NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Free Form "Me Time" Computing ...



So it looks like this semester means that I get dropped off at work three and a half hours early every Wednesday.


Sigh.


I don't mind, though! I bring my computer and a few bad movies and a shit ton of coffee. I screw around on my facebook page, watch a bad movie or two, and just have some nice, quiet ME time off of the clock.


And Wood knows I need some me time. Here's a video that my wife took recently. It's a short clip of one of my "other" wife's kids just running around and acting mad. Check it out ...




This crazy type of madness is just a typical day in my life, in my house with five kids, two cats, five dogs, three ducks, and one baby on the way.




So having the chance to watch stupid movies in a nice, quiet environment is actually something I look forward to now.


Yay me!


Here. Have this. I've had this song stuck in my head all day ...


Barenaked Ladies: Alcohol


Now it's in your head, too!


Sigh. Ok.


What I am about to say is in no way directed at any major corporation or any people whatsoever, living or dead. In fact, what I'm about to say is really a work of fiction and I wouldn't worry your pretty little head about it.


I'm a good guy. I really am.


Unfortunately, certain powers that be are currently trying their hardest to paint me as a horrible worker in an attempt to make me quit, probably because I make so much. Sadly, for a lot of employers, it's easier to hire newbies cheaply than it is to keep older employees who are paid a lot more.


But I refuse to leave. I am a good guy. I've done nothing wrong. I am good. I refuse to allow everyone else to weigh me down.


Not that I'm referring to anyone or any major corporation, for that matter.


My therapist says that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And certain "people" are punishing me for doing things that are a part of that PTSD. And as a result of that, I could EASILY SUE THEIR PANTS OFF AND WIN! In fact, she keeps telling me that I should seriously consider suing. She's back me up, be right beside me, and she says I would probably win.


But I won't. I could. But I won't.


Probably.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Post #1,600: My Therapy Whale ...

This is a picture that I took last friday. It is a picture of the arm of the couch that I sit on when I go to therapy.


It cheers me up greatly...




In my mind the arm of the couch is actually a happy whale smiling at me. So when I'm reliving the robbery or talking about my lonely childhood or my deep self-hatred and I start crying, all I have to do is look at the arm of the couch and Willzyx the whale just smiles at me and says "It's okay, Steve! Just smile!"


It's awesome!

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Somewhat Timely Edition ...

CELEBRATING OVER THREE YEARS OF WATCHING CRAP!


The other day, while reading my local independent liberal whining white people weekly paper, I came across THIS at the end of the This Modern World comic strip ...




Classic!


So seeing that really got me hankering to watch an old pro-wrestler put on sunglasses and wrestle a black guy in an alleyway for a REALLY long time.


Enjoy ...




Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia ...


"They Live is a 1988 science fiction/horror film directed by John Carpenter, who also wrote the screenplay under the pseudonym Frank Armitage. The film is based on Ray Nelson's 1963 short story Eight O’Clock in the Morning.


Part science fiction horror and part dark comedy, the film echoed contemporary fears of a declining economy, within a culture of greed and conspicuous consumption common among Americans in the 1980s. In They Live, the ruling class within the moneyed elite are in fact aliens managing human social affairs through the use of a signal on top of the TV broadcast that is concealing their appearance and subliminal messages in mass media.




The idea for They Live came from two sources: a short story called 'Eight O'Clock in the Morning' by Ray Nelson, originally published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction in the 1960s, involving an alien invasion in the tradition of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and a story called 'Nada' from the Alien Encounters comic book. John Carpenter describes Nelson's story as 'a D.O.A. type of story, in which a man is put in a trance by a stage hypnotist. When he awakens, he realizes that the entire human race has been hypnotized, and that alien creatures are controlling humanity. He has only until eight o'clock in the morning to solve the problem.' Carpenter acquired the film rights to both the comic book and short story and wrote the screenplay using Nelson's story as a basis for the film's structure.


The more political elements of the film are derived from Carpenter's growing distaste with the ever-increasing commercialization of 1980s popular culture and politics. He remarked, 'I began watching TV again. I quickly realized that everything we see is designed to sell us something... It's all about wanting us to buy something. The only thing they want to do is take our money.' To this end, Carpenter thought of sunglasses as being the tool to seeing the truth, which 'is seen in black and white. It's as if the aliens have colorized us. That means, of course, that Ted Turner is really a monster from outer space.' The aliens were deliberately made to look like ghouls according to Carpenter, who said: 'The creatures are corrupting us, so they, themselves, are corruptions of human beings.'




After a budget of approximately three million dollars was raised, Carpenter began casting the film. For the crucial role of Nada, the filmmaker cast professional wrestler Roddy Piper, whom he met at WrestleMania III earlier in 1987. For Carpenter it was an easy choice: 'Unlike most Hollywood actors, Roddy has life written all over him.' Carpenter was impressed with Keith David's performance in The Thing and needed someone 'who wouldn't be a traditional sidekick, but could hold his own.' To this end, Carpenter wrote the role of Frank specifically for the actor.


They Live was shot in eight weeks during March and April 1988, principally on location in downtown L.A. with a budget only slightly larger than $3,000,000. One of the highlights of the film is a five-and-half minute alley fight between David and Piper over a pair of the special sunglasses. Carpenter recalls that the fight took three weeks to rehearse: 'It was an incredibly brutal and funny fight, along the lines of the slugfest between John Wayne and Victor McLaglen in The Quiet Man.'




The film opened on November 4, 1988 debuted at #1 at the box office and grossed $4,827,000 (USA) during its opening weekend, ahead of such films as the U2 documentary Rattle and Hum. The film had a total domestic gross of $13,008,928 (USA) on an estimated $3-4 million budget. Carpenter is on record as attributing the film's initial commercial failure to result from an audience '[those] who go to the movies in vast numbers these days don't want to be enlightened.'


