NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

My Life ...

It's not fair.


I get treated like such shit sometimes.

Work Legs Drama ...



Last friday was hell on earth. The sheer amount of foot traffic in our store was absolutely crazy. I came home feeling more exhausted than ever before.


And yet yesterday was fairly dead. Talk about worrisome. It should have been crazy as hell but it just felt like a boring thursday. There were hardly any people. Sure the MALL was like Iraq but in our store it was boring and blah.


Hopefully people will calm down and come back in to our store after all the stupid sales are done.


My legs hurt, though. That's something else.




After a typical day of work my legs will become weak and throbbing with pain. It feels like my legs are dead. I usually limp my way to the car, occasionally fighting off tears of pain, and crash at home with no energy at all to do anything.


My doctor says that it could be a number of things that's wrong with me and listed off all the things it might be, including the early stages of muscle degeneration. I hope it's not that because my older brother is currently wrestling with spinal degeneration. I keep hearing about how his body is kicking his ass and I worry. He can;t stand for over fine minutes at a time.


I worry that that's what's in store for me in my future.




There's so much drama surrounding me right now. I am a planet and I have several moons orbiting me. It's all dirty and it's all nasty and it's all sex, too. Crazy stuff, the sort of drama I could never talk about here on my blog.


Believe me, I would love to tell you about it. I want to share this with someone, ANYone!


But I really don't have anyone right now.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Today's The Day ...

Black Friday.


For a young-ish man with anxiety issues, however, it's hell on earth.


Wish me luck.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Lonely Thanksgiving ...



I went to sleep sometime around 2am. I'm not sure when my wife went to sleep. She's been going to bed at crazy o'clock fairly regularly. She's usually either hanging out drinking with her brothers next door OR she's obsessively nonstop re-reading the damn Twilight vampire books. The other day I woke up at 3am with a nasty asthma attack and she was still awake just reading away. So Wood knows when she'll wake up. And that frustrates me to no end.


The kids woke me up at 7am this morning. I made them breakfast, downed two cups of coffee with my morning fist of pills and then readied myself for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. We watched it here and there. But now it's way past noon, the parade is over, and the kids are playing fairly quietly in Emerald's room. I'm all alone now looking at internet porn, listening to Eels, nursing a RAGING headache and wishing that I had a friend to play with.


Here's the best part of the parade. My kids freaked ...




Wow.


For someone with a wife and two kids I spend a lot of time alone.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Random Thoughts ...

This is a picture of my wife downtown a month or so ago. We went to go see the play Forever Plaid at this new theater.


I dressed up in my now typical suit and tie work outfit. My wife dressed up, too. She looked absolutely great. Absolutely great.


And goddamn, man, look at her titties! They were just all out there. It was incredible.


ANYWAY, here's my story ... I went to the doctor and they gave me a number for counseling and therapy. I went home and called and the therapy people said they were all full and were referring OUT. They were apparently supposed to then actually refer me to someone but instead they told me to go to my company's website and find someone. I went to the website and after an ETERNITY of searching I found a doctor right next to my work and got very excited. But when I called I found out that, despite the website telling me NOTHING of the sort, the doctor I called was actually a marriage and couples counselor. Then SHE referred me to the company's website. Now I'm trying to surf thru the website AGAIN and find someone. I just got a nurseline phone number deal and I think I might try that next. It's all a bit frustrating but I need this. I need to get help. And if I have to jump thru a shitload of hoops to get there, then so be it.




Here are new songs from a band that, for legal reasons, I will call G-uh-nnnz an Row-sez. Or Rifles N' Tulips. Good stuff, too. Check it out ...


This I Love

Catcher in the Rye

Street of Dreams

If The World




I made the graphic above. Simple words on a sparse background. I turned it into a shirt and had it sent to me this morning. I want to do a series of simple shirts with simple phrases on them.


Hipster Doofus


Fun Galore


Contradiction


I'm trying to be simple. Simple life. I don't think its working but I can try.


I should probably wake up my wife now.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Absolutely A-MAZE-ING Ass Of The Hot Chick At Church This Morning ...









Even church folks, regular parishioner people, were going blind over that ass.


They were saying "Praise Jesus blah blah blah WOAH LOOK AT THAT FUCKIN' ASS!"

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Axl Rose Just Gave You A FREE Dr. Pepper ...

In March the makers of Dr. Pepper announced that if Axl released Chinese Democracy by the end of 2008 that everyone in America would get a free Dr. Pepper.


Well, starting at 12:01 am EST tomorrow Dr Pepper will apparently have a coupon for a free 20-ounce soda on their website. I believe you'll have to put in your e-mail and a bit of personal information but the coupons will be online for 24hours and they'll be good 'til February 28, 2009.


Axl just gave your punk ass a free soda.


What the fuck did you get him, huh?

