NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Busy. Come Back Later ...

Can't talk.


Reading Bret Hart's new book.




I've read a LOT of wrestling biographies:


Mick Foley has a great talent for writing.
Chris Jericho is insanely funny.
Eddie Guerrero had about a million near death experiences.
Eric Bishoff is full of shit.


But never before have I found my heart BREAKING over a professional wrestler like my heart has for Bret Hart. Never before and never again will there be a professional wrestling biography that chronicles such a hard fought rise and such a monumental fall.


I have about fifty pages left. He's been screwed in Montreal, his character is dead, WCW is killing his career, Owen's dead, his divorce is final and his family is tearing itself apart.


And THIS just happened, nearly killing him and ending his career ...




I've never honestly felt so bad for a wrestler before.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

High School Morning ...



Took the dogs out potty early this morning. It was cold but not too cold and it had a very slight frost. It felt all so familiar. The coldness and the air and how it felt and smelled, it all reminded me of high school, MY high school, the Deer Valley Skyhawks.


It reminded me of standing around outside at 7:45am with all my friends, probably huddled up for warmth in my letterman jacket with some young girl that I didn't give a damn about but was with simply because she wanted to be with me.


It reminded me of happiness and of carelessness and promise, things I barely have anymore.


It also reminded me of a song. Hippychick by Soho.




I don't know why this song appeared in my head with thoughts of high school. It just did.


Soho: Hippychick

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Miss Know-It-All Thinks She's The Evil Dr. Borderz (Steve In Drag) ...

Mr. Steve shows the kids at storytime his LATEST invention, the Super Mental Dr-Frakulation Machine Version 1.0 (Use As Directed). Basically the machine confuses you and then ... that's it. I hadn't figured out what it should do after that, so it just confuses you.





When I accidenally BREAK the machine, Captain Book comes out but she thinks she's the evil and sinister Dr. Borderz. But then I come out thinking I'm Miss Know-It-All/Captain Book and come out in her trademark skirt and headband.






I feel much more comfortable with Megan as Captain Book. I used to write scripts but now I feel like I don't need to because her and I are on the same page. It feels very nice.




As I was getting dressed to go out in drag, one of the newbies at work, a transfer from Temecula, said "Wow, that's amazing. At my old store the person who did storytimes, she never dressed up or went all out."


Made me feel good. I do good things.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Morning Has Broken ...



I like posting and working on my blog early in the morning.


I just felt like saying that.


Good morning, invisible friends.

The Three Galindo Men ...

Myself, my father Jose Galindo, and my older brother Joe.




Me and my brother trying to show off our toys like we're kids again.




Me and Joe. He has been having serious health problems, spinal degeneration being the main one along with the fact that he has no cartilage in his knees. He's doing physical therapy and scheduling various major surgeries. The thing is, we're about three and a half years apart. His health problems make me weary of getting older.




His serious health problems also make my health problems feel like worthless shit, like he's going thru the SERIOUS stuff and I'm just a crybaby putting a tack to my arm.


But I'm pretty sure that's just my younger brother self talking.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Overloaded With Various Youtube Videos ...

Chainsaw Maid


Twiggy Twiggy


Even waterfalls are getting technologically advanced.


The Three Caballeros, Disney's trippiest movie, has a ride at Walt Disney World.


FROM CHEAP SEATS: The kid with the blue hair who takes off his shirt is in the new Twilight movie. Taylor Lautner. This is why I can never go see the Twilight movie.


The Healing Dance.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Sick Steve Saves The Day ...



On tuesday I crawled into work with the BIGGEST stomach ache I've ever had. I was dizzy, my stomach was flip flopping, and I was coughing up bile every minute or so, feeling like I was seconds away from vomiting like mad. I was in tears as I walked in to work, literal tears because I was in so much pain. They let me do storytime and then sent me home. Somehow I was heartbroken.


When I got home I took my temperature. I was 101.2 degrees. I was incredibly hot, burning up. It was hideous. I felt like dying.


That's why I called in sick yesterday. I have no sick time left so I really didn't want to call in. but I did it so that I could get some rest, some medicine, some sleep and try to get better.


It was going to be a nice, relaxing sick day off.


Meanwhile, my wife was working in San Jose. But then a tanker exploded on the main freeway between San Jose and Sacramento and since Natasha's ride decided in the early hours of the morning to go visit her mother's house, Natasha found herself stuck in a strange city she didn't know.


OH NO! How would she ever get home?


And that's how I, Steve, sick as a drunken donkey ...




... somehow manages to drive the four hour LONG WAY from Sacramento, California thru San Francisco and straight into San Jose to save my stranded wife.


That's how awesome I am. Even sick I still save the day.


Here are my pics ...


Me driving onto the Bay bridge for the first time. No sweat for sick Steve, though ...




What was mean to be an awesome picture of the San Francisco bay turned into a picture of how fucking dirty my window is ...




I got tired so Bela and I stopped at a Starbucks. She ran around and I tried to wake up. she was a perfectly quiet, kind, well behaved girl for the whole trip ...





We picked Natasha up in the lobby, which had a small aviary for some hoity-toity reason.