The film was ranked #18 on Entertainment Weekly magazine's 'The Cult 25: The Essential Left-Field Movie Hits Since '83' list. Rotten Tomatoes ranked the fight scene between Roddy Piper's character, John Nada, and Keith David's character, Frank Armitage, seventh on their list of the 'The 20 Greatest Fights Scenes Ever.'


Although not an immediate commercial success, the critical consensus according to Rotten Tomatoes was that critics thought of the movie as 'A politically subversive blend of horror and sci fi' and went on to call it 'an underrated genre film from John Carpenter.' A remake, sadly, is in production and is slated for release in 2011."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

Chips

Popcorn

Almonds

Whatever I Find




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be sneezed on, then impregnated. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so super serious about that last one.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show y'all!




And here are the Sunday movies I've seen so far ...


December 7th, 2008: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla
December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra (free to watch)
December 21st: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (free to watch)
December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)
January 4th, 2009: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster
January 11th: Series 7 (free to watch)
January 18th: House of Wax
January 25th: Police Story 3
February 1st: Left Behind the Movie (free to watch)
February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon
February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar (free to watch)
March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup
March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars
March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster
March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros
March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)
March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living (free to watch)
March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)
April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)
April 25th (part 1): Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
April 25th (part 2): Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 1): Sex Madness (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 2): Frankenstein Conquers the World
May 10th (part 1): Muppet Treasure Island
May 10th (part 2): La Bamba (free to watch)
May 17th: Mothra (free to watch)
May 31st: Mega-Shark VS Giant Octopus (free to watch)
June 7th: Tommy (free to watch)
June 14th (part 1): Roger Corman's Fantastic Four (free to watch)
June 14th (part 2): Rodan (free to watch)
June 24th: MST3K's Godzilla VS Megalon (free to watch)
June 28th: Last Man On Earth (free to watch)
July 5th (part 1): Over The Top
July 5th (part 2): Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (free to watch)
July 12th (part 1): Air Guitar Nation
July 12th (part 2): Cockfight/We Are The Children (free to watch)
July 19th (part 1): Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who Saves the World) (free to watch)
July 19th (part 2): Turist Ömer (free to watch)
August 2nd: The Marx Bros' At the Circus (free to watch)
August 9th (part 1): MST3K's Marooned (free to watch)
August 9th (part 2): First Spaceship On Venus (free to watch)
August 16th (part 1): The Atomic Cafe (free to watch)
August 16th (part 2): MST3K's Night of the Blood Beast (free to watch)
August 30th: God Told Me To Kill (free to watch)
September 3rd: Rebirth Of Mothra (free to watch)
September 6th: Cinema Insomnia's The Wasp Woman (free to watch)
September 13th (part 1): A Bucket Of Blood (free to watch)
September 13th (part 2): Cinema Insomnia's Prince Of Space (free to watch)
september 21st: Theater of Blood (free to watch)
September 27th (part 1): The Brain That Wouldn't Die (free to watch)
September 27th (part 2):MST3K's Amazing Colossal Man (free to watch)
October 11th: Horror of Spider Island (free to watch)
October 18th (part 1): I Woke Up Early The Day I Died
October 18th (part 2): Earth VS The Flying Saucers (free to watch)
October 25th (part 1): Frogs (free to watch)
October 25th (part 2): King Kong Escapes
November 1st: The Thing With Two Heads (free to watch)
November 8th: Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth (free to watch)
November 15th (Franken-Week, Day 7): Frankenstein Conquers the World (free to watch)
November 22nd: The Giant Gila Monster (free to watch)
November 29th: MST3K Gamera Triple Feature (free to watch)
December 6th (part 1): She Demons (free to watch)
December 6th (part 2): MST3K's The Incredible Melting Man (free to watch)
December 13th: A Triple Threat of Riffs
December 20th: Manos (free to watch)
December 24th: Christmas Eve Bonus - Manster (free to watch)
December 27th (part 1): The Screaming Skull (free to watch)
December 27th (part 2): The Sadist/Eegah (free to watch)
January 3rd, 2010: Wrestling With Shadows (free to watch)
January 17th (part 1): Teenage Zombies (free to watch)
January 17th (part 2): Horror of the Zombies (free to watch)
January 24th: The Crawling Hand/The Monster That Challenged The World (free to watch)
January 30th: Atom Age Vampire, the Steve-a-fied Edition (free to watch)
February 14th: House On Haunted Hill-Original and Remake (free to watch)
February 21st: Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory (free to watch)
February 28th: The Atomic Brain LIVE in Steve's Living Room
March 7th: Lady Frankenstein (free to watch)
March 14th (part 1): Castle of Evil (free to watch)
March 14th (part 2): Tormented (free to watch)
March 21st: A.P.E (WARNING: movie contains a line about RAPE which may apparently offend your more easily offended, closed minded female co-workers)
March 23rd (make up): Tarantula (free to watch)
April 11th (part 1): Warning From Space (free to watch)
April 11th (part 2): They Came From Beyond Space (free to watch)
April 18th (part 1): The Phantom of 10,000 Leagues (free to watch)
April 18th (part 2): Gappa The Triphibian Monster (free to watch)
April 25th: Killers From Space (free to watch)
May 2nd: THEM! (free to watch)
May 8th: Astro-Zombies (free to watch)
May 15th: The Snow Creature/The Phantom Planet (free to watch)
May 21st (part 1): The Giant Spider Invasion (free to watch)
May 21st (part 2): The Deadly Mantis (free to watch)
May 30th: They Saved Hitler's Brain (free to watch)
June 6th: The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra/Newsies
June 13th: The Mole People (free to watch)
June 20th (part 1): The Incredible Petrified World (free to watch)
June 20th (part 2): MST3K's "Lazerblast" (free to watch)
June 20th (part 3): Mortal Kombat (free to watch)
June 20th (part 4): Into The Woods
June 26th: Teenagers from Outer Space (free to watch)
July 4th: Batman (free to watch)
July 10th: The Amazing Transparent Man (free to watch)
July 22nd (Surgery Edition, Part 1): The Crazies (original - free to watch)
July 22nd (Surgery Edition, Part 2): The Giant Claw (free to watch)
July 24th (Surgery Edition, Part 3): The Day The Earth Froze (ffree to watch)
July 24th (Surgery Edition, Part 4): Don't Look In The Basement (free to watch)
July 25th (Surgery Edition, Part 5): Invasion of the Neptune Men (free to watch)
July 26th (Surgery Edition, Part 6): Yongary, Monster from the Deep (free to watch)
July 31st: The Mating Habits Of The Earthbound Human
August 7th: Starman Double Feature (free to watch)
August 14th: Assassin of Youth (free to watch)
August 22nd: The Brain from Planet Arous (free to watch)
August 28th: Dementia 13 (free to watch)
August 30th Special Monday Night Freebie: The Indestructible Man (free to watch)
September 5th: Alien Trespass
September 12th: The Castle of Cagliostro (Netflix on Demand)
September 19th (part 1): Scream and Scream Again (free to watch)
Septemner 19th (part 2): Dragon Wars (free to watch)
September 26th: cat-Women Of The Moon (free to watch)
October 2nd: The Food Of The Gods (Netflix on Demand)
Woodmas, October 10th: Plan 9 LIVE
October 17th: The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (free to watch)
October 24th: Donovan's Brain (free to watch)
October 31st: The Hideous Sun Demon (free to watch)
December 12th: 4-D Man (Netflix on Demand)
December 18th: The Tingler (free to watch)
December 27th (part 1): The Man From Planet X (Netflix On Demand)
December 27th (part 2): Little Shop of Horrors (free to watch)
January 2nd, 2011: The Creature from the Black Lagoon (free to watch)
January 16th: Real Genius (free to watch)
January 23rd (part 1): The Horror of Party Beach (free to watch)
January 23rd (part 2): The Beach Girls and the Monster (free to watch)