More Pictures Of My Angel ...





Friday, November 21, 2008

Wow ...

Movie's pretty good.


There were so many giggling girls in that damn theater that I had my first period.


Now I gotta go to work. I'm so tired.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

OMG LOL ETC ...

Tonight I'm going to a midnight showing of the movie Twilight with my newly Stephenie Meyer-obsessed wife.


Yippie.


I'm worried, though, Remember, my rap name is Early Bedtyme, so I'm fading around 9pm. I don't know how I'm going to do this and still manage to wake up at 6:30 to get Emerald ready for school.


I'm also worried that I'm going to be uncomfortably out of my element. I just know there's going to be all these giggling preteens and all these high school pretentious drama assholes being WAY to loud and all these LOL OMG chicks and all these Hot Topic rats.


Oh and there's going to be wall to wall McPunks. You know what I mean? Punks who are only punks because their mommies and daddies gave them money to buy expensive punk wear at the mall. Ostentatious, self-centered, bitter, spoiled and totally homogenized McPunks. Punk used to be based on your attitude towards society and now its based on how much money you spend.


I'm excited about the excitement that surrounds a midnight showing. I'm excited about seeing a movie, ANY MOVIE, in a theater. I'm excited about seeing previews on a screen bigger than the laptop.


That's about it, though. Wish me luck.


And look how BEAUTIFUL my daughter is ...




AAAAAND I'm excited about the FULL album Chinese Democracy completely streaming on line today.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's Happening! It's FINALLY Happening ...



This album has been in the works for FIFTEEN YEARS! It was talked about as legend and laughed at for a decade and a half.


And now it's finally coming out!


I never thought it would happen. I honestly never thought the day would come. To give you a better sense of the scope of this thing, I saw GnR live in concert at Compton Terrace in Phoenix, Arizona when I was in eight fucking grade. Now here I am in my thirties and about to buy their LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG awaited new album. How absolutely crazy is that?


And who in this entire world is better to review it than Chuck Klosterman?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Emerald Galindo's Photography ...

Not to be outdone by her younger sister, six year old Emerald Galindo just completed a photo shoot of her own. However, unlike her younger sister, she has NUMEROUS photography credits under her belt.


In fact, when she was Isabela's age she grabbed a camera and accidentally took the first ever picture of Isabela and I asleep on the couch, one of my favorite all-time photographs ...




Anyway, enjoy the photography of Emerald Galindo ...












I WAS going to black box out my boobies but I decided against it. Enjoy my nipples, everyone ...










Bravo! Bravo! Encore, I say! Encore!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Isabela Galindo's Photographs ...

Three year old Isabela Galindo just completed her first photoshoot.


Here are the pictures she took. Many of them would be labeled "artistic" if they were done by an adult.






Plankton ...














I love this one of me ...




She's on her way to being a great artistic photographer.


And if you haven't seen it already, go check out a look at the BEST BANNERSS from THIS BLOG. It's pretty sweet. I've got a pretty ok eye for graphic design.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Its Perfect ...



It's a perfect feeling to have a nice cup of coffee with your pills first thing in the morning.


It's an even better feeling when "first thing in the morning" starts at noon.


Ben Folds: Not The Same


Jim's Big Ego's new album is FREE!


A look at the BEST BANNERSS from THIS BLOG!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Another Saturday Lonely ...



This picture was taken in the break room at work about two weeks ago. My wife and my three year old were having lunch with me.

Since this picture was taken, the store manager decided to start enforcing a rule that no young children (such as my daughter) are allowed in the receiving area or in the break room.


I decided I wasn't going to get on the computer all day. Last night Emerald and I decided that today would be daddy daughter day, something we do every once and a while where we make a list of activities for the two of us to do together. We made a list of about 22 different things to do.


This morning was great. We woke up early, me and the kids, and I made a big breakfast feast before we got down to working on the list. Work went fast. Play a game, dance party, draw, watch cartoons, play with the cat, make a movie, watch a movie, get dressed, and a whole bunch more. Damn, we were done with all but five things on our list by 2pm. And that's when Emerald decided she wanted to go next door and play with the new kittens. Now she's stuck in that quicksand house next door. And Isabela's went down for a nap then, too. She's sleeping with my wife who has been asleep all day. She woke up for about an hour to talk to her mom and get angry at me.


Now I'm here all alone. I don't even have my daddy daughter day buddy. So that's why I'm on the computer doing nothing except reading The Onion and listening to sad bastard music and feeling lonely.


Eels: Beautiful Freak


These three neighborhood kids are playing on their bikes right in front of our house. The dogs are in the backyard and thanks to these damn kids the dogs are barking like drug dogs at Amy Winehouse's house. Fucking kids. I'm starting to sound like an old man. Damn kids and their music television and their snap bracelets and their Cabbage Patch dolls. GET OFF MY LAWN!


