NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week...



Yoinked from imdb, Film Threat, sexgoremutants.co.uk, movie-holder.com and this awesome article from my favorite website, cracked.com ...


"Süpermen Dönüyor, also known as Supermen Return, The Return of Superman or simply Turkish Superman, is a 1979 Turkish film where, like Turkish Star Wars and Turkish Star Trek, the Turkish were quick to cash in on the global success of Richard Donner's SUPERMAN film, and produced their own cheap re-imagining of the classic superhero tale.


It’s fortunate for these Turkish filmmakers that Superman’s outfit is so simple and cheesy because they were able to perfectly duplicate it. Finally, they got something right.




After a mysterious prologue in a Christmas tree ornaments-filled starscape, Turkish Clark Kent, here named Tayfun, is told by his parents that he is an Alien from space and that he must leave to accomplish his destiny. They give him a green gem which he takes into a nearby cave. There, Jor-El, minus half of his front teeth, appears and reveals to Clark that he is Superman.


The opening scene is amazing. The narrator speaks breathlessly, plastic stars and Christmas tree baubles (doubling up as planets) dangle from thin strings in front of a black velvet backdrop. This is the universe, Turkish cinema-style!




I gotta note that this Superman seems to be a lot meaner than the one portrayed by Christopher Reeve. This Superman backhands and uppercuts people as if he were in a ragin’ bar brawl. He even winds up killing two people. Turkish superman is no goody goody like the American one. He knows what x-ray vision is supposed to be used for, for looking at panties! The flying scenes are funny, because you can tell he’s just hanging from a ceiling, with footage rolling on the wall behind him. Nice.


Popular movie soundtracks were used the complete the score: Some Superman (1978)'s main themes (by John Williams) and some scores from the 60's James Bond's movies (including the James Bond Theme composed by Monty Norman).




From the laugh-out-loud ineptitude of the pre-credits opening, to the crazy melodramatic music that peppers the film, SUPERMEN DONUYOR is Z-grade exploitation filmmaking at it's most irresistible. Sure its 23 minutes in before Superman gets to act the hero, and for a 68-minute film that feels a little too long to wait. But elsewhere the flimsy sets, amateur FX work (you won't believe a man can fly …), lurid colour photography and bewildered 'acting' all complement the childlike script perfectly, making this a turd that's impossible not to love. It even boasts a villain who cradles a cat in one arm while continually stroking it with his free hand, as he plots to take over the world. Classic!"


Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Twinkies

Popcorn

Doritos

Trident Layers

Roasted Teriyaki Seaweed (Don't Knock It til You Try It)




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE!


As I said a few days ago, today's film is only an hour long, so I've made an amazing playlist so that the film is littered with cool grindhouse previews, cartoons, commercials, an intermission, a special sneak peek at NEXT week's bad movie(s), and even a little bit of Disney-approved Nazi propaganda. It's all a pretty sweet show and I'm deeply proud of it.


But first lets go over a few ground rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed in this or any of our 1 convenient Galindo Theater locations. Any and all talkers will be shat upon recklessly. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember... it's fcu, it's icu.


Enjoy the show y'all!




Happy Easter and stuff.


Wind Clan out.

1 comment:

Reverend Steve said...

Now I'm thinking, screw Edward Galindo. How about we name the kid after a REAL hero... TAYFUN GALINDO!