My Most Vulnerable ...

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately.


So I decided for this post to try and capture an image of me that was me at my most vulnerable.


So, since I didn't really want to take any pictures of me naked or taking a crap, I decided to focus on my one major hindrance: my crippling asthma.




This is me and my breathing machine. Without it I would probably be dead.


See, I inherited my mom's debilitating asthma. Thanks, mom. So now I need to inhale medicine from this machine two to four times a day. if I don't, then I can't breathe. Plain and simple.


It usually takes about 15 minutes to take a treatment, which gives me time to think. Sometimes I get angry at my father. My dad once said that my mother's asthma was "all in her head." And I probably agreed with him, way back when I was able to breathe. Now I need to be tied to a machine in order to live peacefully, so how dare he even THINK something like that.


Anyway, I wanted to end on a happy, less depressed note.


So here are some pregnant titties...


Thursday, January 27, 2011

It's Official ...

My wife and I are expecting another baby!




Right now it's no bigger than a Jelly Belly, but it's a Jelly Belly with a heartbeat, so suck it.


My wife and daughters and I are all extremely excited about the new addition to my family.


I'm also excited about having more free labor around the house.


Just sayin'.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Post #1,596: What To Do When Your Wife Drops You Off Hours Early ...

[edited due to corporate pressure]

Let's just say that certain people within a certain organization are trying their hardest to make me want to quit.

But I refuse.

So fuck you.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week: Monster Beach Party, Part 2 ...

Today's bad movie strongly reminded me of another monster on the beach movie, so I thought I'd make today a double feature.


Enjoy ...




Yoinked from wikipedia and the truly awesome 1000misspenthours.com ...


"The Beach Girls and the Monster is a horror film in the beach party style. Unlike most beach party films, it was shot in black & white. For some release prints, the surfing footage was printed in color. The onscreen copyright is 1964, although the film was not released until September 1965.


What we’re looking at here is an early offering from AIP-TV, the same powerhouse of crap that gave us Mars Needs Women and Space Probe Taurus. In light of this fact, we should prepare ourselves for two things: 1). the movie’s going to be more heavily padded than an out-of-shape sumo wrestler; and 2). when it’s not busy boring us, the movie’s going to try to make our brains explode from the effort of trying to keep up with its insanity.




I’ll say this for The Beach Girls and the Monster, though— it comes out swinging. Six young people of indeterminate age (they act like they’re supposed to be teenagers, but certain details of the script make sense only if at least one of them is well into his twenties) are hanging out at the beach. The guys are out riding the waves (oh— did I forget to mention that this is a surfsploitation movie?) while their girlfriends are wriggling semi-rhythmically (one hesitates to call it 'dancing') on the dunes to the strains of some rather tepid generic surf-rock written by the one and only Frank Sinatra Jr. Sure does simplify matters when the characters’ transistor radios are tuned in to the movie’s own incidental music, huh?


Anyway, after the boys return to the land, a girl named Bunny (Gloria Neil) goes running off behind one of the larger dunes for no particularly good reason. Standing conveniently between a crevice in a nearby rock-face and the mouth of a big-ass drainage pipe, Bunny is ideally placed for attack by, say, a gill-man, and when one of those happens along a few moments later, she is defenseless against its leisurely lumbering might. The gill-man strangles Bunny, scratches up her face a bit (everyone knows facial lacerations are fatal in cheap horror movies), and crawls away down the pipe. Her friends are suitably horrified to discover her body shortly thereafter.




