NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Not Working Out ...



Apparently there was a break up a few days ago and apparently I missed it.

Now it's just living from day to day and just pretending to be happy, pretending that things are normal, pretending that things are happy and hunky dory and sane. Yup, nothing to see here. Just move along, fine citizens!

But when people are gone and it's quiet in the house she retreats to the two or three cell phones that she owns and that I am not allowed to touch, while I wallow in the internet and drown in my loneliness and stare at her, trying to figure out ways to either win her back or hurt her deeply for the things she's done to me.

I want to work things out. I really do. But have you ever tried spilling your guts and opening up your soul to a brick wall? It's impossible. It wont talk back, wont care about what you say. It's a wall. Walls don't change.

I feel stuck in my life, stuck here with my broken knuckles and my cuts and scars. I am a beaten down and broken man. I feel empty. I'm like a hollow chocolate bunny, except not chocolate because that's what my wife likes to eat now.

I feel like I've been robbed of my life, my identity, robbed of everything I have and everything I was. I feel like all I have left now are my darling daughters and my stupid ties and my pills and my bad fucking movies.

And tomorrow is another day of pretending that everything's alright.

She has no idea what she's doing to me. Or she DOES and she just doesn't care.



Read this while you can. It will probably be deleted.

I'm an open book but she's a total mystery, even to people who gave up seven years of their life to raise two daughters.

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Special LIVE Edition ...



Yoinked from Wikipedia, 1000misspenthours.com and my own bad movie knowledge ...


"Monstrosity is a 1964 science fiction film directed by Joseph V. Mascelli and is loosely based on the Mary Shelley novel Frankenstein. Loosely, though. Did we say loosely? It is perhaps better known under its alternate title, The Atomic Brain.

In it, an elderly woman uses her vast fortune to convince an eccentric yet brilliant scientist to transplant her brain into a new, youthful body. The bodies are provided by three immigrant young women who are hired to be servants. The old woman then chooses which of the girls she finds most beautiful, and sets about replacing the young woman's brain with her own.



Filmed in just ten days, this whacked-out, sleazed-up variation on the venerable mad doctor theme goes so far as to call its mad scientist 'DR. FRANK' as if that's not enough of a dead giveaway.

This is not the best of movies. Try and picture Frankenstein meets Ed Wood and you have a good idea of what you have in store. In fact, the film is so thick on narration that it makes The Beast of Yucca Flats look X-Men.



Exceedingly stupid and making almost no sense, this macabre Mary Shelley ripoff ends with a horrific, vengeful and altogether stupid ass twist. It stars Judy Bamber, Marjorie Eaton, Margie Fisco, Frank Fowler, and Frank Gerstle.

This movie has been released by multiple studios as a 'bargain bin' disc and was featured on the show Mystery Science Theater 3,000. An MST3K version of the film was released by Rhino Home Video as part of the Collection, Volume 3 box set."


Steve's Snacks Of The Week ...


Coffee

Pills

Root Beer

Chocolate Ice Cream

Cheeps




Today, ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat...


For starters, here is a link where you can download the movie as a 700MB mp4 file.


And here is the actual film for you to watch anytime you want ...




Or, if you want a more one-on-one approach to today's film, have we got a SPECIAL treat for you ...


On February 28th at 10am pacific standard time THE CHURCH-LESS MOVIE OF THE WEEK will watch this movie LIVE in my own freaking living room! And, as a very special treat, you can watch it right here from the comfort of my very own blog!




UNFORTUNATELY this film is NO LONGER LIVE!


However, here is YET ANOTHER very special treat! It's a playlist featuring the entire Mystery Science Theater 3,000 version of today's movie as well as various commercials, movie previews, home movies and other random crap.


Enjoy!




That's right.


This blog is changing the world.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Steve Is A Proud Supporter Of Car Washes ...

I just love car washes because they are wonderful opportunities for local youth groups and high school organizations and are a proven money-maker and I am ALL ABOUT helping the community.

I know all about helping people. I guess that just makes me more knowledgeable and smartafied than you are.

In fact, here are some of my favorite pictures of car washes ...











That's right. A whole post dedicated to car washes. I guess I'm just that freaking awesome. You're welcome, community!

And here are some of the other things that I'm a proud supporter of ...

Women in sports

Rennaisance fairs

Working out

Cowgirls

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week LIVE ...



For over a year I have been skipping church so I could stay home, watch bad movies, eat junk food and party. Over 80 films have been seen and written about on this blog, the majority available for free to watch right here.

A few weeks ago we had a church-less movie first when premiered a special version of the movie "Atom Age Vampire" hosted by yours truly, Reverend Steve Galindo!

Well, I'm at it once again ...


See, a long time ago I had a blogtv account which I pretty much just used to screw around on our cam with my kids.

But now I've dusted it off, shined it up real good, and now I'm ready to start using it again!



This Sunday at 10am pacific standard time THE CHURCH-LESS MOVIE OF THE WEEK will watch the crappy 1964 Frankenstein ripoff "Monstrosity (The Atomic Brain)" LIVE in my own freaking living room!

So let's all get together and watch and chat and laugh at the cinematic crappiness this sunday.

It'll be fun. Tell your friends.

See you this sunday!

HEY KIDS! It's Random Picture Time Again ...

















Losing My Grip ...

I just don't know what to do with myself.

