NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Red Socks And Seether ...

... so the Boston Red Socks just won the World Series, I think.


Good. Great. Congratulations. Wonderful. Now ... does this mean that I can finally go back to my REGULAR FUCKING SHOWS, PLEASE?!?!?!


Seriously, a sunday without my cartoons is a lifeless shell of crap! Screw you, major league baseball!


Anyhoo, here's Seether's awesome new music video, brought to you exclusively by yours truly ...



Lonely Day Random Stuff ...

... so here I am sick as all hell, dizzy from the boatload of medication that I have to take just to keep me upright, my side hurts like mad and I'm totally home alone. The girls both went to church at 8:30 this morning and won't be back for another 45 minutes and my wife Natasha is spending all weekend in San Francisco doing naughty Natasha-ey things. It's just me this weekend and that leaves me feeling very depressed and bitter and cranky and sick.


I was REALLY lonely last night and after the hell day that I had trying to pull together a Captain Book storytime without our main villain (which, once I get the pictures from Tami, will be a whole other post in and of itself) I told myself that I was going to go home and put the kids to bed and party my ass off, crank up my iPod and polish off a six pack and watch the bootleg dvds my brother got me and stay up until one or two in the morning.


Needless to say I feel asleep at 9pm, only fifteen minutes into Val Kilmer in "Top Secret."


So after trying (and failing) to clean up my crappy house, I decided earlier today to spend today, my much needed day off, doing my own thing. I never get to run off for a weekend. I never get to go to the store and buy whatever I want. But today I will. Today is my day.


Here are my darling girls before leaving for church ...




This is a picture Emerald took of me in the new Pirate Steve shirt that my mom bought me for storytime. She went looking for it with my brother Joe. There were two shirts they were mulling over, a cool looking one and a crappy looking overexaggerated one. I told her to go for the overexaggerated one because I was looking for laughs, not coolness ...




This is me hopping in my crappy ass car and going to Best Buy. I think I really look good in all denim ...




This is the pickle suit guy on the street corner ...





Here's a picture from the end of yesterday's makeshift successful Captain Book storytime, the end of which saw Captain Book and The Fabulous Fairy Princess Bubbles McSparkles taking pictures with all the kids. Extremely cute stuff and the coolest (and most stressful) storytime ever. The mental teflon feeling that came as a result lasted for about three hours and quickly vanished into exhaustion and depression ...




I ended up buying a $15 iTunes gift certificate and RENO 911: The Complete Fourth Season Uncensored as well as a KFC bowl that Emerald ate half of behind my back. I'm rocking my pirate shirt and chilling out with the kids, listening to sad paranoid bastard music, perfect for my lonely husband mood.


This is my 760th post. I've been posting on this blog for over five years. That's because I hardly have any friends.


Here's some free songs for you ...


Nirvana: Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

Beck: Asshole

Dashboard Confessional: Screaming Infidelities

Seether: Love Her

Townes Van Zandt: Waitin' Around To Die

Rhett Miller: Come Around

Ra: Walking and Talking

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Feeling (Partially) Better ...



... the GOOD news is that my ribs are feeling better. I hardly have to take any painkillers at all and although I do still have to take an extra break now and then my side doesn't constantly hurt the way it used to.


The bad news is that I am now sick. I'm losing my voice, my throat is filled with gross phlegm, my head is congested, coughing hurts my head and my sides, I feel weak and dizzy all the time, I'm having migraines and nosebleeds, my nose is constantly clogged, AND I have no sick days left for the rest of this month. The only way for me to be a productive member of society and still work my job is to dope myself up hardcore with meds, meaning that I'm very much out of it now at work.


So if you see me at work and I look drunk or high, that's the reason why.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Office Convention ...

theofficeconvention.com


Damn.


If I had known about this earlier, I would SO have been there.

340 Mashups ...


The good people at goodblimey.com have 340 mashups from the world's top bastard pop artists available to download for free right now. If you make a small paypal donation, however, you get access to 2,747 songs, which is totally batpoop insane and altogether awesome.


Here are some of my favorites from the 340 ...


TiMG: Voodoo Problems

DJ BC: Oh What A Night For A Gangsta

Tim 20G: Andrew Fights For His Right To Party

CCC: Girl Only Knows

DJ Tripp: She Wants Animals

DJ Agish: Kill Bill Down


(picture courtesy of Miss Mina)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

New Storytime Character: Wrestler Steve ...

"Attention Barnes and Noble customers ...

Introducing your storyteller ...

From parts unknown ...

Weighing in at one hundred and forty-nine pounds ...