The surfing footage used for the scene where Richard runs a film for Mark was shot by one of the most prolific surf filmmakers of the 1960s, Dale Davis, who produced Walk on the Wet Side, Strictly Hot, and the landmark The Golden Breed. According to the trailer for the film, the dancing girls seen in the movie are The Watusi Dancing Girls from Hollywood's Whisky a Go Go club on Sunset Boulevard. Most of the interior shots - specifically all those of the Lindsay home - were shot at the actual home of director and star Jon Hall.


All the sculptures and the Kingsley the Lion puppet used in the film, were created by the actor who played Mark - Walker Edmiston, the host of The Walker Edmiston Show, a children's television program in Los Angeles that featured featured puppets of his own creation including Kingsley the Lion.




Brian Chidester & Dominic Priore state in their book, Pop Surf Culture, that 'the soundtrack of The Beach Girls and the Monster has got to rank up there among the best … no fewer than 13 different sections of full-bore, deep-reverb tank surf instrumentals throb the soundtrack.' The score was arranged and conducted by Chuck Sagle, and a few of the musicians assembled for the soundtrack were members of the surf band The Hustlers (who are known for their songs Kopout, Inertia and Wailin’ Out) from Riverside, California. According to the film's credits, the theme song titled 'Dance Baby Dance' was written by Frank Sinatra, Jr. and Joan Janis, and produced by Edward Janis."


Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...



Yoinked from badmovieplanet.com and the almighty wikipedia ...


"The Horror of Party Beach (working title Invasion of the Zombies) is a 1964 horror film in the beach party genre, directed by B-movie maven Del Tenney, which Tenney himself describes as 'a take-off on beach parties and musicals.'


A small U.S. East Coast beach town experiences a wave of attacks from water plants and dead human tissue mutated from radioactive waste. They coalesce into humanoid form by attaching themselves to skeletons in a shipwreck and immediately proceed to hunt down and kill mostly young women, as is common in the horror films of this era. Despite the murders committed by the monsters, young women in large numbers keep returning to the area and having, for instance, slumber parties, much to the monster's convenience. Trying to stop the monsters are scientist Dr. Gavin, his young-adult daughter Elaine, and her boyfriend (and his employee) Hank Green, with some unexpected assistance from housekeeper Eulabelle and metallic sodium.




Capitalizing on a gimmick first utilized by director William Castle, some newspaper advertisements included a call-out that stated 'For your protection! We will not permit you to see these shockers unless you agree to release the theatre of all responsibility for death by fright!' and theaters were encouraged by the distributor to have patrons sign a 'Fright Release' before they took their seats.


For the longest time, The Horror of Party Beach was only available in a severely truncated version, a version where almost eight minutes of footage was removed to make it more Standards & Practices friendly when it was packaged and sold off to TV after its theatrical run played out. Even without those missing scenes, the film earned itself a strong cult-following over the years for its bizarre monster and rockin' tunes.


Movie-mocking television series Mystery Science Theater 3000 featured The Horror of Party Beach in one of its season-8 episodes in 1997.






It was production designer Robert Verberkmoes who came up with the unique look for the mutated zombie fish-men for The Horror of Party Beach, when his first, shambling mass-of-sponges, attempt failed to pass muster with his producer. And it was Verberkmoes who made the fateful decision to stuff the creature's gaping maw with hot-dogs instead of fangs. Cobbled together with patterned scales, glue, ping-pong balls, and the dismembered fingers of several pairs of rubber gloves, once seen, as incredulous as it appears, the ungainly critters do leave a lasting and some would argue, permanent, impression on many a viewer.


Although billed in its promotional material as 'The First Horror Monster Musical' all the songs heard in the film are presented as either soundtrack music or source music, as opposed to the style of a traditional musical with songs sung by central characters of the story. In addition, Ray Dennis Steckler’s The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies made the same claim only a few months earlier, so ha."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

Almonds

Chips

Cold Pizza

Super Chocolatey Ice Cream

My Wife's Ample Tits


... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!


Please, though, a few rules first...


There is absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be cyber-slapped in the cyber-balls. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so super serious about that last one.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show y'all!


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Hard Work ...



I'm on my [edited]. I am pretty sure this is okay.


Our Comcast internet stopped working for a random 14 hours yesterday, plus I have been so busy with work and at home that I just haven't had the time to properly vent about life on my blog. Plus, the older I get the more I seem to have A.D.D. because it's just gotten harder for me to sit still for any lengthy period of time, especially the time it takes for me to write stuff on here.


Also, there seems to have been a slight shift in the dynamic of the content of this blog. Instead of wanting to rant and rave bout my crazy life and my emotional problems I just want to entertain, to post free mp3's and watch bad movies and have fun with you, my invisible friends.


Speaking of bad movies, I am so happy to say that I don't work tomorrow, so my Church-Less movie of the week will actually be enjoyed by me! So yay for me and yay for days off!


No idea what I'm going to show tomorrow, but whatever I end up showing I'm sure that it will be awesome.


Man. I need more sleep.


Talk to you laters.


Wind Clan out!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Status Update ...



It's Martin Luther King Day, which means that tonight after the kids go to bed I will celebrate the black race by watching Black Dynamite for the twentieth time and still freaking laugh, especially at the militant black guy who reads his stage instructions. "Militant turns, startled. How did you get in here?" I love that part.


Or maybe I'll watch The Crazies. And I'm talking about the new remake, not the piece of crap seventies original. Watching that film is like watching a Kent, Ohio community theater version of Measure for Measure on a sunday afternoon. Boring as hell.


So right now my wife and youngest daughter are taking a nap. They've been asleep for a good two hours now. I'm just here watching crap with my daughter. We watched two South Parks and a Hannah Montana. I hate Hannah Montana, but my oldest daughter is a total girlie girl, so occasionally I have to abide by her rules and stop forcing my own flavor of pop culture strangeness down her throat.


