NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Script: "Mr. Steve's (Time Travel) Salute To America"

STORYTIME PLAY, 7-2-2011


NOTE: There will be a lot of ad-libbing on Steve's part (or giggling, in Danielle's part) COMPLETE memorization of the lines is NOT required. It is totally okay if you need to hold small quecards or even the whole script. It's okay. Just do your best.


There will be a curtain separating the back and closet area of the kids stage from the audience. Right before the play starts we will sneak everyone needed into that back area. There will also be a computer playing beautiful American photographs while music plays. The computer is key.


The beginning of the play will make it seem as if it has not yet started, with Steve asking "Are you guys ready for the show to start?" but then fooling them with "But before the show starts, I want to talk to you about American history." Steve will them make up stuff about American history to make it seem like he's smart, but it'll be obviously fake stuff like AMERICA WAS FOUNDED IN 1400 BC BY NINJAS. This will go on for a while until Steve starts describing famous Americans...


STEVE: There's George Washington our first wigged president, then there's Abraham Lincoln who wore a stovetop hat and ended slavery... and, this is absolutely true, he LOOOOVED pro-wrestling, which makes him the greatest and COOLEST president. Then there's another very IMPORTANT american, actor and comedian Steve Martin! But I'm talking about PRE-80s Steve Martin! Very important for me to clarify that. Before he started doing movies and getting all serious.


But I don't want you kids thinking that the only important americans are men. No no no, my young patriots, because WOMEN have had an amazing effect on our country as well. Betsy Ross was a woman and she made the first American flag as well as a chain of low cost clothing stores that bear her last name. Amelia Earhart was the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and mysteriously disappeared. No one knows where she THERE SHE IS! I FOUND HER! I FOUND oh wait, nevermind, that's a kid. Nevermind. My bad. Sally Ride was the first American woman—and then-youngest American—to enter space. Cool, huh. she was also inducted in 2006 into the California Hall of Fame alongside what I can only assume is Tom hanks and a man on his cell phone while driving and trying to turn left from the right hand lane.


Yes, a lot of people helped shape this nation into the nation it is now. In fact, I made a short video here on my computer about famous americans. Let's watch!


Steve tries to play it but the video turns out to be a video of the evil and sinister DR. BORDERZ who, after some back and forth between Steve and Borderz, reveals that he has in fact taken over america and that the country is now called the United States of Borderz.


Steve decided that he must do something, so he and the kids come up with ideas on how to save America. The list they come up with includes:



Freaking Out

Crying

Hiding

Bowing Down To America's New Ruler


... until eventually Steve comes up with the idea of going back in time, get some famous americans, and have them help him come up with an idea of how to stop Dr. Borderz. And since I honestly can't think of any way to go back in time, I will ask the kids how to do it and I'm sure eventually THEY will come up with some way for me to do it.


The first person we meet is Lincoln. He is wearing a stovetop hat. (Now, I may not have a Lincoln, so if I don't then we will just skip it)


STEVE: Where are we? Who are you?


LINCOLN: I am Abraham Lincoln. I was one of America's finest presidents.


STEVE: Ok. What did you do that was so great?


LINCOLN: Well, I freed the slaves.


STEVE: And what else?


LINCOLN: What else? Well, I made a speech called The Gettysburg Address that is considered one of the finest speeches of all time.


STEVE: Ok, okay. (pause)What else?


LINCOLN: Okay, well, lets see, I ended the civil war as well.


STEVE: Okay. What else?


LINCOLN: What do you MEAN what else? I told you a lot. That's not enough for you?


STEVE: Okay okay okay, sorry. Look, I am from the future. An evil madman has taken over America and I need YOU to come with me back to the future and help me come up with a way to stop him.


LINCOLN: What? A madman has taken over MY country? Then take me to the future. I'll find that madman and SLAM HIS HEAD IN WITH A STEEL CHAIR! OOOHH YEAHH!


