NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Special STEVE-AFIED Edition ...

Today, for the first time ever, today's church-less movie of the week is personally hosted, quite literally, by ME!


So buckle up, folks ...




Yoinked from imdb, wikipedia and 1000misspenthours.com with my own bad movie knowledge mixed in ...


"Seddok, l'erede di Satana, translated as Seddock, Heir of Satan, is a 1963 black-and-white Italian horror/science fiction film directed by Anton Giulio Majano and starring Alberto Lupo and Sergio Fantoni. It was released in the U.S. three years later as Atom Age Vampire despite the fact that it has no actual connection to the atom age, nor are there any vampires anywhere near this piece of poop.




This low-budget Italian schlockfest production tells the tale of a scientist who employs a radical new procedure to restore the beauty of a young stripper who gets disfigured in a car accident. All goes well after the bandages come off but its only a matter of time before the woman begins transforming into an incredibly stupid looking monster.

The original Italian version is fully eighteen minutes longer and may very well be more logical, more sensible, and just generally better. Then again, it might also be that the Italian prints simply feature more strippers with less clothing. Either way, the English-language version of Atom-Age Vampire is a truly ass-tastic film.



Atom-Age Vampire is everything a 1960’s audience would have pictured when they thought about shitty Italian horror movies. The dubbing is haphazard, the English-language dialogue is ridiculous, and the voiceover actors always seem to be overemoting in a slightly different direction from the performers whose voices they replaced. With so much footage missing, it’s impossible to be certain who deserves what share of the blame for the erratic pace and nonsensical editing of the American prints, but it’s equally impossible to ignore those defects when watching the US edit.

It's a fairly decent story of obsession, a cautionary tale of science, and an anti-smoking morality play deep down inside. But on the surface it’s a fairly boring, awfully talkative drive-in flick with bad dialog and some pretty laughable effects."


Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee

Pills

Root Beer

Cereal

Internet Porn

Whatever I Can Raid From Next Door




So here's the deal with today's movie ...


I bought a calendar in December. American Pop Classic's 2010 Sci-Fi Movie Calendar, twelve months of bad cult movie artwork and, in an awesome twist, four dvds contain the full length movie to go with each month so you can watch each months movie.


My wife said that knowing me I'd watch all the bad movies on the first day of January and ruin the rest of the year. I took that as a personal challenge.


So, if all goes according to plan, I will be splicing together my VERY OWN personal full length version of each months movie and sharing them right here on the last sunday of every month, starting today with Atom Age Vampire.


So MY special version of todays feature presentation features a very special beginning, an old commercial, a movie preview and a small amount of my own little riffs hidden throughout the movie, so be sure to pay good attention!


Oh, and remember ...




ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!


CLICK HERE TO WATCH ATOM AGE VAMPIRE: STEVE-AFIED EDITION ABSOLUTELY FREE!


And here are the sunday movies we have seen so far ...


