NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Peanut Butter Jelly Time, Pooping On The Floor...

... so we have a new dog. Yet another new dog. That brings the animal total up to two dogs, a cat (usually outside), a hamster and a ferret.


Sigh.


Usually I am tricked or forced into accepting animals into our house. Not this time. You see, this time I was GUILTED into agreeing. There's a difference.


But, as always, I get to name the animal. And at about 5:45 am this morning Emerald and I came to a concensus regarding our new puppy's name.


Peanut Butter Jelly Time Galindo or Jelly for short.


This is now the coolest dog ever.

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Only Blog Post On The Internet About Los Apsons ...



... the only way you could ever have heard of Mexico's Los Apsons is by either being from Mexico or being Mexican. They were huge in Mexico, sometimes being called the Mexican Beatles, but nobody in America knows who they are and that's a damn shame. They're music is an amazing anomaly that I really dig and, hell, I don't even know any spanish!


Their music can't be legal, by the way.


Los Apsons were a band from the sixties that gained a popular cult following in Mexico by straight stealing the beats from popular American music and rewriting the lyrics in spanish. They get a popular Beatles song, write their own love song in spanish and just plop it right on top of the Beatles beat. They did that all through the sixties. They get a Rolling Stones song, throw out the lyrics and add in their own words and BOOM, they got themselves a hit song. Like I said, there's no way that this could be legal but since this is a relatively unknown band here in the U.S. their music has somehow slipped through the cracks. Nobody cares about copyright infringement if the infringement isn't popular and hardly anybody knows about Los Apsons 'round here.


I grew up with Los Apsons. I grew up with parents who drank a lot. Every friday and saturday night was filled with steaks on the grill and cigar smoking and Sabado Gigante on the television. It was late weeknights of drinking and dancing and partying and embracing life and the music would always end up being Los Apsons. In my mind they were right up there with The Beatles in terms of popularity. It was only much later when I grew up and got older that I realized that nobody knows who the hell Los Apsons are.


And that's a damn shame.


Because I'm so fucking great, here are a few kick ass tracks from Los Aposns from the 1960s. They are ALL "based" (meaning stolen) from popular American songs of the time.


The first one is a Beatles song and the second one is a Rolling Stones song. I'm not telling you the rest. You're on your own with those ones.


Enjoy, gringos ...


Y La Quiero

Satisfaccion

Fue En Un Cafe

Becho Becho

Susie Q


Getting off topic here, I heard the song "It Don't Come Easy" four times today. I heard it on my iPod on the way to work and, for hideously unknown reasons, I heard it over the strange store radio. THREE TIMES!?!?! Nick and I were starting to think that Ringo had died, they played that song so damn much. So, after talking with Nick about the song's repeated play, I promised him that I'd post my rare version of Ringo's "It Don't Come Easy" sung by George Harrison instead of Ringo. So, here you go, a rare request here at H.T.A.T.B.A.M. so I hope you like it ...


George Harrison: It Don't Come Easy


You know, I put so much fucking work into this blog and hardly anyone ever posts any comments. I'm sure if I had tits then I'd get like ten comments a post. But, sadly, I'm mexican with a penis so I get maybe one if I'm lucky. Come on, you bastards. Post something. I'm getting lonely over here.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Various Random Whatnots ...



- Bela doesn't like it when a sweater doesn't fit. Apparently when she wears a sweater that doesn't fit, she goes apeshit. Wow. What a strange habit, even for a baby. Wouldn't it be funny if she stayed that way until she was all grown up and she's at the Gap trying on sweaters and she's in the changing room just fucking screaming like mad?


Wouldn't that be awesome?




-I have such beautiful kids. Emerald and Isabela are both just the most beautiful girls in the whole wide world. Thank GOD, too, because they really could have been hella fugly. I lucked out.


- There's a nationwide organization called the C.P.E.A. which stands for Child Protection Education of America, Incorporated. They tout themselves as being a national private foundation dedicated to addressing missing and exploited children. That babble came from their website, by the way. This rip off company claims to be a champion of children's rights and a nonprofit organization that works with police to find missing kids. This is all a crock of shit. This is how they work their scam. They get businesses to agree to allow them to set up a booth to "allegedly" fingerprint kids and create free child i.d.'s but what they do, see, is they hire bitchy, angry twentysomething catty chicks to set up a booth and SELL their OWN products and act like annoying carnival barkers, yelling at customers to get them to buy their crappy little toys and t-shirts and, if there's any time, care about missing and exploited children. But don't forget that their primary goal is to get bitchy semiattractive chicks who are too young to force perfume on you as you walk thru Macy's and get them to sell their own stupid shit in YOUR business. And since they have the words "Child Protection" in their name then businesses that otherwise wouldn't allow people to sell shit in their store will agree because they don't ever SAY they're gonna sell their own shit. They say they're setting up a free child I.D. fingerprinting safety booth or some other nice sounding crap like that.


