NOTE: If you are easily offended by offensive things then please go somewhere else. I suggest pbskids.org or barbie.com, you wuss!


SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE TO LISTEN TO MY HILARIOUS AND WILDLY OFFENSIVE PODCAST!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Random Thoughts ...



I am pretty sure that my wife and my mother-in-law stayed up all night last night watching stuff on our Netflix on demand service. I'm not sure about my mother-in-law because it doesn't seem like the crazy sort of thing she would do. My wife, however, seems like EXACTLY the sort of person crazy enough to do that so I am feeling pretty definite about her doing that.


So right now I am trying to get my two daughters ready for school. It's an uphill battle. Emerald, my oldest, likes to tease and manipulate her youngest and get angry when you try to scold her. My youngest treats all the women in her life with respect and reverence but treats me, her dad, like crap, yelling and screaming at me whenever possible and waking up her mommy to try and get a second opinion on small stupid things. Every morning seems worse. They just won't listen to me.


It's sexism. That's what it is. And I am so happy that I now have a son because maybe his presence will quell the rampant sexism in this goddamn house. I mean, I'm sure that if I had a freaking vagina that my daughters would listen to me.


It's just frustrating.


What I am hoping for today (and I probably won't get, knowing my crap luck) is that my wife and my mother-in-law just stay asleep all day. That would be like a dream for me.


Things certainly have changed. See, bad movies and cult movies are my comfort. I watch them all the time. But then my wife got pregnant and decided that all television is evil and a black cloud started hanging over our house as we all started giving up tv to appease my pregnant wife. Now here she is staying up all night watching old episodes of Reaper and Samantha Who.


One thing that hasn't changed is the fact that my wife's mother doesn't want me watching movies, not when there's so much stuff to do around the house. I understand that and I respect that. Hell, I gave up watching my coveted Thursday night comedy lineup so that she could watch To Sir With Love. Brought back memories. I used to sing a mean ass metal version of To Sir With Love back at the bar in Phoenix. Good times.


Anyway, I try to clean and I try to help out around the house, but it seems as if she will not be happy unless I clean constantly and never watch television. That's why I am pretty psyched about them staying up all night watching crap and, I dunno, ratting their hair and talking about dreamy guys. That means that I get the tv all to myself for a while today.


Yay little victories!


Right now I am sitting down on the former 50-mile couch watching stuff. It's 8:55 in the morning now and the girls are at school. I am watching something new on the Netflix on demand service, a Norweigan film called Trollhunter. I've only heard about it in articles and on the internet. It's an amazing film. It's a Blair Witch sort of film but it's foriegn and it's about the hunting of trolls. It's hard to pin down. It's not a horror film and it's not a drama. It's close to a comedy but it's not a full on comedy because it takes itself incredibly seriously, but it's just that which makes the film so comedic and utterly awesome. Great stuff. I highly recomend it.


After I finish watching this I may watch the Conan O'Brien documentary that I wanted to see so bad in theaters. It just popped up on the instant que a day or two ago and I can't wait to see it.


I'm feeling , I dunno, out of my element a bit. Off my game. I am incredibly happy about my new son. I am. I'm filled with joy about it. But apart from that I just don't feel myself. I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I have been fighting myself about cutting. Lord knows I really want to cut myself. I haven't yet but every day I want to. I just hate myself and cutting is my way of punishing myself. I know it's bad and its been months since I've done it to myself. But everyday recently I've fought myself about it.


Trollhunter is freaking awesome!


Laters.


Wind Clan out.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Robo-free Steve ...



I no longer have a phone.


My old, retarded cellphone (the OPPOSITE of a smart phone) died yesterday after a fierce battle with a hot cup of coffee. A bag of rice was dispatched but the phone officially died today at 1:30 pm pacific standart time.


The current Galindo family robotic death toll stands at 2 with one computer and one laptop dead.


I, Steve Galindo, am robo-free and off the grid.