He IS the storytelling champion of the store ...

MISTERRRRR ...

STEEEEEEVE!!!

(fake cheers)"


-overhead announcement in store


Today I started my new reoccurring bit. I tell the kids I have to go to the bathroom and disappear into the back. I put the Captain Book muscles under my shirt, throw on my old school Hurricane mask and put my N.W.O. belt on my shoulder, and do my wrestling announcement. Then I Macho Man Randy Savage my way back into kids and tell the children (today I had 32 kids, a lot for a tuesday) that I'm quitting my job to travel the world chasing my dream of being a professional wrestler. I didn't tell anyone at work that I was going to do it. The kids really dug it. I patricularly like the third picture when the kids have a flex off with me.


This is totally my new GO TO bit. Wrestler Steve. Awesome.










My OFFICIAL in ring name, however, is EL LIBRO GRANDE which I told the kids is spanish for "The Giant Libro."


Awesome. How awesome am I?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Hammer Man ...

Why the hell was this cartoon ever canceled?




And talk about the most convoluted opening credit sequence ever. That's insane.


And I REMEMBER watching this on tv as well as this and THIS, thereby proving to almost everyone at work that I am old as fuck. HA!

Ghettoness At The Gerber Road Savemart ...



It's cute when a three year old does it.


But when an annoying fifteen year old loudmouthed black girl with a knit cap covering her ratty hair who grabs nearby bags of food and throws it on the floor for no reason does it, it's ghetto as fuck.


Now you know and knowing's half the battle.




New post on my Stupid Blog all about Northern Arizona University and a Forrest Gump tape. Good, sad stuff. Go check it out.


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

New Post On My Stupid Blog ...



... there's a new story up on my redheaded stepchild site Esteban Galindo's Stupid Blog, a chronicle of all the stupid, unedited, unadulterated mistakes I've made and the horrible things I've done that have haunted me my whole life.


The new story is about a race, my knee, and a hyperventilating fat girl. It's sad, as almost all my stories are. Click here to go check it out.


New story next week. Crazy crap HERE all the time.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Sunday, October 14, 2007

More Pictures From The Midnight Magic Party ...

... if you're a regular reader of my blog then you know that no one took any pictures of me during our store's Midnight Magic Partydespite the fact that I singlehandedly created the entire plans by myself and was told by three different managers that pictures would be taken. I was really upset about all that but I've gotten over it, so that's old news now.


However, an elderly woman took a few
very small pictures on her phone of the Captain Book adventure that took place at 11pm in front of about 800 people. They're small as hell but at least SOMEBODY took pictures of my triumph and for that I'm grateful.


Check 'em out. They're pretty sweet ...










On a side note, my new site "Steve Galindo's Stupid Blog" is up and running. There's a story up about mud and rain and MC Hammer pants, entirely true. I'm going to be posting a true and sad story once a week, so check back there in the next few days for another totally true stupid Steve story.


Friday, October 12, 2007

My Fucked Up Body ...

... my ribcage has been hurting for about a week and a half. Throughout the past few days i've been holding my right side and occasionally moaning and, if I'm at home, screaming and whimpering. It hurts to lay down straight. That means I haven't been sleeping in bed with my wife lately. I've been sleeping on the (ugh) beanbag. It's a supersized beanbag and it's comfortable but I wake up sore as hell all over, especially on my neck. I wake up in the middle of the night if I roll onto my side. I can hardly bend down or reach up. I went with my family to work out yesterday afternoon and I found myself screaming, literally screaming. There were certain machines, certain workouts that I just couldn't do. Then later that night Natasha tried out her massage therapy book on me and the kids and the simple act of laying down on the floor made me cry, tears running down my face. Something was wrong.




We called my doctor and, in typical Dr. Kim fashion, he's all booked up until late next week. My wife immediately went into urgent care mode. Usually I fight her about it, saying that we don't have the time, the kids will be monsters in the waiting room, it will take hours, blah blah blah. But my side hurt like hell and I couldn't deny that something was seriously wrong with me so I said yes. We were taking care of Deinna, too, so Natasha and I and three kids rolled into urgent care downtown and in ten minutes I was in a waiting room all by myself. It was cool, though, because I had a book to write in and my iPod to comfort me. The song "Checkout Blues" by The Eels especially comforted me as I sat there alone for an hour.




