I want to get people's attention. I feel invisible. I feel like no one ever really notices me or what I do or what I want. It's hard trying to express what I want. I feel like I'm ruled by the wants of women in every aspect of my life. I'm not noticed and not taken seriously no matter where I am. I'm cellophane. Sometimes I want to scream just to see if anyone notices.
Here's a semi-related story ... the other day at work Scott said that even though he was on break and didn't have his nametag on and had a messy shirt untucked and he had his arms full of coffees that STILL people were going up to him and asking him for help. Great, I thought. Meanwhile I'm walking up and down the aisles with a nametag on, $45 shoes, leather belt, expensive dress shirt, suit, tie, nametag and CLIPBOARD and STILL upper class (white) people are squinting at me and giving me dirty looks and asking me "Um, do you WORK here?"
Somehow that's a metaphor for my life. Or my race.
I'm also in a whole lot of pain and suffering. It literally feels like someone stapled the bridge of my nose. I think it's that I have the world's most severe allergies but I didn't know it because for twentysomething odd years they dried up in the Arizona sun. But now that I'm in the state with green grass and trees and the absolute worst air quality ever that now my allergies are waking up like Godzilla waking up from some ice block. I'm in pain. My head is dizzy, my nose is on fire, my eyes ache. It's horrible.
I hate springtime.
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