And as you can see, my wife circled my baby son's penis. Yay. Fetus penis.
Wow. That's my new band name.
Fetuspenis. All one word.
See, I was going to talk about my soon to be baby boy but now I'm completely distracted by the awesomesauce band name I just now came up with. I can grow out a little mexi-mullet and I can grow out my mustache so that it hangs in that dusty metal white boy sort of way.
Shit! See, NOW I have to google image search that mustache...
THAT's the mustache that I'm talking about. A sort of redneck rocker My Name Is Earl sort of mustache.
Anyway, our baby boy...
And did you know there's an actual American Mustache Institute? No bull, they just gave out their 2010 Mustached American of the Year award a few months ago. That is awesome! I haven't been this excited about something stupid since I saw that awesome documentary about air guitar!
Sorry. The boy. Back to the boy.
I learned about this whole thing early yesterday but, because I was not with my family as they learned the sex of the baby, I didn't think, given where I was at the time, that I had anyone that I could share the news with. So I called my parents, left them a message, then I texted my therapist. That's a pretty sad list of people to share this with, but there you go.
I want to name this child Edward Maxwell Galindo. That's Edward after Ed Wood. However, my wife wants to call him Maxwell Edward Galindo after a dream she had where we named our son after the hammer wielding murderer song by The Beatles. So the two main decisions are between a transvestite and a british murderer.
Wouldn't that be crazy if the rumors were true and Paul really WAS dead? How crazy would that be? A band so huge that they keep the death of a major band member a secret and call in someone else to PRETEND to be him?
Screenplay idea right there. I am on a roll.
Ok. Back to the name.
My father, however, has his own name idea. He is trying to stress to me how important it is to have a son named after you and wants me to call him Steve Galindo JUNIOR. He says it's a pride thing. But all THAT does is make me feel like my older brother, who was named after my dad, got all the pride and all the perks from my dad. Does that make sense?
Anyway, the big strike against my name choice is that our two youngest kids will be Edward and Bela, the two lovebirds from Twilight. And that sucks. But the way I see it we will also have an Ed and a Bela. We can dress Ed in womens clothes and we can get little five year old Isabela hooked on morphine with a demerol chaser. How awesome is that?
I am deeply frightened about having a boy. I SAID I wanted a boy out loud to everyone, but what I really wanted deep down inside was a girl. I've already dealt with two girls. I know what to do and what to expect with a girl. But a boy? What the hell do I do with one of THOSE? I don't know what to do. I'm frightened.
And that's that.
I still can't get over that.
I'm going to have a whole outfit made of denim and I'm going to rock ass all hardcore fantastic awesomesauce. It's going to be epic how hard we are going to rock.
That's my fuckin' metal face right there.