I got x-rays done. And yeah, I'm all fucked up again. The doctors say I have a fractured rib and severe chest damage. How I was able to work and play like I have been for the past week and a half is beyond me and my doctors. The reasons are probably a mixture of things but the MAIN REASON why is my new workout regiment which is "work the fuck out as hard as I humanly can until it's time to leave." That's not good, apparently. I have to take it easy. I can;t do anything that makes it feel bad, which includes lifting heavy objects, lifting the kids, bending over, breathing, walking and standing. Work tomorrow is going to be hell. But I have a note. I need like four or six breaks tomorrow. I'm wearing a rib compressor that itches like hell. I also have vicodin that knocks me the hell out.




I'm all sorts of fucked up. I don't like this. I hurt like hell. My body doesn't like me.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Illya Kuryaki & The Valderramas: Abarajame

Illya Kuryaki and the Valderramas were an Argentinian punk rap group that formed in 1991 and broke up in 2001. Other than that I know absolutely JACK SHEEIT about them. I don't know a lick of spanish and I have no idea what they're saying. But in 1997 and 1998 I accidentally fell in love with them.


Back when I was a sophomore in the dorms I lived on Domino's pizza, McDonald's, porn and good cable. I watched a lot of MTV2. That was back when MTV2 was new and actually showed videos, before MTV2 went the way of MTV and started showing just shows. They didn't have any themes to their programming back then so they'd show a rap song and then an eighties hair metal show and then No Doubt and then some foreign crap. It was awesome. But if you watched for any lengthy amount of time like I did because I had no friends then you'd see a lot of the same videos.


They used to show once or twice a day the COOLEST VIDEO EVER! The beginning was in Japaneses with Spanish subtitles that I didn't understand and I believe the actual song itself is about gambling and sex, but the video (as far as I can tell) is about two brothers who are stolen by rival ninja gangs and grow up fighting each other, never knowing they're brothers. It's the coolest, stupidest video ever and, I've learned recently, it's the greatest song in the WORLD to work out to.


Check it out ...




Download Abarajame.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

HAPPY WOODMAS!!!



HAPPY WOODMAS EVERYBODY!


Today is Woodmas, the holiest day in the Woodian calendar, the day when our savior Ed Wood was born. This is Woodmas number 11 that I have celebrated. 11! That's a really big deal, 11 years that I've been celebrating this holiday. Seems like only yesterday that my old friend Tom and I celebrated the first Woodmas by doing Jack shots and watching "Plan 9 from Outer Space" at my house in Glendale. Now here I am with a wife and kids, still celebrating Woodmas. What bountiful gifts Ed has given me. I am proud to be his follower.


I hope that everybody has a good Woodmas today. I hope that everybody does something Woodian or at least keeps Ed's memory close by them on this, the day he was born. In typical Woodian Galindo fashion, my wife and I drank about 10 beers and stayed up until 1am and had the world's best sex ever.


Here's some Ed Wood music. Partial thanks to WFMU's Beware of the Blog ...


Emerald (age two) and Steve Galindo: The Woodmas Song

Flip the Switch: Plan 9

Planet Log: Tor Johnson

Reverend Steve Galindo: (Ed Wood) Can't Be Stopped

The Immigrants: Me and Bela Lugosi

Crucial Head: Plan 9

Reverend Steve Galindo: Angora on the Shelf

Prewar Yardsale: Would Ed Wood?

Psycho Charger: Graverobbers from Outer Space

Godmonster: Love Feast

Criswell (feat. Steve Galindo): Tell Me The Future

Saint Tor Hershman: The Ed Wood Hymm

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

More Free Halloween Music For Your Punk Ass ...



Fiona Apple: Sally's Song (Nightmare Before Christmas)

Eels: Teenage Witch

Wyrd Sisters (Harry Potter): Do The Hyppogriff

The Gothic Archies: The World Is A Very Scary Place

More Than Ever (Nixon Re-Election Theme)




In a semi-unrelated topic, expect to see a new blog up by ME in the next few days, maybe weeks. It's going to be tentatively called ESTEBAN GALINDO'S STUPID BLOG and it's going to be nothing but the stupid mistakes I've made and the horrible things I've done that have haunted me my whole life. Nothing but my stupid things.


Every second of my life I feel plagued by the stupid things that have happened to me in my past, stupid little things that I can't seem to let go of. I'll be at work and I'll be doing fine and then I'll remember that time when I was seven and I asked my mom to marry me or that time I had a nosebleed in third grade and my teacher called me a nosepicker in front of the whole class. It's impossible for me to forget the mistakes and embarrassments and tears of my past, every one from when I was a kid all the way to today when Lance got pissed off at me and almost made me cry.


So I'm going to write them all down on my (soon to be) new blog, all of it, in no order. If you've ever thought I was cool, then my new blog will shatter that.


Be on the lookout.