They came in to the Arden Barnes and Noble in December of 2003. It was our district manager's idea so the whole store bent over to accomodate his idea. These conchicks (because they can't be conMEN) somehow got somebody to agree to letting them set up their table literally right in front of the children's department, right in front of the holiday octagon, LITERALLY blocking the entrance to my section and frightening away almost all of my customers. The C.P.E.A. people were nothing more than three whining, chatty teenage brats who did nothing more than flirt, bark at passing customers to get them to buy their own crappy products and bad mouth MY employees. This was right after I inherited the children's section as my own department and back then there was a store manager and a community relations manager who hated me for my religious beliefs and therefore never listened to any of my complaints. The C.P.E.A. brought my department's christmas sales down and I never forgave them for that. The safety bitches. That's what we used to call them. After a few days of the safety bitches blocking my section, we were all finally annoyed enough as a store that we told them they HAD to move their table from the front of our department to the stage inside kids. They didn't like that and, not being able to tackle customers like they used to, they just stopped coming. Even though they said the were going to be here for like a few weeks they just decided not to call or e-mail or anything, no warning, they just stopped coming. Good. Fuck the safety bitches.


If I sound angry and bitter, it's because I am. Over three years and I never forgot them and I never forgave them. That is uncool.




Yesterday I went to Albertsons to get pizza and beer for the family. I saw there were people with a booth right in front of the entrance. That wasn't anything new. There's usually some people right in front of there waiting to annoy you. So I put my iPod on to avoid any human interaction. I went in, bought my stuff, and left. I exited the store pushing my cart with my iPod on and my head down to avoid any interaction with the annoying salespeople outside. But apparently that wasn't enough for the bitches outside the Albertsons because one of them, a dumb skinny blonde, came up to me and PUT HER HAND ON MY SHOULDER AND GENTLY SHOOK ME while yelling at me that I should check out their booth and buy sone of their children's products. Can you believe that? THEY TOUCHED ME! Me! That's fucking assault! I couldn't believe the balls on this bitch. And while I was being shook by this bitch that smelled like a mall I happened to notice that the banner on their table had the letters C.P.E.A. on the banner.


I was attacked by one of the safety bitches yesterday.


Spread the word that the C.P.E.A. is a scam, a crock of shit dressed up as a child protection organization. I hate these people with every iota of my being. I hated them in 2003 and I somehow hate them even more now. This is a shoot. Fuck the C.P.E.A.


"You are talking about those "Safety Girls" who were actually selling things and flirting with single dads instead of fingerprinting kids in the store, right? Because I hate them."

-Marisa




Yesterday's big fight between Captain Book and Dr. Borderz was an amazing success! We had about 42 kids and about 30 adults, all packed shoulder to shoulder in the children's department to watch the loud superhero madness. All the kids "got it" - they knew who to cheer and who to boo and it all just clicked. The part that I was the most proud of was at the last second before storytime I told Kenton to come in and say hi before getting dressed. He came in and I stopped storytime in mid-yell/mid-sentance and said "Oh, hi Kenton. KIDS, turn around and say hi to Kenton." All the kids said hi to Kenton, then I said "This is my friend, mild mannered Kenton. He's quiet and shy, not the sort of person you'd expect to be, oh, say, a super hero. Okay, then, see you later, Kenton" and he took off. So when Captain Book came out one of the kids said "HEY! That's Your friend!" Awesome. The kids totally got it. It was a perfect mix of just enough too much. I am really proud.


The only negative is that if the bit is longer than four minutes, then I just cannot breathe at ALL in the Dr. Borderz mask. Almost passed out. That's bad.


Wow. They just played ONE LINE from Ed Wood on the Oscars. Ed saying "I like that" to Bela when he says the pull the strings line. This is the first time I've seen the Oscars this century. That's cool.


Anyhoo, back to Captain Book, my man Michael Burns filmed the whole thing on his uber-small and uber-professional camera and, being the budding young filmmaker that he is, he's planning on editing the thing into some awesome little package. I am deeply in debt to him for his coming to work early and capturing the whole thing which I hope to show here sometime soon, along with pictures of all the action from my new boss and biggest fan and personal camerawoman Tami.


Until then I do have some photos from the end of the storytime during the treasure giving and the picture taking and the coloring and all that ...










