This is Samwell, the current John Lennon of faggotry. He made a video for his latest single and posted it on youtube. Somehow it became one of the biggest internet videos of all time. It's essentially the BE ALL YOU CAN BE of gay sex, the BE A PEPPER, TOO of gay ass fucking. It's a funny, tongue in cheek, over the top, queer mating call that somehow works as a superfag recruitment video. Seriously. Even the most manly of people (Lemmy from Motorhead) would be hard pressed watching this video and NOT wanting to fuck another man's ass. THAT's how catchy this song is.
Here you go, bookstore hipsters ...
I saw it online and showed it to my wife and while I was showing it, because we get no privacy, Bela and Emerald crowded around us and watched it too. Since then they've LOVED this video! And once you get past hearing your two year old daughter sing "You wanna do it in my butt" it's cute as hell. Bela even does the head swirl and the eyebrow dancing that Samwell does. It's super cute. I just hope and pray Emerald doesn't start singing it at her uber-christian private school she's in now.
And here's Butter's new internet sensation from South Park a few weeks back, thereby signifying Samwell's importance in fagdom ...
I was busy downloading chapters of Ed Wood for my iPod when I decided to open a tab and show the kids all those youtube videos that are popular with most of america (and yet somehow no one working at Barnes and Noble) and we had a fun half hour watching Dramatic Gopher and Sneezing Panda and Numa Numa and What What (In The Butt). Then Deinna wanted to record a song and I decided to one up her and make a video ...
The video I made with the kids isn't exactly an internet sensation YET. But I DO have an internet sensation I made a few days ago, one that I'm fairly impressed and ashamed with ...
IRON MAN SPOILER ALERT!!!
So my wife and I had an awesome time on our wedding anniversary. We knew for about three years now that there was a christian-themed roller skating rink about ten minutes away from us, but we never bothered. That was awesome. We also bought a thirty dollar bottle of imported italian wine and got ripped up. Olive Garden was awesome. And Iron Man was awesome, too.
There's a scene at the end of the credits. My wife and I ALWAYS stay until the end of the credits. And there was only 1/30th of the audience left in the theater for the BEST SCENE in the MOVIE and when we got home, slightly drunk, we went on youtube to try and find the scene.
So, after one or two beers more on top of the italian wine and the three beers and the vicodin I already had in my system, I posted THIS very inebriated video reply, recorded somewhere around midnight with a head full of a LOT of things ...
Now, I idn't think it would be popular. I never think that any of the stupid videos that I post on youtube will ever be popular. Besides, seeing the video again its so clearly obvious to me that I'm drunk and wasted off my ass. I slur a ton of shit. I'm super uber mecha-smart ass. It's condescending and stupid and childish and the worst smart ass that I have in me.
As of the moment I write this, that stupid video has gotten almost two THOUSAND views. And that's in only three days. That's a lot of reactions, not a lot of them positive. The video I responded to I thought seemed to be upset that a black actor was playing Nick Fury, so I drunkenly issued a rebuttal. And a lot of people got pissed at me about making it a racial issue and, because this is the internet, they responded with racism.
In three days, i've had a lot of really bad things sent my way because of my stupid little youtube video. See, when someone loves a youtube video, they're prone to be silent about it. But when they HATE a youtube video they're prone to be twenty times louder than they would be normally. And it's hard not to be down when faced with such negativity.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM THE COMMENTS OF MY POPULAR YOUTUBE VIDEO:
I could burn ants with my thick ass glasses.
My opinion doesn't really matter at all.
I'm fucking a mama racist bit ch, whatever that is.
I'm flagged, and apparently I should give a shit about that.
I'm a dumbass.
I'm either a fucking asian asshole or a fucked up looking mexican and I suck at trying to be funny.
I am a geek and the hearts behind me look UBER gay, despite the fact that anyone who unironically uses the word UBERGAY is in fact gay.
I wear douche-nozzle glasses, whatever they are.
Bill Cosby is not funny to talk about or to listen too, unless you assholes from the 60's want to sound "down with it".
I need to please delete my Youtube account and get a girlfriend and move out of your mom's basement, despite the fact that i'm married with two kids.
I am a racist pig.
Me and my apparently lesbian wife are apparently KKK RACIST pice off white-crap and we are the problem on our planet!!!! Three exclamation points there. We are WHITE-TRASH!!! We are a big shame for the humanity and a big heroes for the same hitler!!!!
I am a racist gay.
I am a douchebag, racist emogay.
I am a dumb-ass frustrated comedian comic geek. (This one hurts the MOST because it hits the most home.)
I'm a douchebag.
I'm a a fking idiot, whatever the hell an F King idiot is.
I am tempted to delete the whole stupid video but somehow that would mean that the racist ignorant bastards would win, that their ignorant jabs forced me to cave in and delete my post. I'm trying to stand by my drunken ideals but its hard to when a thousand people hate you, even when they're invisible.
Anyway, this 22 year old guy who calls himself TheGuyWithPepsi, whatever the fuck that means, posted a message NOT on my video but on my actual profile page, saying this ...
"what the hell is wrong with you.
I am a black person i speak for everyone
who saw your video.
What is wrong with you ?
Do you have any problems ?
Are you Gay ?
Are you a mentally retarted ?"
Apparently one twentysomething, Pepsi-obsessed douchebag somewhere speaks for EVERYONE who saw my video. And apparently I'm gay and mentally retarded.
I automatically wanted to reply by saying dirty, nasty ass shit on HIS youtube profile page. I thought up dirty, nasty, ignorant, blasphemous, horrid, horrible ass shit to say. But instead I took the high road and posted THIS instead ...
"A fool go with thy soul, whither it goes!"
-Henry IV, part I
Screw Rick rolling people. I'm Shakespeare-rolling people. Because the high road always tastes sweeter than whatever cheap thrill the low road can achieve.