NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

What Eels Song Am I?


You are Bad News
Maybe you're just in a bad mood, maybe you always feel like this. but don't be so down on yourself. just remember the person who wrote this song was feeling exactly like you are and he is definitely something great. you probably are too!
Take this quiz!


Eels: Bad News

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Crying While Dancing With The Baby ...



I've never felt more alone in my entire life.


I saw her for about twenty minutes yesterday. I wont see her again until friday night or maybe even saturday.


All day shes been sending me pictures from San Francisco, these amazing pictures of churches and buildings and crooked streets. Meanwhile I'm swatting hundreds of flies and crying while dancing in the kitchen with the baby because I feel so alone and its so damn hard.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Scenes Of Sexism And Unbelieveability In Avengers Issue 1 ...




Why was the Avengers, a collection of earths mightiest heroes, formed? Because of the newly formed Teen Brigade, a group of youthful radio ham enthusiasts. Even back then that had to have been retarded.


href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ADJeI8tSXIA/R5bSBLMLalI/AAAAAAAABa0/iH5X-LuDKDI/s1600-h/aven2.jpg">


The main cause of confusion with issue one of the Avengers comes from Ant-Man, one of the lamest super heroes ever created who here is touted as the best thing since Superman, and his relationship with The Wasp, a woman of equally crappy power who apparently, if you believe Ant-Man, is just a dumb stupid woman. The sexism here is hilariously rampant.





The Wasp, a woman apparently of equal value as Captain America and Iron Man, is characterized as a stereotypical stupid vapid bitch and Ant-Man treats her like shit throughout.





Apparently the main problem holding back the team is the fact that one of their teammates is a horny lovesick vagina.




And who saves the day? Ant-Man and his retarded ant powers, oooooh! Iron Man is on the team. The freaking hulk is on the team. Thor is on the team, for Christs sake! And hes a fucking god! And who traps Loki? The freaking stupid cocky retarded little ant guy? Come on!




I WAS going to write a post about how my wife is gone for three days and how depressed and lonely and drunk I am. But I thought this Avengers shit was more fun.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

A Well Balanced Breakfast ...



It's a sunday. The kids are at church, the wife is at work, and daddy is at home all alone hopped up on wicked throat meds. I have a sever throat infection, a severe nasal infection, and something wrong with my throat that my doctors don't know and can't identify. It might be something bad and it might be nothing. I'm trying not to freak out over it and just take my meds like a good boy. There's a throat med I'm taking, prometh-something, that's laced hardcore with codeine. Its a controlled substance and I had to show my I.D. and sign for it. It trips me out hardcore and stops me from coughing up my lungs. My throat is so bad that for the past few days Ive had coughing fits so bad that Ive almost blacked out. Thats not good.


Anyway, I'm home alone pretty much all day. The kids will be back around noon, so while I'm alone I'm eating a well balanced galindo family breakfast of coffee, popcorn, and rocky road ice cream. I'm also trying to finally finish watching the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I have a bootleg that ive never gotten around to finishing.


Does anyone else realize just how much Captain Barbossa looks like Elliot Smith?





I think I just dissed a dead guy. I guess im just not a hipster anymore.


Anyhoo, heres some free music for your punk ass ...


Elliott Smith: Happiness

Lupe Fiasco: Gold Watch

Eels: Hello Cruel World

Pink Floyd: Breathe in the Air

Ween: Baby Bitch

King Geedorah (MF Doom): I Wonder

Eels: Woman Driving, Man Sleeping

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Music For Musics Sake ...



I'm nowhere NEAR feeling better. So WTF. Heres some music for your punk ass ...


Jason Webley: Ways to Love

Alejandro Escovedo: Arizona

Eels: Eyes Down

The Beatles: Another Girl

Kepi: When I'm Gone

One Minute Silence: Rise And Shine

Jims Big Ego: How It Happens

Eels: Suicide Life

The Gothic Archies: Things Are Not What They Appear

Belas Blanket ...



My grandmother made me that blanket and gave it to me when I was one day old. I kept it close to me ever since then. I called it my weechie although I never learned why. It was my comforter, my confessor, my protector and at times it was my only friend. I loved that thing to death, even into my twenties.


Now Bela cuddles to bed with it. She even calls it her weechie. Its the single most touching and heartbreaking thin Ive ever had the pleasure to witness.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Addendum to Feeling Better ...



I have been sick for 10 days straight. It has NOT been fun. Last night I started coughing up blood. Its been absolute hell on earth and its gone on for 10 days straight. 10 DAYS! So now I have two days off of work. That should make me happy, right? Well these two days will mostly be spent taking care of my two sick girls, sick like dogs. So how am I supposed to get better when my kids are feeling horrible?


Sacramento is foggy, ive been sick for ten days, my throat feels like crap and Vampira is dead. What is this world coming to?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Finally Feeling Better ...



These past four to five days have been absolute hell for me. Insomnia, massive stomach cramps, hot and cold flashes, nausea, dizziness, massive headache, sweating and barely eating anything. Its been absolute hell. But now, after days and days of taking the grossest pills and medications, I am FINALLY starting to feel better. I'm eating for the first time in days. My stomach is feeling better. My head is slowly stopping spinning.


