NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Bash-ing Michael Jackson At The Bash ...

The Bash: Part 1

The Bast: Part 2


So Michael's dead, huh? Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.

The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett one wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

Anyway, after he died Micheal told God that he needed a good plastic surgeon if he was going to live in heaven. So god sent Billy Mays with some mighty puddy.

You know how celebrities die in threes? Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

"Hi, Billy Mays' ghost here for the brand new Awesome Casket, the casket that neuters you dog, aerates your lawn, and boosts your cellphone signal!!!"

Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.

When do you know its bed time at Micheal Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand.

So why did Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? Because there were twenty of them.

Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family this morning. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.

THIS JUST IN: Casper the friendly ghost was molested this morning!

Michael’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”

So what’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney films? Disney films can still touch children.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Oh, about three hours.

*Knock* *Knock*
Who’s there?
Not Micheal Jackson.

Did you hear? The Jackson Five are offering a 20 percent discount on their reunion.

I'm done.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Bash Was Awesome!!!









Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week (Before The PPV) ...

Just a quick little horror film before Emerald and I go to The Bash pay-per-view ...




Yoinked from wikipedia ...


"The Last Man on Earth (Italian: L'ultimo uomo della Terra) is a 1964 Italian horror/science fiction film based upon the Richard Matheson novel I Am Legend. The film was directed by Ubaldo Ragona and Sidney Salkow, and stars Vincent Price. The script was written in part by Matheson, but he was dissatisfied with the result and was therefore credited as 'Logan Swanson.' William Leicester, Furio M. Monetti, and Ubaldo Ragona were the other writers. It was filmed in Rome, Italy, and was later released theatrically in the United States by American International Pictures.


Although The Last Man on Earth was not considered a success upon its release, the film has recently gained a more favorable reputation as a classic of the genre. The Last Man on Earth currently holds an 80% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Phil Hall of Film Threat called The Last Man on Earth 'the best Vincent Price movie ever made.' Awarding the film three and a half stars out of four, Danél Griffin of Film as Art said, 'Directors Sidney Salkow and Ubaldo Ragona and star Vincent Price (giving a poignant, straightforward performance) are able to conjure up some genuine chills here, mainly in the use of stark, black-and-white images and the underlining mood of the piece.'


Among the less favorable reviews, Steve Biodrowski of Cinefantastique felt the film was 'hampered by an obviously low budget and some poorly recorded post-production dubbing that creates an amateurish feel, undermining the power of its story,' while Jonathan Rosenbaum of the Chicago Reader remarked, 'Some would consider this version better than the 1971 remake with Charlton Heston, The Omega Man, but that isn't much of an achievement.'


Among the film's creators, Vincent Price 'had a certain fondness for the film' and felt it was better than The Omega Man. Richard Matheson remarked, 'I was disappointed in The Last Man on Earth, even though they more or less followed my story. I think Vincent Price, whom I love in every one of his pictures that I wrote, was miscast. I also felt the direction was kind of poor. I just didn’t care for it.' George A. Romero has acknowledged the source material of The Last Man on Earth as an influence on his film Night of the Living Dead, remarking that he 'basically had ripped [it] off from a Richard Matheson novel called I Am Legend.' Numerous critics have suggested The Last Man on Earth film itself was also a source of inspiration for Night of the Living Dead."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee

Pills

Root Beer

Chocolate Chip Waffles

Hershey's Kisses

Excitement Over The PPV Today




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE! But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theaters. Any and all talkers will be chokeslammed. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING whatsoever. Totally serious about that one, y'all.


And be sure to dim headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember ...




Here you go, some spooky semi-vampirical Vincent Price horror shit for your punk asses before I head on out to The Bash. Your welcome, nigga.


Rockwell: Somebody's Watching Me


Enjoy the show y'all!



Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wow ...



I just BARELY survived this week at work. It was rough. Things were rough. People have been calling in sick and I've been stretched pretty thin. Most nights I'm on the couch, too tired to move. I'm incredibly tired right NOW but I want to spend some time with my wife.


But sunday is my daddy daughter day WWE pay-per-view with Emerald. And it was worth the work to get to my special day with my special girl.

Friday, June 26, 2009

One More Day ...



I just have to survive ONE MORE DAY OF WORK and then I get my special week late Father's Day with my oldest daughter Emerald at the pay-per-view this sunday.


We're both so excited.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

Here is our pick up Church-less MOTW and it's a movie we're seen before, just lot like this. It isn't necessarily a rerun, just a re-imagining. Keep that in mind ...




