NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

My Trip To The Doctors ...



I'm fasting right now because I have some serious blood work to do this morning before I go to work. I may have ulcers or even something worse so my doctor has put me on a gluten-free diet which essentially means that I can't eat anything we have at home and I can't eat any fast food and I can't eat anything that's cheap. I'll also be visiting a nasal specialist because apparently my nasal passages are shit. I might even need surgery, too.


My doctor said that she wanted to see me in two weeks - OR if the blood work comes out BAD, then she'll CALL ME to schedule an EARLIER appointment. Wow. That's a bit frightening.


Also, apparently the pills I'm taking give me severe short term memory loss. SWEET!


Anyway, wish me luck ...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Caffeine Killed My Family ...



Here is the OFFICIAL publisher description for the book Caffeine Killed My Family: Best Free Cure Since Jesus Christ Himself by Lynette Ann Yount as it is printed on numerous websites and on the official bookmark I received recently:


“My book is intended to save the lives of the globe from my illness now that I what caused it. The illness I solved is Huntington’s disease just in time to save my life and others. My book has been intended to save the globe from death caused my illness. Caffeine killed my ancestors. Caffeine production across the planet must be stopped. Your life can be saved by having no caffeine for as long as the disease was around. The other chapters in my book are illnesses that have similar symptoms. I will not know if the experiment will work until we try it. A caffeine concentration sensor could be made and we could go back on caffeine.”


OH NO ... I'm drinking caffeine RIGHT NOW!!!




Finally, a cure for the disease what caused it! I need to be having no caffeine for as long as the disease was around. When will we finally get around to making a caffeine concentration sensor, people?!!? Then we could go back to caffeine!


I am all about this book.


I think it's crap, by the way, and I'm in no way stopping my massive caffeine intake. It's just nice to know. It's a good bit, a good bit of schtick.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week, Part 2 ...

Make some popcorn and find a good seat, people, because this one is totally on me ...




Yoinked from the Wiki ...


"Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S., released in Japan as Godzilla X Mothra X Mechagodzilla: Tōkyō SOS (ゴジラ×モスラ×メカゴジラ 東京SOS ,Gojira Mosura Mekagojira Tōkyō Esu Ō Esu?), is a 2003 kaiju film directed by Masaaki Tezuka. It is the sequel to 2002's Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla; the only film in the Millennium Godzilla series to be a sequel to another film in the same series. It was the twenty-seventh film to be released in the Godzilla series.


This film marks the second time a film featuring Mechagodzilla was followed up by a direct sequel. The first time was in 1975, when Terror of Mechagodzilla acted as a direct sequel to 1974's Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. Godzilla: Tokyo SOS opened on December 14, 2003 on a double bill with an animated cartoon called Hamtaro: Ham Ham Grand Prix. In its opening weekend, it was third place at the box office with $1,686,009. Its gross was estimated at a disappointing $12,000,000, with approximately 1,100,000 admissions.


This was the first Godzilla film ever to be completed just in time for its preview showing at the Tokyo International Film Festival. All previous Godzilla films since Gojira VS Kingugidora (1991) were screened there around a month before their usual general release date (early-mid December), but were still busy finishing up post-production (ie. few FX shots were incomplete, wires were visible, etc). In this film, Hiroshi Koizumi reprises his role of Professor Shin'ichi Chûjô from the original film Mothra (1961), which he starred in 40 years earlier."




Pretty excited about this movie. The last film, Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla, is just a setup for this film's big ass kickingness. So I'm psyched about it all.




And once again here is Cinemassacre's Godzillathon review of Godzilla Tokyo SOS. His reviews are always funny and pretty much spot on, so here you go to get you warmed up ...





Steve's Snacks of The Week:


Coffee

Root Beer

More Chips

Rest Of The Red Vines

A Few Chocolate Donuts

Probably A Lot More Pills


... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety ... FOR FREE! Yes, yes, yes, there's no need to thanks me. Just pay it forward and all that. Please, though, a few rules first. No talking in the theater, no cell phones, please, and dim your headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember ...




Enjoy the show, y'all!


Watch Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. for free now!

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

The true triumphant return of our Jesus-less feature film of the week focuses on the big green guy yet again, only THIS time it's a relatively NEW film in the series. That means fast cuts, loud music and totally nonsensical science. Buckle up, buttercups ...




Yoinked from Wikipedia with dashes of IMDB ...


"Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla, released in Japan as Godzilla X Mechagodzilla (ゴジラ×メカゴジラ ,Gojira tai Mekagojira?), is a 2002 Japanese film directed by Masaaki Tezuka and written by Wataru Mimura. It is the 26th installment in the Godzilla series of films. It is a member of the Millennium series of Godzilla films and is a direct sequel to the original Godzilla. Budgeted at roughly $8,500,000, Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla opened in Japan on December 13, 2002, and earned $2,253,231 in its opening weekend. It went on to gross approximately $16,000,000 in Japan, making it the second biggest of the Millennium Godzilla films at the box office. It sold approximately 1,700,000 admissions.


Like others in the Godzilla series, this new entry establishes itself as a direct sequel to the 1954 original, even using digitally altered footage from that film, as well as clips from MOTHRA and WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS to once again illustrate Japan's troubled history with unruly giant creatures. When Godzilla once again threatens her shores, Japan's female prime minister (Kumi Mizuno) calls together her greatest scientific minds, including cyber-biologist Tokimitsu Yuhara (Shin Takuma), whose inclusion in this group gives his precocious daughter Sara (Kana Onodera) a backstage pass to witness the creation of a new bioweapon developed using the recently-uncovered original Godzilla bones. The monster is only referred to as Mechagodzilla three times in the film; for the rest of the film he is referred to by the nickname Kiryu. Mechagodzilla's nickname means 'Machine Dragon' or 'Mechanized Dragon'.


Famed Japanese baseball player Hideki Matsui, a member of the New York Yankees since 2003, appears as himself. He. hits the massive home run as Kiriyu is flown towards Godzilla for the first time and helps a group of children get to a safe place during the sequence when Shinagawa's population is evacuated to make room for the fighting monsters. Matsui's nickname in Japan is Gojira (Godzilla).


The Millennium Godzilla series, like those that came before, have always retained a comparatively simple modus operandi: appeal to the kids, and make the adults wish that they were still kids. On this level, GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA probably surpasses the previous three entries and at a lean, nicely paced 96 minutes (88 in its American incarnation), it's certainly the easiest to digest and quietly sets up the sequel, GODZILLA, MOTHRA, MECHAGODZILLA: TOKYO S.O.S. (2003)."


Ok, so I couldn't find a proper trailer anywhere, so here's the next best thing. It's Cinemassacre's review from youtube ...




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee

Pills

Red Vines

Dads Root Beer

A Whole Bag Of Potato Chips All To Myself

Maybe Some Pot ... I Never Do That Stuff Anymore But I'm Feeling Kinda Wicked Today




Personally, I'm excited that I'm watching a NEW Mechagodzilla. But I don't know if I can truly get BEHIND this new incarnation of Mechagodzilla. See, my daughter and I are both incredibly HUGE fans of the ORIGINAL Godzilla Versus Mecha-Godzilla film from the seventies. Bela likes watching it when she wakes up, when she's eating, when she's tired and falls asleep on the couch.


Isabela is only three years old but she watches a LOT of Godzilla films. And usually she fades about halfway thru almost every one she watches. But not this film. It's her favorite film! She loves the girls, the space titanium, the cheesy acting, the two Godzillas fighting, Angirus getting his ass kicked, and the awesome music.


But she just ADORES King Caesar. And when Miyarabi gets on her knees on the beach and sings her prayer to King Caesar, Bela gets on her knees too and pretends to sing. She doesn't know the words, obviously, because it's in Japanese. But she knoes the chorus. She belts out her SEE-SAW, SEE-SAW, SEEEEEEEEEEE ... SAAAAAAAAAAAW!




This new film? No giant gay King See-Saw. What a fucking gyp.


Anyway, this is what I'm watching. I got a Blockbuster Video membership (They STILL have rental stores, how quaint!) ONLY because they had this movie. I'm psyched to see this. I honestly am. This is going to rock ass.


I might go into DOUBLE FEATURE mode later because the sequel is free online so we can all watch it together, so stay tuned for that. AND read the comments below this post because I'll be commenting about the movie as I watch it. Good stuff.






Anyways, here's what I've seen so far ...


December 7th: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla

December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra

December 21st: Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster

December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)

January 4th: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster

January 11th: Series 7 (The Contenders)

January 18th: House of Wax

January 25th: Police Story 3

February 1st: Left Behind the Movie

February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon

February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar

March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup

March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars

March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster

March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros

March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)

March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living

March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)

April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Oh Crap ...

I ate at Panda Buffet last night. And now apparently we're meeting Natasha's family at Hometown Buffet.


We haven't even gone to Hometown yet and my stomach feels like Godzilla and Mothra are fighting in there.


This is NOT going to be good ...


A Full Sort Of Feeling ...



Yesterday my wife took me out to eat at a really nice place called Panda Buffet. I ate four or five full plates, downed about 17 potstickers, ate ice cream, learned how to play Rummy and had crab meat for the first time. I am very full. And that feels good.