Pretty sweet.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Steve's Church-Less Movie Of The Week ...



Yoinked from wikipedia and the Pop Culture Wonderland which is pretty neat ...


"Ring of Terror is a so-so black-and-white 1962 film concerning med students and a graveyard. The film has been released alongside Roger Corman's The Terror as a double-feature, from the Treasure Box Collection. It has also been released as part of Mill Creek Entertainment's Nightmare Worlds 50 Movie Megapack.


It was featured in the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), alongside an episode of the Bela Lugosi serial, The Phantom Creeps.




Set in the early 50's , this incredibly slothful film focuses on a group of 40-somethings passed off as medical students at Anywhere University. Our main character is Lewis Moffet, a fifty-five year old med student who maintains that he is 'afraid of nothing' and wrangles rattlesnakes and cadavers with ease. Betty, Lewis's girlfriend and a dead-ringer for the Recessa-Annie CPR doll, loves Lewis, but is always afraid because others are afraid because Lewis is never afraid.


However, through a series of nightmare sequences and a very ill-plotted wake which makes no sense, we learn that our Mr. Moffet has a deep-seeded secret; he's afraid of the dark. OOOOOH. That was typed sarcasm right there.


The film is narrated by the keeper of a graveyard, who invites viewers to keep him company while he searches for his lost cat. As he steps near a certain grave, he is reminded of Moffitt's ordeal."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

Various Chips

Lipton Brisk Fruit Punch

Asthma Medication


... AND NOW, Reverend Steve and this blog are both PROUD to once again present today's Church-less Movie of the Week absolutely FREE in both its standard AND Mystery Science Theater 3,000 versions! Yeah. That's right. Both versions. That's how much I rock.


But first lets go over a few theater rules. Absolutely no talking is allowed. Any and all talkers will be murdered Sweeney Todd-ish. No cell phones or African-American berries going off in the theater. And NO TEXTING!


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).




So, all that's left to say is ...


ENJOY THE SHOW, Y'ALL!




Click here to watch the MST3K version on Hulu!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

My Parents Get Ahold Of Maxwell ...

My mom and dad and my older brother made the trip from Queen Creek, Arizona to Sacramento, California to see Maxwell last night.


Yay Galindistas!


They would have been here for the birth but our van broke down and the price to fix it was over $2,000! Can you believe it?! So my parents swept in and paid the price which was what they were going to use to afford the trip here. So it was pretty much my fault that they didn't make it.


I still feel really bad about the whole car thing. It makes me feel like I'm not man enough to afford the life that we have.


But we were able to get together for two or so hours last night, essentially taking over a corner of Golden Coral with our loudness and craziness and our overall sheer Galindoishness.


Here are some pics ...






I have more pictures but I don't have them yet.


So more later, okay?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Maxwell Is Home...



Rejoice, one and all, for Maxwell Galindo is finally home!


I am overflowing with a well of positive vibes and this warm feeling inside my chest that is radiating happiness all over. I have never felt this content ever in my life. We are a family and now I have three children.


I am a complete man filled with pure joy.








And I honestly wish that this overflowing well of inner joy spills out of me and finds its way to you, the reader of this blog, wherever you are.


All is well with my world right now.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Long Road To Maxwell...



It is early Thursday morning, my youngest daughters birthday, and I am sitting on a deeply uncomfortable hospital couch next to my wife's hospital bed. I have been here by her side for almost 24 hours. I think I'm tired. I don't really know. But after a paltry breakfast and a redbull I'm feeling a wee bit better.


Where to begin...


My wife woke up at 6:30 am yesterday and, like clockwork, her water broke. After getting the kids ready for school we made our way to the hospital. Mercy Methodist. Small, close to home, personal, nice. We were in high spirits when we first arrived, but little did we know we would go thru the whole day with little progress. Natasha's contractions were infrequent and her cervix was diallating at a snail's pace. The baby was healthy and she was ready to give birth but her body apparently had different plans.