December 7th: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla
December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra (free to watch)
December 21st: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (free to watch)
December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)
January 4th: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster
January 11th: Series 7 (free to watch)
January 18th: House of Wax
January 25th: Police Story 3
February 1st: Left Behind the Movie (free to watch)
February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon
February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar (free to watch)
March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup
March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars
March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster
March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros
March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)
March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living (free to watch)
March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)
April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)
April 25th (part 1): Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
April 25th (part 2): Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 1): Sex Madness (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 2): Frankenstein Conquers the World
May 10th (part 1): Muppet Treasure Island
May 10th (part 2): La Bamba (free to watch)
May 17th: Mothra (free to watch)
May 31st: Mega-Shark VS Giant Octopus (free to watch)
June 7th: Tommy (free to watch)
June 14th (part 1): Roger Corman's Fantastic Four (free to watch)
June 14th (part 2): Rodan (free to watch)
June 24th: MST3K's Godzilla VS Megalon (free to watch)
June 28th: Last Man On Earth (free to watch)
July 5th (part 1): Over The Top
July 5th (part 2): Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (free to watch)
July 12th (part 1): Air Guitar Nation
July 12th (part 2): Cockfight/We Are The Children (free to watch)
July 19th (part 1): Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who Saves the World) (free to watch)
July 19th (part 2): Turist Ömer (free to watch)
August 2nd: The Marx Bros' At the Circus (free to watch)
August 9th (part 1): MST3K's Marooned (free to watch)
August 9th (part 2): First Spaceship On Venus (free to watch)
August 16th (part 1): The Atomic Cafe (free to watch)
August 16th (part 2): MST3K's Night of the Blood Beast (free to watch)
August 30th: God Told Me To Kill (free to watch)
September 3rd: Rebirth Of Mothra (free to watch)
September 6th: Cinema Insomnia's The Wasp Woman (free to watch)
September 13th (part 1): A Bucket Of Blood (free to watch)
September 13th (part 2): Cinema Insomnia's Prince Of Space (free to watch)
september 21st: Theater of Blood (free to watch)
September 27th (part 1): The Brain That Wouldn't Die (free to watch)
September 27th (part 2):MST3K's Amazing Colossal Man (free to watch)
October 11th: Horror of Spider Island (free to watch)
October 18th (part 1): I Woke Up Early The Day I Died
October 18th (part 2): Earth VS The Flying Saucers (free to watch)
October 25th (part 1): Frogs (free to watch)
October 25th (part 2): King Kong Escapes
November 1st: The Thing With Two Heads (free to watch)
November 8th: Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth (free to watch)
November 15th (Franken-Week, Day 7): Frankenstein Conquers the World (free to watch)
November 22nd: The Giant Gila Monster (free to watch)
November 29th: MST3K Gamera Triple Feature (free to watch)
December 6th (part 1): She Demons (free to watch)
December 6th (part 2): MST3K's The Incredible Melting Man (free to watch)
December 13th: A Triple Threat of Riffs
December 20th: Manos (free to watch)
December 24th: Christmas Eve Bonus - Manster (free to watch)
December 27th (part 1): The Screaming Skull (free to watch)
December 27th (part 2): The Sadist/Eegah (free to watch)
January 3rd: Wrestling With Shadows (free to watch)
January 17th (part 1): Teenage Zombies (free to watch)
January 17th (part 2): Horror of the Zombies (free to watch)
January 24th: The Crawling Hand/The Monster That Challenged The World (free to watch)


CELEBRATING OVER A YEAR OF NOT GOING TO CHURCH!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Double Feature ...

Steve Galindo is proud to present a double feature
The Crawling Hand and The Monster That Challenged The World




Yoinked from wikipedia, 1000misspenthours.com, monster hunter, bmoviecentral.com and my own vast bad movie knowledge ...


"The Crawling Hand is a 1963 science fiction film directed by Herbert L. Strock, and starring Rod Lauren, Peter Breck, Allison Hayes, and Alan "It'm THE SKIPPER, bitch!" Hale. The plot, if it CAN be called that, revolves around the hand of a dead astronaut which is possessed by an alien and begins killing people in a small town.


The film also went by the names The Creeping Hand, Don't Cry Wolf, and Tomorrow You Die. And, in my head, it went by the name Shit Sandwitch.



Here's an interesting bit of trivia: Syd Taylor, who sometimes went by Syd Saylor, the guy who plays the malt shop owner in today's film, appeared in 318 movies between 1926 and 1963, most notably in a number of Abbot and Costello films. Can you believe that? 318 movies? Who is he, Ron Howard's brother? The Crawling Hand, sadly, was his last film. He died of a heart attack on December 21, 1962 in Hollywood. Also, Burt Reynolds screen-tested twice for the role as teen character Paul Lawrence but reportedly performed so woodenly that he was not chosen. HA! That's funny.



Here's another interesting bit of trivia and a very interesting Ed Wood connection to the film: The Utter-McKinley-Strother Mortuary where Curran and Weitzberg view the body of Mrs. Hotchkiss is the mortuary where the funeral of Bela Lugosi was held in 1956. Wow, that's a holy place in Woodism. Amazing."





I hope you really liked our first feature.






You know, now would be a really good time to use the "facilities" if you know what I mean.







Are you ready for our second feature?


