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Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Truth ...

It's been exactly one year since I learned "the truth."


It's been exactly one year since I started cutting myself.


It's been exactly one year since my health started gradually deteriorating.


It's been one whole year. I can't believe it's been that long.


Well, I think I'm handling it rather well in retrospect. I mean, given the circumstances that I have to navigate in my mind just to wake up in the morning I should get some sort of medal. To quote Ed Wood, my mind's in a muddle, like in a thick fog. that's the best way I can describe it. Nobody knows how it feels to be me. Nobody.


You don't know how it feels to be me.


But, I mean, at least I'm alive, right? I'm alive, I'm fairly happy most of the time. I've had a few good ups and some frighteningly low lows and even some really bad thoughts but I think a lot of that just comes from my still unchecked bipolar disorder.


Basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm having a bitch of a time but I think I might just end up being alright. Hopefully.


This is a song from my favorite bands that i am dedicating to this past year. I can't think of a better song to describe the shitstorm I've gone thru ... Jim's Big Ego: New Lang Syne (Thank God It's Over)

1 comment:

Volly said...

Steve,

Here's a thought. Don't know if it will help. But...

You pass a house that looks really good on the outside. Well kept up, attractive, neat lawn, etc. There might be someone living inside that house who says "Yeah, looks okay on the outside, but you have no idea how my mortgage is pulling me toward poverty...how fighting the termites in the basement is a never-ending battle...how there's a loud fight at dinner every night," etc. It doesn't matter, because someone, either that person or someone else, or a combination, still says "HOME" when they pull in the driveway. It's the only home they've got and the sum total of it is more important than what the person on the inside thinks they perceive.

The house is you, and the people coming up the driveway are your wife & kids.

So stop beating up on yourself and go plant some love.

/v