When she had Emerald she was young. They induced her and then did a c-section. When Isabela was born they had to do a c-section because she was in distress. This time around she wants to do this naturally, which I fully understand, but afteer 24 hours of short gains we may have to bite the bullet and schedule a c-section sometime soon today.


That's that. I feel a bit better now that I've had caffiene and I've blogged. I know my wife doesn't want a c-section but we don't have a lot of options here, you know? Anyway, I am facebooking real time status updates to my family in Arizona, so feel free to frie.nd me if you're interested.


Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and/or pagan sacrifices.


Wind Clan out.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

My Daughter's First Volleyball Game...

My nine year old daughter Emerald, who is #14 in her school's volleyball team, played her very first game today. They won and she had an awesome assist that led to a point for her team.


I am a proud dad.


Ha! I never thought that I would be a proud sports father, you know? But here I am. That's me in my world right now.


Sometimes I look back away from myself and see who I am and wonder how the hell I went from angry and lost and drunk in Arizona to the responsible parent that I am now. I don't know how I got here. I'm just happy as all hell that I'm here.


Here are some pics ...









Due Date Eve ...



Today is Due Date Eve, the day before my very pregnant wife is due to give birth to Maxwell Edward Galindo, the Heir to the powerful House of Galindo.


Happy Due Date Eve, everybody!


So my last day of work came and went. I clocked out and sneaked out the back door to avoid any cards or gifts or "congratulation" speeches I might have had come my way. I miss work and storytime but I just cannot wait for this baby to arrive.


So every day since I went on maternity leave I have basically been doing nothing but following my wife everywhere, expecting her to pop at any second. I am basically existing in a constant state of cat-like readiness waiting for my baby to arrive.


No baby yet.


Stay tuned, though ...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Cold Turkey Steve ...

It is painfully obvious to me that while my computer is on the fritz and not working that my mother-in-law just does NOT want me to be anywhere near her laptop. It's not entirely because, as she says, I hit the keys just too darn loud, bug according to her I should be spending every second every day cleaning and folding and cleaning and cleaning and anything done fot fun is just a sign of what an a-hold I apparently am. To even get on for a moment I have to teist the woman's arm and practically, and at times literally beg her to get on and even then I am met with the cold shoulder.

I respect her. I really do. After all, it is her computer and therefore it is HER decision who gets on her computer. It's just become too much of a hassle for me.

So I have decided to officially give up on computers, laptops, ect., until we get our laptop fixed.

I'll still post here on my blog.

I just wont bother begging anymore.

Just One More Day ...

This is post # 1,738 if you are keeping track at home.

Today is my last day of work for about a month. I will be taking maternity leave to be with my soon to be newborn baby, who just so happens to be due this wednesday, so essentially due any day now.

I'm wondering if anyone cares that I'm leaving?

Again, this blog is in no way affiliated with any maor corporation and al opinions are the sole opinions of Reverend Steve Galindo and no one else.

Sigh.

I really miss having a computer. And I miss being the man of the house. Now with my mother-in-law staying with us I feel like some snot-nosed little kid again.

I'll try and post a free movie tomorrow, a treat for my hardcore fans.

Trying to stay positive. Trying to stay in control. Trying not to slash my wrists with boxcutter to see myself bleed.

Stay tuned for baby news...

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Long Walk...

I have seen better days.

There are a number of things wromg with me at the present moment - my throat is killing me, my asthma sucks ass, my nose is rough and gross, not to mention the fact that this baby could come at any moment - but if I had to pinpoint the worst problem it would have to be thr fact that my legs are just barely functioning properly.

This is because of the crazed adventure I had a few days ago, almost a week ago. See, our car was absolutely dead, not a good thing when you consider that we have less than two weeks before it's Super Go Baby Time, and I found myself stranded at work with no money and no way to get home.

So I did what I have ALWAYS wanted to do.

I walked home.

It was ten miles.

