NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Open Invitation ...

My wife is going away again. And I don't want to find myself lonely and drunk again. just drunk would be fine. So if anyone wants to come over to my place tomorrow night and eat pizza and drink and watch Reaper and Boston Legal with me, feel free to come on over.


Wish me luck these next few days. I always hate it when she leaves. I don't like how depressed I get. My guess would be tomorrow night is going to be me alone watching crap and playing the same video games and drinking heavily and going to sleep around 2am. It's always dark nights. But I know that its all for the $$$ which we so DESPERATELY need. So its grin and bear it time for the Galindo family.


I wish I had some funny way to end this, but I don't. Come on over if you want to.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Beyond The Wall ...



I could have gone to sleep at 5am when the shitty ass Sacramento news came on. Or I could have gone to bet at 6am when Emerald woke up. Or I could have gone to bed at 7am when Isabela woke up crying and screaming. Or I could have gone to bed at 8am when Emerald finally went off to school. Hell, I could have gone to sleep once I walked into my house at four in the goddamn morning.


But somewhere between 7 and 8am, I passed the wall of sleep. I didn't mean to. it was an accident. But, sadly, I passed that damn wall a long ass time ago. It's gone. It's long gone. I can't even see sleep in my rear view mirror anymore. Sleep has left the building, gone, outta here, bye bye, see ya, buenos noches!


This was my eight inventory for the (BLANK) and (BLANK) corporation, eight obscenely late hours spent counting and counting and eating cold pizza and smoking and making sure that toothless carnie-rejects do their job propery.


But not once have I found myself in this position where suddenly my entire sleep pattern has been totally and completely
FUCKED!!!


I don't know when I'm going to fall asleep. So I have a NEW plan: drink as much beer as I can until I pass out. It's almost 10am. I'm almost done with a 6-pack. And very little food. And yet I still stand. I feel strange, like some sort of caffeinated zombie version of myself. I'm a sad mash-up of myself.


So here's some awesome ass free mashups for your punk ass, courtesy of the STEVE CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP corporation ...


Aggro 1: Dirty Deeds Will Rock You

Steve Dirkx: Ringo Is A God On Acid

Party Ben: Rehab (I Can't help Myself)

Aggro 1: hey Man, Nice Music

Artie Fufkin: Been Caught Stealing Your Rump

Beastles (DJ bc): Sure-bla-di, Sure-bla-da

Party Ben: Wipeout Taffy

aggro 1: Falling Away In The Wind

Why My Wife Is Fucking Insaine ...



Inventory was last night-slash-this morning. I worked from 7pm to 3:30 in the morning. It was a non-stop, flat out burn through every book in the store. It's rough shit. I had four cups of coffee and a 24 oz. Rockstar and three cigarettes just to get me through the night. It was pretty brutal, especially since I have young ones and usually fall asleep around 9 or 10 am, but all in all I guess it went well.


Here's the thing, though. Pay attention here. It's past 5am as I write this. And i'm still awake. Wide fucking awake. See, I told my wife NOT to stay up and wait for me to get home. I told her that over and over again, repeatedly! I told her that SHE would have to be the one to wake up early with the kids and wake up in the morning and get Emerald ready for school. I TOLD HER not to stay up and wait for me. I would more than likely be getting home around four am. I told her NOT to wait up for me!


Of course she waited up for me.


But see, here's the thing ... she stayed up so late waiting for me that she knew that when she finally went to sleep that there would be NO WAY she would wake up at 6am with the kids. There was going to be no way that she would be able to wake up with the kids. There's be no way.


I got home at 3:50am. And now somehow I'm STAYING UP until 8am so that I can get Emerald ready for school. Me, the man who is EXHAUSTED all to HELL from a hellacious inventory is now somehow STAYING UP to take care of the kids!


Now when I think about it I think that I could probably be really pissed off about this situation. But I'm not. I see it as a CHALLENGE, a very strange and suicidal sort of challenge that should not be attempted by anyone of sound mind EVER.


I'm so fucking tired. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Watching The Riches ...



My wife fell asleep at 9:30 after a hard fucking by yours truly. Now it's almost 11:30 (Family Guy rerun time on channel 40) and I'm alone and lonely on beer three watching totally free FULL EPISODES of The Riches on hulu.com.


I can't recommend it enough, especially if you spend a decent amount of time alone and/or drunk like I have this past month. The pilot is hard to swallow at times, especially cracked out redneck Minnie Driver in cornrows. But Eddie Izzard is a genius and his performance is amazing. And besides, after the pilot and its seriousness the show seems to glide at an amazing pace, nice and comfortable and hilarious and fun.


Check it out. hell, it's free. And if you're one of the ten people who read this blog then you DEFINITELY probably have some time on your hands.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Summary ...



Today I had a serious amount of dental work done, lots of drilling and suctioning and drilling and more drilling. So I am currently on some really nice and massively sized pain pills that are making me feel like a drunk squirrel who just rode the Gravitron at the State Fair.


And let me tell you, it's pretty nice.


I am currently in talks with two major movie companies about playing a part in their documentaries about Ed Wood. Why all this sudden heat around moi? It might have something to do with the fact that tomorrow-slash-today there's a dvd coming out called "The Lascivious World of Ac Stephen & Ed Wood Jr." It's a look at Ed's "monster nudie" years and APPARENTLY I am featured in the dvd extras.


I'm a dvd extra. How awesome is that? I spend so much of my time alone and sad and drunk and taking care of my kids that I forget that I'm a semi-internet celebrity.


Cool beans.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Another Dirtbar ...



My older brother Joe is in town from Phoenix and tonight me and the wifey are going to meet up with him at a new dirtbar of his that I've never been to called The Pied piper. I asked Kyle about it earlier and he said it's a lot like The Maple Room but nicer. I'm a little bit weary about going tonight because the mere idea of the dirtbar brings back a lot of memories, not all of them good.


Should be an interesting night.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Under The Knife ...

My wife snuck a dentist's appointment on my brown ass. My parents didn't particularly believe in doctors or dentists. They were of the "no blood, no doctor" variety. If it wasn't bleeding, then no doctor's visit for you. I honestly think that before today I hadn't seen the dentist since high school. And I'm 31 years old.


I have a number of teeth in the back of my mouth that will have to be removed. See, I have perfect teeth in the front of my mouth, the teeth that you can see on a smile, not that I've been doing too much of that recently. The back, however, are pretty damn bad. So bad in fact that I need to set up an appointment with an oral surgeon so that they can knock me out and surgically remove the bad ones in the back.


I'm scared. Like I don't have ENOUGH stress in my life what with my home life and money problems and Bela's insanely loud terrible twos and my new depression medicine causing mental problems and having to redo my whole department by myself. Now I have to get surgery. Great.


Here's some music for you. It's been a while.




Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings: Nobody's Baby

Ween: I'll Miss You

Emocapella: Enjoy Your Day (Alkaline Trio)

Eels: I'm Going To Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart

Dryve: Heart Of This

The State: Porcupine Racetrack