoo, I have some pictures and some YouTubed videos of Isabela and the rest of the Galindo family. They're taken from Natasha's kick ass new camera that we bought on Overstock.com for a special moneymaking plan that may or may not work that, for personal reasons, I really do have to keep quiet.


Anyway, this camera kicks ass. Here's some pics ...










Last night Isabela just up and decided that slapping the shit out of my head was the funniest thing in the world ...



Lately, due to fear and depression issues, the only way that I can fall asleep is out of exhaustion. I can't just GO to sleep. No way. I have to be so tired that I pretty much knock out somewhere. So I've been waking up on couches a lot lately ...



Here's Isabela yelling at our four year old hamster Andy Dufresne, whom we named because like his namesake he's constantly trying to escape his jail cell ...



... and here's a video of Isabela making out with her Dora couch and screaming. I end it with a jab at C-dawg and Femi-daddy. It's awesome. I'm an asshole ...



WOW!
BELA's drunk and it's all WWE's fault!
I'm totally gonna sue Vince MacMahon!
And Chris Benoit's toothless Canadian ass!


Here's some pictures of Bela watching wrestling ...







So anyways, since I started writing this post, little Isabela finally fell asleep. She fell asleep right in front of WWE Smackdown. She watched 45 minutes before finally knocking out on the couch, daddy style. I am so proud of my little crazy mad wetback sweetheart.


So, I did what ALL good parents do.


I got the camera, recorded a video of me making fun of her, and YouTubed the shit outta it.


Here ya go, Isabela gettinging drunk off her ass ...




Thursday, January 18, 2007

So Fresh, So Clean, So Hating Registers ...



Eels: Fresh Feeling

Clearlake: Good Clean Fun

Isabela Galindo laughs with daddy

Eastern Conference Champions: Nice Clean Shirt

Depeche Mode: Clean


Today is cleaning day. Today is clean day. Clean Day. Clean day is today.


I've been given two days off in a row as a gift from god (or perhaps Abe Vidoga) and so it was supposed to be a two day cleaning festival but yesterday my wife and I got caught up in watching The Godfather and fucking. Therefore, today has become cleaning day. So I can't talk too much. I just stopped by here to say hello and talk a little bit about something that's been on my mind lately ...




The other day one of the newbies at work paged me and told me to cover the back register while he went to the bathroom, which was a major hassle because the our bathroom was closed and so he had to make the major trek to the basement bathroom (because he didn't know about the movie theater's lobby being open). Instead of bitching him out I shrugged and grumbled and went to cover the register for ten minutes.


I think I've been doing my job for so long (children's department = 3 years, 10 months/bookseller = 6 years, 4 months) that it seems as if people have forgotten why I don't cashier. I think they think that I see myself as the holier than thou Mr. Steve who's too good to ring at a register. Even one or two of the managers have given me slack about not ringing people up anymore.


Here's the deal, though. Gather 'round, kids. It's storytime ...


I was hired at the end of 2000 and was instantly thrown behind a register. It was hard work because at my original store we didn't have an information desk, so the cashier doubled as an info person. It was rough. I sold people the new "Goblet of Fire" Harry Potter book. I stood behind a register in shock as a line of 40 people waited in the cold outside our store to buy a copy of the newspaper the day after Sept. 11th because, as one man put it, "I'm gonna make a shitload of bucks selling this fuckin' thing on ebay!" I handsold new age books to the cast of Eight Legged Freaks, who were filming a few blocks away. It was about a year and a half of ringing people up before moving my ass to Sacramento.


I was once again thrown behind a register and blew people away by how fast I worked. A mere six months into working at my new location I was given a lead bookseller position based on the argument that even when I come to work sick and tired and lazy, I still work ten times faster than everybody else in the store. I was given the RED section - fiction, mystery, true crime, romance, science fiction, comic books, role playing games, video game strategy guides and crosswords puzzles. It's a tough section, a few hundred bookcases for one person to scan and alphabetize in one month. But I always completed it and with a handful of days to spare.


I was told that being a lead meant covering breaks and being behind a register and answering backup pages and helping out both registers all the time. I agreed and as I worked on red I was running all over the store ringing up people like mad. Then the children's department person, who the managers agreed wasn't doing a good job, left and I was forced to give up red and take over the kids section. Which I didn't want to do. I didn't;t like kids, didn't want kids, and I hated being in kids. Meeting my amazing wife changed all that and soon I was awesome in kids, but at the beginning I hated it.


Hating the kids section like I did, I still answered every single backup cashier call and covered every cashier break I could. That was my downfall. The district manager had his office in our store. He would come into kids, see me NOT there, and get pissed. Then he put his six sixty foot down and passed down the holy decree that there is to be a kids person at ALL TIMES and that I am to no longer cover anyone's cashier breaks or do backup cashiering or do any cashiering at all. And that was it. The law was passed down - no more registers for me.




That was at the end of 2003. That sentiment was echoed again when the dictrict manager became the REGIONAL manager and it was again echoed by the new district manager as early as monday afternoon during a conference call I was requested to sit in for.


But nowadays, due to insignificant hours in our ghetto ass store, I'm covering the customer service desk all the time and any other kids employees are automatically tapped once they come in to cover EVERYONE ELSE's breaks and lunches.


This is how it goes ...


Diana comes in at five and goes to kids. But she's covering all the cashier breaks and lunches and they came in at 4:00 pm, so that means that after only a HALF HOUR in kids she's off to cover people at 5:30. And once she's done covering breaks she has her own break. Once her break is done it's time to cover lunches. This goes on all night. She will eventually be able to return to kids at 9:30pm, a half hour BEFORE we close.


This happens three or four times a week, sometimes more. That pretty much leaves me as the only employee in the kids department. And now I'm starting to get heat from people who think the only reason I don't ring up anymore is because I think I'm the coolest shit on the planet.


Which I AM, but that has nothing to do with me getting written up for ringing up too much, you know?


Anyway, back to cleaning. Thigs are starting to look much better around here. Wish me luck peeps.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Year In The Life of Coleridge 2006 ...

... yes, all you Coleridge-heads out there! It's a brand new chapter in the ongoing Coleridge saga. Our dashing young naked pimp hero is starting to grow up. He's taller, less feminine, and he's dancing like a homeless crackhead on the streets of L.A.


Once again, this brand new C-dawg saga is presented in Super-Offensive Pop-Up STEVE-vision!




Here is last month's exciting Coleridge pop-up adventure for those of you who missed it. And for all those die hard Coleridge-heads, here's our past looks at Coleridge ...


Coleridge IV: Coleridge Goes to Oregon!

Coleridge III: Beautiful Coleridge

Coleridge II: A Day In The Life

Horrible YouTube Home Movies