Afterwards one father asked me if I was hired by the store to come in and do storytimes. A middle age woman who smelled like my grandmother's furniture asked me if I did birthday parties. A mother with her daughter asked me if I was this engaging with the kids every week and her jaw nearly dropped when I told her that I did it twice a week.


GODDAMN it's good to be on stage again. Albeit a little stage. But a stage nonetheless.




I started writing this at 11 am. I've written it on and off all day. It's now almost Emerald's bedtime and we've had quite a day playing together and dancing together and playing wrestling video games for hours. I think I'm done now, though. Time to unplug.


Before I go, though, here are some totally free songs for your punk ass that perfectly represent my current mood ...


Audiovent: Rain

Boxcar Racer: I Feel So

Jim Infantino: Cautionary Tale

Theory of a Deadman: Nothing Can Come Between Us

Kepi: King of Nothing


... and here are two new songs from the Ataris and their new album Welcome The Night. Since their last album they've added pianos, mellotrons and, seriously, acoustic and electric cellos. Their music is now darker, richer, and much less fun but it perfectly fits my current blahs. Here you go ...


New Year's Day

Whatever Lies Will Help You Rest


Huge ass post. Doubt any of y'all will read it, but WTF. See ya.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Frightening Awesomeness Of The KCRA 3 Crime Tracker ...

... the KCRA News Channel 3 crime tracker can track the most recent criminal activity for any Sacramento area. It's awesome and frightening and cool. I visited it today to try and figure out why there were seven police cars and two motorcycle cops arresting six people outside my work this afternoon. Still, after scouring the news and various crappy Sacramento news websites, I found absolutel nothing. But I DID find this.


THIS is crime tracker for the neighborhood where my work is. Click on whatever little peg you see on the map and it will pop up the most recent crimes reported from the past three months or something. The list's size is impressive ...




Neat, huh? Commercial sex. Someone was arrested for commercial sex. Wow. I can now admit ... that was me. The incident involved Sema and a package of cream cheese and I'd rather not talk about it.




I have a whopping shitload to post about. Like, how did today's big Captain Book storytime go and why am I so depressed and what was the name of the organization that accosted me outside of the Albertson's today, an organization I thought I'd never see again?That last one was true, by the way. Never thought I'd see THOSE bastards again.





But I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm drinking and I'm still tired. So no big post tonight. You'll just have to wait your ass. Maybe tomorrow. I have tomorrow off, so if Emerald can tear herself away from me for more then five minutes, I might be able to post something a bit more meaningful.


BTW, Marisa, do you remember the fingerprinting bitches? Well guess who accosted me today? Yeah! They're back!!!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Tomorrow - The Ultimate Fight Between Good And Evil ...

... last month was supposed to be the jumpstart to my year long Captain Book storytime plotline.


However, due to scheduling conflict, the face-to-face action was pushed back a month and our February adventure became the birth of Captain Book's evil and sinister (and ruggedly handsome) arch-enemy Dr. Borderz.


So that means that the REAL excitement and adventure, the REAL party, starts tomorrow at 2pm with the first face-to-face battle between the bookstore superhero and the evil villanous bookstore villain. It's going to be big and silly and over the top and, as Marisa put it, just the right amount of "too much" which is an awesome thing to say.


I typed up a meaty one page script, gave it to my man Kenton (the nam behind the mask - shhhhhh, it's a secret) and tomorrow we should be ready to roll. The mein plot is that the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz wants Mr. Steve's treasure box, the box that I open up at the end of every storytime that's always filled with stickers and gifts and stuff. Borderz wants the treasure all to himself. At the midpoint of storytime Kenton's going to do an announcement through the store intercom warning customers that Dr. Borderz has escaped from bad guy jail and is on his way to storytime. I'll get all frightened and I'll have a hard time doing storytime from the on out.


Eventually it'll be too much for me, this fear that Dr. Borderz is coming to get my treasure box, so I'll go to the back and get Captain Book to guard the treasure box for me. Then I'll tell the kids that I have to run to the back and talk to the police who are here to help find Dr. Borderz. I'll run and get dressed and Captain Book will do a quick meet and greet. Then I'll come out. I'll do a speech, a lot of ad-libbing, and then we'll have our big awesome, heavily choreographed fight. Think the lightsaber duel at the end of Episode III but with better writing and less faggotry.


This is big, this thing tomorrow. I'm nervous. This is me taking my cute little storytimes that I've been doing for well over three years now and consciously turning up the volume to 11. This is me making my stage a bit more professional, however silly that may be.


Wish me luck tomorrow. I'm gonna need it.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ed Wood's Disneyland Forever CD ...

