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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Random Nuggets Of Steve's Brain ...

-A few days ago I caught my oldest daughter watching Disney's Camp Rock. I was upset. I am NOT going to let MY daughter watch such mediocre crap! So I asked her why she was watching and she said "Because it's so stupid." My daughter is starting to love bad movies like me. I am SO PROUD of her!

-I think I may have figured out the secret to musician Chris Brown's success: maybe Ton Jones should kiss Rhianna. With his fists!

-I'm super thirsty! I could really go for an ice cold Kimbo Slice right now!

-I worked on the 4th of July. I closed, in fact, which meant that as I drove my fifty minute drive home I was able to literally watch about TEN firework shows. And they were all lame. Seriously, Okie fireworks suck. Disneyland and the California State Fair have spoiled me.

-On my way to work I pass a sign that say "Pink 3 Norman 22." It reminds me of the shocker. So one of these days I want to replace the Norman 22 with a sign that reads "Stink 1."

-After much deliberation, I am pretty sure that Willie Nelson is actually from an ancient race of immortals and as such will never die. Or he's just a crusty old pothead. Either one.

IDEAS for OTHER POSSIBLE FANCIFUL PRESIDENTIAL FILMS:
William Henry Harrison: Werewolf Spanker
Teddy Roosevelt: Mummy Unwrapper
William Howard Taft: Vampire Eater
William Jefferson Clinton: Skinny Girl Banger

-In-laws + holidays = FUCKING INSANITY!

-I am deeply upset that they're remaking Total Recall. I mean, every freaking movie in the world doesn't need to be remade. Hollywood is just completely out of ideas. People flocked to bookstores when Avatar came out so they could read the book. But there WAS no book. Do you know why that happened? Because one film came out with an original idea and yet, because Hollywood is so UN-original, a huge percentage of America just ASSUMED that it was based on a book! Total recall is a fine, fun, cheesy movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and I like it. It doesn't NEED to be remade, you Hollywood swine! But thank WOOD that they kept the three tittied alien chick in it. I would have cried if they hadn't kept her in it. Yay three titties!

-My old friend Michael Burns posted on my facebook page "I just realized your entire public performance persona is based on Convincing John from Fraggle Rock." That is one of the highest compliments anyone could EVER give me!


... when I see a bunch of tassels like in the picture above I get sad and think about all the strippers whose nipples are now cold.

-I'm living in the middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma. I'm working a lot less and for less pay than I was in Sacramento. But I don't miss it. Not in the slightest. See, I'm spending more time with kids here than I was over there, so, yeah, life is pretty fucking awesome for me now!

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