This is me typing on the laptop while sitting on the steps of our house while the girls play outside during the Super Bowl halftime. I'm wearing a World's Greatest Dad hat and Captain Book's cape. The girls are (hopefully) working off their steam and energy because they're full of way too much of it.
I'm really watching the Super Bowl for the commercials. I'm that type of person. Plus I'm lonely with just a house full of crazy little girls. Watching a shared experience almost makes me feel like I'm not lonely.
These five girls I'm babysitting are driving me absolutely batshit insane. They're screaming and running around and playing and going crazy. It's absolutely trying my patience. I'm trying to be good dad and fun uncle but these girls are a giant ball of shut the hell up.
I'm trying. It's just hard.
We went back inside. It got dark quick. Natasha's not here. She came home from church, hung out with me for about twenty minutes, but the got a phone call and just took off. She said she was going to have some food and then buy a bra. That was around noon or one and now it's pitch dark outside.
I know she doesn't purposefully take off every day I have off. I know she doesn't mean to leave when I'm home. But I'm hungry and lonely and fragile and on a shitload of medication. I'm struggling to stay sober and I cut myself, although I;m trying to stop. I'm suddenly a fragile, paranoid, 30something guy. It's hard not to think that she's ditching me. But I know she's not.
She's leaving town for "work" for the lest few days. I hope it's a success and we get some cash. Hopefully. Because we're starving. And I'll try not to get lonely, to cut myself, and to freak out and get all paranoid and shit. I'll try.
You know, sometimes I worry that I'm too honest in my blog. But that's just how it is. It's who I am.
Wish me luck on my next few wife-less, computer-less days.
This has been post # 993.