... for a small time at the end of 1998 to the beginning of 1999, Disneyland had these touchscreen kiosks where for just twenty bucks you could choose up to ten tracks from a massive list of park songs, parades, sound bytes, ride soundtracks and a whole bunch of other crazy stuff and THEN have it burned on to your very own personalized cd. Your own personalized Disneyland soundtrack. They were called "Disneyland Forever" cds and they were awesome and cheap and strange and funny and altogether cool. You could pretty much load up your own personal cd with anything from the entire massive Disneyland library. You could have the entire Pirates of the Caribbean ride on four thick tracks. You could fill your whole cd with JUST Haunted Mansion stuff. There was even a track from Club 33, the private resturant hidden in New Orleans Square.


It was amazing. Even now, almost ten years later, I still think that its the most incredible thing ever and I still mourn the fact that they stopped making them. I wish I would have made a million cds while I had the chance. But I only made one.


It was in December of 1998. I was living in Arizona and I was on vacation with Sarah Snow and her family. We were spending time in San Francisco and then driving down the coast to Los Angeles. The first night I realized that Sarah's mom, the late great Mary Snow, snored with the volume and force of five massive fighter jets. I think the walls shook, she was such a massive snorer. And I lived under the same room as my dad and my brother and they snored super huge. I barely slept that entire week. And I used that to guilt them into taking a sidetrip to Disneyland for a day.


And it was then that I made my cd.


I didn't think they'd let me put my name as Jesus Christ on th cover but they let me. And I put my name as Edward D. Wood Jr. so the actual cd says "Jesus Christ's Disneyland Forever. Produced at Disneyland USA by Edward D. Wood Jr." and that's totally sweet. I had originally wanted to make a mixup cd featuring ONLY Pirates and the Mansion but on second thought I decided to fill it with cool strange little things. In retrospect it was a bad idea in that I wish I had more Pirates and Mansion stuff on my iPod but on the bright side the cool small little things I put on my cd are in constant rotation on my iPod and everybody at work likes it when they play on days I force my iPod onto people.




Here is 80% of my Disneyland Forever cd. Track ten was scratched and I couldn't rip track eight which is the entire Submarine ride. Hope you like them. Most of this stuff is pretty rare. Download it before a cease and desist comes my way ...


Main Street Early Morning Announcement - hearing this totally takes me back to the cobblestone streets and the ragtime music and the hideous LA weather.

Two Brothers - this is a depressing song from the old school introduction to Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln. I always loved this song and I geeked out when I finally had it. A cannonball don't pay no mind. Sweet line. I've heard there's a new intro for the ride that doesn't have this song and that's really lame. This was totally Tom and I's song. BTW, Tom and I used to be bestest friends and we'd take random road trips to Disneyland a lot. So you'll hear his name dropped a lot on this list. Just a warning

Tiki Room Garden Speeches - I am a huge geek for the Tiki Room. I don't know why. For most people the singing bird room is old and outdates and strange but I dig the hell out of it. My favorite part, however, is BEFORE the ride when the god statues in the waiting area come to life. THIS track is the gods coming to life. It's cool.

Tiki War Chant - this is the next to last song in the Enchanted Tiki Room. It's mellow and fast, quiet and angry, and it ends with rain. If you were to take this song out of Disneyland and remove the racist stereotype birds in the beginning, this would STILL be an amazing song that I would love to listen to.

1985 Monorail Narration - in it, they mention their "100 Acre parking area" and I remember me and Tom walking through the huge ass parking lot to the main entrance. I miss the parking lot. I miss the excitement of riding on their crappy little tram thru the parking lot to the main gate. I miss seeing a sea of cars. Am I the only one?

Fantasyland Safety Spiels - this is a montage of all the safety tracks they play before and after the rides in Fantasyland. I got this because waiting in line for the Matterhorn bobsleds, you hear "Remain seated please, permane ser centavos por favor" like three MILLION times! It got to be Tom and I would say that all the time, constantly. Permane ser centavos por favor! So when I saw I had a chance to get THAT on a cd, I had to take that chance. Strange but cool.

The Monorail Song - this was a mixup. I thought it said "The Peoplemover Song." I loved the Peoplemover, those slow ass buckets crawling through Tomorrowland. They were cool and plastic and shakey and they moved at like two miles and hour. They were like the Ed Wood of Disneyland. PLUS they moved through Star Tours and there was a killer TRON part that seriously tripped your balls. Sucks they're gone. Still, this is a peppy little song.

Matterhorn Climbers Announcement - this is the cheesy ass "Hans and Otto" speech they play when people try to climb the Matterhorn. Short but still sweet.




And also, as a special added bonus for all y'all Disneyland nerds out there, here's a few extra little tracks from the 50th Anniversary Disneyland double disc cd that I "liberated" from the park during our kick ass Galindo family visit back in 2005 ...


