Emerald is off to camp. Church camp. She's been so excited these past few weeks. She left yesterday morning. Then my wife went to help her brother and his wife move into our complex and then she went and picked up a new couch for us and all of that took most of the day. It ended up being me and Isabela alone for the whole day, really lonely and sad.
God I miss Emerald so much.
I'm going in to work today. I actually have two days off, yesterday and today, but I'm going in today for storytime. I probably shouldn't go in for storytime but I'm smack dab in the middle of summer and my crowd numbers have been getting bigger and bigger. I don't want to leave a storytime with an audience of 30 or 40 kids to someone who doesn't want to do storytime, you know?
That's why I'm going in today. It's because I'm awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar or manic depressive. I need to get a psychiatric evaluation but I'm afraid to. And besides, I don't even know how to go about that without spending money I don't have. And what makes this all difficult is there's that part of my brain that's my father saying that this is all bullshit and that I'm making this all up and that I'm waisting my time taking pills.
Yesterday I was really depressed and lonely and dark. But right now I'm feeling happy and high and manic and cool. Hopefully that feeling will last.