I originally planned on watching movies all day, but I've just been incredibly distracted lately. I've felt very crazed, manic. It's been hard to pin me down. Lost my focus a bit. It's like my mind is doing laps and my soul is somewhere else, probably Disneyland.


There's some stuff going down in my life right now, some serious behind the scenes things that I can't really talk about. But, if you know me, you know I can't bear to keep secrets.


Get back to me in six weeks.


Then we'll talk.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

More Pictures From My Computer's Screen Saver ...

I've previously mentioned on my blog about my screen saver photo album of pictures on my computer. It's a collection of bad movie posters and personal pictures and perverted randoms and amazing cult movie posters and strange artwork and semi-porn and cleavage and random madness.


Because I'm constantly adding to it, I currently have over 3,270 pictures on that damn thing! Sometimes I just like looking at it and seeing what's going to come next. It makes me feel better looking at it. it makes me feel home.


So here are some more of my screensaver pics ...
















Also, and I hope you are still reading this, I have been doing storytimes for kids every week for well over 11 years. And in celebration of this I've compiled a big photo album of over 50 pictures and hilarious stories from over a decade of entertaining children.

STORYTIME WITH MR STEVE 2003-2014

And, if you could, plllllleeeeease share the photo album on Facebook. I really want to get my name out there. So a quick share would really help me out. Plus, it's pretty cute and fairly hilarious.

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...



Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia god ...


"Real Genius is a 1985 satirical comedy film directed by Martha Coolidge. The film's screenplay was written by Neal Israel, Pat Proft and Peter Torokvei. It stars Val Kilmer and Gabriel Jarret.


The film is set on the campus of Pacific Tech, a fictitious technical university in the United States similar to Caltech. Chris Knight (Kilmer) is a genius in his senior year working on a chemical laser. He came to the university as a somber, assiduous student but mellowed over time after deciding that there is more to life than just work. Mitch Taylor (Jarret) is a new student on campus who is paired up with Knight to work on the laser. Mitch is much like Knight used to be, and has trouble settling in. Eventually, Knight teaches Mitch how to enjoy himself and live on campus without burning out.




To prepare for Real Genius, Martha Coolidge spent months researching laser technology and the policies of the CIA, and interviewed dozens of students at Caltech. The screenplay was extensively rewritten, first by Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel, later by Coolidge and Peter Torokvei. Producer Brian Grazer remembers that when Val Kilmer came in to audition for the role of Chris Knight, he brought candy bars and performed tricks. Kilmer remembered it differently. 'The character wasn't polite, so when I shook Grazer's hand and he said, 'Hi, I'm the producer,' I said, 'I'm sorry. You look like you're 12 years old. I like to work with men.'


To achieve the house filled with popcorn for the film's climax, the production popped popcorn continuously for three months. The popcorn was treated with fire retardant so it would not combust and cover it so that it would not be eaten by birds and possibly poison them. Then, the popcorn was shipped out to canyon country in a subdivision that was just being built and placed in the house that belonged to Jerry Hathaway.


To promote the film, the studio held what they billed as 'the world's first computer press conference' with Coolidge and Grazer answering journalists' questions via computer terminals and relayed over the CompuServe computer network.




In the MythBusters episode, Car vs. Rain, first broadcast on June 17, 2009, the MythBusters team tried to determine whether the final scene in the film, the destruction of Dr. Hathaway's house with laser-popped popcorn, is actually possible. First they used a ten-watt laser to pop a single kernel wrapped in aluminum foil, showing that popping corn is possible with a laser, then they tested a scaled-down model of a house. The popcorn was popped through induction heating because a sufficiently large laser was not available. The result was that the popcorn was unable to expand sufficiently to break glass, much less break open a door or move the house off its foundation. Instead, it ceased to expand and then simply charred.


It was also specifically stated in the program that a five-megawatt laser still did not exist, even in military applications, and that the largest military laser they knew of was 100 kilowatts.


In 2007, Val Kilmer expressed an interest in making a sequel to Real Genius, but no shooting dates have been set. A remake of the film is rumored to be in consideration for a 2013 release. A remake or reboot of Real Genius is also rumored to be in the works, as opposed to making a Sequel to the original film."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

Popcorn

Oranges

Annoyance And Disgust


... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE! Please, though, a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and talkers WILL be spanked. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And absolutely NO TEXTING! I am so super serious about that last one.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Oh, and remember ...




Enjoy the show y'all!



CLICK HERE TO WATCH TODAY'S FILM FOR FREE!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Galindo Family Goes To The Jelly Belly Factory ...





Stereotypical large group of asians with cameras ...


President Reagan in jelly beans ...





The warehouse floor. We weren't supposed to take pictures, but I'm a rebel.



Our family portrait. Look how I'm trying to smile like a normal human ...

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Human Centipede

This movie brings a whole new meaning to Ass to mouth.
I have about 33 minutes left of the film.
I don't want to give anything away.
But Eww...
You should watch this!
It is interesting.

Guest Blogger!

Well folks, this is Natasha. Steve is at home, I have the computer and am in the bay area.
I don't really know what the hell I'm going to blog about.
Guess I will tell you about the trip out here.

I was suppose to rent a car and come out here on Friday. But the I changed that to Saturday, then on Saturday I decided that it would be a good idea to wait until Sunday after Steve got off work and have him bring me to save money, then he can come pick me up on Wednesday. Good idea right? Can you tell yet that I really didn't want to come out here?