My claims are shot down, my questions unanswered. I say something's up, something's wrong, you're clearly lying, and I get told I am wrong, even when I have evidence that I am 110% right.

It's just a sad state of affairs.

I'm not talking about my marriage. I'm talking about my healthcare provider.

ZING!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Biggest Boobs You've Ever Seen ...

This post is about wives, dvds, money and boobs. Not a sordid tale, I will admit, but a tale of a single triumphant accomplishment in the neverending war of husband against wife.

In November, I started the "Get My Wife To Let My Buy This DVD" campaign to get her to let me buy the cheap priced Chesty Morgan double feature available through Something Weird Video.


Now, three months later, I have two words to say ...



MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Steve's Vaguely Cryptic Post Of The Day ...



Here's a bit of a cultural lesson for you ...

"Anam Cara refers to the Celtic spiritual belief of souls connecting and bonding.

In Celtic Spiritual tradition, it is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body, what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together. Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your Anam Cara or soul friend.

Your Anam Cara always accepts you as you truly are, holding you in beauty and light. In order to appreciate this relationship, you must first recognize your own inner light and beauty. This is not always easy to do. The Celts believed that forming an Anam Cara friendship would help you to awaken your awareness of your own nature and experience the joys of others. "


I am a firm believer in the concept of Anam Cara. I believe it's a powerful force that can happen anywhere. You can meet some total stranger in a chatroom and connect with that person and become completely open and trusting with that individual so that your two souls begin to flow together.

Good to know.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Elasta-Emerald and Deinnatello ...

It's Spirit Week at my kids' school and day one is super heroes.

Meet Elasta-Emerald and Deinnatello.

bela doesn't have an outfit because she's already super.









Steve's Going Crazy: The Soundtrack ...



I'm tired. I'm tired of soooooo much.

I honestly, literally feel like I am at my breaking point in my life and in my head. Seriously. I feel like my head is going to crack open like an egg and molten lava is going to pour out.

But see, the thing is I just don't know the proper way to describe what's going on inside me right now.

That is why I have decided to use music to help explain.

So here is a shit ton of free music for you to better explain how I feel. These songs reflect my life, my emotions, my conflicts, and should better explain just how the hell I'm feeling right now...


Criswell Predicts

Seether: Broken (iTunes exclusive acoustic)

bruce Springsteen: The Wrestler

Eels: Gone Man

Jim's Big Ego: Stress (live acoustic)

WWE: I Hear Voices (Randy Orton Theme Song)

The Descendents: I'm The One

The Groovie Ghoulies: Normal (Is A Million Miles Away)

The Beatles: I'm Looking Through You

Sebadoh: Brand New Love

The Knockoffs: When Things Go Wrong

Eels: Unhinged

Jim Infantino: Big Old Dark Green Car

Rufus Wainwright: Natasha

Sebadoh: Vampire

Action League: I Don't Care For You

Socialburn: Be A Man

Avril Lavigne: Losing Grip

Rogue Wave: Ocean Breathes Salty

Frank Sinatra: This Town (Oceans 11 Remix)

The White Stripes: I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself

The Descendents: Sad State Of Affairs

Talking Heads: Psycho Killer

Eels: Little Bird

Modest Mouse: The Good Times Are Killing Me


And if you don't want to download each individual song, I have a handy daddy music player all ready for you to listen to the entire playlist.


Just click play to enter my head ...



Get a playlist! Standalone player Suck Penis


There!

Hope that explains a few things for you.

And I damn well hope you appreciate it, too. You know how much work that took to set all that music up? Shiiiiit.

Anyways, there you are.



I'm out.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Various Random Whatnots ...

I'm alone in this house except for snoring children, farting dogs, sleeping cats and the nonstop sounds of the water flowing into the fish tank which SOUNDS like it would be soothing but it's as soothing as a loud ticking clock during a school final and you didn't study.

My head feels like it's on fire but not in a temperature way. I'm feeling sad, cold, bored, lonely, horny, apathetic, and I feel like at any second my brain might explode so I should smash my head against a brick wall over and over again to save everybody else, either that or just scoop it out with a spoon like my brain is ice cream.

Do those feelings happen to anybody else? Probably not.

Anyway, here's some random stuff ...





Here's a little scene that happened earlier today...

ISABELA: Daddy, I got myself dressed. And I have a jacket. I'm ready to go outside and play!

ME: But baby it's cold outside and it's windy and its getting dark and it's sprinkling outside.

BELA: I can live with that!


By the way, next week's church-less movie of the week will PROBABLY be canceled so that I can go to church and watch two of my 2.5 daughters sing Vanilla Ice for Jesus.


GOD I am going insane!









Running From The Camera: The Blog


Jeroen Offerman sings "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, then reverses it. Mind blowing!


FINALLY! A web page devoted to when you drive by some store and you KNOW it totally used to be another store because it still kinda LOOKS like that store. Bad store conversions. Just check it out...









"HI, HOW YA DOIN?"

When people ask me how I'm doing, one of those things people say purely as a throw away small talk thing, I've gotten in the habit of saying in my cheeriest voice "I'm going insane, how about you?!?" Little do they know that with my finger breaking, work politics, the robbery, my grandparents dying, my money woes and my marriage that when I say that to them I'm being serious.







This post goes out to all my Wind Clan niggers up in here.