"OOH, look at US, we're a FANCY hotel, we have an AVIARY!"


Isabela seemed to like it, though. here's a failed picture of some of the birds ...




I feel bad for so many of my pictures being FAILs. I mean, I WAS sick!


So to make up to you for the FAILs, here are some pictures of some nice asses that I candidly took at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom this past summer ...







Actually, the last one was my wife's ass. And it wasn't at Six Flags. Sorry. My bad.


And THEN, my once I got home I had to RUSH to get dressed so that I could, rare moment, meet my BROTHER and my FATHER at a BAR by my work. It was my older brother's birthday and he's spending it in Sacramento. It's so rare that I get a chance to see either of them, so it was a real treat.


Here's a dark picture of my dad from last night ...




So that was my yesaterday. I was sick but instead of rest I went on an incredibly long road trip, drove thru San Francisco, visited an aviary, saved my damsel in distress, and went out (and didn't drink) with my father and brother.


Oh, and one of the car's tired exploded right outside of Fairfield.


What a crazy ass day.


Today I go back to work. Deep breath. Wish me luck. LOTS of it.

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Thoughts ...



My wife leaves tonight. She says she'll be back sometime wednesday morning, hopefully. Then she's back home for a little bit before leaving for a big Halloween mixer this weekend. She WAS going to leave on saturday and be back on sunday. Now she says she's leaving early friday and HOPEFULLY coming back on sunday.


You know how I'm trying to be more honest and open with people? Well I tried to open up to her and told her how she's always busy with everything and everyone but me. I told her how I never see her and how she's always too busy for me and she responded by trying to out me, saying that I always get sad and depressed like this when her business gets good.


That may be true. Business is good. But that usually comes at the cost of our marriage.


That's that. See you some other time, invisible friends.


Here's a song to my holiday music buddies at work ...


The Marketts: Out of Limits

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Random Thoughts On A Lonely Sunday Night ...

-Right now the kids are snoring loudly in separate sides of the house. Emerald complains that she doesn't want to go to sleep but knocks out easily in just a few minutes. Bela's more like me. She's not comfortable sleeping until she's 100% wiped out, so she tries to stay up and eventually just knocks out with me on the couch. There's silence, occasionally broken up by sunday night cartoons which just don't seem that funny tonight, probably because I'm alone.


- Sundays on television are all about Fox animation, about Simpsons and Family Guy and all the rest. And the remaining 22 hours are usually comprised with whatever I can do to waste time between waking up and watching amazing cartoons. I feel a bit immature saying that, especially since as I write this I am wearing full body footsie pajamas, but sundays are usually all about cartoons for me.


-Television isn't television without my usual television companion sitting next to me. The shows aren't as funny without her near me. Watching tv without her next to me feels like I'm doing something wrong.


-I LOVE my full body footsie pajamas! Apparently I fit into kids XL. They're red and have flying robots all over them. See, Work Steve has his suit and tie and even a dapper hat. Home Steve has full body footsie pajamas and he LOVES THEM!


-I'm taking a vacation next month for a few days RIGHT BEFORE work gets crazy. it will be my first REAL vacation in a long time, probably since Isabela has been born. natasha and a work friend are going to a big "mixer." There are mixers all the time all over the place and usually my wife goes to the ones around here. But there's one coming up in Vegas and I, the only member of the Wind Clan After Work Pinball Krew, have been DYING to go to the Pinball Hall of Fame and spend a day there, just me and the pinball machines. And it looks like in a few weeks I'll get my wish. I MIGHT get my wish. Maybe. It'll be hard, especially since I'm over five months sober. And not to mention the fact that i'll be going to the city of sin with two of the sexiest sinners there are. I'm nervous and excited and frightened. I'm also seriously geeking out inside. I hope this isn't just bullshit talk. i hope it actually happens. I've been through a million tons of shit this past year. I need me time.




-I'm trying to be more honest and open with people. I'm trying to open myself up more emotionally in the hopes that it will make these bad feelings I have go away. I don't have to worry about being more open and honest here on my blog. I'm as open as I want here. Watch this ... Hi. I'm Steve. I'm 31 years old. I weight 160lbs. I'm asthmatic. I sometimes cut myself as a cry for help. I have a dangerously low self esteem. I am manic depressive and possibly bipolar. My doctor says I need therapy. I probably do.


-I'm itchy. I hope to GAWD I'm not getting hives again. I still have nightmares about that. I'm just worried. My life is changing so much and so fast. There are things I've gotten almost used to that I shouldn't be used to. My life is total chaos. I want to get it together. I want to know what I want. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but it makes sense to me.


-I miss Michael Burns.


Well, that's about it, I guess. Getting tired. have to wake up early to get Emerald ready for school. Yeah, no rest for the reverend. Here's some free music your way. Wind clan out ...


Perry Como: And I Love You So

Mr. Big: To Be With You

Red Hot Chili Peppers: Slow Cheetah

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Root Beer Show: Episode Three NOW WITH BOOBIES!

Yes, it's another exciting and thirsty episode of "The Root Beer Show," the world's best amateur root beer reviewing webisode!