STEVE: Wow, Abraham Lincoln, you really DID like pro-wrestling!


So they both go thru time again and eventually meet a young woman sitting down in the middle of the stage. She is sewing and has a shawl over her head.


STEVE: Hello.


BETSY: AAAAAGH!


STEVE: Nonononono, don't be frightened. I'm Mr. Steve. I come from the future. Who are you?


BETSY: I am Betsy Ross.


STEVE: Umm, yeah. I think I've heard of you. Aren't you The Incredible Hulk's girlfriend?


BETSY: No. What is an Incredible Hulk?


STEVE: Oh, I know who you are! You're that woman who flew across the Atlantic, right?


BETSY: No. I have never flown.


STEVE: Then who are you? What have you done for America?


BETSY: Well, I created the american flag which united our country together as one.


STEVE: You did? Wow. Maybe you can help me. Do you have any super powers?


BETSY: What?


STEVE: Like, do you have super strength? Or super speed? Or can you leap tall buildings in a single bound? Or can you shoot webs? Or can you talk to fish? Not the coolest super power I'll admit but like can you lift hu-u-u-u-u-uge...


BETSY: MISTER STEVE! I have no super powers.


STEVE: Do you have like super knitting powers?


BETSY: NO!


STEVE: Okay then. You can probably still help us. See, an evil madman has taken over the America of the future and I need YOU to come with me back to the future and help me come up with a way to stop him. Will you do that?


BETSY: For America? Anything. I'd love to help!


STEVE: YAY! I just need one or two more people. So STAY HERE. I'll be right back...


Steve goes backstage for a while and eventually comes back on-stage with two women. One has goggles and blond hair and another is holding a huge fishbowl-like helmet under her arm and has dark hair.


STEVE: And I'm back! Just like that!


BETTY: Where did you go?


STEVE: I went in time again, off stage, and came back with two women who will be SURE to help us. Let me introduce you to Amelia Earhart the pilot and Sally Ride the astronaut.


AMELIA: Hello, everyone. My name is Amelia and I was the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean.


STEVE: (nudges Amelia) A-A-A-AND...


AMELIA: (sighs) And I was in Night At The Museum 2.


STEVE: YAYYYY!!!


SALLY: (stands in front of Amelia) And I am Sally Ride and I was the first woman ... in SPACE! (rubbing it in to Amelia) Yeah, space! HA! Top that!


AMELIA: Well I was an early supporter for equal rights and my bravery paved the way for women everywhere.


SALLY: Yeah, you paved the way for awesome women like ME! You know why? Because I was IN SPACE! I mean, ha, what did you do? Ooh, look at me, I'm Amelia Earhart and I flew over water! Wow. Was it water in space? No, because that was me. Yeah, in space!


AMELIA: Oh yeah, well I disappeared under MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES! OOOOOOH!


SALLY: Well I work at Stanford University's Center for International Security and Arms Control. And I'm still alive! I don't get lost. I have gps in my car.


AMELIA: Oh yeah? Well I may have been a top secret World War 2 spy! And I also survived the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic! And I wrote three bestselling books! And Joni Mitchell wrote an awesome song about me. And Hilary Swank played me in the movie, which was totally awesome. So bite me, Sally. HA!


SALLY: Well, that's all really amazing stuff. But can you do any of those things... IN SPACE?!?


AMELIA: THAT'S IT!


The two get into a fight and Steve has to break them up. Betsy just keeps on sewing.


STEVE: Look, we can't start fighting. Remember why I brought you people here. An evil madman named Dr. Borderz has taken over America and I need all of you to help me come up with a way to stop him. Now think! There has GOT to be some way for us to stop this fiend!


SALLY: Maybe we could go into space and ...


STEVE: NO SPACE, SALLY RIDE! NO! I already have like no budget for this thing as it is!


AMELIA: Maybe the Atlantic Ocean might help us try and ...


STEVE: We don't have time for a TRANSCONTINENTAL FLIGHT, Amelia Earhart!