Main Street: All Aboard

King Arthur's Carousel: Once Upon a Dream

Dick Dale: Space Mountain




Hope you like all the Disneyland music. Peace out, bitches!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Reaching The End Of A Very Steep Cliff ...



... I have been awake since 4 am this morning.


Even though I'm sitting on a chair, sitting perfectly still, I somehow feel the sensation of falling off of something very high.


It's not a pleasant feeling.




Bela! Just go to sleep! Please?!?!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A Short Play That Is 70% Based On A True Conversation Between Myself And My Daughter ...

The curtain opens to the living room of the Galindo house on a way too early weekday morning. In front of the computer updating his iPod is STEVE. He is half awake and in ducky pajamas and he's drinking from a dirty cup of possibly lukewarm coffee. On the couch is EMERALD, a five year old blonde darling who is way too awake. She is watching PBS and doing the same yoga moves that an old lady is doing on the tv. The sun is just barely peeking through the blinds behind the couch. The house is still fairly quiet as 50% of the Galindo family is still sleeping.


STEVE: Hey Emerald. I almost forgot ...

EMERALD: What daddy?

S: Do you know what an employee of the month is?

E: No.

S: Well, see, once a month now my work is going to pick the absolute bestest worker there and give him an award and a prize and stuff for being so great. The employee of the month is the best employee that month. Do you understand?

E: (giggles) Yeah!

S: Well, Emerald, I think that I might become my works first employee of the month!


Steve has his arms out, his mouth open, excited. He keeps this pose for a long time insilence. Emerald, however, has her arms crossed and is making an angry face.


E: DAD! I don't think you're going to be the employee of the month.

S: (shocked) W-what? Why do you say that, Emerald?

E: Well ...

S: Why do you think daddy's not going to be the employee of the month?

E: (scoffs) Well, dad, all you do is read to the kids and color, you know? Instead of working!


Just then, the computer cracks open and CAPTAIN PLANET, the early nineties cartoon character, appears from somewhere within the computer. He is naked and covered in blood and feces. He jumps up, does a flip, and crushes his right foot through Emerald's face, flinging bone and skin and blood everywhere.


S: That's what you get for disbelieving my bookseller powers, suckafoo!


Steve puts on a pimp hat and pulls out a shotgun from his ducky pajamas, shooting Captain Planet in the crotch.


CP: AAAAARGH!

S: SHUT THE FUCK UP, CAPTAIN PLANET, AND MAKE ME A KFC BOWL, BITCH!


Captain Planet, still bleeding from the shotgun blast to the crotch, stands up and makes Steve a KFC bowl while Steve drinks his coffee and updates his iPod. The song "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash starts playing as the lights dim and the curtain closes.


THE END


MY OTHER SHORT BLOGPLAYS:
The Goatee Customer

The Midlife Crisis

Monday, February 19, 2007

Isabela's Aqua Teen Dance ...



... Bela's getting better. She's eating. She's dancing. She's talking and kissing and she's even smiling. Yup. Slowly but surely little Bela's getting better.


And she lo-o-o-o-oves Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Check it out ...





Ok. So I'm not sleeping or eating and I'm losing weight and I'm a complete nervous wreck and I feel like my life's going downhill.


But at least Isabela's getting better.


Before you go, though, take a look at this ... this little girl is saying "sparkling wiggles" and not what you think she's saying, you racist son of a bitch!


And here are some slightly mentally blurry photos from the preceeding weeks of the soon to be famous 2007 Galindo Family Sickness ...








Sunday, February 18, 2007

Seizure Watch 2007 ...


Isabela's been sick.


She's been pooping red hot fire and she's been vomiting like mad and she's been unable to stay asleep at night and her temperature has been bouncing up and down from 99 degrees to 103 degrees. She's been a total mess. Natasha and I have been running a marathon. We haven't been sleeping, we haven't been eating hardly anything and our sleep has been on and off. We've been tired and exhausted and covered in vomit. Not to mention I was sick all last week and after storytime on tuesday I lost my voice. So this past week really hasn't been pleasant for me.


On friday while I was at work Natasha took Bela to the emergency room. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck. So I went to the back and decided to talk to Marisa in receiving about all my problems. And I was trying really hard not to cry, too. And apparently our store manager overheard what I was saying and talked me into taking a few days off. She said that I should take three days off but I didn't want to miss TWO saturday storytimes in a row, so I agreed to take sunday and monday off but come in on saturday for only two hours to do my bit with the kids. My wife wasn't happy about that but I really wanted to. Nothing makes me feel better than my awesome little stage.


