God, where to fucking start.
First off, there's a ton of drama that's surrounding me (I'm not a part of it, it's surrounding me like I have some sort of invisible force field) that's all about my brother-in-law's baby momma and a fight and an angry husband and all this other shit. My wife has taken it upon herself to help with the drama and therefore I've had two days off and during those two days I've pretty much been left alone to take care of my darling Emerald and my loud screaming crazy terrible twos poopmachine Isabela AND their cousin Deinna AND her crazy manic rude A.D.D. sister Autumn who NEVER LISTENS TO ANYBODY! I've been so stressed out listening to them scream and yell and fight that I swear there have been times that I wanted to kill myself, to literally just slit my wrists and end it all instead of spend another second with these yelling screaming girls.
And then my wife and I had a yelling match right before I started, LITERALLY a few seconds before I started the show and that just tensed me up for the whole thing. I just wasn't comfortable.
Plus I promised the four girls that I would put them in the show. so I started off the show and while I'm trying to do my intro (it doesn't matter in retrospect because I didn't have any sound anyway) I can hear the kids yelling and crying outside and my wife raising her voice and putting the smackdown on the kids and that mixed with everything else, the drama and the fight and all that, I started getting an anxiety attack. So I had an anxiety attack throughout the whole show. Fucking incredible.
Then I have the four kids in there and they're just yelling and screaming and running around everywhere. I couldn't handle it. My wife cane in and had to take all the kids out because you could see that I just couldn't handle too much of it, you know?
And also I thought it would be cool to do the show in the bathroom because it would be quirky and funny and also there's great lighting in there. Well, when there WAS sound it was all echo and you could barely hear me, apparently. So once my wife took the kids away I tried to talk honestly and openly about my feelings and my problems. But apparently because of the bathroom you could barely hear me. and also my wife told me that I was too close to the microphone and I had to back up.
But all this just built up and it was all just too much. I couldn't do it, so i just stopped the whole thing. Now my wife is pissed off at me because she took the kids out of the room and I just stopped the show. Somehow she sees that as a slap to the face or an insult or something. So we fought right before the show and then we fought right afterwards, too. How great is that?
That's Autumn with the "Fuck Off" shirt. And that's a confederate flag on top of the White house on Emerald's shirt.
THIS is why I take so many pills.