So last night, after kissing the kids goodnight/goodbye, I went and picked Steve up from working a full shift. He is tired. So I tell him to take a nap while I drive out here. He only gets about 45-50 minutes of sleep.
We get here, I realize that the hotel that priceline booked me (I did the name your own price) is practically in the middle of nowhere. I am not within walking distance of anything. Not unless I want to walk for an hour. Which, I'm not unwilling to do, it is just that it wouldn't be convenient to do so if I end up having to work.
So we check in, I can't seem to get the heater to work.
The lady from the front desk, Faye, comes in and checks it. It's true it doesn't work. The unit on the wall. However there is a huge unit on the wall by the window, you know the one. And I didn't even notice it. So she got that on for me.
Then Steve and I go to Wal Mart. I needed food. Especially since I am out in the middle of no where. I am at an Extended Stay so I can at least cook my own stuff.

To make a long story short, Steve didn't end up leaving here until 11:30pm. I intended him to leave at 9:30. He was suppose to be home by the time he left.
Oh well.
It was hard. I didn't want to be here alone, I didn't want him to have to drive home alone, it just plain sucked.

Oh well.

I am trying to watch The Human Centipede on Netflix on the computer, however it keeps telling me that my internet connection has slowed down and it needs to adjust the playback. So there's that.

Steve has informed me that he has watched three movies today. The original Fly, Hercules Unchained, and Zombieland. Which is an awesome movie. Love that film.
He also wanted me to tell you all that he says hi, and he may go see a movie sometime tomorrow. I'm not sure what movie. I will ask him, hold on....

He hasn't answered me.

Well I'm off to finish this movie! Hopefully. I will blog again later!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The New Years Fire ...



I was once again the designated driver this New Years Eve.


Hooray.


Ahem.


We went to a friend's boyfriend's aunt's house and that right there was uncomfortable to me. I was hoping to just spend the night at home with our family and my "other wife" Lisa's kids and just party and make fun of Dick Clark and hang out. But we had to go somewhere I didn't know with a bunch of people, only 15% I actually KNOW.


Secondly, I'm still sober. And it's been extremely difficult lately for me to STAY sober, too. So being around hyperactive loud talking drunk twentysomethings intent on getting wasted didn't feel comfortable to me. So, in typical Steve fashion, I spent most of the night either alone by the fire or entertaining the children that were there. Typical Steve.


Finally, my wife and I had a bad argument on the way there. It was about something stupid and I felt bad. It was something small but to my wife it was something super mega huge. Things have been at best "complicated" with my wife and I. And I really am not at liberty to discuss the matter any further. There's a lot of crap that I can't really talk about right now. I wish i could, but I can't. I just can't.


But most of the night, I'd say about three hours, were spent by the fire outside. It was freezing as hell outside, but the fire made it ... slightly LESS freezing. Plus there's something about fire pits and chimneys that make me feel so deeply relaxed. It felt good being there watching it burn. It felt comforting. It was a nice way to end such a shitty year for me.


I had a long talk right before we left with my friend Jen. She was a bit tipsy and asked me, essentially, why I've been so depressed for the past four or so years. She notices a change in me, a change that most people who know me can also see. I like to think that I'm finally allowing myself to quit the phony "cocky funnyman" facade and am allowing myself to be sad and quiet. She sees me as a depressed downer who has made a complete 180 turn since I first met my wife almost eight years ago.


I want to be happy, but I don't want to be happy because people expect me to.


I don't know what I'm going to do.


But 2011 HAS to be better than 2010!

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...

SUPPORT THIS BLOG BY BUYING STRANGE ED WOOD MERCH!


Today's classic, fright-tastic feature film is once again available to watch for FREE! And be sure to stop by this blog for regular free movies. Because this blog is awesome is why.


Enjoy ...




Yoinked from wikipedia, the 1973 book Classic Movie Monsters, and 1000misspenthours.com ...


"Creature from the Black Lagoon is a 1954 monster horror film directed by Jack Arnold, and starring Richard Carlson, Julia Adams, Richard Denning, Antonio Moreno, and Whit Bissell. The eponymous creature was played by Ben Chapman on land and Ricou Browning in underwater scenes. The film was released in the United States on March 5, 1954.


Creature from the Black Lagoon was filmed and originally released in 3-D requiring polarized 3-D glasses, and subsequently reissued in the 1970s in the inferior anaglyph format (this version was released on home video by MCA Videocassette, Inc. in 1980). It was one of the first Universal Pictures films filmed in 3-D (the first was It Came from Outer Space, which was released a year before). It is considered a classic of the 1950s, and generated two sequels, Revenge of the Creature and The Creature Walks Among Us. Revenge of the Creature was also filmed and released in 3-D, in hopes of reviving the format.




The film was a sensation and put the Gill-Man alongside Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, and the Mummy in the pantheon of classic Universal Monsters. The Creature is the greatest monster of a decade filled with monsters. He outshines his irradiated and overgrown brethren because there was the slightest bit of humanity in him. He lusts, he is cunning, and he feels pain. He is an animal on the brink of becoming something more. It sometimes seems as though the filmmakers of the 1950’s recognized only three possible origins for their monsters. If they didn’t arrive on the scene in a flying saucer, they were either spawned as by-products of ill-considered applications of atomic power, or they were holdovers from prehistory-- creatures that time forgot, in the parlance of the day. The creature obviously falls into the latter category.


Ben Chapman portrayed the Gill-man for the majority of the film, which was shot at Universal City, California. He was unable to sit for the 14 hours of each day he wore it, and it overheated easily, so he stayed in the back lot's lake, and often requested to be hosed down. He also could not see very well, which caused him to scrape Julie Adams' head against the wall when carrying her in the grotto scenes. Ricou Browning played the Gill-Man in the underwater shots, which were filmed by the second unit in Wakulla Springs, Florida. Many of the on-top of the water scenes were filmed at Rice Creek near Palatka, Florida.