Enjoy ...





"The Monster That Challenged the World (1957) is a science-fiction, monster movie, about an army of giant mollusks that emerge from the Salton Sea, California. Directed by Arnold Laven, the film starred Tim Holt and Audrey Dalton. It was produced by Gramercy Pictures (not related to the former PolyGram division) and released by United Artists. The film was inspired by the true story of prehistoric brine shrimp eggs that were reconstituted after several million years.




Atomic bugs and atomic dinosaurs were pretty much a dime a dozen during the 1950’s, but every once in a while, somebody would come up with something to irradiate into a monster that hadn’t been tried before. Richard Matheson had his Incredible Shrinking Man, Roger Corman had his Crab Monsters, and Ray Kellogg had his Killer Shrews. But the prize for originality might have to go to the folks over at United Artists, who gave us, in the form of The Monster that Challenged the World, what appears to be the world’s only atomic snail flick.


The original title for the film was The Jagged Edge. Not sure WHY they wanted to call it that. The Monster That Challenged The World sounds so much more exciting, doesn't it? The jagged Edge, what is this, a Golden Globe winning drama? Gimmie a break! The bulk of the underwater scenes were shot off the coast of Los Angeles, at California Island while the close-ups were filmed later in a tank filled with water and plastic seaweed. Ha! Also, some of the film's music was later reused in the English version of King Kong vs Godzilla, one of my favorites.




Things start off with a narrator getting us up to speed about the big earthquake that rocked the Salton Sea. Now if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the monster movies I’ve watched over the years, it’s that atomic power and earthquakes are a bad mix. He also gives us a little tour of the naval base as well. Of course nowadays, thanks to commies in the government, vital bases such as the Salton Sea Test Bed have been shut down, leaving this country vulnerable to even MORE giant snail attacks. Freedom isn't free, hippies! If you've ever seen Godzilla then you know what happens when some big stinky monster has his sleep disturbed. Up and at'em, big fella!"


Watch Part 1 of THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD Now!
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
... and now, the conclusion of The Monster That Challenged The World, brought to you by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and by N.A.M.B.L.A.




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee

Pills

Three Types Of Potato Chips

Two Types Of Ice Cream

Yogurt

Internet Porn

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Various Random Pictures ...

















Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Zombie Edition, Part 2 ...



Pieced together from a crapload of websites, but nods to the good folks at Monster Movie Music for tuning me into this crazy flick ...


"El Buque Maldito is a 1974 italian film directed by Amando de Ossorio starring Manuel de Blas and Blanca Estrada. It is also known as Ghost Ships of the Blind Dead, Horror of the Zombies, La noche del buque maldito, The Ship of Zombies, The Blind Dead 3, The Ghost Galleon and Zombie Flesh Eater. The film centers around the living corpses of the Satan-worshiping Knights Templar who hunt for human victims in a 16th century galleon.




Tis is the third film in an Italian zombie splatter series all about the vengeful Knights Templar zombies. However, whereas the first two were fairly moody, serious films, Horror of the Zombies is just a fun campy creepshow. All the stereotypical characters are here: A professor, a rich guy, a greedy henchman, gorgeous and stupid models.


However, despite the ridiculous story, there are some really chilling moments, when the models come face to face with the Templars. This film also features the absolute WORST model ship ever created."


Monster Movie Music presents: El Buque Maldito music and dialogue





AND NOW Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE! But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theaters. Any and all talkers will be spanked with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!


And be sure to dim headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show y'all!



Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Zombie Edition, Part 1 ...

I feel like a zombie this weekend. I've got a nasty flu that might turn into swine if I don;t get rest. So whatever you do don't lick this blog. You might catch something ...



Yoinked from Wikipedia and rifftrax.com ...


"Teenage Torture (AKA Teenage Zombies) is a 1959 horror/science fiction film, written and directed by Jerry Warren about not-exactly teenagers who are turned into not-exactly zombies for a few minutes.


The rest of the time, it’s a movie about walking and boating, walking while looking for a boat, walking toward or away from a boat, boating in order to go walking… hold on a sec—gotta catch my breath… walking on the bow of a boat, and dragging a boat on or off the shore. There are also some very exciting off-screen water-skiing sequences, as well as some imaginary horses.