Finally I am a man on the mend. And it feels damn good.


Heres some free music for your punk ass ...


Prewar Yardsale: Sun of a Sun

Eels: Climbing to the Moon

Lazyeye: High School Girl

Scapegoat Wax: Watching the Rain

Honeyspot: Dot Coms and Hollywood Freaks

Glen Miller: In The Mood

Eels: To Lick Your Boots

2 Skinnee Js: Grown Up

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My Flying Stomach ...

I went to the urgent care yesterday, Steve being the absolute king of urgent care. Anyway, you remember the pain I had in my stomach from eating an ultimate sirloin burger at 4am? Well, that wasn't all of it. The people at urgent care told me that I have a severe stomach virus and a buildup of toxins in my intestines. That explains my fever, my lack of appetite, my massive throbbing headache and the fact that for the past few days ive been doubled over in pain. So apparently the only way for me to feel better is for me to take a crapload of pills and drink this nasty ass powdery drink and wait a few days for this stuff to slowly and painfully flush the bad stuff out of my system. The bad part, though, is that the pills im taking wont work if taken with any kind of narcotic pain medication, so I cant take anything for my swollen throat or my fever or my massive throbbing headache. I just have to wait the pain out and hope I feel better soon.




It should be noted that our keyboard got coffee spilled on it courtesy of crazy Bela and as such the letters h and g and the apostrophe key aren't working. So during this post and the previous post any time you see an h or a g I put it there by copying and pasting the letters. Its a long and annoying process and I should totally get some sort of medal for posting under such difficult circumstances.


I may be deathly sick but that doesn't mean I don't rule.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Looking Back At 2007 ...



This is how I look like sick. Ive been sick all day. Ive had a serious case of insomnia recently. I would say that in the past 48 hours Ive gotten about five hours of sleep. Its been horrible. And to make matters worse I though it would be a good idea to eat an ultimate sirloin cheeseburger from Jack in the Box at 4am this morning. By 9am I was at work doubled over in pain. I vomited in the bathroom and decided it was best if I went home. Ive been slipping in and out of consciousness all day, punctuated by long stretches of the deepest pain.


And watching Spongebob with Bela.




Ive been spending the past few hours looking back at 2007. Thats easy for me seeing that I have been keeping track of my life since 2002 ...


These are my books. I'm not supposed to call them diaries because I have a penis, but they're diaries. Who am I kidding, right? Ive been writing in them since February 2002 when I first moved to Sacramento. Ive successfully completed six full length titles in almost six years. I actually have enough stuff in my books to write a full length novel about myself, albeit a depressed and perverted one. I don't have a lot of friends and spend a lot of time, probably too much time, writing in one of my books all by myself. I always have one with me and I can think of two people in the whole world who have read it, one of those people being my wife.


Here is a picture of book six, the one I just completed. The cover is a collage of the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz ...




2002 used to be the hardest book, what with the move and the breakup and the married woman and the dirtbar and the violence and the drinking and partying and all the trouble with the law. Then meeting and falling incredibly quickly in love with a young woman with a one year old named Emerald. That book ended in 2004 wit some deeply personal drama that I now personally call The Drama on the Fourth of July. I wasn't sure what was going on and what was going to happen to me.


Well, theres a new winner in the world of difficult books to write and thats 2007, the book I finished a few days ago. Ive been rereading book six today. A lot of it is simple bitching about work and covering breaks and being overworked and getting no credit. Then theres all the doubt and the fear. It starts up small, a little something here and a little something there. And then in November it exploded.


Now Im all set to start writing book seven ...




... and Im frightened to.


My wife as been asleep since 8:30pm. My stomach hurts so bad

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Capt. Book VS Every Bad Guy Ever!!!

Backstage, getting ready.








Captain Book is sick with a supercold and lost his muscles.










Mr. Steve tells him to exercise. He doesn’t know what exercising is and ends up trying to lift pens.






The evil and sinister DR. BORDERZ, that's Borderz with a Z and in no way related to the bookstore of similar name, arrives at storytime with every bad guy ever! MRS. KNOW-IT-ALL, MISS LULU, DR. DARK, BOMIT and THE CHORES FAIRY invade storytime.

























Our plan: we all read poetry at once. It is his weakness. Bomit has a J.K. Rowling book and Chores Fairy reads the back of a box of a Swiffer Duster.













Dr. Borderz is about to strike the final blow. The kids are on the edge of their seats! Is this the end of our hero?






But the joke is on Captain Book! The villains are all there to throw a SURPRISE PARTY for Captain Book! Theres cake and ice cream and everybody parties and has fun. Captain Book and Dr. Borderz share a hug and all is well with the world!






The question now is, why did the evil and sinister Dt. Borderz throw his arch-rival a surprise birthday party?


The answer will be revealed in a few days on Dr. Borderz’s myspace page.

Fuzzy Pictures From The Bar ...

Loud drunk farewell party for Julia at T.G.I. Fridays ...