I don't know when the last time was that I felt full. It seems like I've been starving for a long time, saving food for the kids to eat. But my wife asked me if I was happy with her and I said I don't know. We've been having problems, growing apart it seems. We can be in the same room and still be miles apart. I told her I missed her, missed talking with her, missed going out with her.


So she picked me up, dropped about $25, and took me to the kick ass asian buffet place. We spent the night together and talked and hung out. It felt pretty good.


Everything tastes like potstickers to me now.


By the way, I saved the claw ...




Apart from the shooting pain up and down my left hand (maybe I'm having a heart attack) things are pretty damn good around here. They're even better now that Bela went back to bed with Natasha - that bitch was driving me crazy with all her screaming and temper tantrums. Peace has been restored in the Galindo household.


Here's some free music for your punk ass, courtesy of the mutherfucking Wind clan ...


Susan and the Surftones: Everything's Alright (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Eels: Fitting In With The Misfits

Relient K: Faking My Own Suicide

Hot Chip: Wrestlers

Rolling Stones: Don't Stop

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Just Not Sure ...



I want to get people's attention. I feel invisible. I feel like no one ever really notices me or what I do or what I want. It's hard trying to express what I want. I feel like I'm ruled by the wants of women in every aspect of my life. I'm not noticed and not taken seriously no matter where I am. I'm cellophane. Sometimes I want to scream just to see if anyone notices.


Here's a semi-related story ... the other day at work Scott said that even though he was on break and didn't have his nametag on and had a messy shirt untucked and he had his arms full of coffees that STILL people were going up to him and asking him for help. Great, I thought. Meanwhile I'm walking up and down the aisles with a nametag on, $45 shoes, leather belt, expensive dress shirt, suit, tie, nametag and CLIPBOARD and STILL upper class (white) people are squinting at me and giving me dirty looks and asking me "Um, do you WORK here?"


Somehow that's a metaphor for my life. Or my race.


Knapsacks: Cellophane

Chicago: Mr. Cellophane


I'm also in a whole lot of pain and suffering. It literally feels like someone stapled the bridge of my nose. I think it's that I have the world's most severe allergies but I didn't know it because for twentysomething odd years they dried up in the Arizona sun. But now that I'm in the state with green grass and trees and the absolute worst air quality ever that now my allergies are waking up like Godzilla waking up from some ice block. I'm in pain. My head is dizzy, my nose is on fire, my eyes ache. It's horrible.


I hate springtime.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Okay ...



Going to try to go back to work after five horrible days of being sick which included going home sick for inventory at work.


Wish me luck.


Flight of the Conchords: Leggy Blonde (feat. Rhys Darby)

Ladies of the World

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week (But On A Wednesday Instead Of Sunday) ...

I am incredibly sick. And I'm sick of feeling sick. I've had cramps, dizziness, nasal passages on fire and 101-degree fever for five days now. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.


So, what always makes me feel better?


A Big, Fat Dose Of The Big Green Guy ...




Yoinked From Wiki ...


"Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (ゴジラ·モスラ・キングギドラ 大怪獣総攻撃 ,Gojira, Mosura, Kingu Gidora: Daikaijū Sōkōgeki?, lit. Godzilla, Mothra, King Ghidora: Giant Monsters All Out Attack) is a 2001 Kaiju (Japanese giant monster) film directed and co-written by Shūsuke Kaneko. It was the twenty-fifth film to be released in the Godzilla film series. It is part of the Millennium series (1999-2004) and is a direct sequel to the original Godzilla.


Director Shūsuke Kaneko's original script originally had Anguirus, Varan and Baragon defend Japan against Godzilla, but Toho told him to replace the former two with the more popular King Ghidorah and Mothra, as Anguirus and Varan were not considered bankable enough to guarantee a box-office hit. Skeptical at first, he managed to work the two monsters into the film. The film is especially notable for the changes made to the monsters. For example, Ghidorah typically played the villain in previous Godzilla films; this film has him as a hero. Also, in the other films, he's usually depicted as demonic space monster while in this film is a mythical Earth guardian. In fact, Ghidorah is actually portrayed a few meters shorter than Godzilla; previous incarnations of the character were much larger, and towered over Godzilla.


Originally, Godzilla was intended to walk with his back and tail parallel to the ground (similar to the American Godzilla) however, this idea was dropped due to the strain it put on Mizuho Yoshida (the actor playing Godzilla), and Godzilla retains his traditional posture. Mothra was also revamped. Like Ghidorah, Mothra is portrayed as being far smaller than normal. Her poison powder and hurricane wind attacks were removed, and were replaced with a shotgun-like burst of projectile stingers fired from her abdomen. In addition, Mothra's fairy servants, the Shobijin, are dropped completely, (though an homage exists in the form of a pair of twins, who make a cameo appearance by looking up in awe at Mothra as she flies overhead). Baragon was also altered. His heat ray was removed, his roar was changed and his horn is no longer bioluminescent.