BETSY: Maybe we could use an animal to defeat him somehow.


STEVE: An animal? Like how?


SALLY: Maybe we could get some sort of bird or ...


LINCOLN (or, if not availabe, then AMELIA): Or a pigeon!


SALLY: Yes, a pigeon!


STEVE: Ohhhhh I already don't like where this is going.


SALLY: Maybe we could harness solar radiation and use it to make an ordinary pigeon grow to massive size and then we can use this angry pigeon to defeat this Dr. Borderz.


STEVE: I-I-I-I don't think that a pigeon is a great idea.


ALL: Why?


STEVE: Because pigeons and me don't really get along that well, okay? That's that. There's a pigeon that sneaks into storytime and what does he like to do? (kids answer) That's right! He pecks me in the face! So there must be a better way. Can you guys think of anything else, you know, something that does NOT involve using a pigeon?


BETSY: So far, Mr. Steve, this pigeon idea has been the best idea. Why don't you like pigeons?


STEVE: Because.


BETSY: Because why?


STEVE: BECAUSE NOTHING, ALRIGHT?!? You know what? Forget you guys and your crazy pigeon ideas. Maybe I'll just go time travel up north and get me some famous CANADIANS to help me! Yeah, what do you think of that? Maybe William Shatner and Justin Bieber will help me come up with a NON-pigeon related way to save America.


LINCOLN (or BETSY): Mr. Steve?


STEVE: WHAT?!?


LINCOLN (or BETSY): Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all pigeons are created equal and that these united states are so awesome that a person as awesome as Mr. Steve could put aside his differences with a pigeon long enough to save us all.


STEVE: That ... was moving stuff. (wipes away tears) Fine. I'll do it. I'll use the pigeon to defeat Dr. Borderz. Now, I like the idea of harnessing solar radiation and using it to make the pigeon grow to massive size, but how in the world am I ever supposed to do that? It's not like there's just some machine that would ...


Sally hands Steve a machine.


STEVE: What's this?


SALLY: A machine that harnesses solar radiation to make animals grow to massive size.


STEVE: (stunned) How ... what ... how ... you had this the whole time? How? Why?


SALLY: Because this is just a play.


STEVE: Oh! Okay. Well, I'll be right back ...


Steve goes backstage. Then one of them (probably Amelia) presses play on the computer and sets up the next video that shows Dr. Borderz gloating over his victory, then getting attacked by a giant pigeon. Afterwards, Steve comes out from backstage holding a now normal sized pigeon and gets the kids to cheer for the pigeon's victory.


Mr. Steve ends the play and gives each individual kid credit and a bow.


The end.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

More Time With The Kids ...

I go back to work tomorrow.


Sniffle.


That's not entirely a bad thing, mind you. I miss work. I'm very happy to be back amongst my fellow co-workers. But I will deeply miss spending every waking moment with my wife and kids.


And, dood, I got HELLA darker from being outside so much. I actually LOOK like a mexican instead of the mexican't that I usually look like.


Here are some final mini-vacation pics ...

















Wish me luck!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week: Nilbog Edition ...



Yoinked from the almighty wikipedia gods ...


"Troll 2 is a 1990 horror film directed by Claudio Fragasso (under the pseudonym Drake Floyd) and starring Michael Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey, Connie Young (here credited with her maiden name, Connie McFarland), Deborah Reed, and Jason Wright.


Although produced under the title (and released in Europe as) Goblins, United States distributors were skeptical about the film's ability to succeed as a standalone picture and renamed it Troll 2 in an attempt to market it as a sequel to the 1986 Empire Pictures film Troll. The two films, however, have no connection, and no trolls are depicted in Troll 2.