My wife stayed up until 3am watching the O.C. on dvd. This follows last week when she regularly stayed up all night to read whatever Stephenie Meyer vampire book she was on. Things are a bit rough between us but we're working on it.


Meanwhile, the sad bastard music on my iPod just keep coming ...


Ben Folds Five: Brick


Isabela woke up. I think we're going to go next door and see the kittens. Anything to get out of this damn house, you know? My vacation isn't the greatest. It's actually very depressing, actually. It went from Vegas and sex to me alone. And wouldn't you know it, now we can't even afford to buy the new WWE wrestling game I was all excited about. We go from being broke to being rich to being broke again. We went into this vacation rich and then POOF we're broke again.


Wow. My life is pretty goddamn lonely, isn't it?


On monday I'm going to go to my doctor's office, get another copy of that sheet with all the phone numbers of the therapy people that I need to see. Then I'm going to call those bastards and get an appointment with somebody that can tell me if I'm bipolar or not.


Also, I'm lonely. I need somebody to talk to that's not this blog.


No offense, blog.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Oh Yeah ...



I always feel SO much better after sex.


Goddamn! One orgasm and life is fucking GOOD again! I have to do that sex thing more often.

Random Friday Night Feelings ...



It's a friday night. Emerald is next door eating dinner. I don't mind. That means more pizza for me. Natasha is outside watching O.C. while my youngest runs around the house naked and screaming and pretending she's Jeff Hardy. Pretty cool for a three year old. Right now on tv Jeff Hardy is fighting The undertaker in an extreme rules match. pretty good match but ever since I read Bret Hart's new autobiography my heart hasn't been in wrestling. What I liked is dead. it's fun to have on in the background but its not the love I used to have.


My mind is swimming right now. I've been very coherent of my mind lately, probably all the pills I've been taking. I'm on Paxil, then a pill for my (possible) bipolar disorder. It's a big white pill that calms me down, makes me dizzy, makes me feel my mind in a way I can't fully explain.


I've been having a hard time with things lately. I can't shake this feeling inside myself, this feeling that something is wrong. It's paranoia and fear I feel and I feel it all the time. Something's wrong. Something's going on. Things are happening behind my back. People are talking. People are lying. That's how I feel.


My mind is like my iPod. I think I've said this before. This is the best way that I can explain it. My mind is my iPod. There's Sinatra, Neil Diamond, then Anthrax, then the theme from Destroy All Monsters, then Magnetic Fields, then loud and angry Buckethead guitar riffs. Then Spike Jones. That's how my mind is. I'll be happy, then out of nowhere a song or a sentence or a look or sometimes just nothing will somehow change the song inside my head and I'll be angry or afraid or panicked.


I can't explain it. There's no way I can explain what's going on in my mind without sounding batshit insane.






I have scars for life. They're visual reminders of the subconscious problems that are in my mind.


Don't worry, though. I'm on vacation. I'm doing nothing, taking naps, and trying to sweat out the stress.


And I think all's well. For now.


This is post #925, Yay me!

The Ass Of The Hot Pregnant Chick Who Works At The Claire's In Arden Mall ...



Muse: Take A Bow (it plays over the new Watchmen preview for all my nerd niggaz up in here)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Vacation-less Vacation ...

So I'm off of work for five days and no exciting Las Vegas trip for me. I'm trying really hard not to be bummed about it. I've just been laying around at home doing my own little bits of nothing - staring at the walls, playing pinball games on my playstation, reading Sarah Vowell's new book, drinking root beer, sleeping in, cleaning, taking naps, decompressing.


To make it up to me, Natasha says I can buy the new Raw VS Smackdown 2009 for my playstation. We went to Circuit City tonight to buy it but they were all out.


Anyway, here are some random pics.


Bela asleep on me ...




Three of my special storytime girls ...




A picture of my old friend Kendra in Costa Rica. Seeing the pictures she sends me makes me just intensely jealous ...




I actually let Bela be in charge of storytime while I walked around the store and took a break. I try to do a lot of Andy Kaufman breaking the fourth wall sort of stuff with the kids. Every storytime is different. They never know what's coming with me.




Corduroy is my nigga ...




This picture is a direct rebuttal to a previous picture I did in the same style ...




Our dog Johanna. We names her that because Emerald couldn't pronounce our original name for the dog, Sweeney Todd ...




My wife's cousin's ass ...




Megan with Bela ...




My supermodel daughter Emerald ...




Well, that's about it. I'm trying to rest, calm down, relax. I've been losing it at work lately and so these few days mean a LOT to me, even if we're not in Vegas fucking and partying. I don't think the calming down thing is working, but we'll see.


Fuck, my house is no Pinball Hall of Fame Museum but I guess it will do.