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Monday, March 9, 2009

Introducing Steve the Hermit ...



Agoraphobia (from Greek aγορά, "marketplace"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to his or her home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."


That's me. Don't know how its happened but that's me in every way.


Somewhere between my twenties and thirties I have become a hermit, a shut-in, an agoraphobic locked in his house afraid and angry at the stupidity of the world. That's me in a nutshell. I don't know how it happened. I just suddenly realized that I am the absolute loneliest man in the world.


I realized this two days ago. My wife was talking with me about meeting with the illustrator interested in creating a Captain Book children's book. I said that I was nervous about meeting him, that I would like to do this whole book deal but that I was really freaked out about the idea of sitting down with the guy. That was when Natasha hit me with a big fat dosage of fucking truth ...

-I am deeply antisocial
-I am extremely tough to get to know
-I am uncomfortable around people and crowds unless I'm acting or doing storytime or talking about Ed Wood
-I don't like talking with people I don't know
-I never go out and do things
-I have no friends
-I never want to leave the house
-The only way I am able to handle work is to create a businessman "CHARACTER" who wears suits and ties and is professional. It's all an act that I use to survive being around people.


I am an agoraphobic, antisocial shut-in with no friends and no life, a man whose only real contact with people is at work or thru facebook or his blog, a man who would much rather stay in his pajamas and shop for Godzilla toys on e-bay and watch crappy movies at home than go outside and do something. I am a sad, pathetic shell of a man. I don't know how this happened to me.


The thing that scares me about going to Spain? It's not going across the ocean to a country I've never been to where they speak a language I don't know. No. I'm freaked out with meeting new people.




Anyways, that's that. Here's an appropriately moody music for your punk ass ...


Deerhunter: Agoraphobia

Tommy Lee: Hold Me Down

American Analog Set: The Green Green Grass

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm still out here for you. Sorry that I haven't written as often as I would like, especially after my new years resolution and all, but I've lost internet access at home and it's hard for me to do much except for a 1 liner here and there when I'm at work. Start writing again, Steve. I think it may help.

The Bunster

Anonymous said...

Reverend as an old fan who has read your entire blog let me say that even tho we are internet friends doesn't mean that we don't care for you.

Jens said...

I got at least 5 characters that I use when I am around different people. No wonder you're getting exhausted. Acting is hard work. Give yourself at least 2 days of rest before you meet people again. Helps me.