In between the privileged rich-kid transportation, there’s a plan to turn all Americans into mindless slaves, orchestrated by a group whose motives are apparently so diabolical they couldn’t be discussed on film.


The movie was criticized for its use of stock footage from feature films by Jerry Warren, who later used it in his most famous film, 1981's Frankenstein Island. Although water-skiing is repeatedly referenced (and may be implied), there is no actual footage of water-skiing anywhere in the film. As with similar zombie-films of this era (such as Bela Lugosi's Bowery at Midnight), the zombies in this film are markedly unlike those portrayed in contemporary zombie-films. Instead, the zombies in Teenage Zombies appear like hypnotized persons."


Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Dunkin Doughnuts Coffee

Pills

Chips

Flu Medication

Strawberry Ice Cream

T.G.I. Friday's Potato Wedges

Walmart Keg Style Root Beer


... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE! But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in Galindo Theaters. Any and all talkers will be wedgied with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!


And be sure to dim headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show, y'all!


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Steve Is A Proud Supporter Of Rennaisance Fairs ...

I love rennaisance fairs because they transport you to a time of nobility and heritage and history and I am a major history buff.

I am a MAJOR history buff. I know all about histories and shit.

I guess that just makes me a lot much more knowledgeable and smartafied than you are.

In fact, here are some of my favorite pictures from various rennaisance fairs ...













That's right. A whole post dedicated to the beauty of renfairs.

I guess I'm just more intellectual than your typical male.

By the way, the Church-less Movie Of The Week returns this sunday, so stay tuned!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Galindo Family's Triumphant Return ...

I thought that we had a really crappy car.

But apparently our really crappy car can make it from Sacramento to Los Angeles to Phoenix to Tucson and to Mexico AND THEN make it all the way back.

What I'm trying to say is that I LOVE MY AWESOME CAR!!!


RANDOM TALKING POINTS FROM THE DOUGLAS TRIP:

-Doing the "Peace be with you DON'T LET GO" with my brother at the funeral.

-Seeing my wife's cousin Alicia was good. Alicia's mom doesn't like me but I don't care because I like her dogs.

-The girls falling in love with the old school doorless elevator ...





-My cousin Ernie told me that his sister Melissa had one of her professors talk about my religion in one of her college classes.

-Me: "Oh, that's just the smell of Douglas, Emerald, you'll get used to it."

-My wife will Mario Kart thru three lanes of freeway traffic just to get to a McDonalds that sells a McRib.

-We stopped in Bisbee and saw the big mine pit, stopped in Tombstone and saw gunfights, stopped in Quartzite and saw dusty old people and we stopped and saw Dimey the Dinosaur. Plus we stopped at a shitton of truck stops. It was nice to have a family that actually stops once and a while instead of being all hardcore fatherly about "making good time" and shit ...





-Spending some alone time on "the porch."

-Buying a spanish-language version of The Princess and the Frog in spanish KNOWING it's going to be shit but buying it anyway just for the experience of the thing.

-Rocking out on the road, Galindo style ...





-The strangeness of the Douglas Dollar Tree, the Douglas Gamestop, the Douglas Walmart, and the Douglas alternate universe McDonald's where my wife is the MINORITY!

-Fresno/Merced's 103.7FM is THE SHIT!

-It was so cold in Douglas at night that my brother's hotel door actually FROZE SHUT! And add to that the inadequate heating in our old hotel and you get a freezing Galindo family.

-Driving from Douglas to Sacramento, we stopped in Palm Springs to get a better look at the strange energy fans that always freak me out. We walked behind a fast food place and started rock climbling a little bit and suddenly we were face to face with some strange, random horse ...




-Being there for my wife's first trip outside the United States.

-Saying good bye to my grandfather, the old man from the Rio Grande.


Sad.


Anyway, here are a few random pictures of our adventures. I didn't take a lot because our camera sucks ass and it was a pretty depressing time for me. But here is a sample of what pictures I did take ...