Yoinked from the wikipedia and a few other places:


"Mystery Science Theater 3000 is an American cult television comedy series created by Joel Hodgson and produced by Best Brains, Inc. that ran from 1988 to 1999. The series features a man and his robot sidekicks who are trapped on a satellite in space by an evil scientist and forced to watch a selection of terrible movies, especially (but not initially limited to) science fiction B-movies. To keep sane, the man and his robots make a running commentary on the film, making fun of its flaws and wisecracking their way through the film in the style of a movie theater peanut gallery. The movie was presented with a superimposition of the man and robots silhouettes along the bottom of the screen.


Series creator Hodgson originally played the stranded man, Joel Robinson, for five-and-a-half seasons. When Hodgson left in 1993, series head writer Michael J. Nelson replaced him as new B-movie victim Mike Nelson, and continued in the role for the rest of the show's run.




The Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode featuring the movie Godzilla vs. Megalon was released on DVD in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. 10 DVD boxed set. However, due to copyright reasons, Vol. 10 was recalled and was rereleased as Vol. 10.2, which features the episode with The Giant Gila Monster instead of the Godzilla vs. Megalon episode.




Godzilla vs. Megalon (ゴジラ対メガロ, Gojira tai Megaro?) is a 1973 Japanese tokusatsu kaiju film directed and co-written by Jun Fukuda with special effects by Teruyoshi Nakano. It was the thirteenth film to be released in the Godzilla franchise. Godzilla Vs. Megalon was originally planned as a non-Godzilla film, a solo vehicle for Jet Jaguar, which was the result of a contest Toho had for children in mid-to-late 1972. The winner of the contest was an elementary school student, who submitted the drawing of a robot called Red Arone, which superficially resembled both Ultraman and Mazinger Z. The robot was renamed Jet Jaguar and was set to star in Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon, which pitted him against Megalon. However, after doing some screen tests and storyboards, Toho figured Jet Jaguar would not be able to carry the film on his own so they shut the project down during pre-production. Nearly a month later, producer Tomoyuki Tanaka called in screenwriter Shinichi Sekizawa to revise the script to add Godzilla and Gigan. To make up for lost production time, the film was shot in a hasty three weeks.


Godzilla vs. Megalon is frequently criticised for its poor special effects work and overuse of stock footage from previous Toho efforts. Megalon is no exception; the costume has been criticised by fans as poorly designed and cheap-looking, more befitting a televised Japanese tokusatsu superhero program than the relatively glamorous theatrical production. The costume's various features have been ridiculed, being likened to a Christmas tree when the film was featured on the comedy television series Mystery Science Theater 3000"




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Old Coffee

Pills So My Back's Not Too Fucked Up

Red Vines

Whatever Else I Can Find


... and since Emerald and I won't be leaving for the pay-per-view until noon this sunday, I might schedule a quick Church-less MOTW this sunday to watch BEFORE we go see WWE The Bash live!


Can you tell I'm excited?


Cake: Arco Arena




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE! But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theaters. Any and all talkers will be raped. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING. Totally serious about that. And be sure to dim headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember ...




Another free movie? Damn I rock so hard!




So here you go, an entire episode of Mystery Science Theater 3,00 absolutely FREE!


ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!




Hope you like the episode. And if you're interested then here is what we've seen so far ...


December 7th: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla
December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra
December 21st: Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster
December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)
January 4th: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster
January 11th: Series 7 (The Contenders)
January 18th: House of Wax
January 25th: Police Story 3
February 1st: Left Behind the Movie
February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon
February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar
March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup
March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars
March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster
March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros
March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)
March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living
March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)
April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)
April 25th (part 1): Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
April 25th (part 2): Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 1): Sex Madness (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 2): Frankenstein Conquers the World
May 10th (part 1): Muppet Treasure Island
May 10th (part 2): La Bamba (free to watch)
May 17th: Mothra (free to watch)
May 31st: Mega-Shark VS Giant Octopus (free to watch)
June 7th: Tommy (free to watch)
June 14th: Roger Corman's Fantastic Four (part 1 - free to watch)
June 14th: Rodan (part 2 - free to watch)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day Has Been Moved To NEXT Sunday ...

My daughter Emerald just left to go spend the day with her father, her BIOLOGICAL father Mark. It really hurt my feelings that she wanted to spend Father's Day with a man who is never around. I'm the one who is always here for her, always taking care of her, and now I feel so alone and worthless.


But I'm trying to convince myself that NEXT sunday will be Father's Day just for Emerald and me. Because NEXT sunday it will be just her and me getting our pay-per-view on ...






This will be my next sunday ...


At noon my daughter and I will get our wrestling clothes on and our fan signs. She is thinking of making one that says FUTURE DIVA with an arrow pointing to her. I don't know what sign I'll make. I've also got a TON of wrestling shirts but I think I want to get a white shirt and write on it "DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL" for no real reason other than I'm a nerd ...