The plot concerns a family pursued by vegetarian goblins who seek to transform them into plants so that they can eat them. The English-language script was written by Fragasso and his wife Rosella Drudi, neither of whom actually spoke any English at the time. The script — originally titled 'Goblins' — began as a way for director Claudio Fragasso's wife, Rosella Drudi, to express her frustration with several of her friends becoming vegetarians. Drudi told the makers of the documentary Best Worst Movie that 'Some of my friends had recently become vegetarians...and this pissed me off.' The film was shot on location in Morgan and Porterville, Utah in the summer of 1989.


Despite filming the movie in Utah, and casting the movie entirely with American actors (many of whom had no prior acting experience and had responded to the casting call hoping to be extras), Fragasso also employed an exclusively Italian crew, who likewise spoke no English. The resultant communication breakdown, coupled with the cast's lack of experience and Fragasso's insistence that his script be read verbatim, has led to the movie being considered one of the worst movies ever made.


The acting and dialogue have become notorious for their camp value. In particular, the scene in which Darren Ewing's character is captured by Creedence has become an internet meme. After being transformed into a plant/human hybrid, Ewing sees the Goblins begin to consume a young woman he had been attempting to rescue. With a fixed, blank expression on his face, Ewing nervously states in monotone 'They're eating her... and then they're going to eat me... oh my God!' With a distinct lack of emotion in his voice, Ewing draws the word 'God' out for several seconds as the camera zooms in on his face. As the camera nears, a fly lands on Ewing's forehead - something to which Ewing is seemingly oblivious.




This hideously stupid scene has become so infamous that it has been viewed over two million times on YouTube where there are also a number of tribute videos and even music remixes such as THIS one ...




In addition, the film's poor production values have come under fire: The goblins' costumes consist of burlap sacks stuffed with foam rubber, and latex masks, only one of which features a movable mouth. The musical score consists of only a few synthesized themes repeated numerous times.


Despite the film's poor reception, director Fragasso maintained that the movie was a success and a 'masterpiece' and that it addresses important social issues. He has become hostile when confronted with the reality of the film's reception in America; during a videotaped Q&A session, he responded to a fan's question 'Why aren't there any trolls in the movie?' with an angry 'You understand nothing!' In December 2009, late-night host Conan O'Brien recommended Troll II on his list of DVDs and books in his New Oprah segment.




The child star of Troll 2, Michael Stephenson, directed a feature-length documentary about Troll 2 and its subsequent recent resurgence entitled Best Worst Movie. The film debuted March 14, 2009, at the South Lamar Alamo Draft House in Austin, Texas, as part of the Spotlight Features for the South By Southwest Film Festival (SxSW). Several cast members from Troll 2 attended the premiere. The screening was followed by a showing of Troll 2.


The documentary is currently screening at major film festivals across the world, the most recent being the American Film Institute Festival and the Tower Theater in Salt Lake City which included appearances from much of the cast at the screening.


Roger Ebert awarded Best Worst Movie three out of a possible four stars. The film also currently holds a 95% approval rating, based on 56 reviews, on the website Rotten Tomatoes."




AND NOW Steve Galindo and this blog are pleased to bring you today's Church-less Movie Of The Week absolutely FREE!


But a few rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater-talkers will be shat upon. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show y'all!


Watch Troll 2 - Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6


WARNING: the following video is a compilation of the worst of Troll 2, then the first 15 minutes of the documentary "Best Worst Movie" with writing all over the screentelling you to buy the dvd. Sorry. It was the best that I could do. You can always rent the dvd on Netflix like I did. Yay Netflix!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Today's Free Movie(s) ...



I'm still having a great accidental mini-vacation. The family and I are hanging out, playing video games, cleaning, going swimming. It's a whole lot of fun and I hope you're also having fun wherever you are, too.


Today I don't feel like compiling a whole bunch of facts for you, plus I had such a busy day yesterday that I'm still about halfway done with yesterday's flick, so I'm just going to lay out a few movie possibilities for you to watch today and YOU can choose which road you'd like to take.


Consider it a sort of "choose your own adventure" sort of blog post.


Choose wisely ...