Yesterday was rough. I almost didn't make it to storytime because friday night was HORRIBLE! So she came back from the emergency room friday afternoon. The pediatrician wasn't there so some asian family practice doctor was subbing for her. He said that Bela had a cold and pink eye so he gave us medicine for her vomiting and for her pink eye. But he didn't give us anything for her fever. That bit us in the ass later that night. She was vomiting twice as much. She went through three diapers in ten minutes. And her fever peaked at 104.9 (!!!!!!) which is some really serious shit. The way she was screaming is something I don't think I'll ever forget. I held her, danced with her, and prayed that she'd be okay. I was honestly worried that I would lose her. Her forehead literally burned to the touch. I was so frightened.


So Natasha called the 24 hour advice nurse and she told us what to do to bring the fever down. It went down about two degrees and the nice nurse lady told us to come back to the hospital tomorrow.




We spent most of the morning and afternoon yesterday back in the hospital. Natasha and I were such wrecks that I fell asleep in our hospital room for a while. Thank god the pediatrician was back on duty so she could tell us exactly what was going on. Isabela has two mild eye infections, two serious ear infections, she's got a little bit of "thrush" in her mouth which apparently is like a nasty white bacteria, and she has the Roda virus.


The Roda virus is a killer of children ... in third world countries! But we're in America! Hearing that made me instantly republican. If we were in the jungle or in some shitty shack in etheopia then Isabela would be dead, probably. But we live in a nation that has KFC Stacker Bowls and Grande Lattes and Bed Bath and Beyonds and high school football scores in HDTV.


Team America: America (Fuck Yeah)


So the Roda virus isn't as serious in God-loving America as it is in dirty foriegner countries. Seriously, I wanted to join the NRA after hearing that. So Bela got a shot and even more medicine and hopefully she'll be getting better in the next day or two and I debated switching the radio on our way home to try and find some Lee Greenwood, if you know what I mean.


Last night was rough, though, rough night number "I can't remember" in my epic unravelling. The power went out for about fifty minutes. You'd be surprised how much an iPod screen can light up a pitch black room. I used the backlight screen to find Emerald's DS and play Super Mario minigames until the power went back on. Isabela likes to wake up vomiting at exactly 2am and 4 am, which makes days like today rough because Em woke me up at 6 am. Bad business. I have a hangover and yet I haven't eaten or drank hardly anything. I'm drinking coffee. It's the first bit of coffee I've drank in like two or three days.


I feel dead. I'm tired, sore, exhausted, and I'm not eating a thing. Things are really rough over here. I'm struggling just to stay on my own two feet. GOD I hope she gets better soon.


On the positive side I got a fifty dollar Barnes and Noble gift certificate, which is a long story in and of itself that I don't have the strength to talk about and get angry over. Needless to say, by hook or by crook, I got a fifty dollar gift certificate.




I used it to buy the 2003 MF Doom side project Take Me To Your Leader, which he did under the kick ass name KING GEEDORAH. This album strokes my inner childhood geek. See, in sixth grade I bought a stack of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazines on the cheap. There was a little piece in one of them about Ed Wood and I made it my mission to find out more about this director person. Now I'm known all over the world for my love of Ed Wood but one of the OTHER magazines was an all Godzilla issue, which I still have. I discovered Godzilla the same damn day I discovered Ed Wood and I hold a secret love for the big green suit as much as I love Savior Eddie.


I first fell in love with MF Doom on his Adult Swim album The Mouse and the Mask which, I say with no doubt, I first brought into my work. This was back when jesse worked there. I ordered the cd and it took about three weeks for it to get in. I was constantly back there complaining about it to him to the point where once it came in everybody was interested and it became passed around like mad.


Okay ... so picture MF Doom's adult swim album except instead of being focused on cartoons he was focused on cheesy Godzilla movies. And instead of it being ALL MF Doom he's found a massive posse of like minded Godzilla fanatics to rap sweet tracks. THAT is this King Geedorah album and it's hands down my favorite album right now.


Here are some kick ass tracks for you ...


Monster Zero

Fastlane

I Wonder

Fazers


It's a bit of a difficult cd to track down but its definitely worth your struggle. MF Doom doing Godzilla movies. It's like my sixth grade dream album, for christ's sake! Now if only he could make an Ed Wood cd. Hmmmmm ...




BONUS SONG: Four Tet (With Princess Watermelon): Go Go Ninja Dinosaur. For Marisa. It sounds like a fake theme song to a tv show that never existed. Awesome little song. Gets in your head like a disease. This song is like mental AIDS. Here, Marisa. I just gave you mental AIDS. You're welcome.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I Dunno ...