... and then we'll make our way to Arco Arena. We'll stop somewhere along the way and get a big lunch. Maybe we'll go somewhere we can sit down at and eat. No fast food. Then we'll hit a grocery store and stock up for some hardcore tailgating. Ice, snacks, drinks, water bottles. I'll be sure to bring sunscreen because Emerald ...



... is as white as a goddamn ghost. We'll get there around 1:30pm and hang out and snack and people-watch. Then at 2pm there's a free concert in the parking lot before the show. It will be Emerald's second concert after seeing Los Lonely Boys a few years back. Adelitas Way will hit the stage at 2:10, introduced by WWE diva Kelly Kelly. Then Rev Theory will play at 3:00 and I'm really excited to see them live because A) I hardly ever see concerts anymore now that I'm whipped, and B) their music kicks ass ...

Rev Theory: Voices
Rev Theory: You're The One
Adelita's Way: Last Stand
Adelita's Way: Inside


... and then we'll make our way to our seats. I'll buy her a program and I'll even let her buy ONE THING at the big souvenir stands they'll have there. She'll probably want a shirt or maybe an action figure or some sort of big foam hand. And when we sit down at our seats we'll go over the program and see what matches we really want to see. She'll thank me for taking her and when the show starts and the fireworks go off and everything she'll watch with her eyes open and so wide. And she'll think she has the greatest dad in the world for taking her to the pay-per-view and she'll forget all about her real dad because I'm the only man she needs in her life. When the show ends it will be around 8:15 but as people walk out of the arena we'll still just sit there for a while and watch everyone leave. Em will be tired and I'll carry her to the car. She'll sleep on the drive home and I'll be happy that my oldest daughter and I could share a perfect day, just her and me.

Thinking this makes me feel better about her not wanting to be with me this Father's Day.

Steve's (usually) Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...



... will NOT be seen this week as it is Father's Day and I had to get my ass to church.


I WAS going to watch one of my favorite dad movies, Old School, which is my favorite because of Vince Vaughn's kick ass cool dad character. The image of a man wearing a baby bundler and STILL being ass kicking cool made me feel good about one day being a father.


But the rest of the movie just annoys the shit out of me, so not seeing it today is no great loss.


There will also be no church-less movie of the week NEXT sunday, so we'll probably have a pick-up movie tomorrow or something to make up for it all.


Sorry, y'all.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Post.

This is not a blog post.

Carry on.

Video Game Steve ...



Feeling pretty much better. My nose still hurts like a mother, though. Now I'm going back to work. I'm worried because I have a mid-shift today and those are always rough. So keep me in your thoughts today. Let's hope I'm not overworked, picked on, and hope I don't cut myself.


Anyway, here's a video of pro-wrestling Steve.


Tell me that DOESN'T look like me. Because it TOTALLY does ...




Cool.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

My Nose And Tongue ...

So my new nasal doctor tried to help my frequent nose bleeds by cauterizing my right nasal passage today. He said that would help and would only sting a little bit. He shot some stuff up my nose, then he numbed it, and then he rubbed some amazingly painful silver nitrate against the walls of my nose to burn the veins in my nose so that they would bleed and then cauterize.

Well, sting just a little bit MY ASS! My nose stings and burns like hell. I can't stop sneezing. And now, in what I believe to be a related manner, there are these big, itchy, painful lumps that have recently started to form on the back of my tongue. I don't fully know what they are or why they're there but I'm hoping they don't get bigger and obstruct my ability to breathe and swallow.

And my nasal passage is on screaming fucking FIRE! Hurts like a bitch on fire in hell. Eyes watering, sneezing, almost impossible to breathe out of my nose.

I want to call in sick tomorrow but I've had three days off and I would feel guilty calling in to make it a fourth.

And all this on my wife's birthday.

Sorry, baby.

Birthday Blues ...



It's my wife's birthday. And so far it hasn't been too fun.


We've had three doctor's appointments today. At the last one my new nasal doctor informed me that I have a deviated septum and it's my decision if I want surgery or just live with my annoying stuffed up nose. And next we have to go to the hospital because one of her aunts had a heart attack and almost died.


And later tonight my wife is going to a strip club and then a bar with some of her "work" friends. Crazy. Crazy day filled with hospitals and waiting rooms. I feel really bad for her. Today should be more special. I wish I had the money to make today special. All I have is myself.


My daughter Emerald snapped that picture of me in the doctor's office. I'll tell you later about the intensely painful nasal "procedure" they did to me. It hurts like fucking hell.


Laters.


Skee-Lo: I Wish

Post #1,102: The RETURN Of The Root Beer Show: Episode Four ...

With Special Guest Emerald Galindo, our brand new "Root Beer Girl" Deinna Faith, and your host Steve Galindo. Special Cameo Appearance by BOOBIES!


Enjoy ...




Next time we will review Dad's Old Fashioned Root Beer and address some Root Beer Show COPYCATS on youtube. So stay tuned ...