Horror Hotel, released in 1960, also known as City of the Dead. This film has been compared to Psycho due to some structural similarities. 'Nuff said.



Revenge of the Creature is the first sequel to Creature from the Black Lagoon. It is the only sequel to a 3-D film to be also shot in 3-D. It is also the first screen role for Clint Eastwood, who appeared as an uncredited lab technician early in the film. This is also MST3K's first show on the Scifi network.



Attack of the Giant Leeches is a low-budget 1959 science fiction film from American International Pictures. The film is in black and white, and runs for 62 minutes. It was one of a spate of monster movies produced during the 1950s in response to cold war fears.




Have fun and remember who hooks you up.


Laters.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Another Free Bad Movie Oldie ...

Just like yesterday here's another crazy late night flick for you, complete with cartoons, cute cats, crazy previews, music, an awesome intermission, and stick around after the film for my very own motion picture ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT PIGEON featuring a cast of crazy loud little kids!


Enjoy ...




Yoinked from imdb and the almighty wikipedia gods ...


"This Is Not a Test is an American motion picture released in 1962. Produced at the height of the Cold War, the film was one of a number of productions of the late-1950s and early-1960s based upon the premise of the outbreak of nuclear war.


Starring a group of mostly unknown actors, This Is Not a Test begins with a lone police officer receiving orders to block a road leading into an unidentified city. Strange messages broadcast from the radio. A nuclear war is on the way. Holding back a group of stranded motorists that arrive at the road block, the state trooper soon begins to lose control of the situation. The film deals with the various reactions of an odd assortment of characters when they realize the end is coming.




Filmed on an extremely low budget with a cast of some professionals and amateurs, the performances are uneven. The dialogue ranges from good to silly. But the film is intelligent and well made on a small budget.


This Is Not a Test is presently in the public domain in the United States, and has been released in numerous DVD formats, on its own or in collections of similar films."




... AND NOW, Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's film in its entirety FOR FREE! But lets go over a few rules first. There's no talking in Steve's Theater during our feature presentation and talkers WILL be slapped with a fish. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. Please dispose of all trash in its proper receptacle. And NO TEXTING! I am VERY serious about that one.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!




Remember who hooks you up!


Laters!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Post #1,669: House Cleaning Finds ...

So we are cleaning house today.


I mean, we kinda sorta HAVE TO! My wife is at freaking week 28 of this pregnancy today! We do NOT have a lot of time left before Maxwell Edward Galindo starts kicking ass and taking names, so we need this house SPOTLESS before he gets here!


Also, on an interesting side note, my mother-in-law is going to fly down from Nowhere, Oklahoma in a few weeks to live with us until this baby is born and, if I know her, refuse to leave. So my wife wants the place looking good for her arrival. Personally, I say if she lives in my house then her job is to clean my mess, but that's not the most popular idea I've ever had.


And I have found some seriously AMAZING stuff in this house so far. It's always great to clean and find stuff you forgot you own. It's like a little ghetto Christmas miracle, you know?


Anyway, here are some of the CHOICE things I found just now ...





... my official "Running With Scissors" movie promotional headband, perfect for looking like a Tannenbaum while cleaning house ...





... my freaking season 3 of Animaniacs ...





... a sweet polaroid (!!!) of baby Isabela sleeping with our dog Johanna, then also a baby ...





... issue 239 of The Avengers, dated January 1984, in which The Avengers try to boost their popularity by appearing as guests on NBC's "Late Night With David Letterman." This comic still has the original backing and bag that came with my purchase of it. I bought it at the All About Books and Comics on Camelback Road in Phoenix ...





... and a full length play I wrote in 1998 called "Cigarette Breaks of the Streamliners" which chronicles a year in the life of a random assortment of people working in a fast food establishment. It all takes place during various seasons while they are taking their cigarette breaks. It's funny and it does a good job explaining twentysomethings happily slaving in shitty jobs and the characters are sharp and written well, but I feel that it reeks of late 1990's indie films and Kevin Smith humor and too many nights memorizing Quentin Tarantino films.