Apparently, the reason behind the changes to Ghidorah, Mothra, and Baragon were made in order to make Godzilla seem stronger. Kaneko wanted Godzilla to be the most powerful monster in the film. He originally wanted to use monsters who are notably smaller and less powerful than Godzilla, as his opponents. When advised by Toho to replace them, he compensated by making Ghidorah and Mothra weaker than they normally were. Fuyuki Shinada, who designed the monster suits for the film, was disappointed that Varan (his all-time favorite monster) wasn't going to be in the film, so he compromised by putting Varan's facial features on Ghidorah's three heads.


In addition, the radioactive element has been replaced with a more mystical element. Godzilla has origins rooted in Japan's World War II past. Although Godzilla is still a mutant dinosaur created by the atomic bomb, he is also described as an incarnation of those killed or who were left to die at the hands of the Imperial Japanese Army during the Pacific War. The extent to which his nuclear and spiritual origins balance is never specified. Kaneko, a lifelong pacifist, did this to boost the anti-war angle of the original Godzilla film. It was also because he knew that audiences wanted a realistic Godzilla, but there was no realistic way to explain a 60-meter mutant dinosaur, so he thought it worked better with a fantasy element."




Also, there's this guy on youtube who watched and subsequently reviewed EVERY SINGLE Godzilla movie ever made. Each one is a funny, irreverent, perfectly spot on look at Godzilla films.


Here's his review for this film ...




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee


Cold and Flu Pills


My Own Tears


Any Damn Food I Can Find




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Yes, yes, yes, there's no need to thanks me. Just pay it forward, bitches, and remember that we got Wind Clan all up in here.


Once again, however, a few ground rules first. No talking in the theater, silence all cell phones and pagers (seriously, do people even HAVE pagers anymore?) and dim your headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember ...




Enjoy the show, y'all!


Watch Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack Now!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Down With The Sickness ...

I might be in bad standings at my job.


But I'm in no position to do an all night inventory. I'm sick off my ass. I have a cold, the flu, AND the world's worst migraine, all wrapped into one.


I went to work at 6pm, blobbed around the store for an hour or so, then went and begged the store manager to let me leave. I know that it was inventory night and they needed me, but I just couldn't work. I was in too much pain. I just couldn't do it anymore.


All I want to do right now is lay naked in the fetal position on the floor of my bathroom crying.


While strange Esquivel lounge music plays in the background.


Esquivel: Whatchamacallit

Harlem Nocturne

Sentimental Journey

Saturday, April 11, 2009

This Is My Life ...




... and I guess it's pretty damn good!


I've got bad stomach cramps again. Web MD says I might be passing a stone. I am 32 now, so I guess that goes with the territory. I'm a bit nervous about that.




But I'm really psyched about my new glasses. My wife thinks I'm hotter.


Do you like?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Embracing My Stupidity (Let's All Get Fired) ...

If you haven't visited MY STUPID BLOG then you really should.


My stupid blog is my attempt to feel better by posting random stories about all the stupid mistakes in my life that make me hate myself.


I just posted a long, horrible story about my birthday and about how I was almost fired.


Check it out ...

Monday, April 6, 2009

Earny Mornings ...



Working every morning at 7am is deeply tiring. It's exhausting. I'm waking up every morning between 4:30 and 5am to get ready. It's been absolutely exhausting and when I get home I'm so wiped out that I usually take a nap for an hour or two, which is bad because I should be spending what little time I have with my family. Plus I may be getting rings around my eye from the sleep or lack of.


But I've never worked better. It hurts to admit that but I'm more focused, I work harder, and I get more done. I'm a better worker now that I'm a morning person.


And I think that management knows this, too. They're respecting me more, thanking me more, and treating me pretty darn good.


I kind of like my mornings.


Ricky Nelson: Waitin' In School

Alexi Murdoch: Orange Sky

Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Few Little Things ...



-I'm tired.

-I have to work today, so no Church-Less Movie of the Week. In fact, next sunday I have off but I'll have to end up going to church to see my daughters perform. And then I believe I work the sunday after that, so I don't know when the Church-Less MOTW will be returning. But it's not dead. It will return.

-My phone is dead. Don't have to $$$ to turn it back on. Sorry mom and dad.

_I'm near the end of an 8 day work marathon. Eight days in a row, almost all of them very early shifts, too. Today I woke up at 4:30am. It's not fun.

Anyway, I've gotta go.