Producer William Alland had heard an obscure South American legend about a swamp monster that was often described as an amalgamation of a turtle fish, alligator, and a human. Alland told Bud Westmore, Universal International's head of make up, that he would deliver a script once the aquatic monster was constructed. The basic design of the monster had its origins in an unlikely place. Jack Arnold was nominated for an Academy Award (1950s Best Documentary, With These Hands) and received a certificate with an Oscar on it. He envisioned what the award would look like with gills, claws, and scales. Westmore, Jack Kevan, Bob Hickman, and Chris Nueller went to work on making the the monster a reality.


The Creature's facial features were based on a frog's, complete with pulsating jowl. The monster was given a pair of crustacean-like claws and a large mechanical tail, but these features were deleted because they would have seriously interfered with the underwater scenes. When the make up team had finished, they had produced one of the finest looking monsters in cinematic history. Excellence doesn't come cheap. The total cost of the Creature was $12,000.




Creature from the Black Lagoon was later made into a pinball game, designed by John Trudeau (AKA "Dr. Flash"), and released in 1992 by Midway (under the Bally brand name). This game has a retro 1950s drive-in theme, in the sense that it is more about fifties drive-in movie culture than it is about the actual film. It also features such 50s classic songs like Rock Around the Clock, Get a Job, and Summertime Blues. Completing side missions in the pinball game causes the screen to display "Universal Presents... Creature from the Black Lagoon," and then requires the player to chase after the monster just like in the film.


The game sold 7,841 units and is considered one of the greatest pinball machines ever created according to pinball legend Steve freaking Galindo.




Tje Creature from the Black Lagoon delivers just about anything you could ask for from an old-fashioned monster movie. Though he would drop the ball rather spectacularly with Revenge of the Creature, and later on with Tarantula, Arnold’s technique meshes almost perfectly with this movie’s script. His pacing is smooth and steady, and even brisk by 50’s standards, while his handling of the numerous underwater scenes-- usually the worst, most lifeless segment of any movie-- is little short of revelatory. Arnold is also well-served by his actors, who do much to make their admittedly flat and stereotypical characters believable. Richard Carlson, Richard Denning, and Julie Adams in particular manage to imply far more complexity in their relationships to each other than the script presents on its face.


And of course, let us not forget the monster. The gill-man is a wonder to behold. He is easily the classiest 50’s movie monster, a model of tasteful restraint in comparison to, say, the Metaluna Mutant of This Island Earth, and a paragon of workmanship in comparison to the creature costumes of, for example, Paul Blaisdel (The Day the World Ended, The She-Creature, It Conquered the World, Invasion of the Saucer Men, et cetera ad infinitum). Not only that, the gill-man is even fairly believable from an anatomical/physiological perspective, a rarity so spectacular in the world of monster movies that one must wonder what mysterious interplay of cosmic forces was at work the week it was designed. Add in the fact that, more than 45 years ago, someone was able to put together a foam latex monster suit so supple that Olympic swimmer Ricou Browning could perform in it underwater with all the natural grace of a creature born and bred beneath the waves, and this triumph of special effects artistry becomes even more amazing."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:


Coffee

Pills

More Coffee

Super Buttery Popcorn

A&W Root Beer

Funyuns

Coffee

My Wife's Big Boobs ...




... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE! Good stuff.


But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be sneezed on with extreme prejudice. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!


CLICK HERE TO WATCH TODAY'S MOVIE FOR FREE (Lots of pop-ups, sorry)!


Also, and I hope you are still reading this part here, I have been doing storytimes for kids every week for well over 11 years. And in celebration of this I've compiled a big photo album of over 50 pictures and hilarious stories from over a decade of entertaining children and it would be a personal favor to me if you could check it out and maybe share it ...

STORYTIME WITH MR STEVE 2003-2014

Seriously, if you could plllllleeeeease share the photo album on your Facebook page. It would only take a second and I reeeeeally want to get my name out there. So a quick share would really help me out. Plus, it's pretty cute and fairly hilarious.

And here are the Sunday movies I've seen so far ...