Still, it might be worth taking a looking back at. Maybe I could do something with it. Would anybody be interested out there in giving this thing a read-thru?


If I find anything else cool I'll post.


Laters.

Apparently There Is "Limited Edition" Creamer ...



Limited Edition Almond Joy-flavored International Delight creamer makes coffee taste like a water park.


And that's not necessarily a bad thing.


That is all.

The Sequel You Never Wanted To See ...

So I posted a double feature right here and then the family and I finally went to go and see Green Lantern. But those bastards at DC convoluted the plot of Hal Jordan so much that sitting in that dark theater I sorta wished I was right home watching more bad movies.


So here is another creature feature for my week off bad movie celebration. It's the sequel that should have never been made.


Enjoy ...




Yoinked from wikipedia, the b-movie film vault, the blog Between productions, and my genius homeboys at 1000misspenthours.com ...


"Beware! The Blob (alternately titled as Beware the Blob, Son of Blob and Son of the Blob) is a 1972 sequel to horror science-fiction film The Blob. The film was directed by Larry Hagman. The screenplay was penned by Anthony Harris and Jack Woods III, based on a story by Jack H. Harris and Richard Clair.


Beware! The Blob was made solely because producer Jack H. Harris apparently wanted to relive his glory days. Damn your insane cravings for nostalgia! Jack, the producer of 1958's Blob film, had been eager to do a follow up, but the production never got off the ground. Then fate would intervene when Harris showed his personal 16mm print of the 1958 classic to his neighbor, Larry Hagman. Hagman, famous for his role as J.R. on TV's Dallas, had never seen the film before, but quickly became a big fan.


Eventually these two men, an aged movie producer and an actor with no directing talents whatsoever, would join forces and create one of the worst movies of all time and undoubtedly the worst sequel ever made!




The one and only film directed by Larry Hagman (and re-released as 'The film J.R. shot!' a few years later), it's a purple haze of a sequel, with the likes of Godfrey Cambridge (who has brought it back from the Arctic), Shelley Berman (as a disapproving hair stylist, the only amusing-scary bit) and Burgess Meredith blobbed as McQueen's love-beaded replacements (including Bud Cort, Cindy Williams, and Robert Walker, Jr.) run from the beast.


Now when we last saw The Blob’s carnivorous, extraterrestrial jelly mold, it was being airdropped as a great frozen chunk down to the icy wastes of the arctic. This was because the thing couldn’t stand the cold, and the movie’s heroes figured that putting the blob someplace where it would never thaw out was the next best thing to the seemingly impossible task of killing it. Apparently, the heroes of The Blob never figured on the Alaskan Oil Pipeline, however. Chester Hargis (Cotton Comes to Harlem’s Godfrey Cambridge) is a technician of some kind working on the pipeline project, and when he returns home from a months-long stint onsite, he brings with him a canister containing a piece of something strange that his team dug up from under the ice. But Chester’s wife, Mariane (Marlene Clark, from Slaughter and Ganja & Hess) takes exception to his keeping the canister in their freezer while he waits for a chance to take it to his company’s lab, with the result that it is removed for relocation to Chester’s beer cooler, but then forgotten about and left to sit on the kitchen counter. As the frozen whatsit thaws, the top pops off the canister for no good reason, leaving its contents— immediately recognizable to anyone who saw the previous film— free to eat both the Hargises and their kitten.




In an interview in Fangoria magazine, screenwriter Anthony Harris stated that a good portion of the filmed material was improvised on the set and that the script was ignored.


As in the original 1958 film, the Blob was largely portrayed by gallons of dyed red silicone. In this film, in certain scenes the Blob was alternately created from other materials including a large red plastic balloon, semi-transparent red plastic sheeting, and a large rotating red drum of hard silicone placed in front of the camera lens (referred to among fans as the 'Blob-Cam' shot).