... I feel like I've had a hangover for a whole week now. But I don't have an actual hangover. II've drank about three beers this whole week. And it's not me feeling sick, either. I know my head hurts and my stomach is eating itself and I have no voice. That's not part of it.


It's just that hungover feeling that I have, not the physical part but a sort of mental cloudiness, a fog inside my head that stops me from knowing where I am and where I'm going and what I should do.


I'm just not sure about anything anymore.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Reverend Steve Galindo Explains The (somewhat frightening) History Of Hip Hop Music ...

... if you're a regular reader of this blog, you know that I am a hardcore rapper from the streets. After all, my peeps on the streets DO call me Early Bedtyme and once I get my rap album moving forward then everyone is going to jump on my jock and ride that all the way to funkytown.


That's right. Funkytown.


Anyhoo, as a hardcore gangsta from the streets I know all about the history of hip hop. I live, breathe, eat and shit phat ass gangsta rhymes. I am like the Hellen Keller's Teacher of hip hop music.


So, as a pubic service announcement, I have taped a strange, bizarre, somewhat frightening look at the history of hip hop music and in particular the trails that were blazed by the band N.W.A.


It's the history of hip hop music, as told by a somewhat manic, slightly drunk Steve Galindo. Don't be afraid. You'll like it ...




Just to be official here and set the record straight ... my wife does NOT think that video I made is funny. She hasn't straight out "said" she doesn't like it. It's all in her eyes when I play it or I even mention it. She doesn't like it. I, however, think it's hillarious.


"Brain damage on the mic don't manage?" WTF?!?!


And, in case you're confused, here's the original ...



Prognosis: Emerald ...

... woke up at 4:50 am this morning, showered, fucked around with my iPod, drank coffee and went to work to the Triple M. It had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with ANYTHING, really. It was just a meeting for the sake of a meeting, I guess. We talked about paper clips, broke into groups, playedsilly business games, Perry allegedly said some funny things that for the life of me I can't remember, and we discussed numbers I didn't understand at length. Perry dismissed my low numbers for 2006 solely to Harry Potter but that's bull. Thinking that my numbers could be so low due to the sale of one book , even a Potter book, is nothing more than management trying to cover up the fact that the constant screwing of my departent has been hurting sales. But whatever. I was in my own world. I did masterfull doodling. I drew a picture entitled "Jesus With One Long Arm Drinking Pepsi While Riding A Sea Serpent." It's pretty awesome.


I told them I had to leave at noon to take Emerald to the doctor. No "Oh, um, er, could I maybe possibly ... leave a few hours early? Hmmmm?" No. I told them I was leaving. because I had to, HAD, to leave early. And they said yes. I mean, how could they say no?


My family "trumps" work. I have to remember that.


The doctor said that she's healthy, energetic, and she got the okay to go back to school. But she still has this nasty ass cough and the doctor checked her out and apparently Emerald still has liquid in her lungs and she has this new even super-er medicine that she now has to take twice as much a day as the LAST medicine she didn't like. We're going to send her to school with water in her lungs and we're going to give her this new medicine and cross our fingers and hope that she gets better. She still could get worse but lets all hope she gets better. Soon.




In other news, Natasha's brother Randal is a fucking douchebag. Learn more right here.


Where does a drunk, pot smoking 28 year old loud mouth who lives with his mommy and daddy get off yelling at me? That's bullshit and I'm sick of it.




My wife and I are planning something big for my big
30th birthday, something that I am really excited about.


My birthday bash starts at storytime. March 20th is going to be "Mr. Steve's Birthday Storytime." We're going to have cake and ice cream and I'm going to read whatever the hell I want to because it's MY birthday. That will be my last day before my week vacation, one I rightfully deserve, one of three weeks I get for being an old timer with the company. Then two days later it will be my birthday. And I believe that night we'll start driving. We'll chill out and drive thru the night and the kids will be asleep and we'll talk and hang out and switch out with the driving and if we want to stop we'll stop and if we want to sleep we'll stop and sleep. And sometime the next day we'll be in Phoenix.


Spend a couple days in Phoenix. Hang out at my old stomping grounds. Take my kids to the Phoenix Zoo and Castles & Coasters and Peter Piper Pizza. Maybe even see some old friends.


Should be pretty cool.




Alright. Gotta get me another beer. Here's some free music for your punkass, courtesy of zteecher.com, a clean and well lit website ...