December 7th, 2008: Godzilla VS Mecha-Godzilla
December 14th: Godzilla VS Mothra (free to watch)
December 21st: Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (free to watch)
December 28th: Lord of the Rings (Rifftrack edition)
January 4th, 2009: Godzilla VS The Sea Monster
January 11th: Series 7 (free to watch)
January 18th: House of Wax
January 25th: Police Story 3
February 1st: Left Behind the Movie (free to watch)
February 15th: Godzilla VS Megalon
February 22nd: Jesus Christ Superstar (free to watch)
March 1st (part 1): Duck Soup
March 1st (part 2): Godzilla Final Wars
March 8th (part 1): Godzilla VS The Smog Monster
March 8th (part 2): The Three Caballeros
March 15th: Sonny Chiba's "The Street Fighter" (free to watch)
March 29th (part 1): I Bury The Living (free to watch)
March 29th (part 2): Drive-In Massacre (free to watch)
April 15th: Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (free to watch)
April 25th (part 1): Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla
April 25th (part 2): Godzilla Tokyo S.O.S. (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 1): Sex Madness (free to watch)
May 3rd (part 2): Frankenstein Conquers the World
May 10th (part 1): Muppet Treasure Island
May 10th (part 2): La Bamba (free to watch)
May 17th: Mothra (free to watch)
May 31st: Mega-Shark VS Giant Octopus (free to watch)
June 7th: Tommy (free to watch)
June 14th (part 1): Roger Corman's Fantastic Four (free to watch)
June 14th (part 2): Rodan (free to watch)
June 24th: MST3K's Godzilla VS Megalon (free to watch)
June 28th: Last Man On Earth (free to watch)
July 5th (part 1): Over The Top
July 5th (part 2): Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (free to watch)
July 12th (part 1): Air Guitar Nation
July 12th (part 2): Cockfight/We Are The Children (free to watch)
July 19th (part 1): Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who Saves the World) (free to watch)
July 19th (part 2): Turist Ömer (free to watch)
August 2nd: The Marx Bros' At the Circus (free to watch)
August 9th (part 1): MST3K's Marooned (free to watch)
August 9th (part 2): First Spaceship On Venus (free to watch)
August 16th (part 1): The Atomic Cafe (free to watch)
August 16th (part 2): MST3K's Night of the Blood Beast (free to watch)
August 30th: God Told Me To Kill (free to watch)
September 3rd: Rebirth Of Mothra (free to watch)
September 6th: Cinema Insomnia's The Wasp Woman (free to watch)
September 13th (part 1): A Bucket Of Blood (free to watch)
September 13th (part 2): Cinema Insomnia's Prince Of Space (free to watch)
september 21st: Theater of Blood (free to watch)
September 27th (part 1): The Brain That Wouldn't Die (free to watch)
September 27th (part 2):MST3K's Amazing Colossal Man (free to watch)
October 11th: Horror of Spider Island (free to watch)
October 18th (part 1): I Woke Up Early The Day I Died
October 18th (part 2): Earth VS The Flying Saucers (free to watch)
October 25th (part 1): Frogs (free to watch)
October 25th (part 2): King Kong Escapes
November 1st: The Thing With Two Heads (free to watch)
November 8th: Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth (free to watch)
November 15th (Franken-Week, Day 7): Frankenstein Conquers the World (free to watch)
November 22nd: The Giant Gila Monster (free to watch)
November 29th: MST3K Gamera Triple Feature (free to watch)
December 6th (part 1): She Demons (free to watch)
December 6th (part 2): MST3K's The Incredible Melting Man (free to watch)
December 13th: A Triple Threat of Riffs
December 20th: Manos (free to watch)
December 24th: Christmas Eve Bonus - Manster (free to watch)
December 27th (part 1): The Screaming Skull (free to watch)
December 27th (part 2): The Sadist/Eegah (free to watch)
January 3rd, 2010: Wrestling With Shadows (free to watch)
January 17th (part 1): Teenage Zombies (free to watch)
January 17th (part 2): Horror of the Zombies (free to watch)
January 24th: The Crawling Hand/The Monster That Challenged The World (free to watch)
January 30th: Atom Age Vampire, the Steve-a-fied Edition (free to watch)
February 14th: House On Haunted Hill-Original and Remake (free to watch)
February 21st: Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory (free to watch)
February 28th: The Atomic Brain LIVE in Steve's Living Room
March 7th: Lady Frankenstein (free to watch)
March 14th (part 1): Castle of Evil (free to watch)
March 14th (part 2): Tormented (free to watch)
March 21st: A.P.E (WARNING: movie contains a line about RAPE which may apparently offend your more easily offended, closed minded female co-workers)
March 23rd (make up): Tarantula (free to watch)
April 11th (part 1): Warning From Space (free to watch)
April 11th (part 2): They Came From Beyond Space (free to watch)
April 18th (part 1): The Phantom of 10,000 Leagues (free to watch)
April 18th (part 2): Gappa The Triphibian Monster (free to watch)
April 25th: Killers From Space (free to watch)
May 2nd: THEM! (free to watch)
May 8th: Astro-Zombies (free to watch)
May 15th: The Snow Creature/The Phantom Planet (free to watch)
May 21st (part 1): The Giant Spider Invasion (free to watch)
May 21st (part 2): The Deadly Mantis (free to watch)
May 30th: They Saved Hitler's Brain (free to watch)
June 6th: The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra/Newsies
June 13th: The Mole People (free to watch)
June 20th (part 1): The Incredible Petrified World (free to watch)
June 20th (part 2): MST3K's "Lazerblast" (free to watch)
June 20th (part 3): Mortal Kombat (free to watch)
June 20th (part 4): Into The Woods
June 26th: Teenagers from Outer Space (free to watch)
July 4th: Batman (free to watch)
July 10th: The Amazing Transparent Man (free to watch)
July 22nd (Surgery Edition, Part 1): The Crazies (original - free to watch)
July 22nd (Surgery Edition, Part 2): The Giant Claw (free to watch)
July 24th (Surgery Edition, Part 3): The Day The Earth Froze (ffree to watch)
July 24th (Surgery Edition, Part 4): Don't Look In The Basement (free to watch)
July 25th (Surgery Edition, Part 5): Invasion of the Neptune Men (free to watch)
July 26th (Surgery Edition, Part 6): Yongary, Monster from the Deep (free to watch)
July 31st: The Mating Habits Of The Earthbound Human
August 7th: Starman Double Feature (free to watch)
August 14th: Assassin of Youth (free to watch)
August 22nd: The Brain from Planet Arous (free to watch)
August 28th: Dementia 13 (free to watch)
August 30th Special Monday Night Freebie: The Indestructible Man (free to watch)
September 5th: Alien Trespass
September 12th: The Castle of Cagliostro (Netflix on Demand)
September 19th (part 1): Scream and Scream Again (free to watch)
Septemner 19th (part 2): Dragon Wars (free to watch)
September 26th: cat-Women Of The Moon (free to watch)
October 2nd: The Food Of The Gods (Netflix on Demand)
Woodmas, October 10th: Plan 9 LIVE
October 17th: The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (free to watch)
October 24th: Donovan's Brain (free to watch)
October 31st: The Hideous Sun Demon (free to watch)
December 12th: 4-D Man (Netflix on Demand)
December 18th: The Tingler (free to watch)
December 27th (part 1): The Man From Planet X (Netflix On Demand)
December 27th (part 2): Little Shop of Horrors (free to watch)