Anyone who thinks that Ed Wood made the worst movie of all time has obviously never heart of this shit sandwich. Seriously, this movie is awful! Beware! The Blob is a terrible film, and I can only recommend this flick to avid bad movie enthusiasts. For those of you who actually plan on watching this film (despite my warnings), be sure to grab some friends and crack open a few brews before watching."




... and now ONCE AGAIN Steve and this blog are both PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety FOR FREE!


Please, though, a few ground rules first. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and all talkers will have their butts wiped mercilessly. No cell phones or African-American berries in the theater.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


And today's movie has been mixed in with previews, commercials and a whole bunch more nonsense to try and make it bearable, so just have fun with it.


Enjoy the show y'all!





The Five Bobs: The Blob (theme)


And I have another flick waiting for you guys for tomorrow, so come on back soon!


Wind Clan out!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Steve's (Not So) Late Night Double Feature Picture Show ...

Remember yesterday's rerun church-less movie of the week, the one that I said I didn't see for whatever reason? Well, when I heard the annoyingly stupid song "Two Blind Love" I realized that yes in fact I DID see that particularly grating movie before.


I lied to you, blog. I'm sorry.


So, to make it up to you, I have set up an amazing double feature. It's two sci-fi flicks stuffed with bad movie previews, cartoons, and a whole bunch more.


Here are the two movies ...




Yoinked from wikipedia and Brendan's DV blog ...


"Westworld is a 1973 science fiction-thriller film written and directed by novelist Michael Crichton and produced by Paul Lazarus III. It stars Yul Brynner as a lifelike robot in a futuristic Western-themed amusement park, and Richard Benjamin and James Brolin as guests of the park.


Westworld was the last movie MGM produced before dissolving its releasing company, and was the first theatrical feature directed by Crichton. It was also the first feature film to use digital image processing to pixellate photography to simulate an android point of view. The film was nominated for Hugo, Nebula and Golden Scroll (a.k.a. Saturn) awards, and was followed by a sequel film, Futureworld, and a short-lived television series, Beyond Westworld.




The storyline goes as this: two guys (Peter and John) decide to have a vacation at a new kind of amusement park. Sometime in the near future a high-tech, highly realistic adult amusement park called Delos features androids that are almost indistinguishable from human beings. For $1,000 per day, guests may indulge in any fantasy, including killing or having sex with the androids. The guys can shoot and fight with the robots, and even have sex with the prostitute robots. They have a great time up until the robots start to turn on them.


The majority of the film is involved with both of the characters running and fighting for their lives. The movie is a cautionary tale of society’s reliance and dependence on technology for entertainment and stimulation. The main characters escape reality in order to live out their dreams in an artificial environment, and leave their morality at home. They take pleasure in ‘killing’ the robots and gaining pleasure from the ‘sex-bots’.


The movie begins with a byte which sets the movie up by interviewing some past customers of the amusement parks. They are all satisfied customers which would lead us to believe that this will be a trouble free outing for our main protagonists. This is of course not the case by the end of the movie.




A remake was speculated to star Arnold Schwarzenegger, with Tarsem Singh directing and Terminator 3 screenwriters Michael Ferris and John Bracanto to write the script. The remake was still in development as of 2007, but a director was not attached to the film. Quentin Tarantino was approached, but turned it down. On January 19, 2011, Warner Bros announced that a Westworld remake was still happening.


In the scene when Richard Benjamin's character splashes The Gunslinger in the face with acid, Brynner's face was covered with an oil-based makeup mixed with ground Alka-Seltzer. A splash of water then produced the fizzing effect.


A sequel to Westworld, Futureworld, was filmed in 1976, with only Brynner returning from the original cast to reprise his Gunslinger character. Four years later, in 1980, the CBS television network aired a short-lived television series, Beyond Westworld, expanding on the concepts and plot of the first film with new characters. Its poor ratings caused it to be canceled after only three of the five episodes aired."