In episode three Steve answers fan requests by reviewing Barq's root beer. Plus there's madness and a lot of arguing AND some pretty damn good editing. And introducing BOOBS!


Enjoy them, root beer lovers ...




A whispered "call the police" has now become quite the catch phrase around the house. It makes me proud. I love it.


I'm trying to wait a while before I make another episode. I mean, how in the world can I ever top THAT?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Awesome Packages Of Japanese Food I Found In San Francisco ...

While Michael Burns and his friends searched in a japanese market for beer to consume, I was searching for awesome packages to share to you. Yeah. I was thinking of you. Don't you feel quite the fool now, huh?


Anyway, here's how it goes. I show the picture I took, then we all talk about it.


Ready?


Super Hi Hi Big Fun Time #1!



Ice candy? Are you sure that's not a car battery because that thing's giving off electricity. Look how stoked that dude is for eating that ice candy. How great is that? Reminds me of when you were younger and you'd get super way excited for eating something like ice cream or a candy bar. Now you're older and you have real things to worry about like money and AIDS and cancer and ninjas.



I don't know the language that's on the box but I'm pretty sure that says "panda-flavored ice candy." Writing that, I just realized Am I being racist? Probably. Don't they eat dogs? They probably eat pandas, too.



This is a candy. A CANDY! And to think we Americans eat our candy from wrappers. How fooling we are. Japanese people apparently eat their candy from the intestines of pokemon rejects like Meowth's cousin Chang, pictured above.



TRANSLATION: Hello, japanese consumer-man. I am So-Pau, happy fun talk egg person. I have been born into life to spread curry into vein of world. Come with So-Pau and learn new life born of curry time. Like my apron?



I'm totally serious when I say this. I want to LIVE on this wrapper. I want to live the rest of my life right there on top of that yucky green crap, whatever it is, dancing with my new food friends with total abandon because all we care about is dancing and having fun. Hey, Tomato, guess what? Carrot says we're doing the cha-cha next! How awesome is our life? No, I'm not tired from all this dancing. Holy crap, I just literally crapped a rainbow! And I pee'd a unicorn baby. I love life! No more bullshit work drama for me! Man, somebody wake Broccoli's ass up, we're doin' the cha-cha!!



This is the junior novelization of the package before. Either that or the kids menu from Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.




Ok, this last one we need to talk about.


This was in the candy aisle.


Those are small dried up fish.


ACTUAL FISH!


Some of them still have their eyeballs, but most of the eyes were on a big pile on the bottom of the package.


REAL FISH!


What the fuck is going on with japanese people!?! We are talking about dried up fish babies sold in the candy aisle right next to Puchitto Hi-Chew and Super Black Sugar Choco Balls. And this is food? And people EAT it?


That's uncool.


And I can't BELIEVE I didn't buy it when I had the chance!!!




That's it for the packages of japanese food. Hope you liked it.


Stay tuned, root beer lovers, for a super sized boob filled new episode of THE ROOT BEER SHOW, the world's leading amateur root beer reviewing webisode.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Root Beer Show: Episode Two

Yes, it's another exciting and thirsty episode of "The Root Beer Show," the world's best amateur root beer reviewing webisode!


In episode two Steve reviews Faygo root beer with girls climbing all over him. And he makes a joke about a doctor that's pretty darn funny. And he burps. Loudly.


Enjoy, root beer lovers ...


Sunday, October 12, 2008

STEVE REVIEWS ROOT BEER!

It's "The Root Beer Show," the world's best amateur root beer reviewing webisode!


In this BRAND NEW internet show, Steve and his special guests try out America's best root beers and have some super silly fun along the way.


In episode one Steve picks his nose and talks about rum and coke with toddlers.


Enjoy ...


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Post #900!!!



Well, Woodmas has come and gone. We went downtown, saw Forever Plaid, had dinner and a show, and we even made the van start rocking in the downtown parking lot (wink wink) and I am happy to announce that I bought ONE beer, took a sip, and then gave the rest to my wife because the taste sickened me.


Welcome to post #900 on this blog. Here's some Beatles for your punk ass courtesy of the Wind Clan ...


Please Please Me

I'll Be Back

I Feel Fine

No Reply

What You're Doing

I'm Down

Thursday, October 9, 2008

TEN out of TEN!!!



I DID IT!!!


I successfully worked ten days in a row, topped off with a super marathon storytime at a local charter school.


And I most definitely mean it when I say marathon. I did nine storytimes in a row, back to back. That's nine half hour storytimes in a row with no real break in between the storytimes. I pretty much read stories to the entire school. It was crazy. By the end of the day I was dripping with sweat and I felt like I could barely stand. I was as amazingly crazed energetic with the first storytime as I was with the last one. It was crazy.


Here are a few of the kids ...






I have a question for anybody who reads this ...


Tomorrow is Woodmas, the holiest day in the Woodian calendar. I am taking my wife out for dinner and a very expensive play at a new nightclub, play, and theater venue downtown.


I am five months stone cold sober.


But its Woodmas. And this place we're going, the theater venue, it serves alcoholic beverages.


SHOULD I DRINK?




Post what you think below ...


Happy Woodmas Eve.