Ten freaking miles! And I am not an athletic man by any means. Plus there's my severe chronic asthma which makes any sort of strenuous activity deeply difficult for me to accomplish. But I did it. I made that walk my bitch.

And now, a week later, my legs are STILL paying for it.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Steve's Church-less Movie Of The Week ...



Yoinked from wikipedia and the awesome website kindertrauma.com ...


"Piranha is a 1978 American B movie about a swarm of killer piranhas. It was directed by Joe Dante and starred Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy and the legendary Dick Miller. Produced by Roger Corman, Piranha is a parody (meaning a complete and total ripoff) of the 1975 film Jaws, which had been a major success for distributor Universal Studios and director Steven Spielberg, and inspired a series of similarly themed B movies such as Grizzly, Tintorera, Tentacles, Orca, Monster Shark and Great White.


Piranha was followed by a sequel, Piranha II: The Spawning, in 1981, and two remakes, one in 1995, and another in 2010. The film was shot at Aquarena Springs in San Marcos, Texas. Screenwriter John Sayles used the proceeds to fund his own films.




The film starts with two teenagers exploring at night that come upon an apparently abandoned military installation. They take advantage of what appears to be a swimming pool to skinny dip. The teenagers are attacked by an unseen force and disappear under the water. A light activates in the main building and a silhouetted figure investigates the screams, but is too late to help.


Sure, on the surface, 1978’s PIRANHA may look like a simple throw away JAWS rip off but thanks to the talents involved it’s a B-movie masterstroke that lovingly recalls the monster movie heyday of the fifties."




Steve's Snacks Of The Week:



Coffee

Pills

Asthma Meds

Popcorn

Fruit Snacks

Ice Cream

Cheetos Puffs

Anything Freaking Chocolate



... and now ONCE AGAIN Steve and this blog are both PROUD to present today's Church-less Movie of the Week in its entirety absolutely FREE!


A few ground rules first, though. There's absolutely no talking in Steve's Theater and all talkers will be slapped mercilessly and with a madman's rage. Also, no cell phones or African-American berries in the theater. And please dispose of trash in its proper receptacle.


And be sure to dim your headlights (where applicable).


Enjoy the show, y'all!


For No Reason At All ...

Here is the absolute best episode of the 80s cartoon Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends ...




Remember who hooks you up.


That would be me.

This Is Me Venting My Electrical Outrage ...



This is a picture of my son. His due date is in 11 days. Only 11 days! He's sucking his thumb in the picture. In 11 days, probably sooner if my wife gets her wish, I will have a brand new baby boy.


And I am extremely nervous about this.


And add to my stress and my wife's extreme baby agitation is the fact that my car is now totally dead. That's my luck. It cost a pretty penny to get it towed and now it's going to cost a pretty penny to get it fixed.


And don't forget that my computer is STILL broken, too! My wife says we will get it fixed soon, but she has a smart phone and so she has the internet with her all the time, see? She isn't as pained by the loss of a computer as I am because I don't have a smart phone. I have a mentally challenged phone. I have a sped phone. It sucks and I hate it.


Speaking of frustrations, my wife has gone into super mega blackwatch plaid nesting mode and has outlawed the use of the television almost entirely. We don't watch television, no Netflix, no bad movies. It hurts my mind. So I dove into a super reading kick, as you loyal readers probably already know, and so my wife put the kibosh on that, too. No reading. There's too much to do, she says. And forget trying to play a video game or something because this woman is less than two weeks away from popping and if she is miserable then she is going to take everyone down with her.


There IS a computer here at home, but it's my mother-in-law's computer and she doesn't like me using it because she says that I tap on the keys too hard.


I think she's crazy. And I think I'm going crazy from having to hear stereo "my wife" complaints from my wife angry on one side and from my wife's mom on the other side. They say I do nothing around the house, but maybe that's because I'm exhausted from being the sole breadwinner in this house.


But whatever.


I just want my sunday bad movies back.