Busdriver: Imaginary Places

Ash: Meltdown

The Beatles (LOVE): Get Back

Wu tang Clan & System of a Down: Shame on a Nigga

The Dears: There Goes My Outfit

Elvis Costello: Alison

Ben Kweller: Hear Me Out

Amazing Transparent Man: Criminal (Fiona Apple)

Death Cab For Cutie: Lack of Color

Velvet Underground: Heroin

The White Stripes: Ashtray Heart

Madonna: La Isla Bonita

The Kinks: lola

Sunday, February 11, 2007

All New Galindo Family Videos ...

... the videos I post on YouTube always end up crappy and the sound's messed up and nobody watches them, probably because I'm not a white teenage emo boy or some dumb bitch shaking ass to some crappy Fergie song. So I started posting and in some cases REposting my videos on DailyMotion.com ... and suddenly the sky is brighter and the grass is greener and all is well with the world. AND they're more popular, too! How about that?


So here's some new Galindo family videos for your punk ass ...


When Bela's on the phone she says NOTHING! When people are over she says NOTHING! When we take her somewhere she says NOTHING! But once we get her back home she's a damn chatterbox. Here, FINALLY, is Bela talking ...





Here's a stupid little video where I say hello and profess my love for cheesy Coleridge Burgess videos on YouTube. I'm all about my nigga C-dawg ...





Here's a cool vid of fifteen month old Isabela Galindo pulling her daddy into the bedroom, which is her signal that she wants a hardcore wrestling match. The match is long and violent and I think I win ...





And, in what is almost an annoying viral internet video, here is Isabela Galindo and her legendary MC Hammer face ...





Check out all my DailyMotion videos right here.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Monday Morning Meeting (Triple M) ...



... so there's a big monday morning meeting with the lead booksellers (me) and the managers (SHOULD be me).


After all the work drama lately, how much do you want to bet that the Triple M meeting, without ever directly mentioning me, will be completely about me?


Just a guess.

My Evil Secret Story Time Agenda Finally Comes Into Focus ...

A Statement A Customer Said To Me From 2002 That, Sadly, Has Permanently Burned A Spot In My Brain ...

"Excuse me, do you have change for a fifty? Hey! You remember back when you'd ask for change for a twenty and THAT was the amount that you weren't sure people could change? I tell you, fifties are the new twenties!"


I can't afford food or gas. I can't even afford the sixty cents needed to buy a soda. And this douchebag is telling me that fifties are the new twenties.


In retrospect I should have shot that man.

Friday, February 9, 2007

The World's STUPIDEST Store ...



... the "99 Cents AND UP" store located at 7928 Gerber Road.


Just think about that for a while.


Ninety-Nine Cents ... AND UP!!!


So basically the heartless, humorless, bitchy korean cuntbags who own this place have for reasons unknown succeeded in creating a store that promises you, the consumer, that NOTHING they sell will be ever be CHEAPER than 99 cents.


Am I the only one who sees how backasswards that is? Seriously! 99 CENTS! AND UP??? Hello-o-o-o! How fucking stupid is that? Am I the only one? Really, is it just me? This. Is. STUPID! Seriously, I think I've found the world's stupidest store. I mean it's like the anti dollar store.




I've been wanting to take a picture of this stupid ass store for three or four years. I finally succeeded just a few weeks ago. After we took the past two pictures we decided to go in and check the place out. The 300-year-old mummified korean harpies who owned the place gave me the stink eye and followed me all over the store, which is impressive seeing as how the store's only a few feet long each way. They were your stereotypical store owners who, if they sold magazines, would be yelling "Hey, dees no libairey! You pay for magazeen or you leef!"


So on our way out I noticed these glass sculptures by the window. One was of the world trade center. I held that one and looked around until I found one for the air force that had a fighter plane on it. I then reenacted one of the worst tragedies in american history using glass at the front window of the "99 Cents And Up" store.


I then walked out and took the following picture, which really enraged the koreans. We hightailed it outta there and promised NEVER to go in there again.




BTW, the store's phone number is (916)681-9779. Give 'em a call and stir up some shit. Stirring up shit is good.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

More Torture Initials For The Baby ...



... so you know how we had to starve Isabela because of her E.K.G? Well NOW we're sleep depriving her because of today's E.E.G. What does E.E.G. stand for? I have no damn idea. It has something to do with reading her brain while she's sleeping but apparently it needs to be a natural sleep and not a drugged up sleep.


So we kept her up until about 10 pm last night and, sadly, I have been up since about 5:40 am with Isabela. She cried and cried and cried and even managed to wiggle and kick her way out of my grasp so that she could make a break for it into our bedroom. She's a tricky one.


Here's a mental note for anyone interested - if you ever need to keep a sixteen month old half-mexican girl awake, just give her some cereal and put on some Spongebob.


Keep Bela in your thoughts today. Here's to hoping the E.E.G. goes well.