Intermission features retro drive-in commercials, a Schoolhouse Rock song, and the entire classic Disney cartoon The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.




Yoinked from wikipedia and 1000misspenthours.com ...


"Day the World Ended (1955) was the fourth film directed by Roger Corman. Rick (Richard Denning) is a heroic scientist who, among others, must face off against a mutant monster (Paul Blaisdell) after an atomic war destroys human civilization. Chet Huntley of NBC, later of The Huntley-Brinkley Report, narrates.


The film is referred to in a 2001 horror film of the same title, The Day the World Ended. The film was remade in 1967 with the title In the Year 2889 with the dialogue repeated almost entirely verbatim.




The Day the World Ended is frequently described as the film that marks Roger Corman’s first foray into the sci-fi/horror/monster genres for which he is best remembered as a filmmaker. This isn’t quite accurate, as Corman had previously produced The Monster from the Ocean Floor and The Beast with a Million Eyes, but it was the first such movie Corman directed himself, and the first of his films to be released under the banner of the newly re-christened American International Pictures.


The film also makes for an admirable introduction to Corman’s catalogue from the 50’s, showcasing most of the characteristics for which Corman would become famous. Foremost among those characteristics, of course, is Corman’s legendary budgetary stinginess, which is in full effect here, as what might be the last seven humans on Earth square off against the aftermath of nuclear war, each other, and what one previous reviewer called 'one of Roger Corman’s cheaper monster suits.'




As the opening title card makes such a big point of telling us, The Day the World Ended begins with The End. In this case, The End is a nuclear war. The details of the war-- how it started, who was involved, its overall course-- never come up. Rather, in what is surely the movie’s most realistic facet, the very fact that the war happened renders any discussion of it irrelevant. All that matters now, and all that the film will concern itself with, is the struggle of those few survivors to remain survivors.


Were it not for a few interesting ideas about the apocalypse and life thereafter, this film would have nothing going for it but that shitty monster (which, by the way, was both built and played by Corman’s favorite sfx guy, Paul Blaisdell, who was also responsible for the huge Venusian carrot in It Conquered the World)."




... and the whole thing starts off with one of my favorite songs and a perfect way to start things off.


So dim the lights, make some popcorn, and watch this amazing double feature with your buddy Reverend Steve!




NOTE: the embedded double feature seems to skip over parts 1 and 2 of the disney cartoon during the intermission. CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Time With The Kids ...

I am on a strange sort of vacation this week.


See, I was supposed to go to Arizona to see my parents and be there for my wife's cousin who is having a baby. But we have very little funds, not nearly enough to afford a trip right now, and the stupid baby had to come to life two and a half weeks early, so that screwed everything up and now my week in Arizona with my parents has turned into a lonesome and strange sort of week at home.


But I'm trying to focus on the positives. This means more time with the kids. I feel that during this time right before we give birth to another crazy kid it is deeply important that Natasha and I spend as MUCH time as possible with our two darling girls. Soon everything will revolve around a baby, so we need to treasure this time with our girls while we still can.


So here are a bunch of pictures that we took recently of our time with the girls. It's us in the rain and at the mall and swimming and playing with our ducks and doing a baby registry.


Here's Bela photobomb charging Emerald ...








They didn't have one of these for daddy's blog. I cried.





With the purchase of a slingshot, Natasha gets her personal war against the birds that keep her awake and takes it into sudden death overtime ...





Me nervous as hell about to do a special storytime for an 81 year old woman ...






My wife and I are sexy, futuristic baby registry cops ...





The male duck is VERY territorial about the female duck. Here's a pic of the male charging me ...




This is BABY in html ...




In this picture, taken at Sam's Club, Bela climbed into a big display and loudly proclaimed herself QUEEN OF THE TOILET PAPER! She was quite upset when we told her she was on paper towels ...




See you guys tomorrow.


Wind Clan out.