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Friday, September 30, 2011

Random Thoughts ...



I am pretty sure that my wife and my mother-in-law stayed up all night last night watching stuff on our Netflix on demand service. I'm not sure about my mother-in-law because it doesn't seem like the crazy sort of thing she would do. My wife, however, seems like EXACTLY the sort of person crazy enough to do that so I am feeling pretty definite about her doing that.


So right now I am trying to get my two daughters ready for school. It's an uphill battle. Emerald, my oldest, likes to tease and manipulate her youngest and get angry when you try to scold her. My youngest treats all the women in her life with respect and reverence but treats me, her dad, like crap, yelling and screaming at me whenever possible and waking up her mommy to try and get a second opinion on small stupid things. Every morning seems worse. They just won't listen to me.


It's sexism. That's what it is. And I am so happy that I now have a son because maybe his presence will quell the rampant sexism in this goddamn house. I mean, I'm sure that if I had a freaking vagina that my daughters would listen to me.


It's just frustrating.


What I am hoping for today (and I probably won't get, knowing my crap luck) is that my wife and my mother-in-law just stay asleep all day. That would be like a dream for me.


Things certainly have changed. See, bad movies and cult movies are my comfort. I watch them all the time. But then my wife got pregnant and decided that all television is evil and a black cloud started hanging over our house as we all started giving up tv to appease my pregnant wife. Now here she is staying up all night watching old episodes of Reaper and Samantha Who.


One thing that hasn't changed is the fact that my wife's mother doesn't want me watching movies, not when there's so much stuff to do around the house. I understand that and I respect that. Hell, I gave up watching my coveted Thursday night comedy lineup so that she could watch To Sir With Love. Brought back memories. I used to sing a mean ass metal version of To Sir With Love back at the bar in Phoenix. Good times.


Anyway, I try to clean and I try to help out around the house, but it seems as if she will not be happy unless I clean constantly and never watch television. That's why I am pretty psyched about them staying up all night watching crap and, I dunno, ratting their hair and talking about dreamy guys. That means that I get the tv all to myself for a while today.


Yay little victories!


Right now I am sitting down on the former 50-mile couch watching stuff. It's 8:55 in the morning now and the girls are at school. I am watching something new on the Netflix on demand service, a Norweigan film called Trollhunter. I've only heard about it in articles and on the internet. It's an amazing film. It's a Blair Witch sort of film but it's foriegn and it's about the hunting of trolls. It's hard to pin down. It's not a horror film and it's not a drama. It's close to a comedy but it's not a full on comedy because it takes itself incredibly seriously, but it's just that which makes the film so comedic and utterly awesome. Great stuff. I highly recomend it.


After I finish watching this I may watch the Conan O'Brien documentary that I wanted to see so bad in theaters. It just popped up on the instant que a day or two ago and I can't wait to see it.


I'm feeling , I dunno, out of my element a bit. Off my game. I am incredibly happy about my new son. I am. I'm filled with joy about it. But apart from that I just don't feel myself. I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I have been fighting myself about cutting. Lord knows I really want to cut myself. I haven't yet but every day I want to. I just hate myself and cutting is my way of punishing myself. I know it's bad and its been months since I've done it to myself. But everyday recently I've fought myself about it.


Trollhunter is freaking awesome!


Laters.


Wind Clan out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hope these words can help you:

"There's nothing to hate yourself for, since you're a good person - so don't hurt yourself!"

I know it's easy for me to say this, but think about it really hard; if you have not been cruel to anyone, then how on earth can you hate yourself? You wouldn't hate another if they're innocent of causing pain, therefore you owe it to yourself to treat yourself just as fairly.

So, whenever you need to be reminded, just quote me saying:

"There's nothing to hate yourself for, since you're a good person. So don't hurt yourself!"

Record a new song for Ed, instead!
Take care!