And I swear I am going fucking insane.
The main reason is because Lisa's kids are here right now. Autumn, Evan and Natalie. You remember them? They are the loveable but unstoppable monsters that lived in our house in Sacramento for almost a year until we went crazy and decided to kick them out. And now they're spending the day here for a big Mothra's Day cookout in this beautiful Oklahoma weather. Randal and Dee should be coming soon, too. And Duane and Lauren. So it's going to be a whole house, but with seven very loud, screaming, fighting children at each others throats.
And so now I remember why we kicked them out. I absolutely remember why. These kids are loud and angry and mean and rude and they throw punches and steal and break things and they absolutely do not listen. I just heard Evan, and I am totally serious here, I literally just heard Evan talk about how he hates his mother and wants to start killing people. He was angry and he was serious. And he's like five years old! What the fuck!?!?!
I feel bad for these kids. Lisa has been bounced around from house to house and from boyfriend to boyfriend and from's friend's house to friend's house. I feel bad for them. I really do. What they reallllllly need is a regular life and a strong father figure and a stable environment and years and YEARS of therapy.
And that is something I can't provide for them.
Well, I probably COULD provide it for them. But I don't want to. Because fuck them is why.
I seriously want to shoot myself in the fucking head today.
Happy Mothra's Day.